Feels christians today just don't take marriage seriously anymore...

[NothingIsImpossible]

Between coming to these forums and listening to people from church on online couples that we know.... seems like christians don't take marriage seriously anymore. It doesn't even seem to be a sacred thing. Its as if they marry and realize marriage is not easy then look for an easy route out. No effort is ever put into it to some extent.

I used to talk about a woman a few years ago who divorced her husband over the fact he would leave his dirty clothes all over, such as underwear on the hand rail going up to their bedroom. At that time it was sort of funny, but now its sad because its becoming more common to divorce. And it seems christians are more accepting of letting others divorce. Many even encouraging it.

Even with the issue of abuse the first response most people say is to divorce. Nothing about steps to take before such a drastic step. Like counseling or moving out...etc. And even worse is the issue of marrying someone else afterwards. Its as if christians only hear what they want to hear from the bible about such issues and ignore the rest. To the point of twisting things so far from the truth that they forget its a twisted lie.

Since my wife and I married almost 5 years ago, 4 couples that married around the same time we did have divorced. To be fair the one was using the guy to get her green card. But the others were divorced on things that didn't call for divorce.

I say it all the time but I think alot of this has to do with how christians are raised. We here talk of marriage being beautiful, sacred....etc. We play with toys (well girls really) where barbie and ken are happily married and live a happy life. Where fairy tales in books and in tv shows and movies have "Happily ever after"(s). Stuff that shows the prince finds the princess...etc. This all puts a false reality in our head about what marriage is.

People believe its perfect, even if they see otherwise from actual married people. When they marry and they see its alot of work and its not a fairy tale, they just assume the other spouse is why everything is bad and they want to leave. It also doesn't help that media today is now making it common in stories for couples to divorce or maybe never even marry but stick around for "benefits". And in some cases literal benefits since many say not marrying, but being a couple makes some things easier like when it comes to taxes and what not.

Overall this all comes together to destroy marriages before they even start. I'd say pastors should start teaching messages about the truth of marriage and what its really like. Or about how no one goes into a marriage without baggage from life in general. Or how you shouldn't marry super young because almost no one is wise enough to marry when they are for example 19. Its like buying a bag of candy and telling a toddler not to eat any.

I'm just venting on here because not sure where else to go. Also I am not saying I am somehow better since my wife and I married. We like everyone else are not perfect. And God forbid things didn't work out, I don't know what I'd do. Though biblically I'd just stay single foreve or until I was a widow. Though that is advice that is not taken well today either.

Perhaps the bible says it best that in the end days things get worse. And not just talking about marriage things either.

 

[Tropical Wilds]

I have come to the conclusion that nobody from an outside perspective can judge the seriousness of one’s commitment to marriage based off of how or why or when or if they divorce. It’s easy to look in the windows of somebody else’s life and judge by what you see based off your own standards if they did enough or not, but in doing so you are taking a power that isn’t yours to judge a person based off nothing but your perception. That rarely has anything to do with their reality.

Truthfully, I think a lot of assuming or judging marriages that failed are because of lack of effort or inability or lack of desire to work hard or take marriages seriously has absolutely nothing to do with the people divorcing. I think it’s a coping mechanism deployed by married people to give themselves and their marriage a false sense of security. It’s easier to say “people who divorce don’t believe in the sanctity of marriage like I do so I don’t have to worry about divorce because I really care” than it is to admit “something could happen tomorrow that I never saw coming which could mean by this time next year, I’m single.” The former means one can be secure and a bit holier-than-thou, something which is always very appealing. The latter is a scary idea that you really can’t protect against beyond having faith it won’t happen and what you think is a good relationship.

Also, as somebody who’s divorced, I can say with total confidence that the only people who think divorce is the “easy way out” are those who’ve never been divorced and are blessed to have a lack of experience in this topic. I had what I would term an “easier” and “faster” divorce than 99% of those who get divorced and, let me tell you, even then it wasn’t even close to the “easy way” of dealing with what was going on.

 

[DZoolander]

Meh, I think it's a bit more complicated than that (to the OP).

I've gotten a divorce, and I've also known quite a few people who have gotten divorced. Could all of those relationships have been fixed? Absolutely. Any relationship can be fixed - theoretically. It's when you apply that to real life though that the original idea falls apart.

Perhaps there is some merit in the idea that marriage isn't considered sacred any more. But, in saying that, I would also say that the onus of the blame falls on the wrong person when people start talking in that way. What I mean by that is that usually it's the person who files for divorce that's treated like they didn't take marriage seriously/didn't think it was sacred...and it's rarely the party that caused the divorce that receives the blame.

Every single person, myself included, that I know that filed for divorce didn't truly want it at the time. Every single person felt they were given no other option...and it was never built upon some fantasy of perfection. In my case, my ex wife started running around the BDSM scene as a dominatrix, and let me know in no uncertain terms that she had no desire to stop. Hell, it's been over 20 years, and from what I know she's still actively engaged in that community.

I filed for divorce...and I remember people talking to ME about MY attitudes about the sanctity and sacredness of marriage. Really? On a very practical level - here's my question.

Who's the person that defiles marriage? The one that runs around as a dominatrix, proudly engaging in all sorts of bizarre deviant behaviors, or the person who opposes that behavior and will not accept it as part of their marriage? The person who's out whipping guys, or the person who says they will no longer live in such an arrangement?

Would she have happily continued the marriage? I suppose on some superficial level, yeah. So long as it was on those terms. But is that really a blessed marriage?

Every single relationship CAN be fixed - once again. But in every scenario I've been privy to where a divorce has occurred - the offending party refuses to take the steps to actually fix it - and the person who petitions for the divorce feels there's no other option in light of that. Unfortunately, it seems that IMHO the wrong person gets the blame then, because people have a very shallow understanding of what was going on. The only thing that seems to matter is that the "marriage persisted" - and it's the person who actually terminated the marriage that gets the guff.

If we look at what a marriage OUGHT be - and once again I'm not talking on some Disney-esque fantasy fairy tale level - I mean just on common sense levels (mutual respect, consideration, interest in the other's well being, etc) - most marriages that I've known that ended in divorce had already failed...and it usually was at the hands of the one that got served the divorce papers...not at the one who actually filed.

 

[turkle]

Between coming to these forums and listening to people from church on online couples that we know.... seems like christians don't take marriage seriously anymore. It doesn't even seem to be a sacred thing. Its as if they marry and realize marriage is not easy then look for an easy route out. No effort is ever put into it to some extent.

I used to talk about a woman a few years ago who divorced her husband over the fact he would leave his dirty clothes all over, such as underwear on the hand rail going up to their bedroom. At that time it was sort of funny, but now its sad because its becoming more common to divorce. And it seems christians are more accepting of letting others divorce. Many even encouraging it.

Even with the issue of abuse the first response most people say is to divorce. Nothing about steps to take before such a drastic step. Like counseling or moving out...etc. And even worse is the issue of marrying someone else afterwards. Its as if christians only hear what they want to hear from the bible about such issues and ignore the rest. To the point of twisting things so far from the truth that they forget its a twisted lie.

Since my wife and I married almost 5 years ago, 4 couples that married around the same time we did have divorced. To be fair the one was using the guy to get her green card. But the others were divorced on things that didn't call for divorce.

I say it all the time but I think alot of this has to do with how christians are raised. We here talk of marriage being beautiful, sacred....etc. We play with toys (well girls really) where barbie and ken are happily married and live a happy life. Where fairy tales in books and in tv shows and movies have "Happily ever after"(s). Stuff that shows the prince finds the princess...etc. This all puts a false reality in our head about what marriage is.

People believe its perfect, even if they see otherwise from actual married people. When they marry and they see its alot of work and its not a fairy tale, they just assume the other spouse is why everything is bad and they want to leave. It also doesn't help that media today is now making it common in stories for couples to divorce or maybe never even marry but stick around for "benefits". And in some cases literal benefits since many say not marrying, but being a couple makes some things easier like when it comes to taxes and what not.

Overall this all comes together to destroy marriages before they even start. I'd say pastors should start teaching messages about the truth of marriage and what its really like. Or about how no one goes into a marriage without baggage from life in general. Or how you shouldn't marry super young because almost no one is wise enough to marry when they are for example 19. Its like buying a bag of candy and telling a toddler not to eat any.

I'm just venting on here because not sure where else to go. Also I am not saying I am somehow better since my wife and I married. We like everyone else are not perfect. And God forbid things didn't work out, I don't know what I'd do. Though biblically I'd just stay single foreve or until I was a widow. Though that is advice that is not taken well today either.

Perhaps the bible says it best that in the end days things get worse. And not just talking about marriage things either.

That is a really broad brush that you are applying to Christian marriage.

You say that people "believe it's perfect", but I don't know a single person who went into marriage with that assumption. Nor do I know anyone who believes that all of the responsibility for difficulty lies with the spouse. The assumption that no effort is put into a difficult marriage is something that you cannot possibly know.

Pastors do teach what marriage is really like in pre-marital counseling. There are dozens of pre-marital and marital ministries that can and should be tapped into when someone is serious about the possibility of marriage.

I think it is presumptuous to be judgmental about the reasons people have for divorcing. Unless you are living in their homes with them, you don't know for sure that the real reason for the divorce is clothes left around the house. Most people don't talk about the deepest private pain that they are experiencing. It is almost always private.

Most people take their marriages very seriously, and work hard to keep them together. It is not anyone's business to know the reasons that it might not work out. Rather than judging those who make the very difficult decision to divorce, I would suggest that you find ways to extend grace, mercy and kindness to people who are suffering through one of the toughest decisions they would ever have to make. It is good to remember what Jesus said about casting the first stone.

 

[DZoolander]

Most people take their marriages very seriously, and work hard to keep them together. It is not anyone's business to know the reasons that it might not work out. Rather than judging those who make the very difficult decision to divorce, I would suggest that you find ways to extend grace, mercy and kindness to people who are suffering through one of the toughest decisions they would ever have to make. It is good to remember what Jesus said about casting the first stone.

And generally speaking - it's been my experience that the one that files for divorce is usually the one that took it most seriously.

 

[Endeavourer]

Between coming to these forums and listening to people from church on online couples that we know.... seems like christians don't take marriage seriously anymore. It doesn't even seem to be a sacred thing. Its as if they marry and realize marriage is not easy then look for an easy route out. No effort is ever put into it to some extent.

NII, you remind me of one of the elders in this true story:

Two elders were on their way to a member's home to discuss some actions of his that were requiring some church intervention, and potentially discipline. As they were discussing the possible directions the evening might take, the passenger elder said "I just can't understand how a truly saved Christian person could do this."

The elder who was driving pulled over to the side of the road and then did a U-turn. "Where are you going?" the passenger asked. The driver responded: "I need to find a different elder to take with me to visit this man. I can't take you."

Here are some true testimonies. Does this sound like these women took an "easy route out" and that "no effort was ever put into it 'to some extent'"?

"my husband claims to be a christian ….we have been married for 3 years remarriage for both of us the day we got married he started to control me three weeks after he was physically abusing me, verbally,emotionally, he was so controlling …i could not have my opinion on anything still if i do he will beat me …last night he forced me to have sex with him i said no! he held my my wrists down and had forceful sex and then acted like nothing happened he said i wasnt being and submissive wife…and that was my job!!!!
he does not know how to respect me or love me …i want to leave i attend domestic violence they have helped me but my godly values tell me to stay ….my counselor is afraid i am going to die when my husband gets violent he choke holds me and slaps me and pulls my hair and constraints me…
i hate this kind of living and pray God will give me strength and courage to leave…"

"My husband did not even take the coercion as far as yours yet it took me at least 3 days to recover from the trauma and confusion of his bedroom coercion and to be able to think straight.

Once we had the details of the type of cancer I had and knew the cancer was highly hormone receptor positive, and I opted for a reconstructive surgery that permanently re-routed my Rectus abdominis muscles which support the uterus during pregnancy, we knew getting pregnant could kill me and would be at best, extremely difficult....

there were three times when I woke in the night to find Gary having his way with me. Due to the cancer medication I was unable to remain awake (I was in and out of wakefulness throughout), participate deliberately, tell him to stop, or refuse to do anything he told me to do as long as it didn’t require any coordinated action on my part. One time he did something I had repeatedly asked him not to do throughout our marriage, but he had done a few times anyway. One time he “forgot” to use a condom. And once he did something I had always refused to let him do because I felt it was derogatory within the nature of our relationship. He crowed about it for days afterwards and I felt completely ashamed.

And I could say nothing. I was very confused. On one hand, I had told him he was welcome back anytime he changed his mind. But I didn’t mean in the middle of the night when I didn’t know about it. Did he somehow think that was OK? But I knew if I said anything about any of these events three things would happen. One, he would fly into a rage. He was already doing that on an almost daily basis.

How do you “forget” to use a condom when ..... you know it can kill your wife if she gets pregnant? And you’re sneaking it in when she’s asleep? I also know that when I first told him the doctor told me the biopsy was positive for cancer his response was, “Now I’ll have to find a new wife.” He wanted out but his code of ethics wouldn’t let him be the one to pull the plug.

I am crying right now…..you [referring to the testimony pasted directly above this one] are describing what I am going through and have gone through for the past 15 years (right down to the same name of our husbands). The rape was 2 years ago, and it wasn’t violent either. I had told him no twice and rolled over to try and ignore him. That didn’t work.

NothingIsImpossible, the brilliance of your haughty arrogance has blinded you. I suggest you do a bit more checking into the extent of horrors a person of faith must be facing in their marriage to take that step. The testimonies I pasted were from women suffering in their marriage to the point of divorce, but there are women who cause a man of faith to be unable to continue in the marriage as well, as eloquently described by @DZoolander

I pray that you don't have occasion to attempt to "minister" to some suffering soul who is facing unsurvivable circumstances in their marriage with the BULLony you launched in your OP.

PS: of the people in marital crises on christianforums.com, it must be quite rare that the crises is caused by the frivolity you described (because it was made up by you?), as I don't remember of one to begin with, nor do I remember of other Christians on this forum advocating this easy-divorcism that you are referring to.

 

[Endeavourer]

since my wife and I married almost 5 years ago, 4 couples that married around the same time we did have divorced. To be fair the one was using the guy to get her green card. But the others were divorced on things that didn't call for divorce.

And do you think that if one of the wives were being raped and abused they would owe you this whole story so you could know whether to judge them or not? Or if one of the wives demanded impossible conditions (whips, clubs, anyone?) that you would be the one the husbands would tell about it so you could decide how to judge them? @DZoolander didn't even tell his own family.

Though biblically I'd just stay single foreve or until I was a widow. Though that is advice that is not taken well today either.

I would challenge yourself to take the skeptic's position against yourself and prove your perception of what's "Biblical' to be correct. There are very well learned, seasoned Christians who see something in Scripture that you don't see. What is it, and once you understand it so well you could defend it in a debate, re-evaluate why is your viewpoint correct while theirs is not. Perhaps you will keep your original viewpoint, but perhaps not.

If a viewpoint doesn't survive a passing blow from a critic, it needs more work. The way you presented your original viewpoint indicates a shallow understanding which has not withstood a serious challenge or study.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Well responses are as I expected. Often those who are divorced of course will be offended. I mean its logical. They see it as an attack. Granted I never said anything about how I felt about said people personally. I still respect people who are divorced and don't think less of them.

As for this forum specifically, I've seen many since the early 2000s advocate divorce as the first response. Especially when abuse is taking place. And often people assume I am saying to stay with someone who abuses them. They don't read what I say and notice I never say to stay with someone who is abusive. No one should stay in such a situation. Instead they should remain married but move out or go somewhere safe. This gives the abuser two options. One is to realize they have issues and they will try to fix them and save the marriage. The other option is they will get more angry and file for a divorce.

The issue I find is people do not like my next step. Which is to not marry anyone else once divorced. And really that seems to set people off. They see that as unfair or punishment for something they had no control over. And obviously being human its understandable. But its why I say we are not just human. We are christians. We should already realize life is not fair because sin exists.

To often people focus on certain things as marriage, kids, money....etc as important. Things that you must have or they feel life is horrible. So to say you can't remarry seems like a death sentence to them. Some grow angry at God, though most choose to ignore God and marry someone else. But we must realize if we feel we should remarry, then we are putting what we want ahead of what God wants.

Marriage, kids, money... these are all temporal things. They don't mean anything once we are in heaven. We shouldn't place such a high value on them as if life is all about these things. Theres is alot of things in my life I have no gotten. My life is not fair in a ton of ways. And for years I hated God because of it. I hated other christians to who would tell me I was focusing on the wrong things. Then I realized what they were telling me was the truth. And I accepted it and now life is easier in terms of accepting it is what it is.

Of course it doesn't mean I'm always smiling or life is easy. But I realize my goal is to finish the race. Doesn't matter if I am married, single, rich, poor...etc. God doesn't care about any of that when you die. Again, I know I come off as a "holier than thou", but I am not like that. I am honest and humble. If I wasn't honest or humble I'd be saying things like "My marriage is perfect and will never end! I'm stronger than you!".

Lastly as for those who say my position is wrong or even dangerous and I need to reevaluate things. Nope. Sorry. I never had these views originally. I was like many of you. In the end when it comes to divorce the bible says no matter who divorces, marrying another is adultery. It also says God hates divorce. Many will say its not the case because the bible talks about divorce being ok in some cases. Well if this were true then God wouldn't fully hate divorce. Unless people are saying the bible is flawed and possibly not true since there are conflicting statements.

Though often the verses I hear used about divorce being ok have to do with the group of men who kept bugging someone each day about "Is this reason ok to divorce?". And one day he finally gave in and said that option was ok. The point of that section was not "Yes, you can divorce!". It was a parable (so to speak) showing that if someone wants something bad enough, they will do whatever they have to in order to do that thing.

There is good news in all this that people often ignore though. The bible also says you are free to remarry when you become a widow (you spouse/ex passes away). For some that also seems unfair because they may have to wait decades for their spouse/ex to pass away. But again we get back into the issue of a human desire of wanting our way instead of understanding things like marriage are not the goal of our life. Its just a optional thing we can do that does have consequences if it ends.

Its why I really was unsure about marriage knowing if it ended I would be stuck single for a long time. But I took the risk anyways. It also helps seeing my mother in law whos husband left her while my wife was only 3 (he left her and found a new woman right away and had kids). Even though divorce is not legal in her country, she still stayed single (so to speak) for nearly 3 decades until recently the guy passed away. Now shes open to finding someone again and to marry.

So it gives me strength to see someone actually follow what the bible says for this long. Its also why I hope my wife is the same way and truly believes divorce is not even an option to begin with. If God forbid she changes her views later on. Well I'll be stuck until she passes and I am ok with that. Suffering and pain is normal in life.

---EDIT---
I did forget to mention according to the rules people agree to when they come to this forum, divroce is not even allowed to be hinted at when it comes to talking to married couples. So I assume it means the owners don't agree in divorce either.

 

[mkgal1]

Granted I never said anything about how I felt about said people personally. I still respect people who are divorced and don't think less of them.

Then maybe I should respond....since I've never been divorced.

Your title says how you feel about them (as a blanket judgement). If that's not "thinking less of them" to say "they just don't take marriage seriously anymore"...then I don't know *what* you'd call that??

 

[mkgal1]

Especially when abuse is taking place. And often people assume I am saying to stay with someone who abuses them. They don't read what I say and notice I never say to stay with someone who is abusive. No one should stay in such a situation. Instead they should remain married but move out or go somewhere safe.

Being married is more than just the legal paperwork (as this seems to imply is of ultimate importance to maintain intact).

I'm not a lawyer....and fortunately am also not an expert of how this works (as to domestic safety laws)....but I'd be very careful about the advice given in abuse situations. Advising someone to "remain married yet go someplace safe" may just get them killed as it may legally be difficult to conceal a person's address from their spouse. Just a guess.

 

[Endeavourer]

Though often the verses I hear used about divorce being ok have to do with the group of men who kept bugging someone each day about "Is this reason ok to divorce?". And one day he finally gave in and said that option was ok. The point of that section was not "Yes, you can divorce!". It was a parable (so to speak) showing that if someone wants something bad enough, they will do whatever they have to in order to do that thing.

This is a stunning paragraph.

You are saying Paul, who, for the sake of the gospel, endured persecution, prison, torture, a stoning that left him for dead, etc etc, would rather be wimpy to a group of pushy Christians and record a wrong doctrine in God's Holy Word to deceive believers forever after?

Well if this were true then God wouldn't fully hate divorce.

Perhaps He doesn't - your position depends on not reconciling seeming contradictions with more context. Also your position depends on not having read the full passage - which gives away the shallow depth of your study on the matter.

Unless people are saying the bible is flawed and possibly not true since there are conflicting statements.

Isnt this exactly what you just said above?

Lastly as for those who say my position is wrong or even dangerous and I need to reevaluate things. Nope. Sorry. I never had these views originally. I was like many of you. In the end when it comes to divorce the bible says no matter who divorces, marrying another is adultery. It also says God hates divorce. Many will say its not the case because the bible talks about divorce being ok in some cases.

The way you describe your viewpoint shows a lack of a careful study of the matter. Your viewpoint also depends on scuttling the intentional inerrancy of the Bible, choosing some passages as not counting - two of which you described above.

I would recommend a deeper study of the issue.

There is good news in all this that people often ignore though. The bible also says you are free to remarry when you become a widow (you spouse/ex passes away).

This comment reminds me of the old joke about Baptists not allowing premarital sex because it might lead to dancing. How about leaving abused spouses only with the option of murder so they can avoid divorce?

 

[DZoolander]

Unless people are saying the bible is flawed and possibly not true since there are conflicting statements

Bingo.

Especially when taken piecemeal

 

[Tropical Wilds]

Well responses are as I expected. Often those who are divorced of course will be offended. I mean its logical. They see it as an attack. Granted I never said anything about how I felt about said people personally. I still respect people who are divorced and don't think less of them.

I’m divorced and I wasn’t offended. I remember being young, transitioning dynamics from honeymoon phase to old married couple with the bulletproof marriage and having all the answers about having the perfect marriage. It’s a phase most of us went through. I just think your viewpoint is flavored by the benefit of naivety, which isn’t a bad thing, and your ego dictates disagreement means people aren’t as sanctified as you. It’s not uncommon.

The reality is you can think whatever you want about marriage, divorce, announce that divorced people shouldn’t remarry and if they do they’re not Godly or as spiritually faithful as you, and whatever else you want. It has no impact on me at all. I don’t feel the need to endear myself to you or get your stamp of approval on my marriage or life in general. You and your opinion are inconsequential, one because you don’t know me at all, two because you can’t relate to the experiences that led me to where I am in my life, and three I don’t value you or your opinion as a guide or yardstick to my life. As such, it’s impossible to be offended.

So, think what you want, nobody is stopping you. You are not one of the people I stay up late at night hoping I do the right thing by in my life.

Though I will admit, I did get a chuckle from “I’m not holier than thou, I’m super humble and honest. Just ask me and I’ll tell you how awesome I am at being humble. If I wasn’t humble, I’d say x, y, z, but I didn’t because I’m so freaking humble.”

 

[DZoolander]

Repeat post

 

[JackRT]

George Barna, president and founder of Barna Research Group, commented:

"While it may be alarming to discover that born again Christians are more likely than others to experience a divorce, that pattern has been in place for quite some time. Even more disturbing, perhaps, is that when those individuals experience a divorce many of them feel their community of faith provides rejection rather than support and healing. But the research also raises questions regarding the effectiveness of how churches minister to families. The ultimate responsibility for a marriage belongs to the husband and wife, but the high incidence of divorce within the Christian community challenges the idea that churches provide truly practical and life-changing support for marriages."

 

[DZoolander]

exactly tw - I’m not offended at all - lol. I’m simply giving a counter point of view

 

[DZoolander]

To paraphrase the wise sage Yoda...

"My own counsel will I keep"

 

[Tropical Wilds]

I prefer the Dark Side.

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

Then maybe I should respond....since I've never been divorced.

Your title says how you feel about them (as a blanket judgement). If that's not "thinking less of them" to say "they just don't take marriage seriously anymore"...then I don't know *what* you'd call that??

Well my title is in reference to marriage in general. Not just divorce. Such as how its become way to common for people to not even consider marriage but to instead just "live together" as a couple. Hence people not taking marriage seriously. Though to be fair if we look at christians, far less think of living together as "normal" or ok to do.

Being married is more than just the legal paperwork (as this seems to imply is of ultimate importance to maintain intact).

I'm not a lawyer....and fortunately am also not an expert of how this works (as to domestic safety laws)....but I'd be very careful about the advice given in abuse situations. Advising someone to "remain married yet go someplace safe" may just get them killed as it may legally be difficult to conceal a person's address from their spouse. Just a guess.

I'll give you that. It is dangerous. Which is why its up to the person to decide. Even with whatever views I have, its not like anyone has to or will take my advice. We are all free to do what we want. In my aunts case eventually her abuse lead to her being killed by her husband. She never wanted to even move out. She hoped he would change one day. Though given his mental issues I think even if she moved he would have tried to find her and murder her there.

You are saying Paul, who, for the sake of the gospel, endured persecution, prison, torture, a stoning that left him for dead, etc etc, would rather be wimpy to a group of pushy Christians and record a wrong doctrine in God's Holy Word to deceive believers forever after?

The problem with what you said is how you approach what he said. You are approaching it as him teaching about divorce. I approach it as it being a parable. The bible is full of them. If you are taking it as a teaching about divorce, then as I said it would contradict other verses.

The way you describe your viewpoint shows a lack of a careful study of the matter. Your viewpoint also depends on scuttling the intentional inerrancy of the Bible, choosing some passages as not counting - two of which you described above.

I would recommend a deeper study of the issue.

Well we can agree to disagree. Just because someone doesn't have the same view as you doesn't mean they haven't studied it. Most denominations have things they disagree on. So whos right? And who knows, maybe I am wrong. But after my study I don't believe I am.

I'd rather be safe and believe my view is right then to die and stand before God and not know what to say when He says "Why did you marry someone after your divorce? Did the bible not teach you that was wrong?" (assuming I was divorced). Where as if I stayed single after a divorce, I wouldn't have to worry about if I was wrong or not because I'd be safe. Of course its not like God will be denying someone into heaven either way when it comes to the issue.

I’m divorced and I wasn’t offended. I remember being young, transitioning dynamics from honeymoon phase to old married couple with the bulletproof marriage and having all the answers about having the perfect marriage. It’s a phase most of us went through. I just think your viewpoint is flavored by the benefit of naivety, which isn’t a bad thing, and your ego dictates disagreement means people aren’t as sanctified as you. It’s not uncommon.

The reality is you can think whatever you want about marriage, divorce, announce that divorced people shouldn’t remarry and if they do they’re not Godly or as spiritually faithful as you, and whatever else you want. It has no impact on me at all. I don’t feel the need to endear myself to you or get your stamp of approval on my marriage or life in general. You and your opinion are inconsequential, one because you don’t know me at all, two because you can’t relate to the experiences that led me to where I am in my life, and three I don’t value you or your opinion as a guide or yardstick to my life. As such, it’s impossible to be offended.

So, think what you want, nobody is stopping you. You are not one of the people I stay up late at night hoping I do the right thing by in my life.

Though I will admit, I did get a chuckle from “I’m not holier than thou, I’m super humble and honest. Just ask me and I’ll tell you how awesome I am at being humble. If I wasn’t humble, I’d say x, y, z, but I didn’t because I’m so freaking humble.”

Exactly, people shouldn't be offended by a view. It has no effect on their life other than maybe being annoying. If I were to be offended by everything I see on facebook, I'd leave it by now. Like my mother has ironically.

As for the humble thing its sort of a trap when it comes to being humble. If you say nothing people don't assume your humble. They assume your "holier than thou". But if you point out your humble, they say your not because you had to point it out. So its never really a win/win situation. Which leads me to think its hard to know whos humble or not since no matter what they do I'll think they are not humble.

For example I don't tell people I never have drank or done drugs or partied....etc. But people wouldn't know that about me and assume I may have done those things. But when people talk about their own use in those things I can say "Thankfully I never got into that stuff!". Which hopefully would be seen as a great thing. But odds are its taken as offensive since people think I am acting better. Humbleness is not something humans are good at dealing with because i often makes us mad at the other person since we ourselves may have screwed up in an area they have not.

 

[RedPonyDriver]

I think the OP is young...and full of that youthful certainty that they know everything and can discern every situation. Truth is, there's 3 sides to every divorce story, his, hers and the truth.

Now...I don't know ANYBODY who's ever made the decision to divorce "just because"...most of the people I know who are divorced spent YEARS trying to fix the marriage, pray, beg, plead...and finally, when there were no more options, filed for divorce. NO divorce is "easy"...they're all difficult. Sometimes people know something just isn't right and go through with the wedding anyway (happened to a couple of friends of mine...AND my nephew)...and they find out a year or two into it that they should have listened to that intuition and cancelled the wedding. Then there are those who are abuse victims...did you know the time of greatest risk for a domestic violence victim is when they try to leave? There's a reason shelters don't publicize their addresses.

And as regards abuse...how many funerals have you (the OP) been to of women who were told to stay and submit and endure the abuse? How many children have you PERSONALLY cared for when their mama is dead and their daddy is in jail for killing her? I've cared for a few...these children grow up broken. The boys think that smacking their sister around is just fine...and carry that on into their adult relationships. The girls think that being abused means they are loved.

But...since you seem to be the expert...you go ahead and pass judgment on everyone else. OK?