Family Advice needed

[Angeleyes7715]

I'm pregnant and my fiance doesn't want to let my sister and her family see our baby or come to our wedding. He hates her and her husband. My mom is upset. I'm in the middle.

Two yeara back there was a fight over my boyfriend not communicating with my sister when she walked into a room or communicating with her about paying rent even though he left money in a drawer for rent he didn't communicate he just said she knows there's money in there and I don't have to speak to her it's your mom's house not hers. Even though my sister manages all my.moms finances and things.

Anyway it got way out of hand because my sister snapped and told her husband and then her husband started making threats to my boyfriend and then I jumped in and tried to defend him and said rude things to him so he said rude things right back to me too.

Fast forward and I wrote an apology letter to them for the sake of my mom and making her happy. I also did it with the advice from peoplepon here. I also don't hate my sister or anything like that I just think both my sister and boyfriend are wrong.

Anyway, they weren't even appreciative of the letter. They took it as I never was really sorry or cared because they want an in person apology and they want me to call them and see how my letter was received. They said it wasn't enough. Keep in mind they never said sorry at all to either of us. Not my boyfriend or myself and they made threats to him and called me every name in the book. And I told them clearly that's wrong cause if I didn't care I wouldn't have said anything.

So I mean I kinda see my boyfriend's point with being upset. However like I said he could still try to be nicer to them idk.

Anyway he doesn't want them to have anything to do with the baby and wedding so what can I do?

My mom is upset but of course she sides more with my sister because my sister handles all her money and has control of her house since my sister is 12 years older than me.

Help!!

 

[akaDaScribe]

Obviously we don't know all of the details of the history in your family, but given what you have said, I suggest the following. Talk to your soon to be husband and tell him you don't want a decades long feud.

Get him to agree that you will send them an invitation, then send it. Don't apologize or do anything additional. If they respond, fine. If they don't, fine.

Just one man's opinion of course.

 

[anna ~ grace]

"I'm pregnant and my fiance doesn't want to let my sister and her family see our baby or come to our wedding."

That's not good. That's a pretty huge pile of attitude to take against a person he'll have to put up with for one day, on what's meant to be a singular event in his life, and yours.

I would sit him down and calmly, firmly, lovingly explain that this is your wedding, your family, too, and that you need your family with you. If he's not willing to meet you half way on this, for one day, how difficult will he be as a husband, later?

 

[ChicanaRose]

Anyway he doesn't want them to have anything to do with the baby and wedding so what can I do?

Pray that the Holy Spirit will work in his heart. Then, leave it to God so you can focus on your marriage and your baby.

Your fiancé's heart may change after the baby is born. You can't rush reconciliation.

 

[maintenance man]

Anyway he doesn't want them to have anything to do with the baby and wedding so what can I do?

This is easy.

The four of you have to get together and talk through all your problems until they are gone.

Set aside several hours and get in a room together with all agreeing not to leave until you all understand and respect each other.

 

[Mathetes66]

Prayed for you and your situation, Angeleyes. You are correct & others see it as well--you can't allow this feud to continue & further erode like cancer on your soon new relationship. It isn't good to have thorns in our flesh. This could effect you for the rest of your lives. You sincerely need to deal with this right now.

Romans 12:17-21 Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. 18If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. 19Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” d says the Lord. 20On the contrary:

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Acts 24:15,16 And I have the same hope in God that they themselves cherish, that there will be a resurrection of both the righteous & the wicked. So I strive (take pains) always to keep my conscience clear before God and man.

"I jumped in and tried to defend him & said rude things to him so he said rude things right back to me too. Fast forward and I wrote an apology letter to them for the sake of my mom and making her happy. I also did it with the advice from people on here. I also don't hate my sister or anything like that I just think both my sister & boyfriend are wrong.

Anyway, they weren't even appreciative of the letter. They took it as I never was really sorry or cared because they want an in person apology & they want me to call them & see how my letter was received. They said it wasn't enough. Keep in mind they never said sorry at all to either of us. Not my boyfriend or myself & they made threats to him & called me every name in the book. And I told them clearly that's wrong cause if I didn't care I wouldn't have said anything."

You are all wrong in what you said & did. All need to repent & forgive from the heart. Your sister & brother-in-law recognized you sent the letter not to apologize from the heart but for the sake of your mother. That is why they wanted a phone call/in person meeting. People wanting confirmation of sincerity want to look people in the eyes.

Scripture says, 'so far as it depends on you, live at peace with one another.'

The apostle Paul took great pains to himself to make sure he had a clear conscience void of ANY offense against God & others.

You need to go to your sister & brother-in-law & sincerely apologize for what you did & said, for all the rude comments & names you used & your desire for a right relationship with them. They are family. You will have them for the rest of your life & you need them for support in the future, in marriage & the child that is soon coming.

Humble yourself before the Lord, ask the Lord to give you a repentant heart & go in sincerity. Do not mention their wrongdoing, that is their responsibility, but center on what you did & said that hurt them.

Matt 18:21,22 Then Peter came to Jesus & asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother who sins against me? Up to seven times?" Jesus answered, “I tell you, not just seven times, but seventy-seven times!

By God's grace, the Lord will bring reconciliation & peace if they are Christian, too & desire to be right with the Lord & you.

Once that is accomplished, you thank them for wanting to meet with you personally & pray together & thank God & the need for each other in the future.

Then you can move to the next step. If they have sincerely forgiven you from the heart, as you did them, then you need to tell them that you are happy to be reconciled but your heart is still sad. There needs to be reconciliation between them & your fiancee.

Just as you are grateful that they asked you to go to them personally, so now you are asking them to go to your fiancee in person & sincerely seeking to reconcile in what they did & said & bring forgiveness & peace. Just as they didn't initially believe you & needed in person evidence, so tell them your fiancee needs that as well.

If they agree, then hopefully there will be reconciliation. You can tell your fiancee how you made reconcilation & now they are coming to him to do the same & that he also needs to make reconciliation with them. This will truly make you happy, to have peace for all in the upcoming wedding and birth of your child. Let him know you all need support and encouragement from others in the future.

Then your fiancee can invite them to the wedding. I prayed again for the binding of the enemy, so that the Holy Spirit can guide & lead you all into the truth & be the Comforter that is truly needed here.

 

[Angeleyes7715]

It wasn't only for my mother it was also because I don't like the fight. I am naturally an introverted person and have been working with a counselor and as far as communication he said it's okay for me to communicate the best I know how and for me a letter is the beat way to communicate. I don't trust them to where I'm ready to sit down and have a heart to heart like that. I don't hate them or anything but I don't trust them.

And Ive tried to talk to my fiance and he doesn't want to talk to them at all he wants nothing to do with my sister and her husband cause they made no effort to apologize after making death threats to him and calling me curse words.

He's fine with my mom and grandpa for the most part he helps me with my mom and he likes my grandpa but just my sister and her husband he doesn't like. I feel like it's kinda between them so I'll take what I can fr everyone's advice here and try to work it out and pray.

 

[Rescued One]

Are you sure you want to marry a hateful person? Have you talked to your pastor?

 

[mama2one]

Congratulations on your upcoming wedding and pregnancy!

this should be a happy time in your life as you prepare to be a mom and wife

you apologized by letter and now it's time for your sister to also apologize and be happy for you

since you're pregnant, you don't need any extra stress
this argument was two years ago and your fiancé needs to let it go and invite your sister IF you want her at the wedding

since you already apologized, it really seems your sister needs to step up and be there for you, her younger sister
maybe your mom can talk with your sister? your mom shouldn't be taking sides and could help make peace with a grandchild on the way

 

[JAM2b]

You can't force peoples feelings on a matter. If she isn't willing to accept an apology or work out the conflict except for on her terms, then I think she isn't ready to have a healthy relationship with you. I can see that there are two sides of the story, and when that occurs, then both sides need to step forward.

I have a hard time disagreeing with your boyfriend, except that what he wants is a little too extreme with no room for resolution.

Also, an apology offered for the sake of someone else (your mother) and at the suggestion of others rather than from your own desire is not really the best thing to do. Saying something just to make peace isn't honest. I'm not saying you were wrong to apologize, or that you were being manipulative, but just speaking on the issue overall.

What I think you need to do is what is best for you health, mental wellbeing, and you marriage with your fiance. Leave and cleave... but leave room for reconciliation at a later time when all parties can come together with a willing spirit to make up with each other.

You did not cause this fight. You cannot be the one to fix it. But you can insist on every one having an open mind when things simmer down.

As for your wedding and invitations, you aren't getting married for you guests, family or not. You're getting married for you. Feelings might get hurt, but that's something they have to deal with. You aren't responsible for other people's feelings when you yourself have not caused the problem that lead to them being hurt, angry, or offended in some way.

I understand you have some concern for your mother, but you don't have to risk your wellbeing or sanity over protecting her feelings.

As to your fiance, I would seek counseling for getting help making choices together and compromising.

Overall, it sounds like you have a family and a fiance who all have control issues and pride issues. That's something you can't fix, and should not be asked to. You can decide what you are willing to live with, and what boundaries you have for yourself and your child. At this point you don't owe anything to anyone, except your baby.

Seek the Lord. Seek to make him happy. Seek what will be good for you as an expecting mother, and what will be good for your baby.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm