Ever break up with someone...

[Jenster]

... because you thought there'd be someone who would be a better match for HIM/HER out there?

I know it sounds weird, but just wondering. I've thought about it in past relationships, but I kind of wonder if that wasn't just a defense mechanism of some kind.

 

[anewday]

Yup, I've done that. I don't want to get into details but I did regret breaking up with him for a long time as a result.

 

[Blank123]

nope. not really anyway. I did wonder near the beginning of our relationship when he seemed so amazing and perfect to me if he wasn't settling by being with me and that there must be a more perfect woman out there for him somewhere. But I decided to ignore those thoughts as just me having low self-esteem or insecure or something and let him be the judge of whether or not I was a good match for him. If I made him happy that was all that mattered.

in the end i did break up with him but thats when I knew we were a bad match for eachother and that the relationship was going nowhere. it wasn't a case then of one of us being too good for the other, but just a mismatch.

 

[Jenster]

Yup, I've done that. I don't want to get into details but I did regret breaking up with him for a long time as a result.

Thanks for replying, caligirl. Sorry to hear you had regret, sounds like it was painful.

In my past relationships, I would seize upon something that the guy and I DIDN'T share in common and then sort of fear that it showed we were not meant for one another. But I've learned that differences are OK, as long as they aren't core differences.

nope. not really anyway. I did wonder near the beginning of our relationship when he seemed so amazing and perfect to me if he wasn't settling by being with me and that there must be a more perfect woman out there for him somewhere. But I decided to ignore those thoughts as just me having low self-esteem or insecure or something and let him be the judge of whether or not I was a good match for him. If I made him happy that was all that mattered.

in the end i did break up with him but thats when I knew we were a bad match for eachother and that the relationship was going nowhere. it wasn't a case then of one of us being too good for the other, but just a mismatch.

Yeah, I think I'd do the same thing. Hang on until it was clear that we were not a good match for each other. My break ups were that way in the end...

 

[HazelWings]

I've only broken up with guys because we weren't a good match after all.

 

[Obzocky]

Due to self-esteem issues I have said that to people before, both to end a relationship and to nip new relationships in the bud. It's not a healthy mindset, quite different from recognising an incompatible relationship. In one you recognise that the differences that irk you could be the differences that make someone else smile, in the other you are crippled by the pseudo-fact of being far below their level and needing to encourage them to find someone who is far better than you.

 

[mtcog]

Yes, I have. He was good guy but I knew I wasn't the one for him and we were not a good match, so I decided to end it and to this day, I still know that was best decision. Neither of us have regrets about it.

 

[Im_A]

... because you thought there'd be someone who would be a better match for HIM/HER out there?

I know it sounds weird, but just wondering. I've thought about it in past relationships, but I kind of wonder if that wasn't just a defense mechanism of some kind.

Nope. Facts are, even in a good relationship, there is a chance for that person to find someone else who may just be more compatible. Finding the better match has infinite of possibilities so really, for me at least, breaking up with someone cause they would get a better match from someone else is simply counter productive. We choose who we want to be with, iow...you get what you wanted.

Also, it is severely self-conceited to do that. There is no way that anyone can know what a perfect match for someone else is. They can only know what that is for themselves.

 

[white dove]

... because you thought there'd be someone who would be a better match for HIM/HER out there?

I know it sounds weird, but just wondering. I've thought about it in past relationships, but I kind of wonder if that wasn't just a defense mechanism of some kind.

Yes. We both loved each other and got along just perfectly for the longest time... but I felt that I was not right for him, nor he for me. I can't explain it, but I just knew. I felt that someone else would've been perfect for him and I was right. I never told him that, but I would be lying if I said that I didn't think this at the time.

In my last relationship, I knew that someone else was more better suited for me. I don't know if that's true, but I do know that he was not right for me on many crucial levels. I told him that someone else would be better suited for him though. I wasn't trying to soften the blow, just being honest. I do think he could do better with someone else. I've never really thought of this as a defense mechanism though. More like truth.

 

[Jenster]

Also, it is severely self-conceited to do that. There is no way that anyone can know what a perfect match for someone else is. They can only know what that is for themselves.

Actually, I agree with you on that.