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Feeling Bad about Being Over 40 and Single

Discussion in 'Mature Singles' started by Lybrah, Jun 24, 2019.

  1. Lybrah

    Lybrah Active Member

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    Does anyone feel bad when they are judged for not being married? When people write blogs about how women who are over 40 and not married will remain unmarried, that they are miserable, doomed to loneliness, etc.
     
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  2. Stranger36147

    Stranger36147 Member

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    Which isn't necessarily true. Maybe people who are single (both young and old) find other things in life which make them happy.
     
  3. Sam91

    Sam91 Child of the Living God Supporter

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    I'm not 40 yet but plan to be single at 40 still. Don't feel bad. I am happy alone and intend to be so until my children mature and I finish university. I may even decide to remain single forever, I can't predict that far.

    All I know is that my life is complete as it is. I have no time or inclination to alter the status quo.

    Your joy should come from your relationship with God and you can live in His peace. It is much easier to do that without the distraction of a husband. This completely dispels that mistaken stereotypical view of single women.

    I feel sometimes that Christians idolise their marraiges too much by the way. However, that's not the point. If people misjudge you, don't let it bother you, prove them wrong by remaining content in Him.
     
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  4. blessedintrovert

    blessedintrovert New Member

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    In two years I am 40, and plan to still be single.
     
  5. Lybrah

    Lybrah Active Member

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    Yeah, but you have kids.
     
  6. Sam91

    Sam91 Child of the Living God Supporter

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    I think that makes being single easier because I have my needs for touch met by hugging them.

    I thought this thread was about being judged for remaining single. I get judged for being single and having children.

    If I believe the internet I could be led to think women might think I'm after their husband, men might think I'd corrupt their wives. I wonder if you've read those articles too. Some aren't nice to read.

    However, the Lord loves us and we needn't care too much about being judged by others. He is our refuge when it does get to us though.
     
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  7. dayhiker

    dayhiker Mature veteran

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    I'm in a very different place that you are Lybrah ... I was married for 28 yrs and have now been single for 12 years.
    No plans for me to marry again (don't want the government involved in my life that way again), but I love spending time with women so I have had 3 GFs for 6 years now. That gives me someone to travel with, someone to visit and do things with. Plus I still have the alone time I want.
     
  8. dayhiker

    dayhiker Mature veteran

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    OH as for judgement ... if people do they don't tell me about. I'd not listen if they did. Maybe that is why they don't tell me.
     
  9. OldWiseGuy

    OldWiseGuy Wake me when it's soup. Supporter

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    I tried that, but they all wanted to get married. :eek:
     
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  10. OldWiseGuy

    OldWiseGuy Wake me when it's soup. Supporter

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    Back in the day it was common for people to remain single or unmarried (divorced). No one thought much about it.
     
  11. Messerve

    Messerve Well-Known Member

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    Well as a young-ish single man I do have to be a little careful around other mens' wives. I'm no model, but I'm not bald with a beer belly either! If the wife starts to get giggly, I distance myself a bit. I don't need my nose broken.^_^

    I do feel the judgement sometimes. I was at a childhood friend's wedding recently and as we left the sanctuary my mom turned to me and said "Why aren't you married?" How was I even supposed to respond to that? It hurt.
     
    Last edited: Jun 24, 2019
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  12. Messerve

    Messerve Well-Known Member

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    I know! Single people were just normal people. Now it's like "Oh... you're over 25 and single? Are you... confused or something?"

    I don't know what changed that mentality, exactly.
     
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  13. Messerve

    Messerve Well-Known Member

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    Oh, sorry I see this discussion is mainly for mature singles. I'm fairly mature, but not in years I guess.

    Please forgive me for butting in. :bow:
     
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  14. OldWiseGuy

    OldWiseGuy Wake me when it's soup. Supporter

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    Starting after the war (WW2) "Hope Chests" and weddings became big business, so they were promoted.
     
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  15. OldWiseGuy

    OldWiseGuy Wake me when it's soup. Supporter

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    Good idea. Be careful too if they start playing with their hair.
     
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  16. blackribbon

    blackribbon Not a newbie

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    Stop reading those blogs. There is plenty of reading material about being a strong, independent woman and staying single. There are definitely a lot of women who would be happier being single. When you are single, you get to spend your money and time how you want to spend it. You don't have to "check in" before making plans or making a major spending decision. If you don't feel like making dinner, you don't make dinner.

    Why is a woman doomed to loneliness and being miserable? Is another person responsible for your happiness? Do you really believe they can even provide that? I would like to get married again but I know that it is more about serving someone else than having them "make me happy". I likely won't get married because I am realistic about the men out there. Nothing wrong with them but we simply aren't a match enough to live together forever. I am starting to get comfortable living my own life according to my terms.
     
  17. JAM2b

    JAM2b Newbie

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    I don't read blogs like that. I also don't look for my self-worth on the internet or through the eyes of others. If I were to read something like that, I'd have a thing or two to say in the comments. I also avoid people with these types of opinions in my personal and work like. I have left churches because of opinions and attitudes towards me or others. Not necessarily because of how they make me feel, but because of what it says about them as a church.

    When I was separated and newly divorced it seems that I was judged more than I am now. I'm not sure if insecurity and being overly concerned with what people thought of me enabled me to notice it more, or imagine it where it didn't exist. Or perhaps, having more confidence as time went by, people don't feel as free to express judgement with either looks or comments. The more time I spend taking care of responsibilities and trying to enjoy life, the less concerned I am about what people think, and less approval I feel a need for.

    How you present yourself and what you focus on when you are interacting with others will greatly impact the opinion they have of you.
     
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  18. JAM2b

    JAM2b Newbie

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    I had an aunt who had just retired from teaching school when her husband passed away. She spent her time traveling to National Parks and took a summer job at one. She said there were a couple of men who were interested in her. She would let them take her to dinner, but not get heavily involved in any relationships. She said after spending a life caring for other people's kids and her husband at home, she wanted to do what she wanted to do, and come and go when she wanted. She was done taking care of other people.
     
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  19. Joined2krist

    Joined2krist Well-Known Member

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    Don't read those blogs and don't be worried about other people's opinion of you
     
  20. LaBèlla

    LaBèlla His little lady

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    There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be married. It’s unwise to feed on things that dim your hope or cause despair. It’s not edifying.
     
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