Fiance not virgin w\ a twist... How should I handle?

[mark kennedy]

**Note: I'm not holding his past sin against him as he wasn't saved at the time. That's not the issue.

-I am mostly a virgin (experienced abuse in the past). He is not.
-He's been engaged twice before. I have never.
-He lived with his last fiance for over a year. Moving in with someone I was dating/courting never happened.
...
-He chose his last fiance over me. I knew her as a friend before they came out as a couple. She was loudmouth about her extensive sexual past and some of the things she did for him.

....While I have been working on forgiving him for choosing someone else, I've been secretly working on trying to heal the brokenness inside of me regarding their sexual past.

True, deep down, we all want to go into marriage as whole and unburdened as possible. But, I know this world makes that impossible. How do I let Jesus erase the pain of knowing what I know?
How can I stop feeling "less than"? It's like being in stage at a talent competition for an audience of one, to put it gently. You've never stepped in stage before but the act ahead of you pretty much out on the whole show- and you KNOW IT!

I want to get over it. I want to move forward. Jesus IS the only answer but HOW? How do I let Him heal my mind, my heart & my selfish desire to erase her existence from HIS mind?

***Most important note: I love him deeply. Otherwise I wouldn't be trying to make this work - I would have said, "Adios & God speed! You choose me or you lose me!" Ha. But as Christ forgave me, I desire to forgive him.

Emotional attachments are tough, especially when you are having issues with regards to infidelity. I think it's pretty simple, though not easy, it's me only or not at all. Easy for me to say but that seems to be where your at with this.

 

[Sparagmos]

Within the rules of Christian Forums, many here would be happy to offer wisdom for a woman's romantic relationship with a man, if asked. Or vice-versa.

Fewer of us would be as happy to facilitate a man's "romantic" relationship with another man. Some have tried that here before, by obscuring their gender (for that purpose).

Why would you assume that is the case here? It seems obvious it is a woman. Seems like you are trying to bring another issue into this conversation.

 

[Sabertooth]

It seems obvious it is a woman.

I'd like to assume that [she] is, but no one can make that assumption on 2010s internet. There have been too many times where that assumption has been incorrect.

 

[Sparagmos]

I'd like to assume that [she] is, but no one can make that assumption on 2010s internet. There have been too many times where that assumption has been incorrect.

And it would hurt no one for you to assume she is a woman.or you could just ask her.

 

[Sabertooth]

And it would hurt no one for you to assume she is a woman.

A wrong assumption would mean facilitating a homosexual relationship. (And I did ask, in post #14.)

 

[barefeetonholyground]

If he can break off an engagement with a woman, and turn right around and jump into a relationship with you.... he can break off an engagement with you, and jump into a relationship with someone else. And he's already done it twice.

Such a lengthy post but best summarized here.
Such wise words.
It's taken me years to figure this out, and I pray that you learn this sooner than I did: Love is not enough!
I know you love him deeply, but love isn't a magic reset button that fixes things.
Relationships take work. Marriages take work.
They also take both parties putting in the work.
I once loved a man. As far as I knew he loved me.
Love didn't fix the fact that this man had a sick addiction.
He ended up arrested and in prison a month before our daughter was born.
It took me awhile to realize that I had a choice: either continue trying to love him enough and wait or move on with my life and eventually find someone who I could love enough and had his life and mind more stabilized.
I did that. And I found someone with a stable job and an organized life just waiting for me to come along and love him that way I was capable of.
Not only do I love him more than I thought I could ever love another human being, but I don't have to worry about things like bills being paid, past relationships haunting us (we both have past relationships but we've had our closure and made our peace with one another's past), or family drama from unstable parental or sibling relationships.
You love him deeply, but everything about your post screams that it isn't enough.

 

[bèlla]

I met someone long ago and we contemplated a relationship but didn't move forward. I left and returned a few years later and he welcomed my presence. The connection still existed but my life was different. I was yielded to God. I couldn't resume the lifestyle I once led.

He never told me he had a partner but I had a niggling feeling in the back of my mind that he did. He hid it for a long time. It was his intention to wear me down but God won that battle.

The issue here is whether you want to enter a marriage with an insecurity from the past hanging over your heads. I think it's best to clear the deck beforehand. You'll have new things to wrestle with.

Sometimes we are wedded to emotions to such a degree where we're unable to see a situation as it is. Clarity can be difficult when you're in the thick of it. And oftentimes we're afraid that letting go means losing out. That has more to do with our faith in God than the other person.