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Everything is Going to be Okay

Discussion in 'One Bread, One Body - Catholic' started by Searching_for_God, May 17, 2019.

  1. Searching_for_God

    Searching_for_God Wannabe Catholic Supporter

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    [Mods: If this is in the wrong place, feel free to move it]

    I apologize if harping on this is getting old, but I have something that I need to say about something I've brought up before.

    That abortion nightmare that I had when I was 14 or 15 is still haunting me to this day, but I've decided to take the steps necessary to try and heal from the strong reactions I've had to it in real life. I ordered a book and accompanying workbook online by the name of "Her Choice to Heal" and I hope to use it to at least try to get this healing process off the ground (although I'd argue that I already did that when I made the decision to try and heal). I'm also going on a Rachel's Vineyard retreat later on this summer, and after that, I'll be seeing about possibly seeing a therapist again about what I've been going through. Maybe that would help if I could get the therapist to help me work through my grief.

    ...This almost feels surreal; acknowledging that my pain is real and having it validated by others, I mean. In the past few weeks, I've started telling my story to others and in return I got support and validation that it was okay for me to acknowledge and work through this pain I've been feeling for about 8 or 9 years now. The relief is real now that I can let this pain out, but at the same time, it feels so strange. I've already had so much unbelievable stuff happen to me and my family throughout my lifetime (and I'm only 23), and to add this to the pile kind of makes my head spin if I focus on all of it for too long. I think I should just try to breathe and take things one issue and one day at a time.

    But yeah... I just wanted to share that I'm starting another healing journey (even though the circumstances warranting it are completely unorthodox) and that right now, I'm feeling God's presence in my life. It feels like He has been the one who sent all of these beautiful people in my support system into my life and He is the one who has motivated me to pursue healing in any ways that I can. Also, right now, it almost feels as though God has his arms wrapped around me and is also hugging my heart while saying, "Everything is going to be okay, my child." And for the first time ever (at least in this case), I can say that I actually believe him. Thank you, God, for giving me this strength and these support systems that I can utilize. Amen.
     
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    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. ProGoddess

    ProGoddess Daughter of My Lord

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    You are very precious in God's eye. Stay focus in His Word for He promises that He will not leave us, nor forsake us. When He sacrificed on the cross, we are already redeemed from any curse and because He lives, we can live tomorrow. He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities;
    The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed (Isaiah 53:5).

    Beloved, praying for you, for the Lord will be with you always. :)

    :amen:
     
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  3. Dave-W

    Dave-W Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner! Supporter

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    I will add my prayers to those already listed. You are a precious and wonderful person, both in the sight of the Lord and to all of us.

    Praying you get the counseling and healing that you need to move forward.
     
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  4. paul1149

    paul1149 that your faith might rest in the power of God Supporter

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    I'll add my voice that you are a very special and valuable person. And God already gave His opinion on the matter at the Cross.

    Many of us made this mistake. We were lied to by the culture and our naivete was taken advantage of. If we could go back we would do differently. God understands and there is no sin that the blood of Christ cannot wash away, "though our sins be as scarlet..."

    Have you heard the radio drama, Tilly, produced by Focus on the Family decades ago? It's written by Frank Peretti, and is exceedingly powerful. It should be a real emotional release.
     
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  5. Dave-W

    Dave-W Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner! Supporter

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    Still praying for you dear sister!
     
  6. Searching_for_God

    Searching_for_God Wannabe Catholic Supporter

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    Thank you to everyone for your prayers! I appreciate each and every one of them dearly! Now for another update.

    I got in touch with a counselor and it turns out that this pain that I've been going through would technically be classified as a delusion since it didn't happen in my waking life and yet I'm still grieving over it.

    I'll be honest, when my therapist told me this, I got really mad. I got mad at her for telling me the truth, but at the same time, I'm glad she gave it to me straight. I just wasn't ready to accept it at that moment, I guess. But it's been almost 10 days since then and I've finally let it sink into my head that, yes, this probably is a delusion and my reaction to it isn't helpful. In fact, feeding into the delusion could just make things worse. So, for now, what I've figured I would do is continue to go to my therapy sessions and, between sessions, I'll also be keeping track of my moods and thoughts. If thoughts about the child I had in that nightmare come up, I'm going to counter the thoughts by reminding myself, "The events of that nightmare did not actually happen. I didn't hurt anyone, nor did I lose anyone. It's okay." From there, I'm trying to say prayers as well to help comfort myself and put my trust in God. It's been helping a lot.

    There's also another strategy that I've been implementing as well. I've also been reminding myself of who I'm fighting for with everything that I do. I'm reminding myself that everything I do, I do for each of my future children. They aren't here yet, but when they come, I want to give them the best possible lives that I can. That's why I'm starting the process of letting go of this fictional baby I had in my nightmare. I know that I have to do it, because if I don't, it will likely impair my ability to give my full attention to my children like they deserve. If I don't let go of the fictional baby, I'll only be looking at my real children with sadness and thinking about the fictional baby and what I did to him. That wouldn't be fair to my children at all. Not only that, but not letting go could affect my work, and that would affect my family as well by default.

    I thought it would be a lot harder, and maybe there's still some bumps in the road that I'll have to overcome, but right now I'm feeling really comfortable and at peace with the idea of letting the fictional baby go. I'm slowly trying to visualize in my head that the baby is fading away and turning back into a positive energy that I can utilize in my own life for good. The energy will contain the wisdom that these years of pain have brought me, but will lack the pain itself and replace it with the acknowledgement that what happened was only a dream, and that's okay.
     
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