Forgiveness - so far, i just cannot do it

[Grace2022]

Seriously. I am unable. I need guidance.

How do I forgive those whom I trusted but who abandoned me when I needed them the most?

As my late husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer, certain family members walked away. Not immediately, but as things got hard, they disappeared.
Our only daughter, my stepson, my brother in law. With hard hearts they left me to deal with it all. Fortunately I turned to God and I have coped extremely well. I have rebuilt my life fully, all is well now. But it horrified me still that I could have perished and they did not and still do not contact me. Not one crumb of comfort. Hearts of stone.

I am forgiven by Jesus for all my stupid pride, sins and arrogance. But I stall at forgiving that group of nearest and dearest who left me alone for all those dark bleak lonely nights, weeks and months of grieving.

So, how? I know I must. But I cannot bear ever to see or speak to those people again. Especially my only daughter who as far as I know is happy and well with her own life. As am I with mine. I have heard she is a Christian. I know that is the Way in which we will eventually find our connection again. Right now I have no feelings for her, no love. She and I are strangers.

I cannot see a way. So I prayed and leave it in Jesus hands.

 

[LionL]

Hi Lilly

All that we can do is try to forgive. In a way it's good that you have no feelings for your daughter - at least you don't hate her. It was probably very hard for her to come to terms with her father's illness and death.

I know it's hard but just keep trying to forgive her. She may well come back to you so remain open to her. Remember the prodigal son.

Hugs to you.

 

[paul1149]

So I prayed and leave it in Jesus hands

This is very wise. Make it top priority to remain in His peace, and let that peace lead you.

Many times we have a wrong impression of forgiveness. We think it means we have to fully reconcile. But reconciliation depends on rebuilding trust, and sometimes that's not happening. Sometimes forgiveness looks a lot like releasing the person and letting go of bitterness. After all, it appears that their abandonment is what led you to discovering your need for the Lord. He can use anything for the good, so that is all the more reason to trust that He is active in your life, and it is all the more reason to release those who disappointed you.

The Lord has seasons for a lot of things. So maybe putting it on the shelf is the right thing to do. Then in due season, after some lessons have been learned, people might be more ready to come together and make amends.

 

[discipler7]

As my late husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer, certain family members walked away. Not immediately, but as things got hard, they disappeared.

.
It's understandable that they eventually walked away because helping to care for a bed-ridden terminal cancer patient is a very big burden and they might already have their own family commitments, eg caring for their children.

AFAIK, terminal cancer is usually a curse/punishment from God(DEUT.28:22) and not God testing one's faith by sending him/her a terminal disease. The Story of Job.? Would you do that to a good daughter or son, just to test her/his faith/loyalty/love.?
....... At around 1800BC, Job ignorantly committed a sin/evil-deed against God by making an insurance offering to God, just in case his sons might sin or do evil = Job wrongly thought this would cause him to lose his prosperity.(JOB.1:5 & 3:25) (EXODUS.20:5 - 1400BC)
... For his ignorant sin, God permitted Satan to afflict Job and wife with calamities, eg cancerous tumors. The wife of Job lost faith, cursed God/Jesus and died = lost her salvation. Job kept the faith, repented even though he did not know of his sin/evil-deed and God blessed/rewarded him with double of what he had lost = kept his salvation.

 

[Lucian Hodoboc]

As my late husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer,

Did he try the conventional treatments or did he pursue alternative treatments, such as the Gerson and Budwig diets?

 

[Dave G.]

Lily it's very common for this to occur, it's too big a situation for them to process. We all have our own weaknesses and the fact of the matter is you have coped, you are the strong one. That sounds harsh I know but it's pure fact.

The only one who is sure to never leave us or forsake us is Jesus Christ, they are not Jesus Christ and have weaknesses. Pray for them and pray for answers to understand their condition that caused them to fail you, don't leave it to your imagination. Right now you only see this at face value from your perspective, and that is they weren't there for you.

You can't really count on any human being, you can hope they will be there for you or you for them. But really, I can't even count on myself till I get through the test, I could break at any time. There is a lesson in this but work to forgive them, move forward knowing they aren't perfect and neither are you.

 

[fide]

As someone else also wrote, sometimes we misunderstand what it means to forgive. It does not mean that we say something like, "That's all right - no problem - what you did was good, fine with me, OK....." No, it does NOT mean that we approve of and accept as fine, what they did. That is NOT what God does, when He forgives us! God does not thereby "approve" of sin, when He forgives us of our sin. Sin is still a terrible thing that we did to Him (and to ourselves), and forgiveness does not change that sin from wrong to right.

When God forgives us of sin, He does so in love - not in approval. God wants good for us; He does not want evil. God does not want revenge, He wants good for us.

A test for the mercy of our hearts, as opposed to hard hearts seeking vengeance, is this: Do I want good for those who hurt me - or do I want evil to come upon them? Do I want to see them in pain, would their suffering make me feel better? Or do I want them to find truth in their lives - repentance for their sins, and peace with God in Christ? To want good for the other, is to know I have forgiven them as God forgives - He who wants only good, for all He has created.

We can trust all who have hurt us, to His justice and His mercy! "Vengeance is Mine, I will repay," says the Lord. His justice is true, and perfect, and right. Our "revenge" is not. Forgive, we must forgive, if we are to receive His forgiveness! Thus He has taught us to pray, "Forgive us our trespasses as we have forgiven those who trespass against us."

If we refuse to let go of our hurt, and entrust them to God, we are asking God to not let go of our sins against Him, either! That is the "deal" we make with God, when we pray the Lord's prayer.

 

[Citizen of the Kingdom]

Seriously. I am unable. I need guidance.

How do I forgive those whom I trusted but who abandoned me when I needed them the most?

As my late husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer, certain family members walked away. Not immediately, but as things got hard, they disappeared.
Our only daughter, my stepson, my brother in law. With hard hearts they left me to deal with it all. Fortunately I turned to God and I have coped extremely well. I have rebuilt my life fully, all is well now. But it horrified me still that I could have perished and they did not and still do not contact me. Not one crumb of comfort. Hearts of stone.

I am forgiven by Jesus for all my stupid pride, sins and arrogance. But I stall at forgiving that group of nearest and dearest who left me alone for all those dark bleak lonely nights, weeks and months of grieving.

So, how? I know I must. But I cannot bear ever to see or speak to those people again. Especially my only daughter who as far as I know is happy and well with her own life. As am I with mine. I have heard she is a Christian. I know that is the Way in which we will eventually find our connection again. Right now I have no feelings for her, no love. She and I are strangers.

I cannot see a way. So I prayed and leave it in Jesus hands.

Tho some find it in their hearts to care for the sick and dying not all do. Some find that they have what they consider to be no choice in the matter. It's a horror to go thru to be sure. To be left w/o support on top of it from those who should be considered the team support for the loved one who is dying is felt as insult added to injury. It leaves one with a heart numbed from the pain.
But the fact remains that your still part of the support team that abandoned you in that rough time. You still have the choice of doing your part or not.
Treating others as we ourselves would like to be treated gets very real and very difficult then.

 

[now faith]

Forgiving others does not release them of their deeds, it releases you to receive the love of Christ in your heart ,rather than a root of bitterness to bind you and hinder your prayers.


Mark 11: 24. Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. 25. And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. 26. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.

 

[Grace2022]

Forgiving others does not release them of their deeds, it releases you to receive the love of Christ in your heart ,rather than a root of bitterness to bind you and hinder your prayers.


Mark 11: 24. Therefore I say unto you, What things soever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them. 25. And when ye stand praying, forgive, if ye have ought against any: that your Father also which is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses. 26. But if ye do not forgive, neither will your Father which is in heaven forgive your trespasses.

Hi
thanks.
I pray daily for the strength to forgive those who have hurt me, directly or through their indifference and for the understanding to see it from their perspective. People have their own pressures in life and in the case of bereavement, they usually simply don't know what to say or do or how to cope.
But forgive I must.
The thing that worries me is I feel numb and indifferent towards them now. I ask Jesus Christ not to allow my heart to harden towards anyone. Because that way lies bitterness and pain all round.

 

[now faith]

Hi
thanks.
I pray daily for the strength to forgive those who have hurt me, directly or through their indifference and for the understanding to see it from their perspective. People have their own pressures in life and in the case of bereavement, they usually simply don't know what to say or do or how to cope.
But forgive I must.
The thing that worries me is I feel numb and indifferent towards them now. I ask Jesus Christ not to allow my heart to harden towards anyone. Because that way lies bitterness and pain all round.

Your going to be ok ,simply by bringing the pain to the light you are on the right path.
Remember it's for your walk with God , not theirs.
God is just and he knows the heart of all.

 

[fide]

.......
The thing that worries me is I feel numb and indifferent towards them now. I ask Jesus Christ not to allow my heart to harden towards anyone. Because that way lies bitterness and pain all round.

That "worry" is well-founded. Jesus taught us to pray for the Father's forgiveness of our sins, as we forgive the sins of those who trespass against us. I do not want the Father to be "numb and indifferent" toward me and my sins, and I'm sure that you do not want the Father to be "numb and indifferent" toward you and your sins. We want His mercy! We want His compassion! We want His forgiveness!

We must repent of all hardness of heart - of any hardness of heart - toward anyone whom God has created. We can begin to pray for His compassion for all men - that we could be graced with His compassion for sinners - that we could be blessed with His merciful heart for all sinners, including those who have hurt us personally, first of all.

That way leads to a free heart, and peace - His peace.

 

[lee11]

Seriously. I am unable. I need guidance.

How do I forgive those whom I trusted but who abandoned me when I needed them the most?

As my late husband was diagnosed with terminal cancer, certain family members walked away. Not immediately, but as things got hard, they disappeared.
Our only daughter, my stepson, my brother in law. With hard hearts they left me to deal with it all. Fortunately I turned to God and I have coped extremely well. I have rebuilt my life fully, all is well now. But it horrified me still that I could have perished and they did not and still do not contact me. Not one crumb of comfort. Hearts of stone.

I am forgiven by Jesus for all my stupid pride, sins and arrogance. But I stall at forgiving that group of nearest and dearest who left me alone for all those dark bleak lonely nights, weeks and months of grieving.

So, how? I know I must. But I cannot bear ever to see or speak to those people again. Especially my only daughter who as far as I know is happy and well with her own life. As am I with mine. I have heard she is a Christian. I know that is the Way in which we will eventually find our connection again. Right now I have no feelings for her, no love. She and I are strangers.

I cannot see a way. So I prayed and leave it in Jesus hands.

hi

forgiveness is a process like many other challenges we face in life as a new born or mature Christian.

however what many Christians dont realise is forgiveness is not just for the person that may have harmed or wronged us, but forgiveness is really for our own benefit and health.

when we hold on to the debts and liabilities of others what we are really doing in reality is destroying our own soul spirit mind and body.

we are the ones that are tormented for holding on to debts and liabilities of others.

not them, they may have no idea how we feel or what we think, but we are the ones suffering, and being tormented, which can also manifest other illness in our bodies.

because when we chose to forgive others we are actually releasing people and in return we are releasing ourselves from all the torment pain and suffering we are going through.

God offers us a trade and says if you release people from there debts and liabilities that they owe you.

i will release you from your debts and liabilities you owe me.

however if you dont release people from there debts and liabilities i wont release you form your debt and liabilities.

so the choice is to exercise grace and unconditional love towards people who may not deserve it.

but in reality you are actually maintaining your own freedom and peace of mind.

so we need to learn how to forgive our selves so we can learn to forgive other people.

because the trap of un-forgiveness is just another tactic by the enemy to steal kill and destroy us.

Jesus came to give life and life more abundantly.

we should also give life to others and forgiveness is one way to demonstrate this gift.

Peace

 

[now faith]

Amen

 

[joshcorn]

I had a forgiveness problem years ago. I would pray Lord I forgive that person, thinking this would help. It did not help and the same struggle continued. Then one day the Lord Revived to me that it broke my heart,put a big crack in my heart .Another way to put is,a broken heart can not forgive. You can in you mind I forgive and in your mind mean it but that crack in my heart would not allow me to.
Proverbs 4:22-24
23 Keep thy heart with all diligence, for out of it are the outflowings of life.

So I decided to pay a different way. I asked the Lord to heal my heart. A few days later a close friend of mine drop over. He said that the Lord wanted him to lay hand over my heart and release healing in my heart. I felt this warm loving heat go into my heart and I felt it for days. At the end of a few days I felt that forgiven for that person was truly there in my heart.
The Lord will heal your broken heart. He has many ways. I have seen this in my long walk with the Lord. What ever He does in your life is a testimony Of His love to us. The bible talks about the Testimony of Jesus Christ. I believe it includes telling others what He did for you. You are saying to Him,do it again Lord.

 

[now faith]

Thank You for your testimony, we should proclaim God's goodness.

 

[lee11]

hi

i have gone through the same process of confessing to God to forgive certain people.

now for me there seemed to be a two step process that God tested me with.

first the confessional step

where as may others i repented of my attitude and vowed i was ready to verbally forgive certain people.

so that was step one.

then it was like God said really.

you have forgiven that person.

i said yes, and dont forget i was also asking God to forgive me of my sins after i had verbally stated i had forgiven others of there trespasses. (the trade off or the incentive exchange program)

So its like God said ok lets check.

one person keep parking in my allocated car spot so when i had said i had forgiven them and they continued to park in my allocated car spot.

Guess what i continued to have the same attitude and imagined 101 different ways i could have retaliated, lol (so much for walking in the Spirit)

then it was like God was saying hmmmmmm

so the second step that i believe God was revealing to me was that it wasn't just enough to say i forgive the person.

i also had to demonstrate this through my attitude & actions that i had forgiven them.

my second example is of a long time friend who had left to go over seas and returned to Australia with a wife and child 5 years later.

my friend having a building background invited me to join him in a building business venture where we would build homes and resell them.

but it didn't work out that way, he was trying to accumulate all the business assets in his name and leave all the liability in my name.

he also tried to use my first home buyers grant to to buy him and his wife a home but tried to sell it to me that it was only an investment property etc.

cut along story short i was able to see through his deceit and basically cut ties with him and moved on.

4 years later i get an email from him out of the blue requesting information, my initial response was to ignore the email, however God reminded me and said are you not responding to him because you dont forgive him for what happened in the past.

i must admit i never really thought about it, until God pointed it out, then i had to examine my motives and said yes Lord you are right.

so like before i wanted to forgive him, and said ok i will forgive him but i still hadn't forgiven him, a few days went past and then i said ok Lord i forgive him and responded to his email.

both theres examples occurred at different time frames but i dealt with both of them in the same week.

now for no apparent reason what so ever, except by the grace of God that person stopped parking in my allocated spot and my friend has not replied to my email.

I am unsure why however i am more then happy to re-respond if he sends another email.

Peace

 

[faroukfarouk]

hi

forgiveness is a process like many other challenges we face in life as a new born or mature Christian.

however what many Christians dont realise is forgiveness is not just for the person that may have harmed or wronged us, but forgiveness is really for our own benefit and health.

when we hold on to the debts and liabilities of others what we are really doing in reality is destroying our own soul spirit mind and body.

we are the ones that are tormented for holding on to debts and liabilities of others.

not them, they may have no idea how we feel or what we think, but we are the ones suffering, and being tormented, which can also manifest other illness in our bodies.

because when we chose to forgive others we are actually releasing people and in return we are releasing ourselves from all the torment pain and suffering we are going through.

God offers us a trade and says if you release people from there debts and liabilities that they owe you.

i will release you from your debts and liabilities you owe me.

however if you dont release people from there debts and liabilities i wont release you form your debt and liabilities.

so the choice is to exercise grace and unconditional love towards people who may not deserve it.

but in reality you are actually maintaining your own freedom and peace of mind.

so we need to learn how to forgive our selves so we can learn to forgive other people.

because the trap of un-forgiveness is just another tactic by the enemy to steal kill and destroy us.

Jesus came to give life and life more abundantly.

we should also give life to others and forgiveness is one way to demonstrate this gift.

Peace

John's First Epistle, chapter 1, is a great chapter for issues of confession of sin to God and forgiveness through the Person and Work of Christ!