Exodus

[marcb]

I found this to be particularly applicable to us:

Exodus 4:10-12 [after God calls Moses to approach Pharoah to free the Israelites (emphases mine)]:


Moses raised another objection to God: "Master, please, I don't talk well. I've never been good with words, neither before nor after you spoke to me. I stutter and stammer."
God said, "And who do you think made the human mouth? And who makes some mute, some deaf, some sighted, some blind? Isn't it I, God? So, get going. I'll be right there with you—with your mouth! I'll be right there to teach you what to say."

Who do we think made the human brain? God knows us better than we know ourselves. We cannot surprise Him. He knows it all, has heard it all, and ocd is not a big deal for our God. It can, at times, be a big deal for us, just as stutterring was a big deal for Moses. Yet God wanted to work with Moses in spite of his weakness. God is so amazing that way.

So, get going!

 

[seajoy]

Good stuff Marc!

 

[Jayangel81]

I found this to be particularly applicable to us:

Exodus 4:10-12 [after God calls Moses to approach Pharoah to free the Israelites (emphases mine)]:


Moses raised another objection to God: "Master, please, I don't talk well. I've never been good with words, neither before nor after you spoke to me. I stutter and stammer."
God said, "And who do you think made the human mouth? And who makes some mute, some deaf, some sighted, some blind? Isn't it I, God? So, get going. I'll be right there with you—with your mouth! I'll be right there to teach you what to say."

Who do we think made the human brain? God knows us better than we know ourselves. We cannot surprise Him. He knows it all, has heard it all, and ocd is not a big deal for our God. It can, at times, be a big deal for us, just as stutterring was a big deal for Moses. Yet God wanted to work with Moses in spite of his weakness. God is so amazing that way.

So, get going!

It is so true, God is Great!

 

[gracealone]

Hey Marc,
THank you for that incredibly encouraging word. It's so true that when our focus is on our weaknesses that we lose sight of God's sufficiency. I only have one added thing to say and that is to propose that Moses's stammering was allowed by God in order that Moses would be totally reliant on Him to speak in and through him. It kept Him humble and caused Him to know that it was only in connection to God and through His power that He could accomplish this great task. It's like what Paul said when God brought him to the place where his focus was shifted from his weakness as something to be rid of, to the place where he saw his weakness as part of the plans and purposes of God. So he then is able to say..." I will therefore, glory IN my affliction that the power of Christ may rest upon me - His strength is being made perfect IN my weakness - for it is when I am weak that I am strong." Purposeful affliction! So I'm gonna go out a limb here and suggest that God was able to use Moses not "in spite" of his stammering affliction but more likely because of it. Our affliction/weakness of OCD isn't something that God has to overlook or get around in order to use us more fully but rather something that He has allowed in order to bring us to the place where our focus and our strength lies in one place only and that place is Jesus Christ. For me it has caused me to realize that apart from Him I can do nothing and it's opened my eyes to the truth that His Grace is sufficient for me.
Truly, Marc, God has brought you here to this forum because you have OCD not in spite of it. And He has used you tremendously to comfort and encourage so many of us who suffer the same affliction. His strength is being made perfect in your weakness.
I am so thankful for the testimony of your faith.
God Bless,
Mitzi

 

[marcb]

Hey Marc,
THank you for that incredibly encouraging word. It's so true that when our focus is on our weaknesses that we lose sight of God's sufficiency. I only have one added thing to say and that is to propose that Moses's stammering was allowed by God in order that Moses would be totally reliant on Him to speak in and through him. It kept Him humble and caused Him to know that it was only in connection to God and through His power that He could accomplish this great task. It's like what Paul said when God brought him to the place where his focus was shifted from his weakness as something to be rid of, to the place where he saw his weakness as part of the plans and purposes of God. So he then is able to say..." I will therefore, glory IN my affliction that the power of Christ may rest upon me - His strength is being made perfect IN my weakness - for it is when I am weak that I am strong." Purposeful affliction! So I'm gonna go out a limb here and suggest that God was able to use Moses not "in spite" of his stammering affliction but more likely because of it. Our affliction/weakness of OCD isn't something that God has to overlook or get around in order to use us more fully but rather something that He has allowed in order to bring us to the place where our focus and our strength lies in one place only and that place is Jesus Christ. For me it has caused me to realize that apart from Him I can do nothing and it's opened my eyes to the truth that His Grace is sufficient for me.
Truly, Marc, God has brought you here to this forum because you have OCD not in spite of it. And He has used you tremendously to comfort and encourage so many of us who suffer the same affliction. His strength is being made perfect in your weakness.
I am so thankful for the testimony of your faith.
God Bless,
Mitzi

Very good, Mitzi. Thank you for your encouragement. Right now, I am having difficulty surrendering. I know intellectually that is what I need to do, and I pray this, but I have become my own stumbling block in this anxiety.

I think my bravado in "taking this on" without meds has not served me well. I mean, I think it was worth it, and there have been some positives, but I confuse myself over the basics of my faith at times. Now I know I am probably off the deep end, because I'm starting to look at restarting my meds as "masking the real me." I feel this burning question, "do I have to medicate myself to improve my relationship with God?" The fact that I am thinking this way is probably a good indication that I need to restart. I've made an appointment with my MD again (who doesn't no about my experiment of tapering off).

My initial reason for getting off meds made sense to me - I was still obsessing, but avoiding the therapy, because I was "ok." I wasn't doing anything to modify my behavior because I didn't feel all that bad. I got into a cycle, however, where I would take my prescribed 40mg of lexapro, then drink coffee all day long to feel "alert." Maybe a lower dose would be part of the solution.

On the other hand, maybe I need to feel this way to keep striving for progress. I've only been off lexapro for one month - things could get better (or things could get worse). I don't know.

Has anybody tapered off meds and had a similar experience?

 

[Joyseeker]

Hope you didn't just drop the Lexapro from 40 to nothing. Next time just ease off 5mg a week. You may maintain well at 30 or 25 mg. Make sure you get regular exercise (30 min. brisk walk daily) to enable better effectiveness of the medicine. Work on behavioral therapy. Taking the medicine is not shameful. OCD and depression are biomedical disorders. Is a diabetic more spiritual if he does not take insulin he needs?

 

[marcb]

Hope you didn't just drop the Lexapro from 40 to nothing. Next time just ease off 5mg a week. You may maintain well at 30 or 25 mg. Make sure you get regular exercise (30 min. brisk walk daily) to enable better effectiveness of the medicine. Work on behavioral therapy. Taking the medicine is not shameful. OCD and depression are biomedical disorders. Is a diabetic more spiritual if he does not take insulin he needs?

Thanks for your reply. I agree with everything you have said.

I tapered down about 10mg a week in close consultation with a pharmacist. It was weird with all of the brain zaps, but now I feel ok.

I run compulsively and daily (love it!), but missed 4 days due to a nasty cold. I think that has a lot to do with why I've been spiking. One thing I've noticed is that my spikes are really short in duration and then I'm ok. I've also had more bouts of straight up anxiety without the thoughts, or sometimes before, which points out how physical this condition is.

I certainly will go on meds if I get worse, but right now I'm going to get back to running and coast. I agree with you about the lower dose and certainly agree that medication is very useful and there is no problem in doing so. It will be a quality of life issue. For me, I wanted to do a no med trial to see if I could do it, knowing that unlike diabetes, anxiety won't kill me if I can maintain. Otherwise, I've got a SSRI cellar! It's sort of like a crash course in exposure therapy (emphasis on crash today). My next step will be to try to significantly reduce or eliminate caffeine ( I'm down to 2-3 cups a day - so there's still some wiggle room).

Please, don't get the idea I think the meds are bad. I may go back to them. I was just see-sawing with my own issue of being sluggish all day until I had enough caffeine (seriously like 10+ cups of coffee a day) on board to start obsessing, then take klonopin to come down. I was not doing any therapy. It didn't seem like the way to go for the long hall.

The meds helped so much when this all first hit and I had was depressed and no idea that I even had ocd. Those were some scary days.

Thank you so much for your response, Joyseeker.

Marc

 

[Joyseeker]

Yep, having a cold, and a change in your exercise regimen will give you probs. I do believe you can get better without medicine. At this point, I believe it depends on how much genetic predisposition you have to the disease, and how many other general health problems you have. It also has a lot to do with what you know about the disease, and the skills you learn to combat it. Have you read Brain Lock by Jeffrey M. Schwartz, M.D.? It is a Four-Step Self-Treatment Method to Change Your Brain Chemistry. A very helpful book, well, well written.

 

[marcb]

Have you read Brain Lock by Jeffrey M. Schwartz, M.D.? It is a Four-Step Self-Treatment Method to Change Your Brain Chemistry. A very helpful book, well, well written.

I'll check it out. I think I actually bought it when this was first a problem, then sort of stopped any kinda real therapy when I started feeling better.

Thanks for the recommendation.

 

[gracealone]

HI Marc,
I totally understand the "bravado" thing. I really wanted to tackle this last flare on my own without meds. I figured that if I got better without any meds. back in 1981 that I could do it again. But getting better back then took several years of horrific torture to the point that I really just didn't want to live any more. This was because that throughout most of it I had never heard the words anxiety disorder or OCD, so I was completely in the dark about what was wrong with me. When I learned I had Panic disorder I began to use breathing exercises and began a regular running program which gradually got me to the point where I was literally free of panic attacks for a couple years.

I think it has actually humbled me to go ahead and take meds. this time round. One thing that helped me make my decision was the fact that I couldn't eat again and was starting to avoid going out. Also because I didn't feel it was fair to my husband for me to be so stubborn about it because he takes an SSRI for a different disorder. He takes it at night, by the way because it does make him sleepy.
I have tapered my Remeron down from 30mgs to 7.5mgs and also take 20mgs. of Buspar two times daily and am doing pretty good. I still have anxiety as well as the thoughts but it's not so intense that I can't function normally but it's presence keeps me actively practicing exposure/response.
So maybe a lower dose would be a good idea for you for the time being.
I think that it's probably a big mistake to rely on meds. alone without therapy. My strategy is to use meds. to kind of get over the hump of beginning therapy then to taper down to the lowest possible dose, stick there for quite awhile and then try to get off them totally. I would rather not be on them so long that my brain gets so used to them that they are no longer effective. (I don't even know if this is true of the drugs or not - just a hunch that I have).
I am also down to one cup of coffee a day first thing in the a.m.. I do regular aerobic exercise too. Why I ever quit is beyond me. I feel that exercise is as important to the anxiety sufferer as insulin is to the diabetic. At least that's what I keep preaching to myself. So yesterday I took a two mile speed walk with below zero blizzard conditions. Maybe that's crazier than my OCD.
Glad you're going back to see the Doc.

Very good, Mitzi. Thank you for your encouragement. Right now, I am having difficulty surrendering. I know intellectually that is what I need to do, and I pray this, but I have become my own stumbling block in this anxiety.

I think my bravado in "taking this on" without meds has not served me well. I mean, I think it was worth it, and there have been some positives, but I confuse myself over the basics of my faith at times. Now I know I am probably off the deep end, because I'm starting to look at restarting my meds as "masking the real me." I feel this burning question, "do I have to medicate myself to improve my relationship with God?" The fact that I am thinking this way is probably a good indication that I need to restart. I've made an appointment with my MD again (who doesn't no about my experiment of tapering off).

My initial reason for getting off meds made sense to me - I was still obsessing, but avoiding the therapy, because I was "ok." I wasn't doing anything to modify my behavior because I didn't feel all that bad. I got into a cycle, however, where I would take my prescribed 40mg of lexapro, then drink coffee all day long to feel "alert." Maybe a lower dose would be part of the solution.

On the other hand, maybe I need to feel this way to keep striving for progress. I've only been off lexapro for one month - things could get better (or things could get worse). I don't know.

Has anybody tapered off meds and had a similar experience?