family drama

[Yoona86]

hubby recently got a phone call from his sister, telling him she and her husband as well as their two daughters would like to visit us at our cabin when we are taking our family holiday at end of this month.

neither me and hubby is thrilled with this prospect, and here is why

Sister in law's two daughters are 12 and 11 respectively, and both of them are essentially little mean girls. They are very polite and well mannered and even charming to your face, but love playing games and is just downright rude when they think they are out of your earshot

a typical example happened last year's Christmas, when i saw their daughters doing a rude impression of hubby and laughing their heads off when they thought no one was around.

i told hubby and my mother in law this and mother in law did brought up this with sister in law, but sister in law basically denied her darlings would ever do something like this ( this is a lie as she has seen her own daughters doing mean things to others).

so me and hubby are thinking about saying no, because neither one of us like having those two little rude girls disrespecting us in our own house!

but we disagree on how we should explain to his sister.

hubby wants to make an excuse to keep peace.

i told hubby we should just be honest, their two girls are who they are, there is no need to beat about bush on this matter......

any advice would be appreciated.

thank you

 

[Solomons Porch]

hubby recently got a phone call from his sister, telling him she and her husband as well as their two daughters would like to visit us at our cabin when we are taking our family holiday at end of this month.

neither me and hubby is thrilled with this prospect, and here is why

Sister in law's two daughters are 12 and 11 respectively, and both of them are essentially little mean girls. They are very polite and well mannered and even charming to your face, but love playing games and is just downright rude when they think they are out of your earshot

a typical example happened last year's Christmas, when i saw their daughters doing a rude impression of hubby and laughing their heads off when they thought no one was around.

i told hubby and my mother in law this and mother in law did brought up this with sister in law, but sister in law basically denied her darlings would ever do something like this ( this is a lie as she has seen her own daughters doing mean things to others).

so me and hubby are thinking about saying no, because neither one of us like having those two little rude girls disrespecting us in our own house!

but we disagree on how we should explain to his sister.

hubby wants to make an excuse to keep peace.

i told hubby we should just be honest, their two girls are who they are, there is no need to beat about bush on this matter......

any advice would be appreciated.

thank you

The hubby could always get alone with his sister and tell her that he has something in store for you and kinda needs to have privacy to do so and that its been plans in the making for quite some time, so maybe next time sister, thanks for understanding. And besides the wife doesnt know about it so if you could keep it a secret and not say I told you anything, and btw he doesnt tell her what it is at all, cause its a surprise for you (the wife). Gives her a *wink wink* and a smile.

AND NOW he is obligated as not to lie to come up with what he's gonna surprise ya with, HAHA winner winner chicken dinner Best wishes to ya

 

[Albion]

Looks like a toss-up to me. There probably are many plausible excuses for not having them to the cabin during your planned vacation; these excuses might not exist if they just wanted to come for the day during the holidays, for example. And it will certainly save your vacation if you get by this thing now.

But OTOH, if you two agree that they have to be told sooner or later, when you finally tell them, they'll know that when you begged off on the cabin visit, it was an excuse. Maybe that is not a major concern, though.

 

[*LILAC]

If both you and hubby are in agreement of saying no, then let no be the answer! It's your holiday and you should be allowed to have peaceful family time as how you see fit.
If the kids are that rude and the mother does nothing to correct them, why bother encourage that around you on your down time? Nuh uh. IF you need an excuse just say you're swamped with plans and will not have time. Then, ignore all messages and phone calls. It's your holiday, do as you please! There will be time to hash things out with her and her kids at a later time.

 

[Kit Sigmon]

The thing is your SIL has already been told about her daughters behaviors
and has dismissed the notion her girls are rude/mean girls.

It's your home/cabin and it's up to you and your husband to have in place rules
and to see to it that others are informed of said rules and that they are adhered
to from day 1.

Your nieces bad behaviors, correct them...let them know you seen/heard what
they said and that it's not appropriate and unacceptable...and they
need to apologize, if they want to play like they didn't do anything wrong,
they can go back home and be as rude as they like with their own parents who
approve of such behaviors...however, they shouldn't expect everyone else to approve
of bad behaviors.

 

[YodaMama]

hubby recently got a phone call from his sister, telling him she and her husband as well as their two daughters would like to visit us at our cabin when we are taking our family holiday at end of this month.

neither me and hubby is thrilled with this prospect, and here is why

Sister in law's two daughters are 12 and 11 respectively, and both of them are essentially little mean girls. They are very polite and well mannered and even charming to your face, but love playing games and is just downright rude when they think they are out of your earshot

a typical example happened last year's Christmas, when i saw their daughters doing a rude impression of hubby and laughing their heads off when they thought no one was around.

i told hubby and my mother in law this and mother in law did brought up this with sister in law, but sister in law basically denied her darlings would ever do something like this ( this is a lie as she has seen her own daughters doing mean things to others).

so me and hubby are thinking about saying no, because neither one of us like having those two little rude girls disrespecting us in our own house!

but we disagree on how we should explain to his sister.

hubby wants to make an excuse to keep peace.

i told hubby we should just be honest, their two girls are who they are, there is no need to beat about bush on this matter......

any advice would be appreciated.

thank you

You should be thankful that your family wants you there, and obviously you can be a light and example of love that they seem to be not aware of. When they are rude to your face, ask simple questions with love (not to attack or accuse). However, for the girls it would be great if you could "record" them doing such disrespectful acts so that you can discuss with them if you have offended them in any way. If they say no, then ask why they behaved thus (and show the recording). Iphones can easily do this!

Remember the world hated Christ, and therefore we too will be disliked for we bring light into the darkness of this evil world. The world is full of envy, etc. and perhaps you and your husband can show them what gracious love and forgiveness is about! And that God loves everyone, even though none of are worthy on our own.

 

[YodaMama]

You should be thankful that your family wants you there, and obviously you can be a light and example of love that they seem to be not aware of. When they are rude to your face, ask simple questions with love (not to attack or accuse). However, for the girls it would be great if you could "record" them doing such disrespectful acts so that you can discuss with them if you have offended them in any way. If they say no, then ask why they behaved thus (and show the recording). Iphones can easily do this!

Remember the world hated Christ, and therefore we too will be disliked for we bring light into the darkness of this evil world. The world is full of envy, etc. and perhaps you and your husband can show them what gracious love and forgiveness is about! And that God loves everyone, even though none of are worthy on our own.

Oh yeah...be praying ahead of time for God's grace, mercy and love to anoint your time with them.

 

[tturt]

Since it's already been brought up and the SIL denied it, why bring it up again?

 

[YodaMama]

Since it's already been brought up and the SIL denied it, why bring it up again?

Same reason that people lie or just don't care and turn a blind eye. She heard the children for herself, so the "SIL" can deny it but it's still the truth. After a movie in the theatre, while in the restroom, I have heard teenagers say horrible things about their own parents (much less someone else).

 

[tturt]

What I meant was - if the conditions are the same, what would cause the SIL to reevaluate her original stance? Not saying it's not the truth.

Yes, disrespect and rebellion against authority is worse than I've ever seen it.

 

[LoricaLady]

hubby recently got a phone call from his sister, telling him she and her husband as well as their two daughters would like to visit us at our cabin when we are taking our family holiday at end of this month.

neither me and hubby is thrilled with this prospect, and here is why

Sister in law's two daughters are 12 and 11 respectively, and both of them are essentially little mean girls. They are very polite and well mannered and even charming to your face, but love playing games and is just downright rude when they think they are out of your earshot

a typical example happened last year's Christmas, when i saw their daughters doing a rude impression of hubby and laughing their heads off when they thought no one was around.

i told hubby and my mother in law this and mother in law did brought up this with sister in law, but sister in law basically denied her darlings would ever do something like this ( this is a lie as she has seen her own daughters doing mean things to others).

so me and hubby are thinking about saying no, because neither one of us like having those two little rude girls disrespecting us in our own house!

but we disagree on how we should explain to his sister.

hubby wants to make an excuse to keep peace.

i told hubby we should just be honest, their two girls are who they are, there is no need to beat about bush on this matter......

any advice would be appreciated.

thank you

All I can offer is what I would do. First I would no way, no way criticize the daughters. First, they may grow out of their meanness, but they and their parents will always remember what you said and may never feel right about you again. Plus, if they are the sorts who don't care, the Bible says "Rebuke a fool and he will hate you."

I would tell a sort of lie for peace. I would say, "Oh dear, we already have company coming. Sorry." If they ask who the company is, well they are too intrusive, and say something like "Oh just some we know from somewhere...Oh dear, someone is at the door. Sorry. Gotta run." Before that I would pray for lots of angels to accompany me and my family on the trip. There ya go. Company!

Remember, it's your cabin. It would seem they have other options for vacations that don't have to make your own less pleasant.