FAITH is impossible

Chance7

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Hello, my name is Chance. Before I get started, I would just like to say that I’m sorry if this sounds horrible and for the length of it.

First of all, I’ve been a “Christian” for a few years now. I have a lot of mental illness and I saw the love of God when I was literally battling for what seemed to be my life with Tourette’s sundrome. I was in constant agony from my muscles. Psssing our a lot. Dehydrated and malnourished and living on Carnation breakfast essentials. I was under the delusion for many years that I was better than everyone else. I wanted to pretend I was superior because in my heart, I knew I wasn’t nearly as good as they were.

Anyway, I went through this struggle and I started to feel God’s presence. It was a beautiful white light in my mind that made me feel peace. and I began praying. God actually healed me from this and I was incredibly Grateful. I began to want to be with God and serve him. Until I started doing research on God. The people that I listened to basically told me that God Loves us. Then I started getting deeper and discovering more and more Laws and rules and litterally everything is a sin. Which wasn’t really a huge problem because I trusted in God. But after I started seeing all these people’s views and everything(rather than going by the Bible)I began to see nothing but uncertainty.

After all this, rather than trusting in God, after hearing all of these Bible verses, I began to live in fear. I came to Christ many times and asked for the Holy Spirit and for forgiveness, but I have no faith. I want Christ in my life and I’ve strives to stop sinning. But I’ve never really felt better for more than a few days.

I come to Christ and put trust in him to save me and for a few days, I feel peace and empowerment and love and victory over sins and I see fruit in my life. But then, little by little, I start to doubt and question. All the Bible verses that gave me peace and power suddenly bring fear and condemnation. The view I have of God goes from a loving father and son, to a hateful sovereign angry taskmaster and a cruel unsaving son. I feel no salvation. Then, I begin to get overloaded with anxiety and depression until I have massive backslides into sins. Then, I feel worse, nd as am absolute Blessing, Christ chastens md and pills me out and loves me. Then, the whole cycle starts again.

Honestly, it’s horrible. I live in constant anxiety and Terror and uncertainty. I’ve had every doubt and blasphemy and lie come not my mind and haunt me. I’ve “Blasphemed the Holy Spirit”, “become reprobate”, and “been given up on because God hates me” more times than I can count. I can still repent and I still love and want the Lord desperately, so I don’t think so. But every Bible verse that’s scary is God condemning me and every one that is reassuring is a Lie. I’m in constant condemnation. And it only ends when Christ helps me. Which I worry is running out. I’ve tried asking someone who is a leader about it and he says it’s a Faith problem. But I genuinely want faith. I feel like God has turned me away. But I’ll feel that a lot. This person also said “God’s not going to “understand” you”, when I was wondering if he would have mercy and understanding because of my mental illness. All I think is that it’s impossible to actually Get to Heaven because of something I can’t really control. It seems like God is just waiting to destroy me because of every little thing. I just ant to feel peace. How can I have more faith and not feel like God is going to just surprise me with some sin I didn’t know I was doing, on judgement day. How can I stop having anxiety attacks from reading my Bible and feel like God isn’t out to Get me and actually loves me?

Thank you to anyone who answers me and God bless you.
 

ToBeLoved

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The best thing to do is start posting the Bible verses and your reasoning and see if some people with more Biblical knowledge than you might have can help you bring clarity to things.

I find that sometimes people do not understand some parts of the Bible in depth and they may read it and think it’s saying one thing but maybe it’s not saying that.

It depends on how much your willing to really seek the Bible for answers.

People that are very versed in the Bible have studied it a lot. So you have to expect to really understand it that you will have to put a certain amount of effort and thought into learning and understanding.
 
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Greg J.

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Whoever said God's not going to understand you doesn't know the smallest truth about God. I wouldn't listen to them about God any more. I have had mental illnesses a long time. While everyone's is different, I can relate to the problem of how mental illness affects trying to understand how Scripture applies to oneself. You are facing several problems, not just one, but I will start with the most important one.

Do you believe God is real? Do you believe Jesus is real and is God's Son? Do you believe Jesus actually died so that you could be saved? Do you believe God actually raised the person Jesus from the dead about 2000 years ago? Have you recognized that you have sinned and need God's forgiveness? Have you asked God to forgive you all of your sins? Have you recognized that God is GOD and has the right to require you to behave morally and hold you accountable for doing so? Have you committed in your heart to allow Him to be your Lord, which means yielding to His will whether you face suffering or death?

If you can answer "yes" to all of those questions, then you have all the signs that God has forgiven you all your past, present, and future sins, has given you a rebirth in Christ, which means that from God's perspective your old self has passed away and you are now a new creation, pure and sinless. (The core of "you" is your spirit. Our bodies and souls are still afflicted by the sinful nature in this life.)

Salvation is an act of God, which is revealed in each of us by coming to believe the Truth of the list of questions above. The main point is that it is God that has saved you. Before we are saved, when we are slaves to sin, we do not have the ability to save ourselves. A slave cannot save a slave from slavery. Jesus paid the moral debt to God to set you free, if you choose to accept Him as your Lord. Some people will say that you cannot lose your salvation at this point, no matter how you may be feel; however, even if that's not true, all you have to do is stay faithful to keeping your will submitted to God's, and then you are saved and nothing can snatch you out of God's hand. This is a statement of the condition of your heart which does not change easily. If you daily fight with whether Jesus is your Lord or not, that does not mean your salvation flip-flops. The only real question is, did you really mean it when you decided you would accept Jesus as your Lord (the One who has the right to tell you what is right and wrong and to hold you accountable for doing what is right) and are trying to live to please God.
 
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Basil the Great

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Anxiety and depression are very common ailments, both for non-Christians and for Christians. I have an aunt who is age 92. She has been deeply religious Lutheran all of her life. However, she has suffered from anxiety for years now. It started when my uncle became ill and has continued after his death. Sadly, Christians are not immune from psychological and emotional ills. While there is no one solution that fits everyone, there are are variety of ways to help fight anxiety and depression. The best method that I have read about and found to be personally helpful, is to find someone else in need and do what you can to help them. You could volunteer at a local hospital or food pantry or homeless shelter. If you would rather, you could find an elderly or disabled neighbor and do something to assist them.

As for the rest of it, at some point, we all have to reach the position where we put our trust in the mercy of God. Unless we are able to do this, we will never have much security about getting to Heaven and this you are hearing from someone who does not believe that we can be completely secure, but I do believe that we can be relatively secure of our salvation.
 
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Greg J.

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Regarding faith, anyone who says your problem is a lack of faith and doesn't explain what that means is a "bad person" in my mind. Many, many people have received spiritual abuse from that. It is the answer people give when they don't know the answer. (Ask them to explain exactly why that is.) They would be better off saying "continue to study the Bible and believe what Jesus said."

Every problem that has ever existed is due to a lack of faith. All sin is the result of lack of faith. All consequences and pretty much everything on earth is twisted is from lack of faith. There is nothing we can do about all of that. Regarding ourselves, there is something we can do, but it sure isn't "trying harder to believe." Ephesians 2:8 tells us that faith is a gift from God (i.e., we can't grab more of it ourselves). In another place we are told to hold on to the faith we already have—that's the best we can do.

Luke 17:5-10 shows us that the way we increase our faith is by "doing what we are supposed to do." That is, abide in Christ (John 15:4) and obey Him (John 8:31-32). Neither of these things can be rushed. You only have control of the moment. The Lord rewards abiding in and obeying Him with greater faith in Him, which results in all the good things you read about in Scripture—sooner or later (1 Corinthians 3:21-22; Deuteronomy 28:1-14, Galatians 5:22-23, Isaiah 58, etc.).
 
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NBB

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I have autism, and i had OCD until God cured me.

Relax, take it easy, the important part is if you want to be faithful to Jesus.

Seek Him the best you can.

God understands you, and if you have a mental illness of some kind God considers that too, we can have a lot of problems with sins, but if you want to be faithful God understands that we need his help to overcome sin and be more like he want us to be, God is very patient, and want to help us. He is not like ready to punish you after you fail.
Just pray to be better and try to have a closer relationship with Him.
It can pass years until we find ourselves being like the bible says we need to be.
And i am not saying i have accomplished it.

Also the devil can put thoughts in our head and then accuse us of them, when you try to be a decent christian and be faithful the devil doesn't like that at all, and he puts rocks in our path... He is the accuser of the brothers...

Anyway, God is very patient and understands your problems, he wants to help you in the state you are, to get you in the place he wants or that we should be. (i don't think he gets 'alarmed' and start accusing you by all that is happening to you).
 
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Hello, my name is Chance. Before I get started, I would just like to say that I’m sorry if this sounds horrible and for the length of it.

First of all, I’ve been a “Christian” for a few years now. I have a lot of mental illness and I saw the love of God when I was literally battling for what seemed to be my life with Tourette’s sundrome. I was in constant agony from my muscles. Psssing our a lot. Dehydrated and malnourished and living on Carnation breakfast essentials. I was under the delusion for many years that I was better than everyone else. I wanted to pretend I was superior because in my heart, I knew I wasn’t nearly as good as they were.

Anyway, I went through this struggle and I started to feel God’s presence. It was a beautiful white light in my mind that made me feel peace. and I began praying. God actually healed me from this and I was incredibly Grateful. I began to want to be with God and serve him. Until I started doing research on God. The people that I listened to basically told me that God Loves us. Then I started getting deeper and discovering more and more Laws and rules and litterally everything is a sin. Which wasn’t really a huge problem because I trusted in God. But after I started seeing all these people’s views and everything(rather than going by the Bible)I began to see nothing but uncertainty.

After all this, rather than trusting in God, after hearing all of these Bible verses, I began to live in fear. I came to Christ many times and asked for the Holy Spirit and for forgiveness, but I have no faith. I want Christ in my life and I’ve strives to stop sinning. But I’ve never really felt better for more than a few days.

I come to Christ and put trust in him to save me and for a few days, I feel peace and empowerment and love and victory over sins and I see fruit in my life. But then, little by little, I start to doubt and question. All the Bible verses that gave me peace and power suddenly bring fear and condemnation. The view I have of God goes from a loving father and son, to a hateful sovereign angry taskmaster and a cruel unsaving son. I feel no salvation. Then, I begin to get overloaded with anxiety and depression until I have massive backslides into sins. Then, I feel worse, nd as am absolute Blessing, Christ chastens md and pills me out and loves me. Then, the whole cycle starts again.

Honestly, it’s horrible. I live in constant anxiety and Terror and uncertainty. I’ve had every doubt and blasphemy and lie come not my mind and haunt me. I’ve “Blasphemed the Holy Spirit”, “become reprobate”, and “been given up on because God hates me” more times than I can count. I can still repent and I still love and want the Lord desperately, so I don’t think so. But every Bible verse that’s scary is God condemning me and every one that is reassuring is a Lie. I’m in constant condemnation. And it only ends when Christ helps me. Which I worry is running out. I’ve tried asking someone who is a leader about it and he says it’s a Faith problem. But I genuinely want faith. I feel like God has turned me away. But I’ll feel that a lot. This person also said “God’s not going to “understand” you”, when I was wondering if he would have mercy and understanding because of my mental illness. All I think is that it’s impossible to actually Get to Heaven because of something I can’t really control. It seems like God is just waiting to destroy me because of every little thing. I just ant to feel peace. How can I have more faith and not feel like God is going to just surprise me with some sin I didn’t know I was doing, on judgement day. How can I stop having anxiety attacks from reading my Bible and feel like God isn’t out to Get me and actually loves me?

Thank you to anyone who answers me and God bless you.
True conversion to Christ is something the Holy Spirit does in you. You cannot convert yourself. It is not just accepting Christ and then wearing the Christian "badge". You need to stop feeling sorry for yourself and start seeking God with all your heart that He will do the work of conversion within you. This is how you prepared your heart for the work of conversion:
1. Confess and repent of all known sin - as far back as you can remember.
2. Acknowledge that Jesus died for you on the cross and rose again to give you eternal life. Tell God that you are totally depending on it for any hope of salvation.
3. Stop trusting in your own self-righteousness. That's your own ability to be holy. It is impossible. You can't be holy by trying to be holy. Give it up. Tell God you are giving up trying to be righteous and holy in your own strength, but you are going to try and turn away from every sin you can.
4. Turn from the world and its philosophies and pleasures. You cannot be a friend of the world and of Christ at the same time. You are in the world, but not of it.
5. Depart from ungodly associates and friends who would tempt you to do the things the people in the world do.
6. Turn completely to Christ, study His laws and do them. The flesh will trip you up at times, and all you have to do is to tell God about your shortcomings and failures, and He will forgive you and cleanse you.
7. Study the promises of God that show that if you come to Him He will not cast you out, and that show you that repentance and conversion will cause your sins to be blotted out.
8. Get Martin Luther's biography and read it. It seems that his experience is similar to yours!
9. Do all these things and plead with God that He does a complete transformation work in you, because when He does, you will know all about it, and will receive a whole new peace and joy in your life.
 
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Chance7

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Thank you guys. Honestl, the hard part is, everyone makes it sound like God is just waiting around to throw you into hell for every little sin or slip. They say they are sinless and that we can never sin too. They basically say, “either have faith or die” but then I struggle trying to get it. I have autism too. And I get scared easily. It makes me sound bad but bad but it’s true. The verses that scare me are like “depart from me” to the people that were avidly working for Christ. Or “if you don’t have faith God doesn’t hear your prayers”. Or “if you don’t have faith, Uou won’t be saved”.

I already know that and it gives me terrible anguish. Then, this same person said that anxiety is a sin and doubt is a sin and fear and condemnation you only have because your not with Christ. Which makes it far worse when I hear that because I can’t help it. I am trying for God. It’s just that when people scare me or come off as angry, I feel nothing but anxiety and fear from them and I want to flee. I don’t mean to. I am praying cinstantly. I am reading my Bible. I am asking for God to help me. I’m just scared and I want him in my life. The times where God delivers me and shows me his love are amazing and I begin destroying sins. Why am I being punished for that?

I am so scared and this same person said that taking my medicine was just a way to forget about God? I just take it so the anxiety didn’t give me a heart attack. I want to feel better to serve God more. He said it was sin that was the reason that I feel this way and yet, God is helping me destroy sins. I don’t understand. I’m sorry
 
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NBB

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Something important to know is that if we do our best to stay faithful in the adversity, even if its not much what we can do, God will back you up and give you a 'lift up' from your current bad position, just stay with God whatever happens and he will do.
 
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Willing-heart

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Being saved is not based on our feeble feelings, but rather, it is a Blessed Assurance (Ephesians 2:8) for those who believe in the Son of God, Christ Jesus (John 3:16). God did not write our name in the book of life in pencil. He does not erase our name every time we sin, then writes it back in when we repent. When God writes our name in the book of life, He writes it in the precious blood of Jesus. There is no ink that is more permanent and indelible than the blood of our Saviour, Christ Jesus.

In the book of Revelations, John had a real vision of the resurrected Christ Jesus, and He had seen the blood of Jesus flowing from His nail wounds. In the Bible, when John wrote that Jesus freed us by His precious blood, he did not have to imagine that blood. He simply remembered it vividly. In fact, If he lived to be million years old, he would never be able to erase the sight of that blood from his mind. Only the blood of Jesus saves, frees, and breaks the power of sin, shame, and addiction

There is Power in the Blood

When was the last time you wept and fasted and prayed in agony with a broken, contrite spirit and heart over your sin? When you do so you can be assured that:
  • God’s Grace will give you an aversion towards sin
  • God’s Grace will give you power over sin
  • God’s Grace will make you hate sin
  • God’s Grace will make you repulsed by sin
  • God’s Grace will give you victory over sin.
  • And God’s Grace will always drive you back to Christ every time you sin.
And lastly, the Word of God tells us “FEAR NOT” so as to assure us of the promise of comfort, security, and peace in Christ alone.
  • Fear not life. Why? “For I am the way the truth and the life” – John 14:6
  • Fear not death. Why? ” For I am He that lives and was dead, and behold I am alive forevermore.” – Rev. 1:18
  • Fear not the unknown. Why? “For I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end” – Rev. 22:13
  • Fear not evil. Why? “For thou art with me. thy rod and thy staff they comfort me” – Psalm 23:4
  • Fear not life problems. Why? “For God is our refuge, He is our strength, the very help in times of need or trouble” – Psalm 46:1
  • Fear not what others can do to us. Why? “In God I have put my trust. I will not fear what flesh can do to me” – Psalm 56:4
 
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Presbyterian Continuist

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Thank you guys. Honestl, the hard part is, everyone makes it sound like God is just waiting around to throw you into hell for every little sin or slip. They say they are sinless and that we can never sin too. They basically say, “either have faith or die” but then I struggle trying to get it. I have autism too. And I get scared easily. It makes me sound bad but bad but it’s true. The verses that scare me are like “depart from me” to the people that were avidly working for Christ. Or “if you don’t have faith God doesn’t hear your prayers”. Or “if you don’t have faith, Uou won’t be saved”.

I already know that and it gives me terrible anguish. Then, this same person said that anxiety is a sin and doubt is a sin and fear and condemnation you only have because your not with Christ. Which makes it far worse when I hear that because I can’t help it. I am trying for God. It’s just that when people scare me or come off as angry, I feel nothing but anxiety and fear from them and I want to flee. I don’t mean to. I am praying cinstantly. I am reading my Bible. I am asking for God to help me. I’m just scared and I want him in my life. The times where God delivers me and shows me his love are amazing and I begin destroying sins. Why am I being punished for that?

I am so scared and this same person said that taking my medicine was just a way to forget about God? I just take it so the anxiety didn’t give me a heart attack. I want to feel better to serve God more. He said it was sin that was the reason that I feel this way and yet, God is helping me destroy sins. I don’t understand. I’m sorry
The fact is, God is not waiting around for opportunities to throw people into hell. My Bible says that God is not willing that any should perish but that all my come to repentance. He went to the extreme trouble to sent His only Son into the world to die for sinners so they may be saved. Doesn't describe the God you are thinking about.

I think that you are still in the throes of the conviction of sin. You are seeing yourself as God sees you. This is good, because the Holy Spirit is working in you to draw you to Christ. Follow the guidelines I gave in my previous post to progress further in Christ.
 
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ToBeLoved

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Thank you guys. Honestl, the hard part is, everyone makes it sound like God is just waiting around to throw you into hell for every little sin or slip. They say they are sinless and that we can never sin too. They basically say, “either have faith or die” but then I struggle trying to get it. I have autism too. And I get scared easily. It makes me sound bad but bad but it’s true. The verses that scare me are like “depart from me” to the people that were avidly working for Christ. Or “if you don’t have faith God doesn’t hear your prayers”. Or “if you don’t have faith, Uou won’t be saved”.

I already know that and it gives me terrible anguish. Then, this same person said that anxiety is a sin and doubt is a sin and fear and condemnation you only have because your not with Christ. Which makes it far worse when I hear that because I can’t help it. I am trying for God. It’s just that when people scare me or come off as angry, I feel nothing but anxiety and fear from them and I want to flee. I don’t mean to. I am praying cinstantly. I am reading my Bible. I am asking for God to help me. I’m just scared and I want him in my life. The times where God delivers me and shows me his love are amazing and I begin destroying sins. Why am I being punished for that?

I am so scared and this same person said that taking my medicine was just a way to forget about God? I just take it so the anxiety didn’t give me a heart attack. I want to feel better to serve God more. He said it was sin that was the reason that I feel this way and yet, God is helping me destroy sins. I don’t understand. I’m sorry
God's see's all your effort. Your desire to know Him and He knows all the time you spend praying, reading your Bible and asking Him for help.

God is patient, your on the right track. Don't ask other people to tell you about God or what they think, ask God to help you learn about Him.

Stay on track. :oldthumbsup:
 
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NBB

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Thank you guys. Honestl, the hard part is, everyone makes it sound like God is just waiting around to throw you into hell for every little sin or slip. They say they are sinless and that we can never sin too. They basically say, “either have faith or die” but then I struggle trying to get it. I have autism too. And I get scared easily. It makes me sound bad but bad but it’s true. The verses that scare me are like “depart from me” to the people that were avidly working for Christ. Or “if you don’t have faith God doesn’t hear your prayers”. Or “if you don’t have faith, Uou won’t be saved”.

I already know that and it gives me terrible anguish. Then, this same person said that anxiety is a sin and doubt is a sin and fear and condemnation you only have because your not with Christ. Which makes it far worse when I hear that because I can’t help it. I am trying for God. It’s just that when people scare me or come off as angry, I feel nothing but anxiety and fear from them and I want to flee. I don’t mean to. I am praying cinstantly. I am reading my Bible. I am asking for God to help me. I’m just scared and I want him in my life. The times where God delivers me and shows me his love are amazing and I begin destroying sins. Why am I being punished for that?

I am so scared and this same person said that taking my medicine was just a way to forget about God? I just take it so the anxiety didn’t give me a heart attack. I want to feel better to serve God more. He said it was sin that was the reason that I feel this way and yet, God is helping me destroy sins. I don’t understand. I’m sorry

Like i said i have autism, and we can take things too literally or i don't know how to really describe it, and the bible can really scare us! but God is very patient, and wants to help!, more with us that have problems!.
 
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NBB

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Hello, my name is Chance. Before I get started, I would just like to say that I’m sorry if this sounds horrible and for the length of it.

First of all, I’ve been a “Christian” for a few years now. I have a lot of mental illness and I saw the love of God when I was literally battling for what seemed to be my life with Tourette’s sundrome. I was in constant agony from my muscles. Psssing our a lot. Dehydrated and malnourished and living on Carnation breakfast essentials. I was under the delusion for many years that I was better than everyone else. I wanted to pretend I was superior because in my heart, I knew I wasn’t nearly as good as they were.

Anyway, I went through this struggle and I started to feel God’s presence. It was a beautiful white light in my mind that made me feel peace. and I began praying. God actually healed me from this and I was incredibly Grateful. I began to want to be with God and serve him. Until I started doing research on God. The people that I listened to basically told me that God Loves us. Then I started getting deeper and discovering more and more Laws and rules and litterally everything is a sin. Which wasn’t really a huge problem because I trusted in God. But after I started seeing all these people’s views and everything(rather than going by the Bible)I began to see nothing but uncertainty.

After all this, rather than trusting in God, after hearing all of these Bible verses, I began to live in fear. I came to Christ many times and asked for the Holy Spirit and for forgiveness, but I have no faith. I want Christ in my life and I’ve strives to stop sinning. But I’ve never really felt better for more than a few days.

I come to Christ and put trust in him to save me and for a few days, I feel peace and empowerment and love and victory over sins and I see fruit in my life. But then, little by little, I start to doubt and question. All the Bible verses that gave me peace and power suddenly bring fear and condemnation. The view I have of God goes from a loving father and son, to a hateful sovereign angry taskmaster and a cruel unsaving son. I feel no salvation. Then, I begin to get overloaded with anxiety and depression until I have massive backslides into sins. Then, I feel worse, nd as am absolute Blessing, Christ chastens md and pills me out and loves me. Then, the whole cycle starts again.

Honestly, it’s horrible. I live in constant anxiety and Terror and uncertainty. I’ve had every doubt and blasphemy and lie come not my mind and haunt me. I’ve “Blasphemed the Holy Spirit”, “become reprobate”, and “been given up on because God hates me” more times than I can count. I can still repent and I still love and want the Lord desperately, so I don’t think so. But every Bible verse that’s scary is God condemning me and every one that is reassuring is a Lie. I’m in constant condemnation. And it only ends when Christ helps me. Which I worry is running out. I’ve tried asking someone who is a leader about it and he says it’s a Faith problem. But I genuinely want faith. I feel like God has turned me away. But I’ll feel that a lot. This person also said “God’s not going to “understand” you”, when I was wondering if he would have mercy and understanding because of my mental illness. All I think is that it’s impossible to actually Get to Heaven because of something I can’t really control. It seems like God is just waiting to destroy me because of every little thing. I just ant to feel peace. How can I have more faith and not feel like God is going to just surprise me with some sin I didn’t know I was doing, on judgement day. How can I stop having anxiety attacks from reading my Bible and feel like God isn’t out to Get me and actually loves me?

Thank you to anyone who answers me and God bless you.

My struggle is very similar to yours, i when we say: 'now i have done it with all the bad things i have done and i don't think God loves me anymore', I found myself after being wrong, that always God is there! even if we feel we are deep in trouble and God is nowhere to be seen, he is faithful, and he is with us.
 
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Presbyterian Continuist

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How can I have more faith and not feel like God is going to just surprise me with some sin I didn’t know I was doing, on judgement day

Oh my God, i have that one too from time to time! the best i can do is try to ignore it.
 
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FIRESTORM314

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Hello, my name is Chance. Before I get started, I would just like to say that I’m sorry if this sounds horrible and for the length of it.

First of all, I’ve been a “Christian” for a few years now. I have a lot of mental illness and I saw the love of God when I was literally battling for what seemed to be my life with Tourette’s sundrome. I was in constant agony from my muscles. Psssing our a lot. Dehydrated and malnourished and living on Carnation breakfast essentials. I was under the delusion for many years that I was better than everyone else. I wanted to pretend I was superior because in my heart, I knew I wasn’t nearly as good as they were.

Anyway, I went through this struggle and I started to feel God’s presence. It was a beautiful white light in my mind that made me feel peace. and I began praying. God actually healed me from this and I was incredibly Grateful. I began to want to be with God and serve him. Until I started doing research on God. The people that I listened to basically told me that God Loves us. Then I started getting deeper and discovering more and more Laws and rules and litterally everything is a sin. Which wasn’t really a huge problem because I trusted in God. But after I started seeing all these people’s views and everything(rather than going by the Bible)I began to see nothing but uncertainty.

After all this, rather than trusting in God, after hearing all of these Bible verses, I began to live in fear. I came to Christ many times and asked for the Holy Spirit and for forgiveness, but I have no faith. I want Christ in my life and I’ve strives to stop sinning. But I’ve never really felt better for more than a few days.

I come to Christ and put trust in him to save me and for a few days, I feel peace and empowerment and love and victory over sins and I see fruit in my life. But then, little by little, I start to doubt and question. All the Bible verses that gave me peace and power suddenly bring fear and condemnation. The view I have of God goes from a loving father and son, to a hateful sovereign angry taskmaster and a cruel unsaving son. I feel no salvation. Then, I begin to get overloaded with anxiety and depression until I have massive backslides into sins. Then, I feel worse, nd as am absolute Blessing, Christ chastens md and pills me out and loves me. Then, the whole cycle starts again.

Honestly, it’s horrible. I live in constant anxiety and Terror and uncertainty. I’ve had every doubt and blasphemy and lie come not my mind and haunt me. I’ve “Blasphemed the Holy Spirit”, “become reprobate”, and “been given up on because God hates me” more times than I can count. I can still repent and I still love and want the Lord desperately, so I don’t think so. But every Bible verse that’s scary is God condemning me and every one that is reassuring is a Lie. I’m in constant condemnation. And it only ends when Christ helps me. Which I worry is running out. I’ve tried asking someone who is a leader about it and he says it’s a Faith problem. But I genuinely want faith. I feel like God has turned me away. But I’ll feel that a lot. This person also said “God’s not going to “understand” you”, when I was wondering if he would have mercy and understanding because of my mental illness. All I think is that it’s impossible to actually Get to Heaven because of something I can’t really control. It seems like God is just waiting to destroy me because of every little thing. I just ant to feel peace. How can I have more faith and not feel like God is going to just surprise me with some sin I didn’t know I was doing, on judgement day. How can I stop having anxiety attacks from reading my Bible and feel like God isn’t out to Get me and actually loves me?

Thank you to anyone who answers me and God bless you.

How would you feel if God himself spoke to you and called you his son?
 
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Chance7

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Thank you guys very much, Honestly. I am sorry I had to write here and Take up time. I just needed some help. I have Autism, severe Anxiety disorder, And Severe OCD.
Now, after talking to peplle who seemed kind but told me a ton of different theology, I wan scared and kind of Conuded me. So, I started watching testimonies of hell and it scared me away. Not completely. Nothing ever. but it made it hell.

It made seem more like there was no hope than anything. Then, I started going to these people to help me. Who ithey told me: 1-1000 will be saved . With any sin at all, you have no hope, you have to be sinless and perfect. You think Hod’s going to “understand” you, God’s not going to understand you.

Appearently, this person was adamant about how God didn’t care very much. And when I has a breakdown and asked what what was wrong, he said it was a faith thing. But he never explained it. He even said that there is no mental illness that can stop you from faking faith?



.































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