I see. What was it that brought you to God?
Fearing the Father and being cautious in your prayers is wise. There are far too many out there that treat the Father casually but that's not the appropriate attitude. So your attitude of fear towards Him is wise.
Over time the fear will be eclipsed with love. Only don't compare your walk and state to other Christians and think "I should be feeling this, I should be like that". If you feel in awe or in fear of Him, you are starting an exciting journey of getting to know Him! So be brave, be strong, approach Him with reverence and respect (as you are), read the Word regularly and listen carefully always with your heart. In time, the relationship will grow and solidify, providing you commit your ways to following His ways.
Psalm 119:9 "How can a young man cleanse his way? By taking heed according to Your word."
Would you say it's tension as in scared or tension as in anger? Flaring of nostrils can typically be associated with aggression. It might be that a particular passage comes across strangely to you I suppose. But any more you can share about this would help me see what may be happening, Yahweh willing.
I see. The heart can be very confusing and deceptive, even to ourselves! The most important thing is "who is in the driver's seat?" - your flesh or your spirit? Your flesh does not want to submit to the Law of Yahweh as it's not convenient for it. In fact, everything about Yahweh's way and the words of Yeshua isn't particularly pleasant for the flesh. However, the opposite is true of the spirit.
It seems that you have made the spiritual choice to be His servant and recognise that He is your God. HalleluYah. You have made the right move brother! Now, your flesh will try to convince you otherwise, but don't let it take "the driver's seat". In time, your flesh will come to be in more subordinate to your spirit but that will be no easy battle.
Romans 7:7-25 may bring you some peace on this matter.
But there is a way to help your walk become easier. I would advise to seek the baptism of the Holy Spirit, above all things. The experience and process is different for everyone it seems (so don't let anyone convince you that it has to be accompanied with speaking in tongues). You will know when it happens. If you are wondering if it has happened, then it hasn't. You will
know. It may not happen immediately, it may take weeks, months or years but whatever you do - seek this above all things. Luke 11:5-13 encourages us to keep asking for this until we get it, so don't feel bad for pursuing this. But do pursue it.
Thank you for your reply and your honesty.
May the Most High bless you with wisdom, strength, insight and the Holy Spirit, in the name of our Lord Yeshua.
Peace.
