Facebook Posting and My Reaction

[The Dog]

I seek comments about this matter, how I handled it and if even I was justified in my reaction. My wife and I are young senior citizens and have been married about two years. W are both Christians. She spends an enormous time on FB and until a few days ago, all of her interactions have been with girl friends and relatives. A few days ago one of the friends posted a picture of some male "celebrity" I've never heard of wearing just a pair of shorts. The friend asked "who would like to count the freckles on his beautiful body" to which my wife responded "where do I sign up?". Later on in another posting of the same guy, my wife responded "he would look better without a shirt and pants" and "I would volunteer to take long walks with him." The final posting from my wife was an emoji with lots of hearts and a tongue hanging out. I don't like confrontations but I couldn't let this pass. I read her all her statements and told her she claims she doesn't have desire for me (allegedly because of hormones) but she's on FB drooling over this guy and she made me look like a fool and made me feel like garbage. Her response was she ridiculed me and said this was nothing but a joke. Now its silent treatment and last night she went to sleep in another bedroom. I told her I would never, ever do something like this. Your response please...

 

[RaymondG]

Natural answer:
-This is disrespectful to the relationship.....You should consider getting your own account, and commenting on the photos of other women and see how she likes it. Make sure you add a comments to the likes of, wanting to see what a girl looks like without their clothes on.....

Religious answer:
You are the head of your house. It is your wifes duty to honor and obey you. Her comments on fb are not the comments of a virtuous woman. You need to consider getting rid of fb and seeking Christian counselling...............at a bible believing and speaking church.

Spiritual answer:
Take control of your heart and mind. The reading of words, whatever they may be, should not insight any emotions or thoughts in you, that you wish not to have. I would consider this a test that you need to keep taking until you pass.........continue to ignore and read these posts unto you are not affected by them.... After this, you will be a spiritually stronger and generally happier person. Your wife and everyone around you will see this new you and gravitate towards it........YOUR picture will show on FB and ladies will comment that they want to see YOUR clothes off.......your wife will shut that down and say "You cant, because I will be the only one taking his clothes off" Then you will wish that you hadnt pushed so hard for more intimacy.......But these are better problems to deal with. Amen.



Please, let me know which advice you lean more towards.

 

[The Dog]

Interesting layout of posts! I would NEVER do this to her as a form of Satanic getting even. Words can and do hurt people. The only time they won't is when we are dead. Her doing this was disrespectful to me and the marriage.

 

[RaymondG]

Interesting layout of posts! I would NEVER do this to her as a form of Satanic getting even. Words can and do hurt people. The only time they won't is when we are dead. Her doing this was disrespectful to me and the marriage.

So you lean more towards the Religious answer then? No fault in that......like your thoughts about people being hurt by words.......most people are religious.

But there are a few spiritual........and they are not hurt by words........for the one in them who is capable of being hurt.....has been crucified.

I hope you find the answers you seek and are comforted by them....

 

[*LILAC]

For one, your wife needs to grow up! If she's a Christian as she claims to be then she is committing adultery. FB is garbage. The reason your wife claims she doesn't desire you IS because she's spending all of her energy on that crap site! Nothing to do with hormones! There are SO many stories out there just like this one, it's sad.

 

[Saricharity]

Hmm...well, perhaps I don't know very much about this kind of thing yet because I'm a newlywed myself. But, as a user of Facebook, I can see how jokes like this play about. My friends post pictures of good-looking celebrities that they enjoy looking at and often there are fun remarks and games about how stunningly good-looking they are. I have played along many times in my teen years...it was just stupid fun. No one really takes much notice of it. Just silliness which I know girls my age and younger are guilty of.
My guess is your wife is guilty of the same kind of stupid playfulness. She may be a senior but she is still a woman. I'm not sure how you approached her about the subject but it sounded like you were very hurt by her actions. Telling her that she struggles with desire (and I'm assuming you mean sexual desire) and accusing her of lusting over another was likely hurtful to her. I'm thinking she was taken off guard by your assertions. Older woman, from what I've heard, really do struggle with hormones. It's not made up. I wouldn't presume that her desire for you has diminished. I sense this is really a subject close to your heart. I'm sorry I don't know what its like to be an older couple or about struggles you have with ageing.
I sincerely believe that you should give her the benefit of the doubt that she was just joking around with her friend and quite innocently at that...maybe even forgot herself in the giddiness of the moment. I doubt that she thought it would upset you so much. I'm not underplaying how you feel but maybe suggesting your approach may have been abrupt.

Please talk to her. I think you both need to offer apologies. Listen to one another. Don't shut down.

 

[The Dog]

When you are telling your husband you have no desire for him but you are drooling all over some guy on FB makes the husband feel like a fool and is exceedingly hurtful. Then to ridicule his feelings simply pours salt into the wound. I just hope this never happens to you!

 

[Deidre32]

Raymond, what are you talking about “obey?” Ugh, the distortion of Scripture by married Christian men never ceases to amaze me.

To the OP, your wife is out of line and it’s very embarrassing to be married to someone who with comments like that, acts like you’re not enough. Even though it’s “just a celeb” it is insulting to her walk with God and you. Hope you can work it out.

I think FB is evil lol It doesn’t do much good for anyone. But it really doesn’t force something that isn’t already there. It’s just another tool that can be used for good or bad things.

 

[RaymondG]

Raymond, what are you talking about “obey?” Ugh, the distortion of Scripture by married Christian men never ceases to amaze me.

I think you need to re-read my post.....As I gave three point of views......Answers I would have given during each part of my personal journey...... during the natural, religious, and spiritual times. Now I choose to worship in spirit.

But this is good to use as an example. You and the OP'er felt that the writer of the words read, caused the negative thoughts that was the result of your reading. We see now that you mistook the intentions of the words.... Therefore it is clear that it is your own thoughts and feelings that caused your reaction. Has you decided to think differently, see my words differently, or chosen to not judge the words at all, you would not have experienced any amazement.

Thanks for the lesson.

To the OP, your wife is out of line and it’s very embarrassing to be married to someone who with comments like that, acts like you’re not enough. Even though it’s “just a celeb” it is insulting to her walk with God and you. Hope you can work it out.

This would fit perfectly in line under my religious section......

I think FB is evil lol It doesn’t do much good for anyone. But it really doesn’t force something that isn’t already there. It’s just another tool that can be used for good or bad things.

This two is a good quote for the religious section.

 

[Deidre32]

I think you need to re-read my post.....As I gave three point of views......Answers I would have given during each part of my personal journey...... during the natural, religious, and spiritual times. Now I choose to worship in spirit.

But this is good to use as an example. You and the OP'er felt that the writer of the words read, caused the negative thoughts that was the result of your reading. We see now that you mistook the intentions of the words.... Therefore it is clear that it is your own thoughts and feelings that caused your reaction. Has you decided to think differently, see my words differently, or chosen to not judge the words at all, you would not have experienced any amazement.

Thanks for the lesson.



This would fit perfectly in line under my religious section......



This two is a good quote for the religious section.

You edited your reply. At the top you had stated bluntly and clearly that “you’re the head of the household and your wife needs to obey you.” I should have quoted it but that’s what you edited out.

No worries.

 

[RaymondG]

You edited your reply. At the top you had stated bluntly and clearly that “you’re the head of the household and your wife needs to obey you.” I should have quoted it but that’s what you edited out.

No worries.

Yes I did edit my reply.....I had "see how see likes it" and I replaced it with "see how SHE likes it"

I pondered how the edit would hinder those, looking for the negative......but decided to remove the typo anyway.

The line you mentioned about head of the household is still there.....if you care to read it with understanding. so you can still quote them if you like....

If not, feel free to talk about my words, as you wish, for you cannot alter my thoughts or feelings, for I am in control of them. Looking at groups of letters on a screen cannot alter them.....

Another lesson for the OP. so thank you again.

 

[Deidre32]

Either way, Scripture doesn’t say that wives are to obey their husbands. Submit doesn’t mean that, really. But anyways.

 

[RaymondG]

Either way, Scripture doesn’t say that wives are to obey their husbands. Submit doesn’t mean that, really. But anyways.

Do you deny that Some of those in religion, do believe that wives are to honour and obey their husbands? If you do not, then you actually agree with me. So why look for disagreement when there is none?

 

[Saricharity]

When you are telling your husband you have no desire for him but you are drooling all over some guy on FB makes the husband feel like a fool and is exceedingly hurtful. Then to ridicule his feelings simply pours salt into the wound. I just hope this never happens to you!

I'm sorry you are hurting. I'm sorry if my response was in anyway hurtful to you. It wasn't my intention. I guess I just feel like you may be overreacting. Perhaps take some time to calm down, pray, seek wise counsel but please don't shut down. When you feel like you have calmed down enough, share exactly what you have shared here with your wife. Let her hear your heart. Let her see the love you have for her. Try and understand how she may be feeling. Don't let something like this break down your communication.
May I ask how you feel she ridiculed you?
I hope something similar doesn't happen to me either; however, I pray that I will keep the lines of communication open and not shut down. Marriage can be full of misunderstandings and miscommunications...how can it not? Two completely different people are committed to loving and living with one another. Misunderstandings are bound to happen.
But, as I said, take what I say with a grain of salt, I'm very new to this. I'm learning every day.

 

[Deidre32]

Do you deny that Some of those in religion, do believe that wives are to honour and obey their husbands? If you do not, then you actually agree with me. So why look for disagreement when there is none?

Lol okay

 

[Swan7]

I seek comments about this matter, how I handled it and if even I was justified in my reaction. My wife and I are young senior citizens and have been married about two years. W are both Christians. She spends an enormous time on FB and until a few days ago, all of her interactions have been with girl friends and relatives. A few days ago one of the friends posted a picture of some male "celebrity" I've never heard of wearing just a pair of shorts. The friend asked "who would like to count the freckles on his beautiful body" to which my wife responded "where do I sign up?". Later on in another posting of the same guy, my wife responded "he would look better without a shirt and pants" and "I would volunteer to take long walks with him." The final posting from my wife was an emoji with lots of hearts and a tongue hanging out. I don't like confrontations but I couldn't let this pass. I read her all her statements and told her she claims she doesn't have desire for me (allegedly because of hormones) but she's on FB drooling over this guy and she made me look like a fool and made me feel like garbage. Her response was she ridiculed me and said this was nothing but a joke. Now its silent treatment and last night she went to sleep in another bedroom. I told her I would never, ever do something like this. Your response please...

The best and only advise I give to anyone with a problem is to go to God. She didn't listen to your rebuke, so now it's time to turn to God and not man. Let God work through you and I pray she comes around and desires God again. I pray your marriage is God-centered.

 

[The Dog]

I'm sorry you are hurting. I'm sorry if my response was in anyway hurtful to you. It wasn't my intention. I guess I just feel like you may be overreacting. Perhaps take some time to calm down, pray, seek wise counsel but please don't shut down. When you feel like you have calmed down enough, share exactly what you have shared here with your wife. Let her hear your heart. Let her see the love you have for her. Try and understand how she may be feeling. Don't let something like this break down your communication.
May I ask how you feel she ridiculed you?
I hope something similar doesn't happen to me either; however, I pray that I will keep the lines of communication open and not shut down. Marriage can be full of misunderstandings and miscommunications...how can it not? Two completely different people are committed to loving and living with one another. Misunderstandings are bound to happen.
But, as I said, take what I say with a grain of salt, I'm very new to this. I'm learning every day.

She actually laughed out loud. I'm sorry, this is NOT a laughing matter! What she did was disrespectful to our marriage and to me. I would never, ever do this to her! In fact, as I once told her, in my mind she is the only woman alive. All the rest are just people! The bottom line to all this is her enormous amount of time spent on FB. I complained about it before and nothing has changed. I guess in her mind I'm the bad guy and she needs to distance herself from me! That's why she is now sleeping in another bedroom. How about that..she is the one who makes a fool out of me by drooling after some picture on FB so that's why SHE doesn't want to sleep in the same bed with me!

 

[The Dog]

I'm sorry you are hurting. I'm sorry if my response was in anyway hurtful to you. It wasn't my intention. I guess I just feel like you may be overreacting. Perhaps take some time to calm down, pray, seek wise counsel but please don't shut down. When you feel like you have calmed down enough, share exactly what you have shared here with your wife. Let her hear your heart. Let her see the love you have for her. Try and understand how she may be feeling. Don't let something like this break down your communication.
May I ask how you feel she ridiculed you?
I hope something similar doesn't happen to me either; however, I pray that I will keep the lines of communication open and not shut down. Marriage can be full of misunderstandings and miscommunications...how can it not? Two completely different people are committed to loving and living with one another. Misunderstandings are bound to happen.
But, as I said, take what I say with a grain of salt, I'm very new to this. I'm learning every day.

The lines of communication are open. I will talk with her about this anytime she wishes. However, to tell your husband she has no sexual desires for him or anybody else and then post garbage like this is a stab in the back. The whole FB issue is garbage. She checks it when she wakes up and before she goes to bed. There have been many, many times we'd both be in the living room after I come home from work and the entire time she's on FB. On the way to church, I'm driving and she's on FB. There would be times when I would go to bed early. I'd wake up after a few hours and she's in the living room still on FB. Every time I depart work, I'd send her a text. Often times her response is a one letter "k" probably because she's concentrating on FB. We would have a date night, come home and she goes right to the couch and gets on FB. I didn't marry her to be second banana to FB or be her brother.

 

[The Dog]

I'm sorry you are hurting. I'm sorry if my response was in anyway hurtful to you. It wasn't my intention. I guess I just feel like you may be overreacting. Perhaps take some time to calm down, pray, seek wise counsel but please don't shut down. When you feel like you have calmed down enough, share exactly what you have shared here with your wife. Let her hear your heart. Let her see the love you have for her. Try and understand how she may be feeling. Don't let something like this break down your communication.
May I ask how you feel she ridiculed you?
I hope something similar doesn't happen to me either; however, I pray that I will keep the lines of communication open and not shut down. Marriage can be full of misunderstandings and miscommunications...how can it not? Two completely different people are committed to loving and living with one another. Misunderstandings are bound to happen.
But, as I said, take what I say with a grain of salt, I'm very new to this. I'm learning every day.

I almost forgot, you were not hurtful to me. Just to add to my previous post, one of her FB friends is her ex-husband and his brother! I shouldn't have to go to the ex's FB page and find MY wife's picture there! I also remember finding a post there a few months ago where she was responding to one of her friend's bathroom "humor". She said "I love you". I almost exploded about that. Thanks for your contributions!

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

1. When it comes to the male pictures thing, its one to thing to be like "Hes cute!" in jest. Its another to obsess over a guys picture and essentially to flirt (well more or less). My wife has some asian actors she likes and gets all giggly about. I'm fine with that. There are beautiful and handsome people out there. As long as it never goes to far.

When we first were married I did have a brief period where I was almost jealous of how she said things online. But got over that and realized it wasn't anything major.

2. She SHOULD NOT be friends with her ex. I mean the only reason to even talk to them is if you have kids together. Having a ex in your life opens the door to falling back in love when you are having a down moment in your marriage. My wife and I both blocked out exs on FB.

3. Saying "I love you!" about a joke doesn't mean she literally loves that person. It's just an expression. Shes just saying she loves that persons jokes.

4. Reading the other posts now (I forgot to before) I'd say it is not good to say she doesn't desire you but then act all lovey about some other guys online. Even if it is a celeb. I mean its not like shes going to leave you for them. But the fact she tells you she has no desire for you is hurtful. Unless of course theres another side to this story like if you are critical to much of her, maybe she feels less loved.

5. FB and phones in general are annoying. My wife spends way to much time on FB and it drives me nuts. Heck when I see people on their phones in the car, eating out, sitting out anywhere, at a theater I fdeel like screaming "Whats so dang important that you need to be on your phone 24/7?". If it wasn't illegal I'd grab someones phone and stomp on it. Granted I'd never actually do that. I'm to nice.

FB and being online can be an actual addiction. She should talk to someone about that. Especially when you can tell shes not paying attention and just says "K" to everything. My wife used to be worse about it but one day after working around the house all day, cooking, cleaning and then wanting to "be intimate" she was on her phone and I was like "I'd love to be phone! Then I'd get some attention!". It made her think and she changed her usage of it. She still uses it alot but much less then before.