Fat girls

[OntheHorizon]

Laugh or get mad if you want... if an overweight female says " do you think I'm fat? " with that I HAVE NO SELF ESTEEM look on her face... what am I supposed to do? Say I like fat girls? Date her so she feels better? act like she's attractive? Lie and say shed not when she knowd I'm lying? If I agree that yes she's fat then I become the dark lord Sauron or Satan and the guilt is all mine. She did it to herself, not me.

I'm at a loss... I think honesty is best from now on. thoughts?

 

[REPHAIAHPEDAHEL]

Honesty is the best all the time.

 

[parsley]

Date her so she feels better?

What? How would that meet any sort of need, to cause her to spend more time with you when you clearly don't like her and are critical of her?

-edited sentence structure- You don't need to answer every question people ask. A question should not control what comes out of our mouths. Just change the subject when talking with her.

She brought up the topic, but honesty would be horribly hurtful in this situation. Some people prod for attention like this -- whether it's self-hate or wanting attention, it's not healthy for either of you to play some sort of game. And I think that's what you're sensing more than the quandary over honesty -- she is pulling you into some twisted manipulative conversation.

 

[OntheHorizon]

its bullcrap! like her self esteem is my job and I have to find her attractive.

 

[parsley]

We don't need to answer every question people ask. A question should not control what comes out of our mouths. Just change the subject.

What I meant by this, was you don't need to answer her questions.

 

[OntheHorizon]

true

 

[RaisinOatmeal]

Trap-evading ninja trick:

1) Plan A: Distract her with ...distracting topics

2) Plan B: Downplay the importance of your opinion and throw back questions like:

a) What does her BMI tell her? (Adolphe Quetelet said it, not you)
b) What does she think is her ideal weight? (She said it, not you)
c) Are you happy with your weight? (If not, do something about it - give her moral support! Good luck!)

3) Plan C: If you're backed into a corner and there's no escape, be positive and say things like "can be improved" and hopefully shift her focus to positive action rather than despair and self pity.

4) Plan D: Oh look! Point behind her and disappear in a puff of smoke

 

[mandyangel]

Laugh or get mad if you want... if an overweight female says " do you think I'm fat? " with that I HAVE NO SELF ESTEEM look on her face... what am I supposed to do? Say I like fat girls? Date her so she feels better? act like she's attractive? Lie and say shed not when she knowd I'm lying? If I agree that yes she's fat then I become the dark lord Sauron or Satan and the guilt is all mine. She did it to herself, not me.

I'm at a loss... I think honesty is best from now on. thoughts?

I completely agree with you. As somebody who works out everyday for an hour, 7 days a week, no excuses PERIOD both in the morning AND night, I totally get what your saying. In fact, I PREFER somebody to tell me if I am getting fat and it keeps me honest. Of course, wearing miniskirts and tanks leaves absolutely nothing to hide, I'm not capping myself up in sweatpants, if I gain 2 pounds it will show and I want it to because then its time for somebody to say something, slap me down (metaphorically PC police), and for me to get to the gym.

I prefer honesty over lies.

 

[Ark100]

Laugh or get mad if you want... if an overweight female says " do you think I'm fat? " with that I HAVE NO SELF ESTEEM look on her face... what am I supposed to do? Say I like fat girls? Date her so she feels better? act like she's attractive? Lie and say shed not when she knowd I'm lying? If I agree that yes she's fat then I become the dark lord Sauron or Satan and the guilt is all mine. She did it to herself, not me.

I'm at a loss... I think honesty is best from now on. thoughts?

Seems you have something against overweight people?
Be kind. You don't have to lie to her, but you can always encourage her to lose the weight.
I find honesty is the best policy. A lot of times, honesty (truth) hurts, but eventually it sows a seed of growth and change for the better.
Meanwhile lies do make the one on the receiving end feel good at the moment, but in the long run, does nothing to help them.
Why not be honest and upset someone for a short time. Even if by upsetting them, you push them to make a change to their life. They will thank you for it in future. Even if they never see you again, they will always remember that you were probably the only one or one of the few people who truly cared about them.
You dont have to be mean whilst being honest, and you don't have to rub people's weaknesses in their faces. There's a way to tell her the truth without rubbing heap of salt on her wound.
If someone is overweight/very overweight, they have health problems to battle most of the time.

 

[ezeric]

Until we (as Christians)

STOP

looking and judging others from the outside, we will never see and hear HIS voice who looks at the heart.

There are TONS of scriptures that tell us to 'walk by faith and NOT by sight".

We are supposed to be growing to learn to see them as JESUS.

Not a JESUS would - I didn't say that.
But AS JESUS.

When you've done it, (good or bad) unto the 'least' of them, you've done it unto ME.

The fat, the ugly, the marginalized, the poor, the uncoordinated, the weak, the sick, the youngest, the oldest - do we see these things?

Or do we see the heart? And hear GOD'S voice instead?

She's not fat, she's beautiful.

-eric

 

[OntheHorizon]

I don't have anything against over weight people.

I have a problem with insecure people wanting me to act like overweight is attractive to me just they can be happy

they don't allow me to not be attracted to them or find them unappealling or to somply tell them the truth that they are overweight or unattractive.

I use to be fat, now the gym is where I worship and live and feel like myself and made myself happy, I didn't demand that someone else make me happy.

 

[OntheHorizon]

If you think your fat then yeah your fat. Im not supposed to prove you wrong just so you can be happy. Its SELFesteem.

 

[OntheHorizon]

I don't want to be mean and I never would be, its the notion that this means I'm being mean that makes me mad

 

[OntheHorizon]

The problem is I have this friend

She's over weight and really unattractive to me and she constantly wants me to comment on her weight or her looks, I think she likes me. But I cannot tell her that I think she looks slobby. She relies on me to compensate for her self esteem problems. I have to act like shes pretty when its not true and I think this burden isn't fair.

 

[OntheHorizon]

I'm sorry for ranting... I guess I needed to get it out.

I want a gym girl and that's what I want.

 

[ezeric]

I'm sorry for ranting... I guess I needed to get it out.

I want a gym girl and that's what I want.

Cool, then get a 'gym girl'.

But encourage and love everyone else, trying to see what their good at, what is attractive in them, besides the body.

Your dream gym girl, if you can't get beyond the physical, you wont have much of a marriage...

It works both ways!

-eric

 

[OntheHorizon]

there is no reason to assume I have such a problem my friend. I do love everyone.

 

[OntheHorizon]

this junky idea that gym rats are void of .... is just nonsense.

 

[jpcedotal]

If u want a gym girl...u might want to start going to the gym. Gym girls are not gonna want a lazy guy. Be ready to do a lot of running...a lot of running.

 

[OntheHorizon]

I feel ya, the gym is my happy place. The gym is my solution to everything. I'm there 6 days a week but running... oxidation ages you and few people run everyday. You lose raw muscle mass, you can though lift everyday and lifting burns calories for days were as running burns calories for like an hour. You can just as ripped from lifting as from running and running doesn't build muscle.