- Nov 6, 2022
- 30
- 16
- 23
- Country
- United States
- Faith
- Christian
- Marital Status
- Single
This weekend I've really been struggling, I had gone quite a while without any masturbation or inappropriate content use. but Friday I watched inappropriate content and masturbated and started to hate myself for doing so. Then Saturday the self loathing got so bad I did the only thing I could think of to stop feeling bad about my self. touch and look at inappropriate content again several times. Which made me even more depressed so I drank a whole bottle of wine last night to stop feeling bad.
So I've been thinking, God doesn't want me to feel this way right? This extreme guilt is causing me to self destruct.
I'm tired of beating myself up over this, and in fact, I once went 3 years without masturbation or inappropriate content, but it just isn't sustainable.
So I figure, what's so wrong with allowing myself to touch just without any visual stimulation? Why did God allow King David to have multiple wives and concubines and call him a man after God's own heart? In fact, after David fornicated with Bathsheba, God said if it was more women David desired, he would have given David MORE wives! And if David had concubines, that means he was having sex before marriage right? And in fact, he never married those concubines.
In the New Testament the vast majority of the verses about sexual immorality have to do with either adultery or homosexuality, I don't think masturbation is ever specifically mentioned. Either way, I wish I could never touch, but I'm just at a point now where I think I have to accept it and allow myself to do that. I pray for the Lord to give me a wife to express my sexual side to.
I have a friend from church who has become my accountability partner, and well he claims that with practice he's reached a point where he never looks at women any more and never masturbates. But he also is engaged and getting married this summer so I suspect it's probably easier to wait when you know you're going to have sex soon ish.
I had already reached that point before, I went 3 years without inappropriate content or masturbation in the past, but it just isn't sustainable for me, sexual desire is too strong. I'm at a breaking point. I hate myself and who I am everyday, and I also struggled with addiction to amphetamines and am only a month sober.
I often feel guilty for even desiring a woman sexually, like I'm somehow violating her just for desiring sex with her. When I watch inappropriate content, I know that if I met her in real life, I wouldn't have sex with her, I just wanna hug her and tell her everything's gonna be all right and that she doesn't have to do inappropriate content even though she feels like she has to.
In the past, I even felt suicidal, because I was THAT guilty about my masturbation and inappropriate content use.
So I've been thinking, God doesn't want me to feel this way right? This extreme guilt is causing me to self destruct.
I'm tired of beating myself up over this, and in fact, I once went 3 years without masturbation or inappropriate content, but it just isn't sustainable.
So I figure, what's so wrong with allowing myself to touch just without any visual stimulation? Why did God allow King David to have multiple wives and concubines and call him a man after God's own heart? In fact, after David fornicated with Bathsheba, God said if it was more women David desired, he would have given David MORE wives! And if David had concubines, that means he was having sex before marriage right? And in fact, he never married those concubines.
In the New Testament the vast majority of the verses about sexual immorality have to do with either adultery or homosexuality, I don't think masturbation is ever specifically mentioned. Either way, I wish I could never touch, but I'm just at a point now where I think I have to accept it and allow myself to do that. I pray for the Lord to give me a wife to express my sexual side to.
I have a friend from church who has become my accountability partner, and well he claims that with practice he's reached a point where he never looks at women any more and never masturbates. But he also is engaged and getting married this summer so I suspect it's probably easier to wait when you know you're going to have sex soon ish.
I had already reached that point before, I went 3 years without inappropriate content or masturbation in the past, but it just isn't sustainable for me, sexual desire is too strong. I'm at a breaking point. I hate myself and who I am everyday, and I also struggled with addiction to amphetamines and am only a month sober.
I often feel guilty for even desiring a woman sexually, like I'm somehow violating her just for desiring sex with her. When I watch inappropriate content, I know that if I met her in real life, I wouldn't have sex with her, I just wanna hug her and tell her everything's gonna be all right and that she doesn't have to do inappropriate content even though she feels like she has to.
In the past, I even felt suicidal, because I was THAT guilty about my masturbation and inappropriate content use.