Hi,
I have a problem and I am hoping this community can help. I wholeheartedly want to believe in a God. The Christian God I am most familiar with as went to a catholic school growing up and my parents were born again and I even attended the church in my teens (I am now 36).
A bit about me. I am a thinker and if I am curious about something I can not let it go until I find the answer. Always, been inquisitive and if I decide to learn something I will learn it inside and out.
When I was a teen I attended a church and I think I was generally accepted until I started to ask questions. They would say things like "You just have to accept this on faith" and because of the way I am (right or wrong) I just could not accept this. I had an extremely good relationship with my Grand Parents and they taught me from an early age to question everything. Now I am not sure if this caused them to see me as trouble but honestly, I wasn't, I just had this need for answers.
Anyway, at the age of 15, I met my wife to be and to cut a long story short I ended up having a pastor visit our house and basically accuse us of doing things which we were not. At this point, I never went back again as I just felt like I was being judged. In truth, it was that event that put me on a path where I turned away and never stepped foot in a church since.
Later in life, i lost the most important person in my life (my Nanna) to cancer and this made me question further and I was in a dark place for a decade. I have since lost my grandfather and for some reason, I started to be able to grief and wondered if I was getting a helping hand so to speak. At this point in my life, I was bordering on wanting to believe and my wife was a flat out non-believer.
We now have two kids but had two really bad miscarriages one before each pregnancy. This actually brought my wife to God who is a strong believer (but does not attend church as she feel they judge because of our earlier experience as she went to the same church).
I would say the pain of these miscarriages turned me back the other was and I was really angry.
Fast forward to now. I have two amazing children and they have changed my whole life. Before them it is like i saw life in black and white and when my first son was born it was like I saw in color for the first time. It has really changed me and I feel things so much more now (which is hard for me as a man as my family really don't do feelings). So now if I see suffering on the tv or in the street it really affects me and I want to help. Its not that I didn't want to help before as if I noticed I would always help but not I feel compelled, if that makes sense.
So now my question.
I really really really want to 100% be a believer but my mind has questions which cant be answered or I may read something in the bible and I am like no way is that true etc. I believe the bible was written by a man ultimately so you can not take everything as gospel (parden the pun).
Its like I need to believe, its hard to explain but I just can't and when I try my mind asks things like what about all the suffering etc the usual stuff.
My intention is really not to offend and if I have with anything I write I am sorry. Please help.
I am sorry for the really long post and if it is in the wrong place.
I have a problem and I am hoping this community can help. I wholeheartedly want to believe in a God. The Christian God I am most familiar with as went to a catholic school growing up and my parents were born again and I even attended the church in my teens (I am now 36).
A bit about me. I am a thinker and if I am curious about something I can not let it go until I find the answer. Always, been inquisitive and if I decide to learn something I will learn it inside and out.
When I was a teen I attended a church and I think I was generally accepted until I started to ask questions. They would say things like "You just have to accept this on faith" and because of the way I am (right or wrong) I just could not accept this. I had an extremely good relationship with my Grand Parents and they taught me from an early age to question everything. Now I am not sure if this caused them to see me as trouble but honestly, I wasn't, I just had this need for answers.
Anyway, at the age of 15, I met my wife to be and to cut a long story short I ended up having a pastor visit our house and basically accuse us of doing things which we were not. At this point, I never went back again as I just felt like I was being judged. In truth, it was that event that put me on a path where I turned away and never stepped foot in a church since.
Later in life, i lost the most important person in my life (my Nanna) to cancer and this made me question further and I was in a dark place for a decade. I have since lost my grandfather and for some reason, I started to be able to grief and wondered if I was getting a helping hand so to speak. At this point in my life, I was bordering on wanting to believe and my wife was a flat out non-believer.
We now have two kids but had two really bad miscarriages one before each pregnancy. This actually brought my wife to God who is a strong believer (but does not attend church as she feel they judge because of our earlier experience as she went to the same church).
I would say the pain of these miscarriages turned me back the other was and I was really angry.
Fast forward to now. I have two amazing children and they have changed my whole life. Before them it is like i saw life in black and white and when my first son was born it was like I saw in color for the first time. It has really changed me and I feel things so much more now (which is hard for me as a man as my family really don't do feelings). So now if I see suffering on the tv or in the street it really affects me and I want to help. Its not that I didn't want to help before as if I noticed I would always help but not I feel compelled, if that makes sense.
So now my question.
I really really really want to 100% be a believer but my mind has questions which cant be answered or I may read something in the bible and I am like no way is that true etc. I believe the bible was written by a man ultimately so you can not take everything as gospel (parden the pun).
Its like I need to believe, its hard to explain but I just can't and when I try my mind asks things like what about all the suffering etc the usual stuff.
My intention is really not to offend and if I have with anything I write I am sorry. Please help.
I am sorry for the really long post and if it is in the wrong place.