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Feel like I'm losing it

Discussion in 'Anxiety, Panic & Agoraphobia' started by aangel, Oct 11, 2016.

  1. aangel

    aangel Newbie

    172
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    I don't know what to do for myself anymore regarding the intrusive thoughts. Daily, I try to meditate on scripture but still it's like I bounce from one obsession to another. I haven't read the bible in a while because even that was triggering. I've been trying to listen to sermons instead. But sometimes doing that makes me anxious too. I tried listening to a sermon earlier and that's what happened. It was encouraging actually that talked about how righteousness was a gift from God.
    Romans 5
    17 For if, because of one man’s trespass, death reigned through that one man, much more will those who receive the abundance of grace and the free gift of righteousness reign in life through the one man Jesus Christ. 18 Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so one act of righteousness leads to justification and life for all men. 19 For as by the one man’s disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the one man’s obedience the many will be made righteous. 20 Now the law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more,21 so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord.


    Basically the sermon was all how about how knowing who you are in Christ can free you from and sin and bad habits. It mentioned a guy who got delivered from a smoking addiction by letting go of condemnation and resting in God's righteousness. Nothing scary about that, right? The intrusive thought I have usually focus on the moral side of things so I avoid the news. Anyway, immediately after that I was plagued with awful thoughts of, "What if people are using God's righteousness to do horrible things? Like steal, cheat, or hurt people? Can a Christian do horrific things like murder and still call themselves righteous?"

    This bothered me so bad and I cried all morning. I don't understand it and I feel so confused. I've had harm related intrusive thoughts and I never want to hurt anyone. Honestly, I don't know what do. I'm too scared to talk to anyone in my family about this. We don't even have the same religious beliefs. I'm lost and I feel like a crazy person because none of these thoughts make any sense.
     
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. rob_aston

    rob_aston Active Member

    338
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    i have been told if interested
     
  3. aangel

    aangel Newbie

    172
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    Everything I've read says to ignore the thoughts and not considered them mine. But I still feel awful and I'm like caught in a never ending cycle of thoughts I don't want that don't make sense, so sure. I'm so tired the of anxiety.
     
  4. rob_aston

    rob_aston Active Member

    338
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    i see clearly sister that you are sincere, so i pass on what i was told (there are 5 lines in my post-three are in bold font, another in grey,blue font and another in grey font...the blue word is a link to my blog, where by the rules of this forum, i place prophetic words)
     

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  5. kodadog1024

    kodadog1024 Well-Known Member

    535
    +36
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    Married
    Intrusive /HARM-O thoughts are hard to wrangle, I've been there, done that. I'm a Christian and while having these thoughts (harming my family in awful ways) would send me into deep depressive states, to the thoughts of wanting to end my life because I thought I was going to be a murderer, killer. I would think, what if I just went to a remote place in the woods where I couldn't hurt anyone, then I would have thoughts of hurting myself, the thoughts would flip back and forth, daily, 24/7, from the time I woke up, until the time I went to bed. I actually thought God hated me and this was His "purpose" for me. That thought crushed me. Because I love(d) God/Christ, but what if He wanted to make me evil? Then I had no place being here. That's how bad it got... So, back to you, I know it sucks, it's rough and I'm NOT gonna quote a passage from the Bible thinking it will help you. BUT, what DID help me is a change in job, working out, working out, did I say working out? lol, finding the right medication, eating better, healthier foods, "letting the thoughts be" (easier said than done, I know), getting good sleep and DOING THE THINGS YOU LOVE! DO NOT STAY AT HOME and dwell on it. As easy and ... "comforting"? it is to stay in a tiny place with your thoughts to try and figure them out for 9 hours a day may seem like the right thing to do, It's not. Get out, and LAUGH! Laughing helps so much. :) And yes, I did pray, I read God's word, I asked Himn to hold my hand through all this because quite frankly, I'm not strong enough to handle it myself, even though I'm 6' 3" and weigh 300lbs (although I'm working on the weight thing too). That's my advice. And, as my therapist said, if something isn't working, move onto the next thing (see list above again to possibly get started). And lastly, it takes time! BE PATIENT!
     
  6. aangel

    aangel Newbie

    172
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    Yes. Earlier this year I had similar worries. I kept wondering what if I do this horrific disgusting thing and God's like "My Grace is sufficient for you." I couldn't help but cry and think 'Oh God I would never want to do that. I could never live with that. As scary as it I would rather not be here than do that' I felt so crushed in my spirit. I was in so much anguish that thoughts were giving me chills. I felt so tormented. Then later on the worries shifted 'If I need or want God to stop me then what does that mean about me? What if God leaves? I have free will right? I wouldn't want hurt anybody with or without God.' It felt like I couldn't win.
     
  7. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

    +2,865
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    Trust me I'm going thru the exact same thing.. I'm about to make a thread too BC I feel I'm losing it too. I'm sorry youre going thru this I wouldn't wish it on anybody
     
  8. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

    +2,865
    United States
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    My lord I've had all those thoughts.. Harm pure o and everything...however..ive struggled with this since 2009 ..and haven't done anything, nothing happened... If something was it would have happens back then... So that kinda helps me feel better...but ita still hellish to go through. Like a nightmare carousel you cant get off of.
     
  9. Far Side Of the Moon

    Far Side Of the Moon " The moon is high& the stars are aligned" :)

    +2,865
    United States
    Christian
    Single
    US-Democrat
    This is great advice as just being idle is how these thoughts pop up..atleast they did for me...isolation is not good. And your right just enjoy life.. But I had the same thoughts abt God too..like he hated me and everything... Its definitely a journey
     
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