I am glad you did this for her.
To be honest it is near impossible for a single woman to adopt in my country (small country) as couples get presidence.
If i were to adopt overseas given my age they would only allow 11 or 12 yr olds etc.
I am too old now anyway. It was more an issue for me when i was younger.
God has put other children in my life to give to and to care for so that is a true blessing.
My point was God gave you a husband and children of your own, that is a prayer answered for you that some of us never had answered for us but we still believe God answers prayers. Be grateful for what you do have. You have never had to be a bridesmaid at many weddings but never have one of your own. You have never had to rejoice at the birth of your friends and sisters children but never have that joy of your own. That takes Gods grace... a whole truckload of it.
God never promised us an easy life but He has promised to always be with us in all things. If He says no to something He has a purpose in it.
Weariness in prayer can turn to a deep trust in God's will, Gods timing, Gods Sovereignty, Gods grace to provide strength for each moment each second sometimes.
Weariness in prayer can turn to a deep intimacy that God hears our hearts. God is working behind the scenes He is Sovereign, He hears always He knows all things. However He chooses to answer will be best and we need to get in line with being grateful for His will and His trustworthiness even when it would not be our choice. When God does not answer prayer in the timing and way we want He may want us to change what we are praying for.
May God bless you with His peace in all circumstances.
I hate to hear that because you are desperately needed. I would try again or even move to the U.S. where you can adopt. I know someone who met a husband later in life too. Today they have dating sites where meeting someone is much easier.
After witnessing what I did it was heartbreaking and I wish I could have done more. I have thought about adopting in our older age but I became disabled and couldn't even drive the child to appointments or anything. The most I could do is love, but children need more. I can barely take care of our dog. I don't understand it because I would protect any child we could adopt, yet don't have the physical health to raise one now.
I hope you don't pass up trying to adopt. Age is no limit. When my children were in school there were some older people who I saw had children. Today there is longevity. Please, please reconsider. I learned that young girl had been molested. You are needed - you could save a child from that fate. Maybe God is urging you to adopt through this encounter.
I never share the depth of the following but I wil: I know you think I was fortunate to have a husband and children - from the outside it may look good to you, but you don't know what it was really like. The grass always looks greener on the other side but isn't really. My husband didn't love me early on - although now he has changed - but I was thrown into a rough group of sinful people - his friends who weren't real friends - and they were all low-lives. It was bad. They were immoral and his "friends" tried to get with me - it was like being thrust into Sodom and Gomorrha. His own brother - a cop - got drunk and backed me into the bathroom and was manhandling me - it was all bad. (I never share that but want you to see that being married with children is not what it's cracked up to be. Maybe for some it is but not for me, but a lot of people aren't honest - I'm older now and don't have to put on airs - life beat it out of me - maybe it was the refining process, I don't know. I don't think a lot of Christians are completely honest. Our former pastor acted like they had the perfect family and tried to instruct us. They had 7 kids and his wife committed suicide. I never understood it. They had beautiful children but she must have been deeply unhappy. He was a good preacher too.)
My husband didn't do anything about his friends and still pushed me to be in their company. And some things I can't even relate here happened. They were immoral. I was completely different and went through a terrible time - I couldn't get help from my parents because they didn't want me - they pushed me out at 17 - which is why I wound up in a bad marriage. And the worst thing was they always talked about what great parents they were.
I never had much good happen to me and all those years of raising my children I went through unbearable trials. Satan used a drug-addicted neighbor to attack us with a wrench and it traumatized our family - which led to my children making bad choices. That neighbor was in collusion with another neighbor who was snorting crack who was the VP of the PTA and would go into my children's school and act like the pillar of the community. (We lived in a country area but drugs were bad there and I didn't know it). It confused my children and I could not keep the two drug-users out of their school. The wrench-psycho would make faces at my children - it was a mess. They were both satan's tools. If you had seen the face of the one wrench-wielding psycho you would have seen the face of satan. I have never seen such an evil look on someone's face as on hers. Two police tackled her to the ground and couldn't cuff her - she was so jacked up on drugs. They put her in a police car and drove away and she gave my family the finger. They posted bond and she was let out several hours later - after hacking my husband's hand and wrist and trying to hit my head with the wrench. I learned the law doesn't protect you. All night long she, her husband, and a drug-dealer they had living with them yelled things and threatened us. We were on a dead end and there were only 4 houses there. The other druggies were on the opposite side. It was like being trapped in hell - we couldn't get out.
The other crack-snorting PTA VP was the most cunning person I've ever met. Satan's tools. But where was God? Where was God? We ended up having to move and it didn't get better. We had one bad trial after another. And that early trauma deeply affected our children. I was deeply betrayed by a 'Christian' and lost someone I loved through death - caused by this person. I still can't handle it.
My husband wasn't a believer and for some reason emulated his father and did not help me with our children. He just worked and did nothing. Nothing. Even if the kids were going wild he'd sit there and do nothing. I would yell at him to get involved, beg him. Nothing. He finally broke my health. I can't tell you what was done to our children but it was bad. My husband did nothing. My doctor told me I had no adrenal function left from the stress. Where was God?
I don't know why God allowed it - I was attacked relentlessly by the evil one. And I didn't know any believers and I didn't know what hit me. It was over a period of extremely painful years that I met a neighbor who was a Christian who told me to read the book "The Adversary." That was when I learned what happened to me and why that neighbor attacked us - "the spirit that is now at work in the disobedient." But I was young in the Lord then and did not know what was happening. Some things I can't even share. I don't know why God let me go through all that but I would have rather passed away at 17 - my last good year. And I say it in truth. It was worse than I can even relate here. I was attacked spiritually.
Then other extremely bad things happened to each of my children that has left gaping wounds on my soul. And this was with me praying every day and teaching them from the bible. Today none of them attend church regularly. One goes occasionally. I don't blame them - God never helped them. And I'll tell you something - when you get hurt it's one thing, but when your children are hurt it's 1000 times worse.
Then after making it through all that I was injured and now have severe disabilities - severe. And when my car got stuck in the snow a new satantically-motivated trooper said I was impaired because he thought my disabilities were because I was impaired - and I was on my way to work, in the daytime! He made up lies and the lawyer we hired said the prosecutor said he "refused to drop the charges because it would make police look bad and open them up to a lawsuit." So to protect the police even though I was innocent they kept pushing false charges of me driving impaired when I wasn't. The video showed I was lucid and a man who helped me went to court to testify I wasn't impaired. I sat next to him in his car for 1/2 hour. It was absolutely insane. Not ONE government agency would help. I had my handicapped placard in my car. I learned just how corrupt the system is. The judge and troopers and even lawyer we paid tried to get me to lie and say I was driving impaired when I hadn't. It was insane. And it was during a horrific health issue where I had to have surgery. It went on for a year. The lawyer forced me to court about a week after major surgery and I could barely stand. He pressured me to lie and say I was impaired and even my husband and pastor said the court is corrupt, the judge is corrupt, you're going to have to say it! When I got in front of that crooked judge he said "admit that you were driving impaired on such-and-such a date."
I couldn't do it. I sat there and thought, they're trying to force me to lie and I'm not. I sat there and said: "NO! I did NOT drive impaired! You're trying to twist my arm behind my back to lie and admit to something I didn't do!"
The judge's mouth dropped. Everyone stared at me while I tore that court apart. My husband was livid and the lawyer was livid but I stood against everyone because I refused to lie. It was settled a month later and I was not convicted of it. I am so glad I followed my instincts. I since spoke to someone involved with the system who told me forced pleas are common and these corrupt prosecutors and corrupt police push people to admit to things they didn't do to protect the cops and the towns from lawsuits. I read the more innocent you are the worse they'll prosecute you. I read that disabled people are often wrongfully arrested and murdered by police who mistake their disabilities for something else.
Some police are out of control and as long as they're in "the club" they're untouchable. I agree with Black Lives Matter and I know some were against the anthem protests but SOMEONE with a platform has to raise awareness.
It was the worst spiritual attack I'd had yet. I spoke to a Christian involved in the deliverance ministry who told me he wasn't surprised because all our institutions have become evil. Satan attacked me using other evil individuals he controlled. And I never share this but my beautiful daughter was molested by a state trooper during a traffic stop while the others stood around and urged him on. I spoke to our lawyer who told me to drop it. So that evil individual got off. I don't know why my family and I were attacked so badly. My cousin told me a young man fell from her office building and was taken to the hospital. A cop who drove him pulled off and tried to sexually assault him and the young man fought him off. The young man was charged with assault on an officer. We're in a police state folks. After what happened to me I see how they put mentally unhealthy individuals in positions of power - it's dangerous. I read that they lowered the bar on admittance because mostly psychopaths were applying to the positions. It's why child molesters seek positions working with children - psychopaths seek positions of power over people. And be warned: this is happening everywhere. Police shot and killed my unarmed neighbor's grandson and refused to release the body. She said the family lawyer knew it was because they were doctoring the body to cover their tracks.
I'm sure you've heard more than you'd like but I've had a very rough time.
So God didn't do much all through those painful years. I never share some of the depths of this and bare my soul and it might be too strong for some - but I feel what happened to me was worse than Job and I don't know why. I truly love my children with every fiber of my being but God gave me them yet didn't help them - or me. That rips at my soul. I prayed and told Him he gave me beautiful children yet you don't help them or answer my prayers.
I kept clinging to the verse "God will restore the years the locusts have eaten." Yet He hasn't and it breaks my heart - every day my heart is broken over and over.
My husband says people - even Christians - aren't honest that they have problems too. But I feel I got hit worse. Yet where was God?
I did speak with a man whose son was molested by Catholic priests and committed suicide. And I met a woman - a Christian - online who I talk with whose son was murdered by another teen. Where is God? I'm getting sick of this world to be honest - and sick of God. That may sound heretical but I tell God you say you want truth in our inmost being - well here is truth: I don't like what you're doing and I think it's sick. That's truth in my inmost being.
I read a booklet "Behind a Frowning Providence" and try to look at things through a spiritual lens but it's hard. I'm bone weary and disappointed in a God who gives me something beautiful only to allow it to be despoiled.
