Four friends: A Trip to the Park

Bluerose31

Christian Flower
Supporter
Mar 27, 2017
4,310
6,638
36
US
✟419,338.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
Laura Creek Fiction- Christian Fiction

Four friends: A trip to the park

This is a short story about several babies I love grown up. The characters are written after my cousins two children ( Violet and Cole) and two of my friends daughters ( Nora and Nara).

Four good friends lived in the town Laura Creek. They were young and lived in apartments in Laura Creek. Their names were Violet, Nara, Cole and Nora.

Violet was medium sized with pecan brown skin. She wore a creamy orange colored sweater and she wore her curly silky dark hair half up half down. She wore dark blue jeans and creamy orange colored flats. She wore the top part of her hair in a little loose bun. The rest of her hair fell about 15 inches past her shoulders. She had round dark eyes. She had a small round nose and soft small lips. She wore a soft pearl necklace. She wore a little floral essential oil on her wrist. Violet was soft and gentle.

Nara had deep brown skin. Nara was medium sized. She had thick wavy dark hair that she wore to her shoulders with a soft fabric floral headband. She wore a deep blue sweater and blue jeans. She wore a pair of floral-patterned flats. Nara had oval dark eyes, she had a medium sized round nose, she had small full lips. She was a peaceful soul.

Cole had pecan brown skin. He was Violet’s brother. He had round dark eyes. He had a small round nose and small lips. He wore a plaid green shirt and black corduroys with black boots. He had a short haircut. He had facial hair. Cole was stocky and had a solid body. He was handsome and had a kind gentle soul.

Nora had creamy coffee colored skin. She had long wavy black hair that fell 15 inches past her shoulders. She had a small round nose and small lips. She had lovely eyes with longer eyelashes. She wore a green sweater and blue jeans with green flats. She was a kind soul.

Violet, Nara, Cole and Nora met at the park and decided to take a walk together around the park. As they walked, they looked at the beautiful green trees. They looked at the beautiful blue sky. They looked at the beautiful clouds. They looked at the deer in the park.

Each of them talked about the beauty of nature and how much they loved the Lord. Each of the young adults were Christian. They each wore a beautiful silver cross. They loved the town of Laura Creek very much and this was their favorite park to visit. They walked around the park and Violet and Cole held hands and Nara and Nora held hands. They loved each other very much.
 
Last edited:

bobk

Newbie
Feb 15, 2012
50
6
✟10,813.00
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
Politics
US-Republican
In my opinion, you have written a scene as opposed to a story. A typical story that uses the 3 act structure would have an introduction, confrontation and resolution. you gave us 5 paragraphs of detailed descriptions about your characters, but only 2 paragraphs of story. I would spend more time developing your plot. How did they meet? What transpired in each of their lives to bring them to God? What are their goals? Answers to questions like these could transform your scene into a viable story.

Also, instead of beginning your story with a detailed punch list of character information, let the descriptions develop organically in the story.

I hope you don't take this as an insult. I'm just giving you some construction criticism so that you can develop as a writer. Most importantly, keep writing!
 
Upvote 0

Bluerose31

Christian Flower
Supporter
Mar 27, 2017
4,310
6,638
36
US
✟419,338.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
In my opinion, you have written a scene as opposed to a story. A typical story that uses the 3 act structure would have an introduction, confrontation and resolution. you gave us 5 paragraphs of detailed descriptions about your characters, but only 2 paragraphs of story. I would spend more time developing your plot. How did they meet? What transpired in each of their lives to bring them to God? What are their goals? Answers to questions like these could transform your scene into a viable story.

Also, instead of beginning your story with a detailed punch list of character information, let the descriptions develop organically in the story.

I hope you don't take this as an insult. I'm just giving you some construction criticism so that you can develop as a writer. Most importantly, keep writing!
Thank you so much for your wonderful feedback. It helps me very much with my writing. God bless you :)!
 
Upvote 0

ColinJesusboy28

Active Member
Nov 14, 2013
117
73
Aurora Co
✟19,841.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Single
HI BlueRose, My first opinion of this piece was that of the first reaction from Bob. I then reconsidered and read it again. I am enchanted! To me it's like looking at a famous painting that at first glance, looks very simple and then its simplicity grows on you and it becomes a masterpiece.
Very good! Thank you for writing that! :)
 
Last edited:
Upvote 0

Bluerose31

Christian Flower
Supporter
Mar 27, 2017
4,310
6,638
36
US
✟419,338.00
Country
United States
Faith
Non-Denom
Marital Status
Married
HI BlueRose, My first opinion of this piece was that of the first reaction from Bob. I then reconsidered and read it again. I am enchanted! To me it's like looking at a famous painting that at first glance, looks very simple and then its simplicity grows on you and it becomes a masterpiece.
Very good! Thank you for writing that! :)
Thank you so much Colin for your kind words. I am so glad you enjoyed reading my short story. God bless you :) :cherryblossom:
 
Upvote 0

veracious

Member
Jul 27, 2007
9
6
San Francisco Bay Area
Visit site
✟8,066.00
Country
United States
Faith
Baptist
Marital Status
Married
Politics
CA-Conservatives
Laura Creek Fiction- Christian Fiction

Four friends: A trip to the park

This is a short story about several babies I love grown up. The characters are written after my cousins two children ( Violet and Cole) and two of my friends daughters ( Nora and Nara).

Four good friends lived in the town Laura Creek. They were young and lived in apartments in Laura Creek. Their names were Violet, Nara, Cole and Nora.

Violet was medium sized with pecan brown skin. She wore a creamy orange colored sweater and she wore her curly silky dark hair half up half down. She wore dark blue jeans and creamy orange colored flats. She wore the top part of her hair in a little loose bun. The rest of her hair fell about 15 inches past her shoulders. She had round dark eyes. She had a small round nose and soft small lips. She wore a soft pearl necklace. She wore a little floral essential oil on her wrist. Violet was soft and gentle.

Nara had deep brown skin. Nara was medium sized. She had thick wavy dark hair that she wore to her shoulders with a soft fabric floral headband. She wore a deep blue sweater and blue jeans. She wore a pair of floral-patterned flats. Nara had oval dark eyes, she had a medium sized round nose, she had small full lips. She was a peaceful soul.

Cole had pecan brown skin. He was Violet’s brother. He had round dark eyes. He had a small round nose and small lips. He wore a plaid green shirt and black corduroys with black boots. He had a short haircut. He had facial hair. Cole was stocky and had a solid body. He was handsome and had a kind gentle soul.

Nora had creamy coffee colored skin. She had long wavy black hair that fell 15 inches past her shoulders. She had a small round nose and small lips. She had lovely eyes with longer eyelashes. She wore a green sweater and blue jeans with green flats. She was a kind soul.

Violet, Nara, Cole and Nora met at the park and decided to take a walk together around the park. As they walked, they looked at the beautiful green trees. They looked at the beautiful blue sky. They looked at the beautiful clouds. They looked at the deer in the park.

Each of them talked about the beauty of nature and how much they loved the Lord. Each of the young adults were Christian. They each wore a beautiful silver cross. They loved the town of Laura Creek very much and this was their favorite park to visit. They walked around the park and Violet and Cole held hands and Nara and Nora held hands. They loved each other very much.
You write well, your descriptions of the children are well done. But this isn’t a story per se, it is more like something you write before you do a story, making character descriptions. As far as that goes now that you have your characters write a story with a beginning middle and end. Very good start
 
Upvote 0