I have been struggling for years in my marriage and I believe that God has revealed to me that it is because I'm trying to find my identity in my wife rather than Him. Has anyone done a study in this area that they would recommend? I've been a believer and follower of Christ for about 20 years (a little longer than I've been married) and what started as a fire has really been reduced to a flicker. The unhappiness of my marriage consumes my mind and often keeps me awake at night. We've tried "biblical counseling" twice in the past but it hasn't helped. I remember the love I used to feel (for everything, not just my wife) and I want to get that back. Thank you for any suggestions.
Finding my identity in Christ
- Thread starter Chuck Stadler
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I have no study I can suggest, but yes, if you get things out of balance, even the Lord Himself may put a few obstacles in your way to show you that the greatest commandment has been and always will be, "Love the Lord your God with your whole heart, whole soul, whole mind and whole strength." Get things back in order and you may find things go back to being good again.
And marriages will indeed go sour if you give your heart, mind and strength more to your spouse than to the Lord. He or she then becomes your god, in a sense, whether you consciously realize what you are doing or not. And once you make that mistake, they can never measure up to such a task. There is only One who can handle such a responsibility, and that is God Alone.
God bless. Hopefully someone will know of a full study they can direct you to, and welcome to Christian Forums.
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~Anastasia~
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Hello and welcome to CF.
I'm afraid I don't know any particular study either, but I have had experience struggling in these areas in the past.
What I am thinking of is that you may be dealing with several separate issues, but they can influence each other, so it's not always easy to sort out.
The experience of our closeness to God is something I find many people don't understand the natural process of. I certainly didn't, though God actually prepared and led me through that. There is an almost "honeymoon" phase for new believers - God is close and everything is bright and they walk in the clouds.
This period has different purposes and lasts a different length of time for different people. But very commonly at some point God withdraws, and our job then is to begin to grow and become firmer in our faith. But our natural reaction is to try to recover that wonderful time. God does give us other times of closeness, again for different reasons and lasting different times, because He knows how to grow us. But an over focus on getting back our early experience can be distracting. Though many of the things we might DO in those efforts are good - reading Scripture, prayer, going to Church, waiting on Him, turning from sin.
Marriage - our society often teaches us to try to find fulfillment in our spouses. That will always disappoint. We can never make our happiness depend on another person. True joy is found in God alone, and if we seek that in a person, as Hidden has said, they will fall short and both relationships (with spouse and God) will suffer.
True love in marriage should be sacrificial. Husbands are told to love their wives as Christ loved the Church, giving Himself up for her. Ideally, both persons in the marriage should always seek the highest and best good of the other person - that is mutual love. It can be very difficult for only one person to be doing this, but it can also change the heart of the other person and bring everything into order.
All of this can be summed up in Christ's commandments to love God first and supremely, and then your neighbor (wife). Putting these into practice with understanding will bring things back into right balance.
Prayers for you. And again, welcome to CF!
I'm afraid I don't know any particular study either, but I have had experience struggling in these areas in the past.
What I am thinking of is that you may be dealing with several separate issues, but they can influence each other, so it's not always easy to sort out.
The experience of our closeness to God is something I find many people don't understand the natural process of. I certainly didn't, though God actually prepared and led me through that. There is an almost "honeymoon" phase for new believers - God is close and everything is bright and they walk in the clouds.
This period has different purposes and lasts a different length of time for different people. But very commonly at some point God withdraws, and our job then is to begin to grow and become firmer in our faith. But our natural reaction is to try to recover that wonderful time. God does give us other times of closeness, again for different reasons and lasting different times, because He knows how to grow us. But an over focus on getting back our early experience can be distracting. Though many of the things we might DO in those efforts are good - reading Scripture, prayer, going to Church, waiting on Him, turning from sin. Marriage - our society often teaches us to try to find fulfillment in our spouses. That will always disappoint. We can never make our happiness depend on another person. True joy is found in God alone, and if we seek that in a person, as Hidden has said, they will fall short and both relationships (with spouse and God) will suffer.
True love in marriage should be sacrificial. Husbands are told to love their wives as Christ loved the Church, giving Himself up for her. Ideally, both persons in the marriage should always seek the highest and best good of the other person - that is mutual love. It can be very difficult for only one person to be doing this, but it can also change the heart of the other person and bring everything into order.
All of this can be summed up in Christ's commandments to love God first and supremely, and then your neighbor (wife). Putting these into practice with understanding will bring things back into right balance.
Prayers for you. And again, welcome to CF!
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The experience of our closeness to God is something I find many people don't understand the natural process of. I certainly didn't, though God actually prepared and led me through that. There is an almost "honeymoon" phase for new believers - God is close and everything is bright and they walk in the clouds.
True love in marriage should be sacrificial. Husbands are told to love their wives as Christ loved the Church, giving Himself up for her. Ideally, both persons in the marriage should always seek the highest and best good of the other person - that is mutual love. It can be very difficult for only one person to be doing this, but it can also change the heart of the other person and bring everything into order.
My goodness!
I would appear someone is particularly anointed today!
I've taught the same things myself several times, yet never quite so eloquently. Nice post!
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carolina16
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This reveals that you do not have a deep connection with Him. He has to be the center of your life, and as you get to know Him, He reveals your identity to you. This in regards to you.
With regard to your marriage, it is the same. He has to be the center for you, and for your wife. You will see that when this happens, the fire will be greatly ignited.
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So where exactly is your wife in her spiritual journey? You've stated you've gone the both of you for 'biblical counseling" so can we take from that that she is a Christian herself? Are you both committed to Christ about the same level or degree or one more than another? What exactly is wearing you down for you say you want to get that love back. What caused it to leave in the first place?
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