Ex-Girlfriend Blocked Me

[Jake Torres]

I've been on this forum for several months now, but I finally decided to make an account to actually post something. So... Hello, everyone! It is nice to meet you all.

I am not sure where to start. First of all, some background:
My ex and I were in a long distance relationship for about 2.5 years. We are both in our early twenty's. Although it was difficult to keep it strong (because of obvious limitations due to the distance), I can honestly say that we loved each by being in each other's lives in every way that we could. We were able to meet up several times each year, and I felt like we had a plan for one of us to move in order to take our long distance relationship to the next "level". However, she broke things off with me about 9 months ago, saying that she can no longer tolerate the distance. At that moment, I offered to fly to her so that we could talk things through. I felt like by seeing me in person, she will be able to see how much she meant to me. However, she declined my offer.

After being broken up with her for almost 9 months, we were able to keep in touch with each other. We texted and called each other all the time, almost as if... We didn't even broke up at all. And throughout that whole time (9 months), I was left confused. There were many times where I asked if we could somehow reconcile the relationship that we once had. However, every time I brought up my feelings or my thoughts of reconciliation, she would get upset at me. Often times, she would even block me on her phone and all social media. And then a few days later, she would unblock me. However... This was a constant cycle of me bringing up my thoughts of reconciliation and her getting upset every single time.

Now, yesterday, I feel like I finally blew it for the last time. Like every other time, it was hard for me to suppress my feelings for her, and so... I did it again; I expressed my feelings for her and how I wanted her to be in my life again. She threw her usual fit of rage and blocked me on everything again. But this time, she doesn't want us to talk ever again. As I am writing this, I understand that I shouldn't have pushed her too much. It was a big mistake of mine.

There are many reasons why she doesn't want to be back in a relationship with me. As I mentioned earlier, she can't handle the distance between us (we live a state away). However, there are also other things that took place throughout the relationship, such as me taking advantage of her and not giving her my undivided attention. There were even times that I would be so exhausted that I would get upset at her because of how much time she wanted from me. Although this was wrong with me at the time, I would explain to her many times that I have work and school, and that I am trying hard to be successful in order to prepare for our future and the big move for one of us. Throughout the 9 months after we have broken up, I have been doing my absolute best to show her how better of a man I can be. I chose to remain in contact with her and be her "friend". I thought that by being friends with her and doing so much for her (such as keeping her company, sending her gifts, being someone she could wean on), she would see just how much she means to me. I had the mindset that if I show her just how loving I can be, she will eventually come back. Was I wrong? Should I have let her go a long time ago?

I am a Christian, and I feel like I have been walking with the Lord my whole life. I have went to a Christian elementary, middle, and high school. I'd like to think that my ex was a Christian too, since we used to have occasional conversations/devotions about God and His Word. If my ex truly loved me, wouldn't her love stand the test of time, no matter how many miles were between us? We had a plan to finally live together under one roof, but it felt like she didn't had the patience... Does it not say in 1 Corinthians that "love is patient"? And when it comes to the small problems (as mentioned earlier) that were scattered throughout the relationship, does the Bible not say that love "keeps no record of wrongs"? And when it comes to every single time I wanted to reconcile the relationship, shouldn't she not have been so "easily angered", as also mentioned in 1 Corinthians? I wish she could just see how much I am wiling to change for her... It makes me think that she is not mature enough to put the past aside (keep no record of wrongs) and have a new beginning with me again.

This post is probably a big messy wall of text, and I apologize for that.
I have many questions, but there are particularly three that I've been wondering...
1. Did she ever really love me? It's hard to think that, if the distance got to her.
2. Why did she get upset every time I brought up my feelings for her?
3. Was it a mistake of trying to remain friends with her this whole time?
4. Since she blocked me "for good", should I just finally move on?

Thank you so much for reading this, everyone!

 

[High Fidelity]

Your relationship is over and she clearly doesn't want to entertain the idea of it again, hence cutting you off when you start talking about it.

Whether she loved your or not is irrelevant, frankly, you need to move on and that needs to be your own decision. I'd cut ties with her because clearly you can't help developing or continuing feelings for her, so it's only a matter of time before you got hurt again.

If she meets someone then chances are she'll cut things off with you anyway. If I were her partner and I knew she had an ex still interested in her then I wouldn't want ya'll talking either.

It sucks, I know how it is and I'm sorry, but you need to make the decision to move on and stick with it. Cut things off with her whether she changes her mind again or not.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

1. no
2. she was using you emotionally(and materially since you were giver her stuff) and for those things it was beneficial to her to keep you around.
3. yes, because you wanted more
4. yes

no more blue pills for you..

 

[Jake Torres]

I didn't expect such fast replies; thank you so much!
And thank you for putting things in perspective for me.
As much as I wish that I could hear from her again, I will need to move on.
But I feel like... There will always be a part of me that will want her.
God gives and takes away, right? He knows what's best for us!

 

[CherubRam]

I've been on this forum for several months now, but I finally decided to make an account to actually post something. So... Hello, everyone! It is nice to meet you all.

I am not sure where to start. First of all, some background:
My ex and I were in a long distance relationship for about 2.5 years. We are both in our early twenty's. Although it was difficult to keep it strong (because of obvious limitations due to the distance), I can honestly say that we loved each by being in each other's lives in every way that we could. We were able to meet up several times each year, and I felt like we had plan for one of us to move in order to take our long distance relationship to the next "level". However, she broke things off with me about 9 months ago, saying that she can no longer tolerate the distance. At that moment, I offered to fly to her so that we could talk things through. I felt like by seeing me in person, she will be able to see how much she meant to me. However, she declined my offer.

After being broken up with her for almost 9 months, we were able to keep in touch with each other. We texted and called each other all the time, almost as if... We didn't even broke up at all. And throughout that whole time (9 months), I was left confused. There were many times where I asked if we could somehow reconcile the relationship that we once had. However, every time I brought up my feelings or my thoughts of reconciliation, she would get upset at me. Often times, she would even block me on her phone and all social media. And then a few days later, she would unblock me. However... This was a constant cycle of me bringing up my thoughts of reconciliation and her getting upset every single time.

Now, yesterday, I feel like I finally blew it for the last time. Like every other time, it was hard for me to suppress my feelings for her, and so... I did it again; I expressed my feelings for her and how I wanted her to be in my life again. She threw her usual fit of rage and blocked me on everything again. But this time, she doesn't want us to talk ever again. As I am writing this, I understand that I shouldn't have pushed her too much. It was a big mistake of mine.

There are many reasons why she doesn't want to be back in a relationship with me. As I mentioned earlier, she can't handle the distance between us (we live a state away). However, there are also other things that took place throughout the relationship, such as me taking advantage of her and not giving her my undivided attention. There were even times that I would be so exhausted that I would get upset at her because of how much time she wanted from me. Although this was wrong with me at the time, I would explain to her many times that I have work and school, and that I am trying hard to be successful in order to prepare for our future and the big move for one of us. Throughout the 9 months after we have broken up, I have been doing my absolute best to show her how better of a man I can be. I chose to remain in contact with her and be her "friend". I thought that by being friends with her and doing so much for her (such as keeping her company, sending her gifts, being someone she could wean on), she would see just how much she means to me. I had the mindset that if I show her just how loving I can be, she will eventually come back Was I wrong? Should I have let her go a long time ago?

I am a Christian, and I feel like I have been walking with the Lord my whole life. I have went to a Christian elementary, middle, and high school. I'd like to think that my ex was a Christian too, since we used to have occasional conversations/devotions about God. If my ex truly loved me, wouldn't her love stand the test of time, no matter how many miles were between us? We had a plan to finally live together under one roof, but it felt like she didn't had the patience... Does it not say in 1 Corinthians that "love is patient"? And when it comes to the small problems (as mentioned earlier) that were scattered throughout the relationship, does the Bible not say that love "keeps no record of wrongs"? And when it comes to every single time I wanted to reconcile the relationship, shouldn't she not have been so "easily angered", as also mentioned in 1 Corinthians? I wish she could just see how much I am wiling to change for her... It makes me think that she is not mature enough to put the past aside (keep no record of wrongs) and have a new beginning with me again.

This post is probably a big messy wall of text, and I apologize for that.
I have many questions, but there are particularly three that I've been wondering...
1. Did she ever really love me? It's hard to think that, if the distance got to her.
2. Why did she get upset every time I brought up my feelings for her?
3. Was it a mistake of trying to remain friends with her this whole time?
4. Since she blocked me "for good", should I just finally move on?

Thank you so much for reading this, everyone!

1. You can not force a person to love you.
2.If she wants to move on with her life, she may have never really loved you.
3. Women will marry just to get out of their parents house.

 

[ReesePiece23]

As I say to everyone at times like these: "BE the kind of person that you would be afraid to lose" and adopt habits that are in your own best interests - in other words, discipline and self respect.

Did she love you? I don't know. Does it matter? Absolutely NOT. You get to wake up tomorrow with infinite potential awaiting you. So why waste time rereading this old tattered book, when you could be out there writing a new one?

Right...

 

[bèlla]

This post is probably a big messy wall of text, and I apologize for that.
I have many questions, but there are particularly three that I've been wondering...
1. Did she ever really love me? It's hard to think that, if the distance got to her.
2. Why did she get upset every time I brought up my feelings for her?
3. Was it a mistake of trying to remain friends with her this whole time?
4. Since she blocked me "for good", should I just finally move on?

Welcome to the site.

I've been on the Internet since it's early days. Back when chat rooms ruled and instant messaging was the thing. I'm going to give you a few tips to help you address this issue and alleviate its return if you listen.

The first rule of online dating is this. A bird and fish can fall in love. But where will they build their nest? Nevermind her beauty.
Nevermind her body.
Nevermind her intelligence.
Nevermind all the things about her you value.

If you don't live in the same vicinity the lone question you need to address is who's moving?

I've watched countless people develop emotional attachments while leaving this issue up in the air. You need to discuss the realities of your life, finances, and responsibilities. You don't need to pull out a bank statement but you must be honest with yourself if you can afford the cost and maintenance of a long distance relationship (many can't) and if relocation is a possibility.

Distance is a very real phenomenon. I've had long distance relationships in the past and both resulted in us residing in the same place. One person moved from California and the other from Australia. I would not have entertained either if it wasn't a possibility. And this was well before long distance calls were free of charge with mobile phones. My phone bills (landline) were staggering!

Frequency of meetings is usually the culprit. It has been the undoing for most because they underestimated the emotional challenges of being apart. I bridged the gap through intentional planning. We did a lot together and enjoyed everyday activities in different ways. I'd arrange wine and cheese tastings or a meal while watching a certain program or event. We shared hobbies and other activities that helped us engage in each other's lives. It went well beyond calls.

The first relationship took place in my early twenties and the other in my early thirties. I can empathize with your situation and understand what its like. And it's much easier today than it was at that time. You needed a lot of money and patience. Most people didn't see each other that often.

Suffice to say, your situation isn't strange. As difficult as it is to accept, continuing may have raised additional problems down the road. The communication issues aren't surprising. You're hoping she'll change and she won't budge. I think absence is best. The disagreements are reopening the wound and you need to heal. Space allows this.

The danger of retaining the connection is this. It sends the wrong message. You'll continue to hope. I've been through that as well with someone else. I wanted a friendship but he would never see me in that guise. We didn't date due to our spiritual differences. And my reluctance to say yes caused a lot of friction.

I cared for him a great deal but I couldn't trespass my beliefs or accept his lifestyle. This went on for several years until I recognized I had to leave. I prayed for him throughout and trust the Lord has him in hand. I encourage you to do the same. Bless her and lay it down. You'll feel freer when you do.

Don't allow this experience to leave you disgruntled or make you think you were taken advantage of. Don't give bitterness a place within you. My partners weren't perfect and nor am I. But they were caring and very generous. And they received the same in turn.

This is a difficult time for men and my heart aches for the state of things. I don't agree with a lot and I've expressed it candidly on this site. But every woman isn't out to get you. Or seeking to manipulate you, rob you of your manhood, or usurp your authority. Hold to what is good and you'll be well.

If you feel frustration rising within you about her pray instead. That's what I did. I labored for his soul for nine years. Just to see him reconciled with God. And he's done more to injure me than anyone else. Nevertheless, love covers a multiple of sins.

 

[bèlla]

1. no
2. she was using you emotionally(and materially since you were giver her stuff) and for those things it was beneficial to her to keep you around.
3. yes, because you wanted more
4. yes

no more blue pills for you..

Really? Where's the blue pill? I'm all ears.

 

[S.O.J.I.A.]

Really? Where's the blue pill? I'm all ears.

make another thread if you want to discuss the blue pill/red pill dynamic.

let's not derail the thread with debate.

 

[step_by_step]

First let me say, as others have said, that continuing to ask yourself "did she ever love me" is not going to get you anywhere. It will just drive you mad and eventually make the situation worse. She's gone, she's out of your life, and now you have the chance to move forward. Take it instead of dwelling on impossible questions.

Second, long distance relationships are hard. Not impossible, just hard. I have a tendency to be wary of relationships conducted mostly over the internet or phone because it's hard to communicate that way and it's hard to be true to yourself, in a sense. When you're online or using the phone, you lose a lot of the important elements that you get in a face to face conversation. You miss the subtle body language cues, you miss each other's tone, you miss the personal touch that comes with talking to someone. And you miss the authenticity of the interaction. Online, you're free to present the better parts of yourself. You have more time to think of reactions and answers to the conversations you're in. I'm not saying that you or her were consciously doing this, it's just a fact that we tend to not be 100% who we really are when we're online.

And third, what you had was not a healthy relationship. You expressed guilt for not being able to give her your undivided attention and for being angry at her when you needed space and she didn't give it. In a relationship, there needs to be a space. No one should ever be expected to give undivided attention. As you stated, you have a life and your partner should know this, respect this, and have their own life. If one or both of you are investing all your time in the other person, then there's something wrong. You cannot be expected to constantly be talking or whatnot. That's unhealthy and it's unreasonable. Last year, I was in an emotionally abusive relationship and he expected my undivided attention 24/7 and would get angry with me if I didn't give it. He would threaten suicide if I didn't text him back for a few hours. He would get mad if I needed to unwind after work or if I just needed space for a bit. He made me feel guilty for these things when in reality, they're just part of being human.

Of course, like you said, taking advantage of her would be a fault on your part, which is to be expected because it takes two to tango. In unhealthy (and even healthy) relationships, it's usually not just one person contributing to the problem. But you should not have been made to feel bad for needing space and not wanting to give her every single second of your time. That's just unreasonable.

It's also very...toxic, for lack of a better word, the way that she would block you after you tried to express your feelings. Again, expressing feelings in a natural human thing and it's necessary. You were confused and needed answers, and it was wrong of her to deny you that. It's childish and another sign of emotional abuse to treat someone you supposedly care of that way.

It's hard to accept when someone treated you poorly emotionally. Trust me, I was in denial for a while after I left my ex. People have a warped view of emotional abuse but that's definitely a part of it: her not allowing you to have space, making you feel guilty for not giving her all your attention, and then blocking you when you tried to bring up your feelings. I'm not saying that your ex is a horrible person and you should hate her. I'm saying that it's probably a good thing that this over.

Let yourself move on. If she ever unblocks you, I suggest still not contacting her. Both of you need to be able to move on and find a more suitable match. Take the lessons you learned from this relationship so you can do better next time and be in a more healthy situation.

Good luck!

 

[bèlla]

make another thread if you want to discuss the blue pill/red pill dynamic.

let's not derail the thread with debate.

I know what it means and its proponents. I simply wondered why you applied it in this case.

 

[YanKee Gal]

I read your post and it reminded me of so much i have been through with others in the past. Yes you care. And yes people will draw off your energy, especially emotionally. People like us for the support we can offer but not all people are strong to reciprocate in kind. If you feel you miss her than the best thing to move forward would be for you to pray that God will bless her and heal her. By praying for others we are healed the bible says. That is cool! I would journal this so that you can see the patterns and not repeat them with the next person you care for. Pray and ask the Father to bring someone in your life that you are meant to be with. Be patient. Rome was not built in a day. In the meantime while waiting you can spend more time with the Lord, in prayer and in his word. You can praise him for all the blessings he has given to you and provided you with. And time will heal all wounds. ~ Blessings

 

[Kenny'sID]

As mentioned, it may well be this is the end, however if by chance it is not, you'll hear back from her if and when she comes to her around.

I would not count on that or do anything to try to make it happen, and at this point, I wouldn't contact here at all. Let her stew for while, assume it's over, and deal with anything other than that if and when it happens.

You need to lose interest and tell her that if the opportunity arises, when you convey to her, just as she can't handle the long distance thing, you can't handle how things have been the past 9 months. And don't be so eager

Honestly, it's at least possible you're plan B kept handy, just out of reach, for if she can't find anyone else.

 

[JacobKStarkey]

Many of us, I would surmise, have been in such situations.

Remember that life changes. It changes. Put her behind you, and do it one day at a time.

Best of fortune.

 

[paul1149]

Whatever the true answers to your questions are, it is not going to be obtained by continually churning the matter. That's what got you to this place to begin with. The relationship needs to be allowed to find its own level. It cannot be forced. The right way to deal with the futile cycles is to back up a bit and get perspective.

I'm not saying it's too late. I'm saying do now what you should have done back then. Give her some room. Let her be the first to contact you. If she does, keep it light, keep it pleasant and keep it short. Let the Lord show you what He wants you to learn from this. Maybe she will have the same attitude, maybe not. But it is the way forward for you in any case. And be comforted that He will work all things for the good for those who love Him.

 

[sunshine100]

Your relationship is over and she clearly doesn't want to entertain the idea of it again, hence cutting you off when you start talking about it.

Whether she loved your or not is irrelevant, frankly, you need to move on and that needs to be your own decision. I'd cut ties with her because clearly you can't help developing or continuing feelings for her, so it's only a matter of time before you got hurt again.

If she meets someone then chances are she'll cut things off with you anyway. If I were her partner and I knew she had an ex still interested in her then I wouldn't want ya'll talking either.

It sucks, I know how it is and I'm sorry, but you need to make the decision to move on and stick with it. Cut things off with her whether she changes her mind again or not.

Your relationship is over and she clearly doesn't want to entertain the idea of it again, hence cutting you off when you start talking about it.

Whether she loved your or not is irrelevant, frankly, you need to move on and that needs to be your own decision. I'd cut ties with her because clearly you can't help developing or continuing feelings for her, so it's only a matter of time before you got hurt again.

If she meets someone then chances are she'll cut things off with you anyway. If I were her partner and I knew she had an ex still interested in her then I wouldn't want ya'll talking either.

It sucks, I know how it is and I'm sorry, but you need to make the decision to move on and stick with it. Cut things off with her whether she changes her mind again or not.

I agree,I know how hard it is to be in a ldr,my last relationship was one.

 

[Jake Torres]

I made the right choice to make an account and post on here, since all of you have given such kind, helpful views/advice on the issue! Thank you. I will continue to be praying for God's will to be done.

 

[ReesePiece23]

As mentioned, it may well be this is the end, however if by chance it is not, you'll hear back from her if and when she comes to her around.

Hopefully it is though, because I personally wouldn't be excited to hear from her again after everything that's gone on. She has tendencies that I could never in a million years tolerate. What if I disagreed with her on something? Would she block me again?

Nah mate.

 

[Kenny'sID]

Hopefully it is though, because I personally wouldn't be excited to hear from her again after everything that's gone on. She has tendencies that I could never in a million years tolerate. What if I disagreed with her on something? Would she block me again?

Nah mate.

That's one way to see it, and you may very well be correct, but then there is the indecision thing she has going on right now, something that can go away once we settle to go one way or another, but in the mean time can cause things like you mention.

 

[JacobKStarkey]

She cannot make up her mind and stick with a decision, Kenny.

Let her go and move on with your life.