Hello,
I am unsure where to start on typing this. Firstly, my name is Abi, I'm 23 and live in England. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for approximately 6 years, however he lives in America so we only see each other perhaps once a year.
A little about me - I was not born to or raised in a Christian family, I have only a handful of friends spread across the world that are Christians. All others consider themselves atheists. There is no one immediately around me that I can reach out to for advice from a fellow Christian, hence I have come here. I currently work part time in a well known news agents and enjoy my job. In my spare time I am an artist, I draw portraits of people's pets
I've been doing this for about 5 years on a paid basis. I'm a keen horse rider and love learning about the animal too.
A little about my boyfriend - raised by a Catholic family in America, he is much older than me. This has never been anything I consider a problem because age is irrelevant to me. During his early teenage years he found himself questioning his faith, but then having listened to some disturbing music about demonic things, he feared evil and turned to God. He loves music and His absolute ambition in life is to be a published musician. He claims his music will bring people to God, however his music does not glorify God by any means - in fact, the lyrics I have seen never mention God. He does not work, and the past few times I visited him or him me, I have funded it.
While I love this man very dearly, I'm concerned our relationship is not healthy. I feel like I am the one pulling all our weight, his contribution is minimal. While this wouldnt be a problem for me if he had legitimate reasons, his excuses range from not wanting to work a "bland, meaningless job" because he feels he's different and unaccepted by society, to "having more important things to do" - aka his music. I could also overlook this a little more if I had the emotional support i need from him. In some cases, I do get that support, he has given me some very valuable advice throughout the years and has encouraged my faith. Despite this though, it's as though when things aren't going his way he disregards others emotions and focuses in on feeling bullied by the world. He bears grudges from years ago, and when I point out that we are instructed by God to be forgiving and not carry such baggage, he redefines these grudges as "you see them as grudges, they're not really grudges, just problems that need fixing".
If I point out an error in him, something that needs to be corrected, he says "don't judge me". I quote to him John 7:24 frequently but he refuses to accept that as Christians we must use righteous judgement and help our fellow brothers and sisters in faith by helping them recognise error. Consider that I am not being nasty towards him, merely quoting scripture. His reaction to this is variable, but generally speaking he calls the scripture vague, "hot air", irrelevant etc. He claims we cannot judge righteously, that is takes a long time and we must see it from other peoples perspective, walk in their shoes he tells me. I point out thst sin is sin regardless of who's shoes we are in, perspective is irrelevant. He partonises me saying I am being self-righteous.
This is a big struggle for me because for me, a marriage must be between a man and woman that will support one another's walk with God, share our faith with one another. I would call myself a "by-the-book" Christian, the bible is the absolute word of God and I will not quarrel with it.
I love this man a great deal, but recent events make me feel like we should not be a couple. I've been called many names in the past by him, it hurts. And when I told him recently I don't think we should be a couple any more (a very difficult thing to say), he initially blocked me from contacting him, then called me back. He refuses to accept that I would "dump" him, and if I do then I "better write a big book on legitimate reasons why". He threatened to sabotage any future relationship I have if I leave him. He claims these ideas of mine have come from the devil - I disagree because I have been praying for God's guidance on this for many months, I read the bible daily and seek my help from God's word, I quote scripture to him repeatedly, despite his obvious dislike for it's "blandness and vagueness". And despite the suffering for how I am treated when I am not the girl he expects me to be, I am so glad that I have God in my life, I'll praise him every day. I love the Lord so much!
I have come here because I don't know what to do. He cries and tells me he needs me, says I am being heartless, he says he can't live without me. He's incredibly upset and I hate seeing it. But it wouldn't be right for either of us to stay together if either of us are miserable. A marriage should be a joyous, harmonious thing.
I'm just at a complete loss and don't even know what advice I am asking for. I just need some unbias input from others who know our wonderful God.
I am unsure where to start on typing this. Firstly, my name is Abi, I'm 23 and live in England. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for approximately 6 years, however he lives in America so we only see each other perhaps once a year.
A little about me - I was not born to or raised in a Christian family, I have only a handful of friends spread across the world that are Christians. All others consider themselves atheists. There is no one immediately around me that I can reach out to for advice from a fellow Christian, hence I have come here. I currently work part time in a well known news agents and enjoy my job. In my spare time I am an artist, I draw portraits of people's pets
I've been doing this for about 5 years on a paid basis. I'm a keen horse rider and love learning about the animal too.A little about my boyfriend - raised by a Catholic family in America, he is much older than me. This has never been anything I consider a problem because age is irrelevant to me. During his early teenage years he found himself questioning his faith, but then having listened to some disturbing music about demonic things, he feared evil and turned to God. He loves music and His absolute ambition in life is to be a published musician. He claims his music will bring people to God, however his music does not glorify God by any means - in fact, the lyrics I have seen never mention God. He does not work, and the past few times I visited him or him me, I have funded it.
While I love this man very dearly, I'm concerned our relationship is not healthy. I feel like I am the one pulling all our weight, his contribution is minimal. While this wouldnt be a problem for me if he had legitimate reasons, his excuses range from not wanting to work a "bland, meaningless job" because he feels he's different and unaccepted by society, to "having more important things to do" - aka his music. I could also overlook this a little more if I had the emotional support i need from him. In some cases, I do get that support, he has given me some very valuable advice throughout the years and has encouraged my faith. Despite this though, it's as though when things aren't going his way he disregards others emotions and focuses in on feeling bullied by the world. He bears grudges from years ago, and when I point out that we are instructed by God to be forgiving and not carry such baggage, he redefines these grudges as "you see them as grudges, they're not really grudges, just problems that need fixing".
If I point out an error in him, something that needs to be corrected, he says "don't judge me". I quote to him John 7:24 frequently but he refuses to accept that as Christians we must use righteous judgement and help our fellow brothers and sisters in faith by helping them recognise error. Consider that I am not being nasty towards him, merely quoting scripture. His reaction to this is variable, but generally speaking he calls the scripture vague, "hot air", irrelevant etc. He claims we cannot judge righteously, that is takes a long time and we must see it from other peoples perspective, walk in their shoes he tells me. I point out thst sin is sin regardless of who's shoes we are in, perspective is irrelevant. He partonises me saying I am being self-righteous.
This is a big struggle for me because for me, a marriage must be between a man and woman that will support one another's walk with God, share our faith with one another. I would call myself a "by-the-book" Christian, the bible is the absolute word of God and I will not quarrel with it.
I love this man a great deal, but recent events make me feel like we should not be a couple. I've been called many names in the past by him, it hurts. And when I told him recently I don't think we should be a couple any more (a very difficult thing to say), he initially blocked me from contacting him, then called me back. He refuses to accept that I would "dump" him, and if I do then I "better write a big book on legitimate reasons why". He threatened to sabotage any future relationship I have if I leave him. He claims these ideas of mine have come from the devil - I disagree because I have been praying for God's guidance on this for many months, I read the bible daily and seek my help from God's word, I quote scripture to him repeatedly, despite his obvious dislike for it's "blandness and vagueness". And despite the suffering for how I am treated when I am not the girl he expects me to be, I am so glad that I have God in my life, I'll praise him every day. I love the Lord so much!
I have come here because I don't know what to do. He cries and tells me he needs me, says I am being heartless, he says he can't live without me. He's incredibly upset and I hate seeing it. But it wouldn't be right for either of us to stay together if either of us are miserable. A marriage should be a joyous, harmonious thing.
I'm just at a complete loss and don't even know what advice I am asking for. I just need some unbias input from others who know our wonderful God.
