Feeling like I'll be alone forever again...

zxcv

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Feeling like I'll be alone forever again. As usual nothing is nothing getting any better with the girls. I've been trying to fix this for over 10 years and still nothing is getting better. I've tried dating sites, churches, college everything. Nothing's getting better, feels like my social skills aren't improving. Nothing is really getting any better. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be doing. I've been trying to improve my self for a while now but nothing is changing. I've been exercising, getting farther with my career, the usual self improvement stuff, but it doesn't seem to be helping me or my social skills. Nothing I've been doing has been improving my overall confidence.

I've been trying dating sites again recently. Still getting no response, really I attempted to message a girls on ChristianMingle about a month ago, but none of them have even been back on the site to response. That's about 7 girls I messaged, and nothing.

I don't really have any friends I can rely on to help me out. Even when I did have friends 10 years ago they wouldn't help me find a girlfriend and really they were against idea of me finding one.

Still go to a couple of young adults groups that's going nowhere. One I just don't feel any connection to the people there anymore, all the people I used to know stopped going, and the people that replaced them so young that it makes things awkward for me to be there. I'm really not sure what I go to that one anymore. The other one I still like, but still some feel fine, other weeks I don't really feel like I'm connecting. And even though it's usually church groups are usually mostly girls, for me when I go to these groups it's usually mostly guys.

At work it's mostly old people, the only girls my age are already married. So that place is useless for looking.

I really don't get how to deal with people to make things better. I really don't know what I'm supposed to do. Like I said nothing seems to be changing no matter how hard I try...
 
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Jonaitis

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All I will say is that you must keep your eyes fixed on the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these other things will fall into place, if it so be his will. It isn't easy but learning to find your contentment and happiness in him is your first priority, and I believe God gives these seasons to people to accomplish this goal in them. May this time draw you closer to Christ and to find him your all in all!
 
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Sketcher

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Keep doing the good things you are doing. None of them are a guarantee that you will feel "good enough" socially or that you will find the right person. Being your best self is good and necessary regardless. They have their own benefits.
 
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ajcarey

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Feeling like I'll be alone forever again. As usual nothing is nothing getting any better with the girls. I've been trying to fix this for over 10 years and still nothing is getting better. I've tried dating sites, churches, college everything. Nothing's getting better, feels like my social skills aren't improving. Nothing is really getting any better. I'm not really sure what I'm supposed to be doing. I've been trying to improve my self for a while now but nothing is changing. I've been exercising, getting farther with my career, the usual self improvement stuff, but it doesn't seem to be helping me or my social skills. Nothing I've been doing has been improving my overall confidence.

I've been trying dating sites again recently. Still getting no response, really I attempted to message a girls on ChristianMingle about a month ago, but none of them have even been back on the site to response. That's about 7 girls I messaged, and nothing.

I don't really have any friends I can rely on to help me out. Even when I did have friends 10 years ago they wouldn't help me find a girlfriend and really they were against idea of me finding one.

Still go to a couple of young adults groups that's going nowhere. One I just don't feel any connection to the people there anymore, all the people I used to know stopped going, and the people that replaced them so young that it makes things awkward for me to be there. I'm really not sure what I go to that one anymore. The other one I still like, but still some feel fine, other weeks I don't really feel like I'm connecting. And even though it's usually church groups are usually mostly girls, for me when I go to these groups it's usually mostly guys.

At work it's mostly old people, the only girls my age are already married. So that place is useless for looking.

I really don't get how to deal with people to make things better. I really don't know what I'm supposed to do. Like I said nothing seems to be changing no matter how hard I try...

Below is something I posted in another thread earlier today. It's not a random or blind or cookie cutter copy and paste. I'm copying it below because I believe it's closely related to your situation too after reading your post.

There is freedom in giving up trying to be accepted, to have a social life, to not be lonely, etc- but not giving up in the sense of despair nor having spite towards others nor becoming a hermit-like figure like many in the world do. I mean giving up in the sense that you just resign yourself to do what is necessary to love God, keep His commandments, and love your neighbor as yourself. There is no shame in being awkward socially, but there is shame in one's interaction with people being primarily for one's own benefit and happiness. And that is true whether you are naturally social and personable or not. I'm not saying that anyone who steps out of their way to make friends, have fun with others (that doesn't involve doing evil) or to find a spouse is necessarily sinning, but life isn't about these things and they can also be a source of idolatry which interferes with living unto the Lord and walking in Truth. And if you just give up on your own social life altogether and only seek to do what is pleasing to the Lord you just might save yourself a lot of frustration; and you just might make some great friends and have some fun without even seeking for that. You see someone in your church or a neighbor who needs, help them; you have a chance to share the gospel with an unbeliever or say something edifying to another Christian, do it. Ask Bible questions to those with proven godly wisdom so you can understand really God's Word better and keep His Word better. You might even see someone who is lonely, be a friend and talk to them, not because you're seeking a friend, but because they just may be weaker than you and really need a friend. At the very worst then you'll be no less lonely than you already are, you'll be living more godly, and you'll be in a lot better position to be a faithful Christian to the end who ultimately inherits eternal life. And you might even find blessings here beyond what you thought possible in addition- but leave that part totally up to the Lord as you focus on doing what is right in His eyes.
 
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blackribbon

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Finding a spouse is about meeting up with the right person. It can be the first person you ever date. Quantity dating doesn't mean that you are more likely to meet that someone. However, that said, you might never get married. A lot of people never marry. That doesn't mean your life can't have quality or purpose. Instead of focusing on "getting married", focus on making a quality life for yourself with purpose. Even if you are to get married, you may not meet her until you are 50...that is a long time to waste worrying about something God is in control of. Focus on living your life...with or without a person.

Living life as a single person isn't a punishment. It can be a good thing and give you more freedom in life. Build a social life through serving other people...and giving to others.
 
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Sketcher

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Anyway, the real problem that I don't know what I'm doing and I don't know how to fix it...
If you're getting in shape, that's plenty to deal with right now. Keep doing that and don't overload yourself. Once you're in the rhythm of exercising and eating better and staying with it, then start thinking about how you can improve on top of what you are already doing.
 
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Sketcher

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I can take more, it's not that bad. It seems more It's just matter of consistency now. Besides the social stuff is the hard part, well and the diet part.
Right, the diet part is hard. Cooking takes time, just like exercise and a full time job. Eat better, learn to cook well, and manage that time. A bonus is it gives you an interesting subject of conversation.
 
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blackribbon

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Anyway, the real problem that I don't know what I'm doing and I don't know how to fix it...

Even lots of people who don't have society anxiety had difficulty getting a GF/BF. There is no easy fix. Look how many singles are on this site and most of us would love to change that status. The truth is you have to actually meet the right person.
 
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timewerx

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Nothing I've been doing has been improving my overall confidence.

It's good you've now been hanging out in groups.

I think you still have fear of rejection. That's one thing you really have to deal with.

Rejection in life happens a lot. You really need to learn to live with it in healthy way. It's the only way.


I've actually experienced being rejected in my face, the person wasn't even trying to be polite. I simply kept bouncing back and being nearby even if people seemed annoyed by my presence.

I only give up when people start destroying my stuff lol. It's probably NOT a good advice but if you get my point.

Try to have fun in every situation even while being rejected. Turn it into an art!
 
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This is all you do. You come on here, vent your frustrations, perhaps respond to a post or two. But that's it. You're gone until the next time you get depressed and post the same kind of garble. What am I saying? First off, I'm tired of your bellyaching. Secondly, why don't you try sticking around and actually engaging people on here. Maybe you'll spark some friendships with folks on here. Granted, they'll be virtual but there's nothing to say they can't turn into stuff more. I've tried it. I'm not posting about stuff I haven't already been thru. I've been where you're at. But now you need to take the necessary steps, dude. Just saying.
 
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