food/dinner question

[Kiwi]

ok, I'm the one that makes the dinner in our house (big surprise) but me and my husband like totally different foods. I like Asian style food (stirfried vegtables, curries etc), lots of salads, vegetables, more light food. My husband likes meat, pastas, pizza, fried food. If I cook up a stirfry he turns up his nose at it, if I cook up fried foods he likes that but it leaves me feeling yucky and my tummy doesn't react well. We are on a very tight budget and I am also a student as well as a mother so I don't have the money or time to do up two different meals. Any suggestions? (we went to a chinese new years celebration yesterday, I loved the food, he didn't eat anything).

Note: I have read abit about how your blood group can affect how you process food and it made perfect sense to me because my blood group is the 'vegetarian' type (A+) and my husbands is the 'meateater' type (O-)

 

[Cordy]

My husband was raised on poor quality food. It was a high fat, high sugar, and low fibre diet. They ate a lot of greasy pizza, hamburgers, white bread, fried foods etc. I grew with parents who emphasized the importance of eating healthy for total well-being. They ground their own grains to make their own flour to make their own bread. They are healthy!

When we were engaged I suddenly realized that we would have to work this out. A slightly older married woman told me to do what she does – make two meals. A healthy one for me, and one according to the way he likes it.

But to me, this issues was more than a discrepancy in personal preference. If my husband liked the taste of anti-freeze, I would still not feed it to him. I refuse to feed my husband poison, and that is exactly what the foods he was eating were filled with. I don’t want to contribute to poor health from a poor diet. So, I told him how important it was to me that we strive to be healthy and that I am willing to experiment with new foods with him, but I do not want junk in the house. He is such a wonderful guy, and he agreed to try leaving his unhealthy diet, and find healthy things he enjoys with me.

At first it was hard for him. I would serve a filling vegetable based meal that he said tasted great, but he didn’t feel “full” because he was craving the bad foods. But slowly he came around. He started consuming about half quantity he had before (he needed so much the bad foods because they were ‘empty’ foods), his whole body became more healthy, he was happier and had much more energy. Now he repeatedly tells me that he can’t believe he ate like that for so long, and the he is so glad we work on being healthy together.

If it is merely food preference, I think you two should learn to try each other’s foods. For instance, if my husband liked bland soups, and I liked spicy stir frys, I would sit down and arrange some kind of agreement on how we could incorporate both into our menu, and to have enough respect for each other to take part in their favourite meals.

But if it is health issues, like eating fried foods, I would sit down and talk about ways you both can make your diet and lifestyles healthier. I don’t think your eating poor quality foods should be a compromise to make, and having your husband eat like that is certainly a concern for his future and your future together.

 

[Cordy]

My husband likes meat, pastas, pizza

I just thought it is worth noting that you can make these meals healthy and less fatty! Perhaps you might enjoy them and not feel sick that way, as well.

Meat. Get lean organic meat or use tofu as an alternative. I don’t know what it is like in New Zealand, but the average Canadian consumes 50% more protein than they need. You could probably find a way to integrate healthy meat into your meals to please your husband, but in smaller quantities, so you feel better (and it is a healthier balance).

Pasta. How about whole grain pasta with a healthier sauce, like tomato, olive oil with spices or salsa? That isn’t fatty, so that probably wouldn’t make you feel yucky.

Pizza. Make it at home! Use a whole grain crust (whole grain pitas work really well), fill it up with colourful fresh veggies, a little bit of that lean meat, and just a little bit of low fat feta cheese (or tofu cheese which actually works really with pizza).

 

[heartnsoul]

I think both of you will need to come to a compromise with the goal of "health" in mind. I think eating meats, fried foods, pastas and pizza once or twice a week is okay. Even chinese stirfry is not healthy either. If he doesn't like chinese food, then maybe you can go out once a week to lunch with your coworkers or girlfriends to have chinese food since it's not really healthy to eat everyday. If you're on a tight budget, there are lots of things you can eat that will not cost too much. Here is an example of a menu for a week. When my husband and I first got married, we would plan out our menu for the whole week before going grocery shopping. So it would look something like this:

Sunday - spaghetti with meatballs
Monday - Chicken and broccoli stirfry over rice
Tuesday - leftover spaghetti w/meatballs
Wednesday - leftover chicken and broccoli over rice
Thursday - leftover spagetti w/meatballs
Friday - go out to dinner pizza
Saturday - barbecue steak, corn, baked potato or yam, light side salad

If you cook a big pot of something like spagetti and meatballs (2 lbs of ground beef), you can heat up the leftovers in the microwave later on during the week.

When we first got married and were on a tighter budget, this is what we would do. We would incorporate both of our preferences and add vegetables to the main dish to make it healthy. So you can always add a light salad to the main meal. For the spaghetti sauce, you can even get creative and substitute ground beef with ground turkey. I usually add mushrooms, onions and sometimes green peppers or carrots to my spagetti sauce. Either way, you may have to sit down with your husband and have a heart to heart talk with him. Let him know that you are willing to compromise and share eating his type of meals but he needs to also meet you half way so both of you can maintain a HEALTHY diet. The goal is HEALTH, not a power struggle of his way or her way.

It's best to resolve this quickly in your marriage before resentment starts to build. Keeping the communication lines open is very important in a relationship. Sharing the same lifestyle and diet/foods is extremely important for compatability. Usually these things are all part of the dating phase to see if two people are compatible enough for marriage. But not to worry, differences like this can be worked out if both parties are mature and open minded enough to find a happy compromise.

Good luck and may both of you seek God's heart and love each other as God has loved us. Bless you.

 

[JulySheMustFly]

I had to laugh at the 0- meateater thing. I'm 0- and was a strict vegetarian for a number of years. I actually was when I met my husband. It was his fault that I now eat meat on occassion.

We faced this for a number of years but hold out hope. My husband who was a total meat and potatos man when we married now would rather have a wonderfully cooked fish dinner than a steak most nights.

You can also make some very healthy pasta dishes that are light but have the ingredients of richer meals. It is also possible to do pastas as a side dish instead of the main focus of the meal.

I now read cookbooks and ask him what sounds good from a section of it and then thing if I can make if more healthy than the recipe says.

 

[hisbloodformysins]

ok, I'm the one that makes the dinner in our house (big surprise) but me and my husband like totally different foods. I like Asian style food (stirfried vegtables, curries etc), lots of salads, vegetables, more light food. My husband likes meat, pastas, pizza, fried food. If I cook up a stirfry he turns up his nose at it, if I cook up fried foods he likes that but it leaves me feeling yucky and my tummy doesn't react well. We are on a very tight budget and I am also a student as well as a mother so I don't have the money or time to do up two different meals. Any suggestions? (we went to a chinese new years celebration yesterday, I loved the food, he didn't eat anything).

Note: I have read abit about how your blood group can affect how you process food and it made perfect sense to me because my blood group is the 'vegetarian' type (A+) and my husbands is the 'meateater' type (O-)

I'm the main one that cooks as well, because I like to. And because of that I'll admit that we end up having what I want. I try to be considerate of hubby and kids at times, but there are times I'll make something I know they won't be overly crazy about.

I don't think that you should neglect what you want because he doesn't like it, and of course I think it's important to choose to consider him occassionally in your cooking. (By the way, I like similar foods to you... and I know that stuff isn't cheap.... eating healthy is not cheap.... but is much better than all that junk food for your mental and physical health).

Not to sound rude at all, but what I would say to your husband, in a nice way, is that if he wants his type of food more often, then he needs to learn how to cook it. It isn't fair for him to expect you to do all the cooking, and to do what he wants most of the time. My hubby doesn't act threaled about those meals at times, but he never complains, he always tries to be as nice as possible. And there are times when he cooks (not often) when he will say "sorry, but we are having what I make... like it or not" and then I'll deal with it and not be picky.

Truth is that this isn't the 50's when women cooked meals for their hubbies liking and it was all about hubby (forgive me if I don't have my facts strait). I think it's only fair that if he wants to be picky, he is capable and needs to start learning how to do that cooking himself. You can offer to help him, but set up that boundary in a nice and a firm way. You shouldn't be embittered because of feeling pressured to neglect your needs for your hubby. You could make a deal where you both share the cooking chore throughout the week, and when he cooks you both can eat what he chooses, and vise versa. He may not like it and may not bother, but hey, if he doesn't, that is his loss and his choice. Stick firm to that boundary!

HB

 

[rainbowpromises]

ok, I'm the one that makes the dinner in our house (big surprise) but me and my husband like totally different foods. I like Asian style food (stirfried vegtables, curries etc), lots of salads, vegetables, more light food. My husband likes meat, pastas, pizza, fried food. If I cook up a stirfry he turns up his nose at it, if I cook up fried foods he likes that but it leaves me feeling yucky and my tummy doesn't react well. We are on a very tight budget and I am also a student as well as a mother so I don't have the money or time to do up two different meals. Any suggestions? (we went to a chinese new years celebration yesterday, I loved the food, he didn't eat anything).

Note: I have read abit about how your blood group can affect how you process food and it made perfect sense to me because my blood group is the 'vegetarian' type (A+) and my husbands is the 'meateater' type (O-)

You are not alone.

I have an even wider range in my house. My husband eats meat and potatoes, my son eats meat and pasta and my granddaughter is allergic to most of everything. The other three of us prefer meat and vegetables.

Very complicated explaining my cooking.

I would suggest that you do up a stirfry for yourself. Mealwhile cook up some pasta and maybe some meat for your husband. I would wean him from fried foods though because eventually they are going to catch up with him. Make what you like and just add to his.

Meat suggestion so you don't have to spend so much time cooking meat. Buy a larger package of ground chicken or beef (whatever he prefers) and make meatballs. Fry them up and put them in husband serving size containers in the freezer. Then when you make your stirfry and his pasta, you already have cooked meatballs to stir into his.

 

[BigNorsk]

ok, I'm the one that makes the dinner in our house (big surprise) but me and my husband like totally different foods. I like Asian style food (stirfried vegtables, curries etc), lots of salads, vegetables, more light food. My husband likes meat, pastas, pizza, fried food. If I cook up a stirfry he turns up his nose at it, if I cook up fried foods he likes that but it leaves me feeling yucky and my tummy doesn't react well. We are on a very tight budget and I am also a student as well as a mother so I don't have the money or time to do up two different meals. Any suggestions? (we went to a chinese new years celebration yesterday, I loved the food, he didn't eat anything).

Note: I have read abit about how your blood group can affect how you process food and it made perfect sense to me because my blood group is the 'vegetarian' type (A+) and my husbands is the 'meateater' type (O-)

You are only talking different styles of frying. Stir frying or pan frying or deep frying. And you might think of your's as lighter and everything, but you actually use more fat in your style than his style does, though deep frying can use more. I would say that your feelings after eating his style are probably somewhat mental on your part, it really isn't that different, except that it probably is a lot lower in fiber. So you could try his style and take a noncaloric fiber suplement at the same time. And see if that fixes the problem.

Eating a meal of substantially less fiber tends to cause a lot fewer problems for the diner than eating one of substantially higher than normal fiber.

Note that a big change upwards in fiber can cause real gastrointestinal upset. Lots of gas, bloating, and even explosive diarhea. Take a guy used to a low fiber diet and fill him up with the high fiber vegetables and salads typical of your diet and he is probably going to be one sorry guy.

I suspect he hasn't shared his digestive problems that your style is causing him, maybe he hasn't really thought of it that much. But if someone just flat out refuses to eat something, it usually is a little more than it's just not his preferred food.

Back to that fiber supplement. Cook his style but get him to add a significant fiber supplement (slowly) then when he has gotten used to it and his intestines have undergone the changes that high fiber causes. Then he should be able to eat your style, not take the supplement and be just fine.

Spices and such, I really can't help you with. Curry can be difficult. If he is a person with a sensitive taste and you are a nontaster that loves hot spicey food. There really isn't much that can be done to get him to like the hot spicey food. You have to tone it down.

I'm the nonsenstive one in my family so I can dig into a hotsause that my wife just plain can't eat. If we cook for the two of us, say Mexican. We have to make it what to my taste is pretty bland, and if I want more heat, I grab a jar of Lousiana hot sauce and give it some.

I'm not sure exactly how to do a similar thing with curry, but basically you should try making it quite bland to your taste and see what he thinks of that. And if there is some way for you to heat the spices up to your liking at the table, that's the way to go.

Changes in diet take time and it's a lot of personal preferences and there's often more than a little emotional attachment associated with food. People grow up with food being a binding thing with their family and friends and so it's really kind of a memorial to them when we eat the same foods that we have eaten with them. It's more complicated than just simple nutrition.

Marv