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Feeling Disconnected, Do I Even Care Anymore? What's going on?

Discussion in 'Obsessive Compulsive Disorder' started by NoahSK, Aug 15, 2019.

  1. NoahSK

    NoahSK Member

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    So right now I don't know what to think. I feel really apathetic about God and everything recently. I've had thoughts that maybe I should just give up on God right here and right now, whatever. Why bother? Is it even worth it? I can't say I hate my sins or that I love God or anything. I don't even know if I want to feel those ways again. Everything is just eh or whatever. Before, when I'd feel these ways, I would cry out for God to change my heart and let me feel the right ways and everything, and I think I truly wanted to change and to have those right feelings. But now, I don't even know if I want to change. I know that I should, and I know I should want to, and I know that the penalty of not following God is much greater than the cost of following Him, but nothing seems to be motivating me. I don't even know what I want anymore. I feel disconnected. Is this it? Am I done? Am I past the point of no return? Honestly, I don't even know if I'm worried about that even. Like, why does it feel like I don't care about anything anymore? Is all my fear gone? I'm having thoughts that since I'm past returning or whatever, I should just move on with life without a care, sinning willy nilly, since I won't matter anyway. Why don't I feel concerned about this? What is actually happening? Has it finally happened? Have I reached the point of no return, my mind and heart fully hardened to God? Why? What caused this? What is actually going on? Why am I not scared? Why am I not begging for mercy? Why am I not agonizing over this? What do I even do now? Nothing I say to myself, nothing I do will change this or convince me to feel differently or think differently. I feel stuck in this with no escape. Also, the antichrist thoughts are coming back, of course. Do they even bother me anymore? What if I really do want to be against God? Do I? Why am I not afraid of that? What is actually happening? Why don't I feel fear of hell? Do I really think that he'll isn't that bad? Do I really think I could bear the flames of hell? Or worse, do I think hell will be cool or fun or something weird and horrible like that? If hell didn't exist, or if hell was just a place where the sinner keeps sinning, would I care that much? Would I rather go to hell to keep sinning? Do I think sin will be pleasurable in hell, or that hell is better than heaven? Why do I find God boring? My main goal in life seems to be making myself happy and comfortable, which meant following God to escape hell. But now that I don't fear hell, is my want to be with God also gone? I don't understand. I feel like I don't even want to serve God or be with Him or in His presence, or to want to serve Him. I really only care about preserving myself and moving on with life. What has actually happened to me, that I feel these ways now? And why can't I seem to care?
     
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  2. SkyWriting

    SkyWriting The Librarian Supporter

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    In a similar case, a few months of introspection showed that childhood abuse caused a shutdown of emotions early in life. That's just an example that illustrates the value of face to face counselling.
     
  3. NoahSK

    NoahSK Member

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    What? I'm not being abused? What are you trying to say?
     
  4. Jen35

    Jen35 Active Member

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    Maybe because you are apathetic. An apathetic person can't feel anything whether they love God or not, it has nothing to do with God but how you feel. What has made you feel disconnected from yourself? Did something happen?
     
  5. God is good

    God is good Well-Known Member

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    Just remember buddy that God really loves you and Jesus is our Lord and Saviour. God bless you and Jesus is Lord.
     
  6. SkyWriting

    SkyWriting The Librarian Supporter

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    That's just an example of the value of face to face counseling.
    And how you can find morons on-line when you are open to them.
     
  7. thecolorsblend

    thecolorsblend If God is your Father, who is your Mother?

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    Morons?
     
  8. SkyWriting

    SkyWriting The Librarian Supporter

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    And some Mormons even.
     
  9. NoahSK

    NoahSK Member

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    Okay what are you trying to get at?
     
  10. Mel333

    Mel333 Active Member

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    Perhaps reading the New Testament could answer some of these questions.

    I think you do still care or you wouldn't be thinking about it and questioning.
     
  11. ajcarey

    ajcarey Active Member

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    Sir, If you would rather have the world and you're ungrateful to God for sending His Son to suffer unspeakably and die so you could be redeemed and brought out of your sin, then you are surely in a very perilous, slippery place. By other things you've posted it's no wonder you are in your present predicament. If we hold on to the love of the world then loving the Lord has no real place in our lives. You are honest enough though to admit that you don't love God and you have some concern still, which tells me it is highly unlikely that you hardened past the point of no return.

    Read the Book of Ecclesiastes: Is a vain existence without being in the favor of the source of every good thing and of your very own existence a decision that you want to give a final yes to?

    Read the Gospel of John: Do you really want to miss out on fellowship with the eternal God who became flesh and bone to declare Himself to you and restore you to share of His eternal life? How great is your attachment to darkness if you don't care about and appreciate that enough to choose to repent and serve Him with your whole being- especially knowing what you apparently know.

    Read the Book of Romans: Is this great, comprehensive, carefully planned program of the Lord redeeming a people to be His own and to glorify His name by obedient faith something that you'll be able to tell God on judgment Day that you had better things to give priority over following?

    Read the Book of Revelation: How could you not fear God and refuse to serve Him in holiness in light of His holy character, His holy requirements for you, and the great shaking of all things which He will soon cause to happen? You are actually going to stand before Him and give an account of yourself before Him!

    Consider what His Word actually says, tremble at His great goodness and majesty, and apply yourself to actually believe His Word enough to actually follow through with what you know it instructs. Your feelings will follow your choices (and they already are actually). Make the right choices according to God's Word. True faith is a proper response to God's evidence of Himself and His requirements. You've got to renounce the lusts of the world and take up your cross to be Jesus' disciple. There is no way around that. Self must be denied for God's Truth before we can be in His grace. Is that not perfectly reasonable, logical, and proper? Of course it is. You can do this- and you'll be joyful if you do.

    1 John 2:15-17 "15 Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. 16 For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. 17 And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever."

    Romans 12:1-2 "I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. 2 And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God."

    James 4:4-10 "4 Ye adulterers and adulteresses, know ye not that the friendship of the world is enmity with God? whosoever therefore will be a friend of the world is the enemy of God. 5 Do ye think that the scripture saith in vain, The spirit that dwelleth in us lusteth to envy? 6 But he giveth more grace. Wherefore he saith, God resisteth the proud, but giveth grace unto the humble. 7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. 8 Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. 9 Be afflicted, and mourn, and weep: let your laughter be turned to mourning, and your joy to heaviness. 10 Humble yourselves in the sight of the Lord, and he shall lift you up."
     
  12. NoahSK

    NoahSK Member

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    Yeah, I've experienced all of that. For a while, I really wanted to experience God and serve and go to church and read the Bible, and I think I hated my sins. Actually, for a while i had no desire to do certain sins that i had been doing for a while prior to that point. I felt this joy that I'm pretty sure was from the Lord and I would weep tears of joy. I was truly happy. I don't know what happened along the line. I don't know what happened to make me feel like this. I've struggled continuously with assurance and OCD. I really don't know how to explain this. I try to remember that time in my life. It was I think the most joyous I've felt in I think my whole life. I wish I could go back in time to that point, where I felt the joy of the Lord, where I wanted to do His will and didn't want to sin, where I couldn't care less if I died right then and there. Where I had assurance that I was His. Right now, I'm not even sure if it was real or fake. But it felt so real. I hope it was real. I want to be back there. I don't know what's wrong with me now.
     
  13. Messerve

    Messerve Well-Known Member

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    Really, you should find a good Christian counselor to talk to about these things. It will help you get to the bottom of them and sort things out some. It's also helpful to have someone to talk to who is just there to listen so you can get things off your chest once in awhile. But I strongly recommend they are a strong Christian or they will lead you in the opposite direction you need to go to have peace.
     
  14. NoahSK

    NoahSK Member

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    I really need to see my counselor again; it's been way too long and I cancelled my last appointment because I thought I'd be alright. Oops I guess...
     
  15. ajcarey

    ajcarey Active Member

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    Whether you were ever there or not isn't the main issue now. The main issue now is that you have to seek Him with your whole heart and cooperate with His purpose of redemption which is to save you from your sins and conform you to His image. Christ is the Great Physician- and you have to choose to follow His instructions- and our need is such that we must seek Him constantly. He is Lord and Savior- and we must continually relate to Him as such. It's no wonder that if we are not doing so we would be in terrible health- whether or not we were ever following Him and partaking of His care at one time. As you read the Bible you'll see these things.

    Hebrews 7:24-25 "24 But this man, because he continueth ever, hath an unchangeable priesthood.
    25 Wherefore he is able also to save them to the uttermost that come unto God by him, seeing he ever liveth to make intercession for them."

    This a great promise and it proves also that we must choose come to Him on His terms as long as we live- or He will cease to save us. There is mercy available now and you can get on the right track and live if you'll choose to seek Him now with your whole heart. It is a choice. He makes the terms- we surrender and partake of His covenant; or we refuse and die.
     
  16. NoahSK

    NoahSK Member

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    I know, but how can I seek with my whole heart? How will I know if I am? I've had times where I've sought Him out with tears; I don't know what else I can do. I've reached the end of myself many times. I've cried out to Him so many times to help me, save me, change me. I've honestly called out as much as I think I can. I don't know why I'm feeling this disconnect or apathy or whatever. I don't know why I feel unmotivated right now. I'm genuinely confused.
     
  17. NoahSK

    NoahSK Member

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    I also feel like I'm unable to pray to God or something. I don't know. It doesn't feel as personal anymore. It all kinda feels superficial and fake. I try to pray, but I'm not able to for long because it just feels like I'm saying words, not talking to someone. I don't know why or when that happened. I've been able to pray just fine before, and it felt real and stuff.
     
  18. NoahSK

    NoahSK Member

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    I'm also really scared that I'm gonna end up falling away, and that when I do I'll be more happy without God than with Him. That isn't right. If I feel more happy without God, that is a definite sign of something wrong. I'm just scared of falling away and becoming more happy than I have been with God. Whenever I think about the joy I've experienced that I think was from God, my mind gets filled with thoughts about falling away and being happier about it for some reason. Of course, I fight these thoughts. The last thing I want to do is fall away.
     
  19. ajcarey

    ajcarey Active Member

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    By all means keep seeking Him with tears to help you, save you, and change you. Diligence and perseverance are aspects of seeking Him with your whole heart. But make sure that you are taking the measures that you need to take to be helped, saved, and changed. No amount of crying for help will substitute for you doing what is in your power to do what is pleasing in God's sight. When you are tempted say "Lord, help me" and actively choose the godly choice. That is also part of seeking Him with your whole heart. And that is not working to earn your salvation- that is a proper response to God's light and Truth, that is showing God that you want to honor Him, that you want to see and know more of Him, and that you don't want to be apathetic towards Him anymore. Make the most out of what is in your power; and trust that He will honor that and give you more help as He sees you making the most of the help already at your disposal..

    Matthew 13:12 "For whosoever hath, to him shall be given, and he shall have more abundance: but whosoever hath not, from him shall be taken away even that he hath."

    I also especially recommend reading Psalm 25.
     
  20. NoahSK

    NoahSK Member

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    The thing is, I don't really feel that intense wanting to change at the moment. That's the part of this whole apathy thing. I don't feel as willing to change or follow Him or anything anymore. That's the part that really worries me. If I could, I would cry out to Him, but I just don't think I can muster that up at this moment. I really do want to cry out to Him and to want Him. I don't know why I feel this way right now. I want to want Him, if that makes sense. I don't want to feel apathetic or worn out. I mean, I could keep doing whatever I can, regardless of my feelings at the moment, but I just don't want to end up relying on my works or whatever. And I definitely don't want to stay comfortable in apathy and complacency.
     
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