Feeling Disconnected, Do I Even Care Anymore? What's going on?

[Jen35]

I know, but how can I seek with my whole heart? How will I know if I am? I've had times where I've sought Him out with tears; I don't know what else I can do. I've reached the end of myself many times. I've cried out to Him so many times to help me, save me, change me. I've honestly called out as much as I think I can. I don't know why I'm feeling this disconnect or apathy or whatever. I don't know why I feel unmotivated right now. I'm genuinely confused.

I believe all the answers to your questions are in the Bible. Is it not or am I wrong?

 

[ajcarey]

Then do whatever you can regardless of your feelings. You would only need to worry about relying on your works in a negative sense if you were to think you deserved His favor. But that would be foolish since we could do everything He requires the rest of our lives and still be justly condemned for our previous sins since we owe God obedience at every moment we've ever existed. Such thinking itself would be considered an evil work. And we still need to have a faith that works to please God as our highest aim and be in line with God's Law if we are truly trusting Christ- since the grace He offers is only meant to save us from our sins. He told us to strive (literally: agonize) to enter the strait gate and endure on the narrow way that leads to life. The Christian life is called an "agon" in the original text where the word "race" appears in Hebrews 12:1. If you don't want to stay comfortable in apathy and complacency you're going to have to take (what you now see as) the risk of relying on your works. I doubt that's really the problem you think it is. The actual truth is that not seeking God with your whole heart and submitting to His program of redemption is the sure way to trust in your own works.

 

[Mari17]

Noah, I believe what happened is that your experience WAS real, but you weren't obsessing about it at the time. That's what happens with our obsessions, with any obsession. For example, with a contamination obsession (which I've had before). The person who washes and washes til their hands are chapped can't understand how everyone else can feel so calm and easy about washing their hands. How can they make decisions so peacefully about whether to wash their hands or not, and for how long? But that's because the person with OCD is WAY over-thinking the whole process and can't rest in the normal common sense that we all have. We all are usually able to rest in a normal amount of uncertainty, and make reasonable decisions. For example, "I guess I'll wash my hands, since they seem dirty." Or, "They're probably not that dirty, I won't bother this time." But the person with OCD HAS to have 100% certainty (though it's not possible) that their hands are clean. They're so afraid of having unwashed hands that their brain freaks out, and they can't make a calm or logical decision about it. That's what our brains do with the topic we're obsessing about. That's what your brain is doing right now with your salvation and spiritual things. That's why we MUST MUST MUST learn how to treat the OCD - and do it!

And yes - go see your counselor! No skipping appointments!!

 

[NoahSK]

Okay, so a lot of times, while I'm actively sinning, I'll sort of repeat this weird prayer-cry thing to God, like "Help me stop this, what am I doing? Make me hate this, make me stop!" I don't know if I actually want to stop while I'm doing this, I think I might just say it to excuse myself and push the responsibility on God or something. Also, I read this sentence on a website: "It is impossible to pray in earnest and not feel convicted by our own sin. Prayer leads to a hatred of sin as it leads us into a closer relationship with God." I trust this website on a lot of stuff too. Anyway, I know I probably wasn't praying in earnest, I don't really know what I was doing. I honestly don't know what this means for me. Only that I'm I guess nervous and doubting and stuff? I don't know.

 

[Mari17]

Okay, so a lot of times, while I'm actively sinning, I'll sort of repeat this weird prayer-cry thing to God, like "Help me stop this, what am I doing? Make me hate this, make me stop!" I don't know if I actually want to stop while I'm doing this, I think I might just say it to excuse myself and push the responsibility on God or something. Also, I read this sentence on a website: "It is impossible to pray in earnest and not feel convicted by our own sin. Prayer leads to a hatred of sin as it leads us into a closer relationship with God." I trust this website on a lot of stuff too. Anyway, I know I probably wasn't praying in earnest, I don't really know what I was doing. I honestly don't know what this means for me. Only that I'm I guess nervous and doubting and stuff? I don't know.

It's OK to not be able to figure out all your thoughts and feelings. It's all very simple, though we try to make it complicated: Do the right thing. When you mess up, ask for forgiveness. Keep praying for God to help you. Don't read too much into your feelings; don't use them as a gauge of whether you are saved or not. Your mind right now is anxiously trying to find a way to "prove" that you're unsaved, and it will continue to do so. So you just have to keep ignoring it. That is the best way to pop out of the OCD cycle, though it takes a lot of courage and perseverance. But you can do it!