- Oct 4, 2022
- 14
- 13
- 50
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Married
I had a very unnerving experience this summer. A quick background on me, then I'll tell you what happened. I grew up in a fundamentalist church. Very hellfire and brimstone church. I was saved in my teens, but left my fundamentalist church in my 20s. In my church, I came to fear Jesus. Why? My pastor was always talking about Jesus telling people to "depart from me you accursed." Long story short, I became scared of Jesus. I'm in my 50s now. I tried to live the Christian life after leaving my fundamentalist church. I found myself drawn to God because he seemed friendly. However, I always felt nervous about Jesus because of the Hell verses. Tried my best to have a relationship with Jesus, but never quite connected. Which brings me to the current time. Earlier this summer, I was watching a YouTube video about a lady who had a vision of Jesus. It seemed very real. She told of how Jesus had shown to her that if people don't know him and don't let him fill the void in their heart, then he'd have to send them to Hell. In the vision, Jesus said to her that he'd be brokenhearted to send people away, but that he would have to do so if they didn't give their lives to him. This video struck a cord with me, as I realized that I had never made that commitment. To be honest, the video scared me more than anything has ever scared me. I have spent the last three months profusely repenting and asking Jesus to be my savior. Here is the tough part: the experience scared me so much, that I came down with severe anxiety and had to start taking medication. I had never had anxiety previously in my life. It can be crippling at times. As it stands, I have spent every day the last three months extremely worried about my salvation. I have read the Bible and prayed intensely during this time, asking Jesus for forgiveness and salvation. There have been times when the Bible has truly given me comfort, but I can't shake the fear I had when I first saw that video. I find myself doing everything I can to sincerely have a relationship with Jesus, but I'm scared. It's a horrible set of conflicting feelings to have. I don't know how to get out of this funk. I am in counseling, but I'm still dealing with this. Any help would be appreciated.