Family struggles

[Evamoree]

My parents have been broken up since I was 5 (divorced at 9). I have a stepmum and a stepdad in the family now.

My dad and my stepmum argue a lot, and it only got worse with the birth of my half sisters (now aged 6 and 4). My half sisters would fight and argue and misbehave all the time (which has begun to get better).

There's been various massive arguments over the past few years, with her walking out or my dad going out with the kids to his mums house. This would get worse around house inspection times as where they live is always a mess.

Yesterday that happened. My stepmum said to my oldest half sister that she didn't want her anymore and that's shes horrible and told her to go away. My dad took her to his mums house with X (that's what I'll call her here) in tears and understanding every word that her mum had said.

I feel helpless. Every time I tried to get help for them (e.g. family counselling) nobody would do anything, and it's only been getting worse. It's to the point where even getting put in care would be better than that for her.

 

[Brotherly Spirit]

Sorry your family is having rough times. Not much you can do if they aren't willing to accept your help. So I wouldn't blame yourself, just do what you can if they let you. Hope it gets better for ya'll.

 

[Ada Lovelace]

I wish I had words of wisdom and hope for you, and the ability to reach through the internet and give you a hug. I commend you for being such a caring sibling. Your sisters need pillars in their lives - stable sources to stand upright and protect them, and from what you've written you've done your best to be one. Try to continue to be one, giving love and encouragement to your sisters to build them up when your stepmom's cruel words have torn them down.

I have two younger sisters with a similar age difference to yours, and know how common it is for them to bicker when they're young. They haven't yet learned coping or conflict resolution mechanisms to handle their emotions or disagreements, so they tend to fight more often and more loudly. If you can, try to gently, kindly correct them with your words, and redirect their focus to something positive before your stepmom snaps. I know that's unfair to you, and it's not your responsibility, but it will hopefully benefit them.

It does seem like your dad is making an effort to shield your sisters by taking them to his mum's house. If he was indifferent about their welfare he would not do that, but he also needs to be aware of what a strain this is on you.

If there's neglect or abuse I could consider reporting the situation so there is intervention. You don't have the ability to force them to go to counseling or take parenting classes, but others do have that authority.

Don't forget to take care of yourself. I know you're focused so much on your family, but try to tend to your own spiritual and emotional well-being. You might be able to obtain counseling for yourself to be able to express your fears and stresses, and get advice. Some churches have a counseling program called the Stephens Ministry, or just kind people willing to listen. There are also helplines that teens can call / text about any kind of difficulty they're having for free. It's confidential. Home - Teenage Helpline

This section is only for teens, so adults will not be able to respond. There are some really lovely and sage teens, like @thehehe who might be able to offer you better advice, but adults with more experience may be better equipped. You might want to create a thread in an area accessible to everyone so that you can receive more responses. Some areas are also restricted only to Christians, but there are non-Christians on this forum who can also give valuable advice, so perhaps one like General Struggles would be a good spot. There's also an area where you can speak with chaplains.

Welcome to CF, by the way. I'm Ella.

 

[thehehe]

I highly doubt I could help you more than Ella already did, she already perfectly answered. You have to act like an adult when you are only a teen, and are concerned by some adult troubles - so I agree that adults, and perhaps even parents of the forum could help you more than we can.
All I can advise is to breath the best you can, and to help your sisters to breath as well -like you already seem to do. The best you could do is to be here for your sisters when they need you, to tell them that you love them and to show them the basis of good education. If you simply behave well, it would already be a good start, they will remember it even if you would not see any difference. They will need someone to tell each of them they have value and talents, they will need to build a self-esteem. I think your best ally could be your paternal grandmother. I don't know if you have a good relationship, but it would be ideal if you could convince her to invite you and your sisters for a while? Being away, for a while, from your step-mother seems like the best in this situation.
You need to have adults by your side, it is very hard for a teen to act like a mother and it is not good for your own development. You simply don't have to feel guilty of helpless, it is normal that you don't have the power to fix all of this. To be honest, I think you should be proud of yourself : this whole situation proved you have the greatest power of all, the power to care about others. You are already helping and doing your best by proving to your sisters that you are concerned by them.

Like Ella said, if the situation becomes truly abusive, don't hesitate to report with the help of an adult. But please, don't bear alone a burden that should not be yours.
I will be praying for you, please come back if you need any help or prayers.