Facing the first birthday without her

"Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever."
-1 Thessalonians 4:13-17, NIV

Those are the words that verse 18 says to comfort one another with, and so I'm starting with those.

I don't have any children here on earth... but I have lost 5 babies before they were born. The hardest was our daughter, Annaliah (we call her Anna). I don't think I can even imagine what you're going through, in so many ways... and yet, in some I can. I know the pain of sudden, unexpected loss... not only from the loss of our babies, but also from the recent (too recent) death of my grandmother in a horrible car crash. And I know the pain of not getting to say goodbye. And, probably to a far lesser degree, the pain of losing a child. And I do understand about approaching birthdays. This past december, as we passed the due-date of our Anna, and were still raw from the loss of twins that fall, I couldn't help but think about the day that was approaching - the day she was to join us in the wide world. I know it's not the same, but there are some things that helped me that might help you...

Probably more than anything else, it helped to sit with my husband and just talk about her... about what it was like when we found out she was coming... about that first appt. finding her heartbeat... about the first night I felt her move (very early on)... about the last night I felt her move, and about that final ultrasound that showed she was no longer with us. And it helped to talk to God. To tell Him how much I was hurting, how alone and sad I felt. On her "birthday", we sent out e-cards and a link to a small page about her. It helped so much to feel like people hadn't forgotten. We also got flowers, and we had a "birthday supper." It might not be something that would help you, but for us, it has helped to face it head-on. To acknowledge that we're hurting so much without her, and that we miss her horribly, and that of COURSE we are thinking about her and feeling sad on that day (and most others, too).

Based on what little you've written, I think you are a very strong person... and the parent (mom, I'm assuming from your user name) of an amazing young woman. But most importantly, I know that God is able not only to save us and eventually bring us into His heaven, but He is able to comfort us now, and able to restore hope and bring healing... and even joy.

Bless your soul. May Gods peace and comfort rest upon your sould tonight and every second of your life sis. Praying for you. Love you.

That is so sad. She was so young. I have chilldren in their twenties and early thirties, and cannot imagine not having them here to share good times with.

My family lost my 40 year old brother in October. It was sudden also. He developed blood clots in his lungs and died with the EMTs trying to save him. His birthday was in December. We were able to be comforted by a special Christmas tree lighting ceremony at the funeral home where his funeral was, and then we visited a bar he worked at and had a diet Coke in honor of his birthday. Christmas was a terribly sad time without him.

Time heals, but anniversaries and birthdays make the pain fresh again. Rejoice in the knowledge that your daughter is dancing with Jesus, as is my brother. She has no pain, and no suffering. Neither does my brother. Do we miss them, most certainly. But, God does comfort me through all of this.

God bless.

Hugs,
Trish