father seeks help with very young wife who seeks ana bortion.

[juden6940]

Hello.
My name is John, and I did not know if I should write and seek advice for mine and my wife's story or not. i don't want to go to my family just yet though. I want advice that is fresh my strangers.
Me and my wife grew both grew up in christian family's, but find ourselves married teenagers now at 15 and 17.
We admittedly got pregnant two years ago at 15 and 13 when we were dating, and my girlfriend gave birth on her 14'th birthday to a baby girl.
We had to make major changes in our lifes. We both quit school and are homeschooling now. My wife had to quit the things she loves like cheerleading, basketball and volleyball in school, and I had to quit soccer and track. We'll never have a normal highschool experience now.
Our parents had us get married during this past summer when my wife turned 15, and our daughter 1. We live as a family right now in her parents apartment abover their garage rent free, until we are older. This is so we can save money, and my wife can still be close and learn from her mom.
I work for my father in law's concrete company, trying to take care of my little family while she is a stay at home mom.
My new wife is 6 months away from her 16'th birthday and pregnant again, and wants an abortion this time, because she says she is scared. We have not told either of our families yet, and don't know what to do.

 

[UnitynLove]

This is a major decision that should be made through family. A stranger shouldn't delve into a major family decision like that. Talk this over with your parents, and with your spouse see if this is what you really want to do.

 

[juden6940]

I'm actually to scared to tell my parents, her parents yet. I think she is as well.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

Hi there.
I was reading your story, and I hope you don't mind if I thrown in a little input.

I can understand why you're scared. Thats a very good reason to be scared. But I do have to ask one thing. did you guys plan on having a second child? Because, I know this is going to probably sound bad, but if you didn't want another child, then why did you make one? or use protection? And yes, I do understand that things happen. But honestly, I don't believe in abortion. And maybe not now, but maybe later, if you do decide on the abortion, just think about what kind of life that baby could have, or could have had.
I'm not saying its going to be easy. but it seems like family is helping you out a lot now by supporting you guys. So I really do have to agree that you should talk with your family before making the decision.
I really hope that this didn't offend you or anything. I certainly wasn't trying to do that. but you really should discuss this with your family
I hope things go well for you

 

[juden6940]

Well, I don't want an abortion at all, and I think in her heart my wife does still want the baqby, but is scared on how we will handle it with her still 15and a half. You are right, we do have the help of family, and they will be angry again at first, but will settle down, because we are married and know that we love one another very much and are committed to our lil family. I am just trying to make my wife understand this, andf that after our second baby would be born, then we could go on birth control like we should have on our wedding night already.
She is such a small girl that she barely even looks pregnant, but the doctor says that she is 4 months along already. ( don't even know how far along you have to be before an abortion is illegal, but I don't I don't want it with us.
This situation has also been taking attnetion away from the daughter we already have.
Admittedly when we were married, we didn't use protection, and that is our fault. No, we wanted to wait until we were out of our teenage years before having another child. A few years ago, I never would have thought I'd be married and have two child all before the age of 18, and a young wife.
Thank you fr the advice, and thinking of us.

 

[juden6940]

I very much regret getting my girlfriend pregnant in the first place two years ago. We never should have did what we did two years ago, and will never have a normal teenage life as a result, but I love my wife and hopefully kids very much now, and will do anything to take care of them and protect them, and hold them in my arms. I work around 55 hours a week to make sure we have evrything we need, and to also save money for hopefully a house someday in the future, and also maybe to go to college part time. I would want my wife to go first before me, being a stay at home mom. She can even take online classes, but ofcourse I still want her to beable to see her friends as well.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

wow. I do have to say that this is an incredible story. You seem to be so much mature than any guy that I've ever known. and even before you're 18. Which shows a lot of integrity and strength.
Please stress to your wife how important the decison is.
Even if she does decide to go with an abortion, there will be people behind her.
You really are doing the best you can do with the situation. and I do commend you on that. but I really do hope that you will find the courage to talk to your families about this. And God will lead you through this. No matter what happens.
With all my love
J.j.

Also, PM me if you ever need to talk or anything.
I'm always here to listen or help

 

[juden6940]

I am trying to stress to my wife how important this decision is, and how much we would love both children and not beabke to live without them. I stressed to her that we would make sure to go on birth control after the pregnancy, and everything.
We grew up in a very conservative close knit group of christian family friends, and were taught good values and hard work early on. We really are doing our best now.
One thing about my wife is, and I don't know if I could post this here is, being four months pregnant, her desire for intimacy together has skyrocketed, but mine has not at all. Plus, I am very tired all the time. Am I being selfish if I am keeping myself physically from her at times when her desire to make love to me.

 

[NoddaProbBob]

I don't think you are being selfish at all.
It is possible though to have initmacy and not make love.
Maybe try giving her a nice dinner at home. or pampering her a bit. Im sure you both have a lot on your plate, and I think it is important to spend time together to keep everything strong. But that doesn't mean that you have to make love. Maybe just cuddle a bit.
Just make it know that you love her. and Im sure she loves you as well. But since you already have a second on the way, then maybe its best that you guys wait until you're at least out of your teenage years until you have a third. that is if you want a third.
And even if you're tired and need some sleep. even the littlest I love you can make the difference

 

[juden6940]

I do cuddle and hold her in my arms. I am twice her size, and can easily fit her inside them.
I very much want to be romantic with her. I have made her dinner, and done sweet things for valentines day as well, birthday everything, the best I can.
I I did not mean to say though that I didn't want to make love to my wife. I very much do want to make love to her, and want it o be special eveytime we do. I just don't want it as much as she does. It becomes old then, and then is not how I picure our love making together. I want it to be special, sweet. I tell her how much I love her everyday, especially during the times we make love together.
I told her we'd use protection, birth control after the birth of our second, if she gave it a chance.

 

[PegasusOnFire]

first thing, when women are pregnant they tend to have an increased need for sex. Trust me, I am going into my 5th month and I want it more than hubby.

second, abortion is morally wrong and a huge sin. From the ten comandments we are told, "thou shalt not commit murder." By having an abortion it is murdering a child. Life begins at conception no matter what the liberal media says to people.

third, yes you are young, you made some mistakes, but do not make your children suffer, they are not at fault and they are not mistakes, they are blessings from God.

fourth, I have a friend who refused to tell her mother that she was pregnant, until the day she gave birth, her mother was quite upset about it. Your parents while upset at first will support you if they are Godly parents. And your married, it is expected that you are having sex, and in turn there is the chance of creating a life. They knew that when they forced you into marriage.

 

[juden6940]

We told our parents last night about the pregnancy, and my wife told them about her fears and everything. They were upset, but not nearly like before, and are willing to help with everything.
They know we are committed and do love one another. My wife's own mom though seems to beable to change her mind more than I am able to.

Yes, we are having sex and making love together, and our parents did know this when they forced us into marriage, but they thought we'd use protection, which we haven't and will begin to use birth control after the baby would be born.

 

[juden6940]

I just wanted to say thank you very much to those who have given us advice, and yes my wife has decided to keep our baby. We had a long talk with our families, and have actually made plans to go in for an ultra sound soon, when it's time to.

 

[PegasusOnFire]

good for you two. God is going to see you through this time, and it looks like He already is.

 

[juden6940]

yes, he is and has God bless.

We do want more children in the future, but ot until we are in our early twenties. We'll be using birth control now, what we should have in the first place.
It will be very hard with two young children at 17 and 15 and married, but will will make it. There will eb uch happiness to. Thank you.

 

[PegasusOnFire]

it is hard to take care of two young children in your twenties as well, lol.

Have your wife look into WIC, it is a food program that she can be on while pregnant, and it helps with formula(if she isn't going to breast feed) as well as other needed foods. We are thinking about applying for this program now that we are having a second child, should have with the first one as well. It also helps your daughter until she is 5 years old.

 

[juden6940]

Ok, I'll do that. I think she does want to breast feed. She did with our first daughter. Do we have to have our parents sign for us in WIC if we are underage, even though married.
Plus, for the time being and for a number of years until we are ready, her parents are letting us live in their upstairs garage apartment for free, and I work 55 hours a week for her dad in concrete to save money.

They were upset yes, but not nearly like before, and it was different this time, because we are both committed and married to each other.
I don't know how we'll do it, but we'll make it.

 

[juden6940]

I hope your pegnancy is well to, and that you have a beautiful child.

 

[PegasusOnFire]

they also I am not sure you would have to check with your state office, but for my state the income guideline for a family of 4 is Gross annual income $37,000 gross monthly income $3,084 and gross weekly income $712. Which has my husband and I qualifying now, and we both work. So I would bet that you guys would qualify. My sister in law was 15 when she got pregnant with my neice and went on WIC, I am not sure if her parents had to sign her up or not, I think she was able to on her own, but that is something to ask your state office.

 

[PegasusOnFire]

I hope your pegnancy is well to, and that you have a beautiful child.

Thank you, my avitar is my daughter Christian and if Mary looks anything like her she will be a very beautiful baby.