everything hurts

[leaps]

Ive been hurting for 3 years without any relief. I don't know what to do anymore..I see doctors, psychiatrists, and therapy. I am on a bunch of different medications but I am not feeling anything good. I don't think that I am saved anymore, I think that I had rejected or offended the Holy Spirit God. I feel like an apostate because of the constant and daily suffering after going on a long spree of willful sin. I repent about everything and I do as much as I can to learn about God but I am exhausted and in literal pain too. My chest is constantly tight. I don't feel fulfilled and I don't experience peace. I used to be the happiest person in the world and now I am nothing but a shell of my former self. How does one get into the word of God when I am exhausted and don't have it in me anymore. I feel lost and without direction. I can't apologize enough to God. The things that I did were wrong, and very bad, I understand why I don't deserve forgiveness and am suffering..but I can't go on like this.

 

[Hopeful37]

Hey Leaps,

I understand what you are going through. You need to understand how much God loves you. You have repented and that's a good place to start. Keep praying and talking to God. He hears your prayer. God's love is everlasting and His forgiveness is overwhelming. Keep praying and live before Him hoping in His mercy. He loves u.

 

[St_Worm2]

Hello @leaps, I'm sorry to hear that you are in so much pain right now

Praying for you!

BTW, none of us, not even those of us who have already become His adopted children, "deserve" forgiveness, but He has promised it to us nevertheless, just for the asking

I know what it is to grieve and feel deeply ashamed and guilty over sin (that's a natural response to sin for a Christian), but the Lord is always willing to forgive us so that we can move past the shame and the guilt, get up and get back to our walks with Him, growing once again in Christlikeness and in our relationship with Him.

Once you have confessed your sins and asked God to forgive you, He will do so (because that's what He said He would do .. Numbers 23:19; 1 John 1:9). The only thing left to do at that point is for you to trust Him and take Him at His word, believing that He has done exactly what He said He would do (rather than listening to what your feelings and/or Satan & his demons are telling you in the moment instead)

I know from personal experience that this is not an easy thing to do, especially at first, but it will become easier and easier to do as time goes on. In fact, trusting God and believing what 'He' told us is true, rather than believing Satan's lies and half-truths, is perhaps the principle way that we obey this commandment "resist the devil", and how we then receive what is promised to us when we do, "and he will flee from you" .. James 4:7.

Finally, whenever you fail to trust God (and you will), no worries, just ask Him to forgive you and He will do so again (and again and again and again .. cf Matthew 18:21-22)

God bless you! (Numbers 6:24-26; Isaiah 40:31, 41:10, 43:2; Jeremiah 29:11; 1 Thessalonians 5:23-24)

--David

 

[Tempura]

You are forgiven in Christ. You are loved with an everlasting love. Depression itself is awful, and we sink to our strange depths, and we tend to drag God down with us mentally and think He hates us. But that is not the case. When we can't feel His goodness, we can still put our hope in it and trust in Him, instead of our own twisted feelings when we are in that state.

When we are depressed we listen to all kinds of lies: "I'm worthless, there is no hope, God hates me, God will not forgive me". All of them are lies, and if we look at God through that warped lense, no wonder if we can't get peace. But we can learn to choose peace in time and to depend on God's grace, because in the end it's not about our ability, circumstances or feelings, as they are ever changing. Jesus Christ doesn't change, He is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. That's why we choose to have hope in His name, because He is the true rock and true refuge. If we can't see good things in our blindness, even concerning God, we still hope for what can't see.

One day at a time. You are forgiven, you've been forgiven the whole time, no matter how much your feelings and condition would like to tell you otherwise. Our feelings, our depression, our pain doesn't get to be God. God alone is God, and He is bigger than our hearts and our understanding, and your life is safely hid with Christ. Said a prayer for you brother, hang on in there.

 

[ChristianGirl_96]

Praying!

 

[Tolworth John]

can't apologize enough to God.

Depression affects one's ability to thing straight.
To say sorry to God all we have to do is say we are sorry.
1john1:9 if we confess( tell him ) our sins he/Jesus is Faithful and just and will forgive us all our sins.

I can't help you with your physical pain, but your spiritual pain can be helped.
Tell God you are sorry and from then on seek to praise and thank God for all his goodness to you.

 

[Paulus59]

Ive been hurting for 3 years without any relief. I don't know what to do anymore..I see doctors, psychiatrists, and therapy. I am on a bunch of different medications but I am not feeling anything good. I don't think that I am saved anymore, I think that I had rejected or offended the Holy Spirit God. I feel like an apostate because of the constant and daily suffering after going on a long spree of willful sin. I repent about everything and I do as much as I can to learn about God but I am exhausted and in literal pain too. My chest is constantly tight. I don't feel fulfilled and I don't experience peace. I used to be the happiest person in the world and now I am nothing but a shell of my former self. How does one get into the word of God when I am exhausted and don't have it in me anymore. I feel lost and without direction. I can't apologize enough to God. The things that I did were wrong, and very bad, I understand why I don't deserve forgiveness and am suffering..but I can't go on like this.

I'm praying for your healing leaps, I have been there where you are and I know it's a terrible place. Listen to what Tempura said, he gave you some great insight.

You are in sackcloth & ashes and are being refined in the fire to produce pure gold which lasts. I pray that God guides your steps so you can be restored in fellowship with Jesus and again enjoy the fruits of the spirit. Seek God's face out through prayer and start reading the Gospels of Matthew, Mark, Luke & John so that you reconnect with Jesus. Do this even though you might struggle and despite what you may be feeling about yourself. I know it's a hard road, but you will get there.

May God heal you, restore you and bless you leaps!

Victor.

 

[JulieB67]

Prayers for you! I think the hardest thing at times is that we can't forgive ourselves. And that makes it hard at times because we get on guilt trips.

But our Father is a wonderful God and he can't wait until someone comes to him in repentance in our dear Savior Christ's name.

I pray that your pain subsides and that you'll find peace again to get back in his Word. Once you do, you'll feel better. He loves you.