• Welcome to Christian Forums
  1. Welcome to Christian Forums, a forum to discuss Christianity in a friendly surrounding.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to be able to join in fellowship with Christians all over the world.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon and God Bless!

  2. The forums in the Christian Congregations category are now open only to Christian members. Please review our current Faith Groups list for information on which faith groups are considered to be Christian faiths. Christian members please remember to read the Statement of Purpose threads for each forum within Christian Congregations before posting in the forum.
  3. Please note there is a new rule regarding the posting of videos. It reads, "Post a summary of the videos you post . An exception can be made for music videos.". Unless you are simply sharing music, please post a summary, or the gist, of the video you wish to share.
  4. There have been some changes in the Life Stages section involving the following forums: Roaring 20s, Terrific Thirties, Fabulous Forties, and Golden Eagles. They are changed to Gen Z, Millennials, Gen X, and Golden Eagles will have a slight change.
  5. CF Staff, Angels and Ambassadors; ask that you join us in praying for the world in this difficult time, asking our Holy Father to stop the spread of the virus, and for healing of all affected.
  6. We are no longer allowing posts or threads that deny the existence of Covid-19. Members have lost loved ones to this virus and are grieving. As a Christian site, we do not need to add to the pain of the loss by allowing posts that deny the existence of the virus that killed their loved one. Future post denying the Covid-19 existence, calling it a hoax, will be addressed via the warning system.
  7. There has been an addition to the announcement regarding unacceptable nick names. The phrase "Let's go Brandon" actually stands for a profanity and will be seen as a violation of the profanity rule in the future.

Father's porn addiction

Discussion in 'Ethics & Morality' started by Elizabeth163, Aug 7, 2021.

  1. Elizabeth163

    Elizabeth163 New Member

    16
    +12
    Romania
    SDA
    Single
    I grew up in a Christian family full of love which I thought was almost perfect, but I found out my father watches porn every day for years and I'm very concerned about it.
    A few years ago, I was playing games on my father's phone. Then I saw his google searches about porn and I was upset on him, but I was too little to understand what it really means and I forgot about it after a while. A few months ago I was helping him to post something on his phone and I saw it again. This time I understood what's it's impact and I'm very worried about it. I know the right thing is to tell it to my mother, but I'm embarassed to do that because she doesn't talk with me about intimate relations almost none. I know I shouldn't keep it a secret from her, I believe it's a form of cheating and if she learns about it, I hope they will discuss and that will help him to get rid of this horrible habit. How should I speak with her about it? I don't want to betray my mother!
    I put a filter on his phone which blocks these sites, does this mean I got involved too much? I don't know how to react in this situation!
    Please, pray for my family!
     
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. mindfulzen

    mindfulzen Well-Known Member

    535
    +261
    Norway
    Non-Denom
    Celibate
    I am not a parent, so was reluctant to advice you when others did, but this seems a big issue for you, so I do. Why does it trouble you, that your father have urges and fantasies? What he views is make belief, very much like you were as a kid while playing around, does not mean he act that way. When married people have been together for a long time, they need fantasies, to yearn for eachother again, and if thee is just the same old routine, people go bored, so they make a little fantasy to do romance together with the one they love. And sometimes, adults who are married, are ashamed to tell their spouse their fantasies to their spouse, just like a little 13 year old boy who is scared of asking a girl if she wants to go steady. It is not real, and telling your mom, will get him into a bad situation, and create a fight between your parents. He might get bad feelings after that and blame you, not good for either of you. And consider that your parents mayby have agreed that this is OK, and they love eachother but use makebelief to get into eachother romantically, because they are just human, get bored, and and mayby are less attractive than when they met eachother. If that is the case, you are just creating a situation for them as parents, over noting, that they have not told to you, because you are their child and they shield you. Which is most likely. Unless you find the answer here, I highly recommend you ask a priest, or him first, or perhaps an aunt you confide in, that would be the best. His sister. That way, you get an adult perspective, you do not put him in any position, you do not get in a situation, and you get explained how it is, as best you can get, since you cannot get full truth as a child, about the adult world, because that is how parenting is.
     
  3. A_Thinker

    A_Thinker Well-Known Member Supporter

    +8,556
    Christian
    Married
    I would also recommend NOT sharing this with any of your mother's relatives.

    From your description, your parents seem to have a loving, mutually beneficial relationship. Fantasy life, though somewhat risky, doesn't neccesarily make your parents' relationship unhealthy, though it is, admittedly, non-ideal. Once again, I would suggest allowing your parents to manage their own relationship ... and for you to avoid throwing a grenade into the midst of it ...
     
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2021
  4. mindfulzen

    mindfulzen Well-Known Member

    535
    +261
    Norway
    Non-Denom
    Celibate
    good catch, I was not clear enough, could have gone bad.
     
  5. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

    +8,366
    Non-Denom
    Single
    US-Republican
    Not before you talk to him.

    Does anyone other than the two of you use his phone?
     
  6. Elizabeth163

    Elizabeth163 New Member

    16
    +12
    Romania
    SDA
    Single
    No, just us
     
  7. tgg

    tgg Veteran

    +79
    Australia
    Catholic
    Single
    AU-Labor
    Hi,

    I am not a parent myself, but I am a recovering porn addict so I will try and give you my best advice on this.

    Talk to your Dad about it first. Does he know that you sometimes use his mobile phone? If he does, then bring up the subject with him. Tell him you accidentally came across it and how it made you feel.

    As Christians, we do know that viewing pornography is wrong, especially if married. There should be only one woman that your Dad should look at in a sexual manner and that is your Mum. Plus porn is very addictive and it triggers a chemical in the brain called dopamine which gives the user a mental kick from seeing other people engaging in sexual activity and can lead to wanting to view more hardcore and depraved behaviour once normal 'vanilla' sexuality no longer excites him.

    Parents are meant to be role models, and they have a sense of duty and responsibility towards their children, especially where instilling sexual values into them is concerned.
     
    • Agree Agree x 1
    • Winner Winner x 1
    • List
  8. Elizabeth163

    Elizabeth163 New Member

    16
    +12
    Romania
    SDA
    Single
    Yes, he knows I use sometimes his phone.
    Thank you for advice!
     
  9. EmethAlethia

    EmethAlethia Newbie

    404
    +102
    Non-Denom
    Married
    I know that everyone has beliefs on this issue, but I would encourage some thoughtful thinking and study on this topic. We are to reprove with all doctrine and longsuffering, not all opinions and feelings.

    Years ago I did a study on this topic. Helpful friends told me, "See, it says right here that watching pornography is wrong..." and they quoted the following verse:


    Mat 5:27 "You have heard that it was said, 'YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT ADULTERY'; 28 but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
     
  10. Will Joseph

    Will Joseph Member

    129
    +42
    United States
    Christian
    Celibate
    It's really not a child's place to question her father. Porn is very concerning though.

    Also, there could be somone else using the phone that you don't know about. Unless you actually see your dad browsing for porn, he might not be doing it.

    My father is quite sexual. I complained that there were posters of naked people in my neighborhood and he smiled and said "that's nice." Another time, he gave me his computer but said that he was worried that I might come across certain photos.

    But I can't really tell him that "posters of naked people are not nice." He's my father. If he wants to indulge in lust and whatnot, then there's not much that I can do. However, if he stumbles, I can talk to him about the stumbling and its potential relation to porn.

    Porn seems to encourage sexual behavior, and sexual behavior can be dangerous. The bible warns a lot against certain sexual behaviors. Even outside the bible, there are illnesses that harm sexual people. Then there are other people and criminals who can harm others through sex, even as slight as exchanging an STI for money.

    My father has had 3 wives or partners and four children. He has been robbed by his wives. My father tends to vomit like my brother does, and both seem to indulge in lust. Is that a coincidence when I'm of good health and not vomiting?

    We can only pray that the lost ones find their way. We can be there to help them realize their error and recover. We should be prepared to guide them, when they've been punished by the Lord with disease or theft.
     
  11. Whyayeman

    Whyayeman Well-Known Member

    +1,120
    United Kingdom
    Atheist
    Married
    Is it really any business of this man's daughter? I don't think so.

    If Elizabeth is upset about what is on her father's phone, perhaps she should get one of her own. Maybe she should be less judgmental, too. I am sure somebody could find a Bible quote to this effect.
     
Loading...