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Ever imagine you're single?

Discussion in 'Married Couples' started by Barry82, Sep 18, 2017.

  1. Barry82

    Barry82 New Member

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    I am in a wonderful, happy marriage for over 10 years. But ( I'm sure embarrassed to admit this), sometimes I imagine myself single again and imagine different scenarios where I'm dating. No one in particular. Overreactive imagination mixed with romantic fantasies and the arrogance of being wanted by someone else. Sometimes I feel badly, sometimes I find them entertaining. Am I nuts? I'm perfecting content w our marriage and would want it no other way, but the flips u get when u first start dating? I miss those.
     
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  2. Aseyesee

    Aseyesee Well-Known Member

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    Pereception is everything to us, even our salvation ...
     
  3. Paidiske

    Paidiske Clara bonam audax Staff Member Supporter Staff on LOA

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    If I ever imagine being single, I don't imagine being with anyone else, I imagine being able to structure my day and live my life without having to take anyone else into account!

    Probably selfish, but I suspect not all that unusual for a busy wife and mother...
     
  4. Dave-W

    Dave-W Welcoming grandchild #7, Arturus Waggoner! Supporter

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    The congregation I was in during college forbade all dating. In HS I assumed I would not get married ever so I never bothered to date. So I really never had any dating or boy/girl friend relationship experience.

    I have had some dreams that put me back in high school with a girlfriend, mostly walking out in the woods during winter ......
     
  5. CoolDude68

    CoolDude68 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I've had times where I've felt this way too, but not so much anymore. Maybe that's due to becoming more mature, not sure. I'll be turning 50 soon and the thought of dating again seems rather strange anymore, even if something happened to my marriage. My marriage is fine BTW but when I was younger it was a common thought. But when I look back, that's when I wasn't content in marriage so be careful with that. Those thoughts you are having may lead into something stronger where you may want to act on it. Some of the things you are experiencing might be a deception tactic from another source.

    If you want to date, or fantasize about it, why not set up a date night with your spouse and get away from any distractions and pretend you've just met? This is more role playing but that might be fun! I know this might seem odd or difficult to play out but you could try.

    Just be careful with those thoughts because that can lead into something more serious. A normal, loving marriage in the presence of God should not have those thoughts even cross your mind so be careful that's all.
     
  6. woobadooba

    woobadooba Legend

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    If you were perfectly content with your marriage you wouldn't be imagining yourself with someone else. A professional counselor can help you get at the root of the problem.
     
  7. CoolDude68

    CoolDude68 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    The best counsel is our Lord. Pray about it. Ask Him why you're having these thoughts and to cleanse you of these things because like I mentioned, this will only fester into deeper thoughts/actions if you don't get them under control. Ask for protection from deception.

    When I see a beautiful woman I will notice and look at her for a minute or so but if the thoughts come to mind about dating (a mild term) her or something else I quickly compose myself and turn my thoughts elsewhere and go on about my business. These can be extremely temping thoughts and it's up to us know how to deal with them, just like anything else.

    If you're having thoughts about these things without anyone in a physical form near you, what would happen if some attractive person in your presence would brush up against you and smile and start a conversation? Do you see how easily that could lead into acting upon those thoughts, even though you may think they are harmless? I've been there, I know.

    Now I don't have those thoughts anymore and I've matured past them and I'm very thankful for that because it use to control my life. I prayed about it and God gave me peace and wisdom to win that battle. Finally.
     
  8. woobadooba

    woobadooba Legend

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    That's true; but I think it is important to understand that God works through humans, too—even professional counselors.

    Sometimes, people need more than a "Pray about it." answer.
     
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  9. CoolDude68

    CoolDude68 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    We can agree on that. But it is also wise to pray. A combination is good.
     
  10. Barry82

    Barry82 New Member

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    - interesting you say that. I only had one other very "conservative" relationship before meeting my husband.
     
  11. Barry82

    Barry82 New Member

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    thanks for the advice. I really appreciate it. Especially the aspect of my thought someday manifesting into actions. I don't WANT that at all.
     
  12. Barry82

    Barry82 New Member

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    I don't understand
     
  13. Aseyesee

    Aseyesee Well-Known Member

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    Just a thought ... when Adam answered God after he had asked him where he was, who told him, and did you eat, he said the woman you gave to be with me did give me, and I did eat, it is indicative of the different processes you describe in relationship to what our soul becomes to us; perception is the fruit of the soul.
     
  14. CoolDude68

    CoolDude68 Well-Known Member Supporter

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    The fall of mankind.
     
    Last edited: Sep 18, 2017
  15. DZoolander

    DZoolander Persnickety Member

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    Meh, I wouldn't worry too much about it. Everything in life has it's place - and everything has it's advantages and disadvantages. Sometimes moving from one part of life to another necessitates giving up things that were good about the "previous" version.

    To that end - being single isn't some horrible situation to endure until you finally meet your mate. There are lots of great things about being single - and the butterflies you're talking about with new relationships is one of those things. The fact that you acknowledge that you liked those feelings isn't some shortcoming on your part. You're supposed to like those feelings. It's those feelings that bring you together with your mate.

    But, once you choose the mate, you become familiar with them. It's not the same thing later on. So, you give up one thing for another.

    If you find that you cannot eat high cholesterol things any more, does that mean you can't appreciate and/or miss lobster? Of course not. You just don't eat it. Might be a weird comparison - but it's the first thing that pops to mind...lol

    My wife and I once had a discussion where the subject was "What would you do if you once again found yourself single?" My answer was that I would never remarry. I think that I like being single and being married about equally - because they both have their advantages and disadvantages. But now there are other considerations I have that push it over the edge toward "stay single".

    Everything has it's place. :)
     
  16. RedPonyDriver

    RedPonyDriver Professional Pot Stirrer

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    There is no way on earth I'd ever imagine being single nor wanting to be single. Nope. Not happening. I can't imagine myself with anyone but my husband.
     
  17. OK Jeff

    OK Jeff Active Member

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    She and I have had this conversation. I honestly don't know which sounds less appealing, being single again or starting over with someone new. To carry on without the connection we have today would be so empty, lonely. But to start back at zero with someone new is absolutely exhausting. It just takes so much experience, so many ups and downs, good and bad times together to reach the level of intimacy we have together. There is nothing appealing about experiencing that with someone new.
     
  18. NothingIsImpossible

    NothingIsImpossible Well-Known Member

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    I have heard of people who have thought about "What if I were single again?" or "What would my life be like if I never married my spouse?". Often they think about these things during marital times of stress or anger. I think for some its a common thought. One that is briefly thought about at the moment and nothing more as it is not serious.

    Me? I don't want to be single. Marriage is not perfect. Heck marriage can be painful sometimes. But I want to be married to my wife forever. Being single is lonely. And being single again would mean leaving a spouse. And if one leaves a spouse once, they may do it again. Because like I said, marriage is not perfect. You will never meet someone who is perfect either.
     
  19. DZoolander

    DZoolander Persnickety Member

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    Meh - I have conflicting feelings about that.

    "Being single again would mean leaving a spouse. And if one leaves a spouse once, they may do it again." That's not necessarily a bad thing. Some people need leavin'. For example - say you've got a spouse that beats the crap out of you. Leave. If you end up with someone else that beats the crap out of you - you ought leave again.

    ...and probably examine your choices in partners and what brought you to have two abusive spouses. But that's another issue altogether.

    To be honest, if I found myself single again I would not remarry. I'd want to remain single.
     
  20. Gwen-is-new!

    Gwen-is-new! The Lord is my rock!

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    It's your flesh - it can NEVER be satisfied. I'd use these times to focus on the Lord, and offer prayers of gratitude and thanksgiving.
     
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