Forty in January and questioning my life.

[Nola34]

I got out of an amazing short term relationship with a 31 year old woman. She said she didn't feel attracted to me anymore.
It hurt like hell, and the reason it hurt so bad is because I gave away my heart too fast...dumb on my part.

Anyway I have been wondering about myself as a man and as a Christian.

I dated someone who just bought a house and is going back to college to better her career.

Yeah, as you can tell, my self esteem took a hit. This not my first rejection this year.

Anyway here I am, I don't own a home, but rent. I've been driving the same car for 10 years, and no debt.

Im not wealthy but I am saving up for a nice retirement. And let me add, I have never been married, and I have no children. I have been engaged only for it to fall apart. And I've been working for the same company for 11 years.

I'm usually very confident, but after so many rejections, I began to question myself. My self esteem hit an all time low...ever.

I am currently getting involved with a men's ministry and getting back to the gym again so I'm no slacker.

I'm trying to restore my relationship with God, and it has been good so far.

The question I have is, what gives?

What the heck are women looking for?

 

[singpraise]

Breaking off a relationship is so hard, there is a grieving process to go through. Ending relationships is sad and it's normal to be lonely and go through the stages of grief.

It sounds like you're on the right track in your life, though. You sound like a great catch for a lucky woman, so don't give up on yourself. You are doing all the right things. The right woman will come along at the right time.

In my opinion, what a good woman wants is a man who is kind, loving, affectionate, stable, healthy in body and mind. (I'm describing my husband. ) A good sense of humor. Caring about yourself and others. Successful in your career doesn't hurt, as well as no debt and a good savings account.

Consider your break-up her loss and carry on. You will find someone. Life gets even better after 40, trust me. Take care of your health. Best of luck to you!

 

[Godlovesmetwo]

In my opinion, what a good woman wants is a man who is kind, loving, affectionate, stable, healthy in body and mind.

You know I think it is hard for a man and woman to get all these boxes ticked in a partner. Interesting you left out, physically attractive. of course, in the long run, that is not important, but in the short term it has relevance.
Sometimes I think it is better to stay single rather than worry about meeting someone's long list or criteria.

 

[singpraise]

You know I think it is hard for a man and woman to get all these boxes ticked in a partner. Interesting you left out, physically attractive. of course, in the long run, that is not important, but in the short term it has relevance.
Sometimes I think it is better to stay single rather than worry about meeting someone's long list or criteria.

Good point. I didn't mean to leave that out. Mutual physical attraction and chemistry are very important in a relationship. Also, shared beliefs and interests come to mind as being important. Having similar temperaments helps my husband and I get along very well, we're both happy, positive, optimistic-natured people. For us it works well.

I feel most women value a man with emotional strength and stability, and a healthy, balanced lifestyle; at least I know I do.

 

[Nola34]

Thank you for your encouragement and advice.

I'm not giving up. I was in a bit of a slump for a bit. But I'm staying positive.
I've been getting closer to God, and I'm feeling peace with the direction He's leading me in.

And thank you for the compliment singpraise, I know there is someone out there.

And while I'm single, I'm going to continue to follow God, and live life to the fullest.

 

[singpraise]

Best of luck to you!

 

[tienkhoanguyen]

I got out of an amazing short term relationship with a 31 year old woman. She said she didn't feel attracted to me anymore.
It hurt like hell, and the reason it hurt so bad is because I gave away my heart too fast...dumb on my part.

Anyway I have been wondering about myself as a man and as a Christian.

I dated someone who just bought a house and is going back to college to better her career.

Yeah, as you can tell, my self esteem took a hit. This not my first rejection this year.

Anyway here I am, I don't own a home, but rent. I've been driving the same car for 10 years, and no debt.

Im not wealthy but I am saving up for a nice retirement. And let me add, I have never been married, and I have no children. I have been engaged only for it to fall apart. And I've been working for the same company for 11 years.

I'm usually very confident, but after so many rejections, I began to question myself. My self esteem hit an all time low...ever.

I am currently getting involved with a men's ministry and getting back to the gym again so I'm no slacker.

I'm trying to restore my relationship with God, and it has been good so far.

The question I have is, what gives?

What the heck are women looking for?

You know while I was praying to Jesus Christ I received an answer. Jesus Christ says first you have to be happy with who you are. You see I also had the same problem. I felt bad about myself. I was trying to base my self esteem on a female. That is the problem. First you have to be right by Jesus Christ then the right one is given to you. The Holy Bible speaks clearly about this in Proverbs. What upon The LORD and he shall give you a wife! Wow. These days people are not in a rush to get in a relationship. What I see is the trend is they get (especially myself) our careers first. So that we can support a kid on the way when we do get married. That is the sole reason for a marriage.

 

[JAM2b]

In my opinion, what a good woman wants is a man who is kind, loving, affectionate, stable, healthy in body and mind. (I'm describing my husband. ) A good sense of humor. Caring about yourself and others. Successful in your career doesn't hurt, as well as no debt and a good savings account.

I agree with your list of characteristics, with the addition of patience. It is interesting you put "good sense of humor" I heard about a study a little over a year ago that researched what men and women want in a relationship. It found that they both look for sense of humor from the opposite sex, but seek it out differently. It seems that most men want a woman who thinks they are funny, and most women want man who can make them laugh.

 

[JAM2b]

I personally think that physical attractiveness isn't that important. I have felt this way most of my life, and the older I get the more I feel this way. Don't get me wrong. I do have a "type" as far as what will catch my eye. However, when considering a man to be with, I don't think about it often. I have found some very wonderful people whom most would not think are attractive. And I have know some very attractive people who are horrible and I wouldn't give the time of day. I also have experienced situations in which a person is considered attractive, but during extended periods of relationship troubles they no longer look appealing. Attractiveness has more to do with behavior and respect than physical appearance.

It hurts and is infuriating when someone wants the person they are involved with to change their appearance. I've seen people push someone they "love" to lose weight, or gain weight, or forbid them from losing weight that they need to lose for health, all for the sake of making them look in a way that is appealing to them. I've seen complaints about makeup, hair style, clothing, the way one carries themselves... All of that is temporary outward stuff and means nothing in regard to who a person is. I do believe that everyone should have good health and hygiene as a goal and should want that for the ones they love as well as for themselves. However, it should not be driven by a desire to have someone "pretty" or "handsome" to look at or be seen with.

 

[tienkhoanguyen]

I agree with your list of characteristics, with the addition of patience. It is interesting you put "good sense of humor" I heard about a study a little over a year ago that researched what men and women want in a relationship. It found that they both look for sense of humor from the opposite sex, but seek it out differently. It seems that most men want a woman who thinks they are funny, and most women want man who can make them laugh.

If you're married you are bless so don't take that for granted just because you've had the person for a long time and got bored. I've been alone most of my life and there are times I would want to die except a hope of someone I met about 5 years ago. It took me until I was in my 30's until I found someone I would want to marry and settle down with. Most guys are out to play around at least I was. We just wanted that someone that was "pretty" and "sexy" etc to hang out with. That's fine for me for a while however until I met that person I thought I wanted to marry... I subscribe to the solemate theory. You find someone you want that is your own age and marry forever. Just like Adam is the only one possible for Eve and vice versa. That is the one I'm looking for!

 

[tienkhoanguyen]

I personally think that physical attractiveness isn't that important. I have felt this way most of my life, and the older I get the more I feel this way. Don't get me wrong. I do have a "type" as far as what will catch my eye. However, when considering a man to be with, I don't think about it often. I have found some very wonderful people whom most would not think are attractive. And I have know some very attractive people who are horrible and I wouldn't give the time of day. I also have experienced situations in which a person is considered attractive, but during extended periods of relationship troubles they no longer look appealing. Attractiveness has more to do with behavior and respect than physical appearance.

It hurts and is infuriating when someone wants the person they are involved with to change their appearance. I've seen people push someone they "love" to lose weight, or gain weight, or forbid them from losing weight that they need to lose for health, all for the sake of making them look in a way that is appealing to them. I've seen complaints about makeup, hair style, clothing, the way one carries themselves... All of that is temporary outward stuff and means nothing in regard to who a person is. I do believe that everyone should have good health and hygiene as a goal and should want that for the ones they love as well as for themselves. However, it should not be driven by a desire to have someone "pretty" or "handsome" to look at or be seen with.

I also believe physical attractiveness is not that important. The girl that I want to marry is the next door girl. She is exactly my age and that is the key that I looked for in a marriage partner. I don't care what financial status she has or how much she has in beauty. All I care about is that we are made for each other like God made Adam and Eve in The Garden of Eden. My girl is 20 days apart from me (younger) and that is amazing.