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Enjoying the company of hubby

Discussion in 'Married Couples' started by Tamam, Mar 30, 2006.

  1. Tamam

    Tamam Guest

    +0
    I am 20 years into this marriage, have 2 teenagers, and am in my 50's. At this stage in my marriage I would say the times that I enjoy my husbands company are greatly outweighed by the time I don't. He's not abusive he's just boring and aggravating. How do you all feel about your relationship with your husbands.....please be at least 15 years into the relationship to answer.
     
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  2. WalksWithChrist

    WalksWithChrist Seeking God's Will

    +1,240
    Unitarian
    Married
    Mom, is that you? ;) Sorry hon...couldn't help myself. *runs* :blush: You described my dad to a "T."
     
  3. Redguard

    Redguard Make It So, Number One!

    +1,773
    Christian
    Married
    CA-Liberals
    Rats!
     
  4. katallasso

    katallasso God was in Christ, reconciling the world unto Him

    959
    +38
    Non-Denom
    Married
    US-Republican
    Thanks for the smile you two....lol
     
  5. WalksWithChrist

    WalksWithChrist Seeking God's Will

    +1,240
    Unitarian
    Married
    :thumbsup: Just wish I could contribute more.
     
  6. gengwall

    gengwall Senior Veteran

    +361
    Christian
    Married
    US-Republican
    Married 23 years w/ an 18 and 20 year old. I can be boring and quite aggravating at times but one of my wifes love languages is "quality time" so my guess is she would have the opposite reaction as you. That isn't to say your's isn't legitimate in your situation.
     
  7. Autumnleaf

    Autumnleaf Legend

    +950
    Charismatic
    Married
    I don't want to sidetrack your thread but I'm feeling this from the other perspective. My wife and I have been together in the relationship 13 years and sometimes I think we get on each other's nerves and bored with each other. What do you think causes this and do you think it can be remedied?
     
  8. JoannaJoy

    JoannaJoy Well-Known Member

    99
    +0
    Christian
    Married
    -
     
  9. Tamam

    Tamam Guest

    +0
    Hey Joanna,

    Sounds like you are still enjoying each other's company.

    I don't, it's stressful when he's here. There are times I realize he is a kind man at heart and can be sweet but the times are so few and far between. I want to talk about the situation, he doesn't. So what do you do?

    What I highlighted in blue is still alot of love and compassion. We don't have that and I get so tired of being the one making the effort.
     
  10. Tamam

    Tamam Guest

    +0
    OK, how long ya been married. :)
     
  11. newyorknewyork

    newyorknewyork Well-Known Member

    +238
    Non-Denom
    Married
    can u find some activities that you can enjoy together? like leisure activities? golf or dancing or going 4 walks together and talking or going to the movies?

    can u romance each other some more?

    think about what made you marry each other...
     
  12. invisiblebabe

    invisiblebabe He will restore the years the locust hath eaten

    +274
    Catholic
    Married
    If you look at my sub-header, you'll see that Mark and I have been married far less than 15 years. ;)

    However... I'll add my two cents in anyway, because my parents have been married 25 years this June, and it seems that my dad always gets frustrated with my mom for just about anything. He doesn't like when she talks about psychology with me, even! He seems to generally be in a crabby mood because my 18-year-old sister is 8 months pregnant and has gotten herself into quite a bit more trouble, even, during the past few years. He does tend to be happier when people make the effort to say, "I love you" to him though, and when people go out of their way to do nice things for him. His response is much more gentle then.

    So my advice is to pray, and get others to pray for your marriage.
     
  13. LynnMcG

    LynnMcG A reflection of the Son

    +275
    Christian
    Married
    US-Republican
    Married 10 but in this relationship for almost 16 years...hope that's ok.

    Fortunately, I still enjoy my husband's company. I find it a place where I can rest at the end of the day and really look forward to being alone with him. Maybe it's because we started a little later and our kids are younger.

    I attribute our ability to get along to the fact that we're so like minded. We're very different, but we're of the same mind where it matters most - spiritually and in our goals as a family. We have very different interests, but we've always respected and encouraged that in each other.

    Also, we've always spent a great deal of time talking. Not necessarily about anything heavy in terms of our relationship, but just about everything. We've always been that way. I think we stayed up until dawn on our second date, just talking.

    We also notice when we tend to get short with each other that it's when we haven't had time to unwind together. When that happens we make sure we plan a date night. These don't happen as often as we'd like, but for now, often enough.

    It's not like it's been easy for us though. We went through about 7 years that were pretty tough. It's hard to explain, but in those years there were more bad days than good. But for both of us, the good so far outweighed the bad, that we were able to weather it.

    Like you, I also got tired of feeling like I was the only one who tried. What turned it around for me was when I took my focus off of trying to change him and the situation, and put it back to God. I began to put all of my energy into my walk and my relationship with God. Once I turned it over to Him, EVERYTHING changed.

    I hope you can find a way to weather this. I know the bible promises us that God is with us and that God is a covenant God. He will honor the promise you made to your husband.
     
  14. bliz

    bliz Contributor

    +1,017
    Christian
    Married
    Married almost 30, the baby is 19...

    Not bored. Sex life is good. We do thing together. We like working on the house and the yard and garden (spring is here!) reading the newspaper to each other. Our kids think it's borning but we do not.

    I have never expected my husband to fill all of my needs. I see friends and colleagues and neighbors with whom I do some things. I always come home really gald to see my husband, and he seems really glad to see me after an evening apart. Somethig you'd like to do? Go and do.

    We had tried really hard to not let out marriage and family be child-centered. When that happens and the kids leave... what's left?

    Sometimes people become afraid to try and make changes. The status-quo, even if it is not what we like feels better than trying for something new and failing, or revealing our desires and haivng them possibly go unmet. Take the risk. You husband isn't going to - you have to.

    Taking a risk that involves sex usually is a pretty safe one since most husbands are reluctant to turn down sex. It can help you begin to change the patterns. Unused bedroom at home? Turn one into a love shack (lighting? silk sheets? scents? It can be over the top silly... and lure him in... Hmmmm - what will you be wearing? It's great if it makes him laugh! Don't ask him if he'd like it if you did this, just do it. I know sex is not the whole answer - but it's a nice start.
     
  15. Tamam

    Tamam Guest

    +0
    OK....so some of you all have been praying. Yesterday and today I have begun looking at him in a different light. It is so easy for us to give into selfishness and then the enemy comes in to remind me of every lil thing he's ever done to make me mad.

    Deciding to not think about those things and thinking about all he's done that's loving and kind is helping.

    Thank you,
    t
     
  16. LynnMcG

    LynnMcG A reflection of the Son

    +275
    Christian
    Married
    US-Republican
    Praise God. Good for you Tamam
     
  17. Mrs. Enigma

    Mrs. Enigma Transformers was awesome!!!!

    +110
    Christian
    Private
    Been in a relationship for almost eleven years, so not long enough to contribute.... but can't resist.........could he have stopped doing whatever endeared him to you? Could it be that you ceased to live for eachother, and started growing apart, ceased trying to stimulate eachother's intellect? Perhaps you are both to worn out and tired to put forth effort on growing a marriage?
     
  18. newyorknewyork

    newyorknewyork Well-Known Member

    +238
    Non-Denom
    Married
    You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to bliz again.
     
  19. newyorknewyork

    newyorknewyork Well-Known Member

    +238
    Non-Denom
    Married
    "Secrets of Happy Couples"
    by psychologist Toby Green


    Healthy successful couples have certain traits in common:
    • they have shared values - they agree on what constitutes acceptable behaviour. They share ideas of honesty, trustworthiness, fidelity, integrity, work ethic, religious beliefs and the meaning of family.
    • they know the difference between love and commitment - they are mature enough to know that even in the closest relationship, love ebbs and flows. There will be feelings of not love, boredom, anger, resnetment and even hate. Successful couples know these intervals don't last.
    • they share common interests - this isn't as important as shared values, but it helps build companionship between 2 ppl.
    • they fight fair - many couples break up because they don't know how to resolve conflict. Happy couples stick to the issue, trying to resolve it, rather than sticking to the argument and trying to punish the other person.
    • they share goals - having discussed what they each expect from the relationship, they agree about where the relationship is going, and what it's purpose is. They know each other's opinion on lifestyle, whether to have children, how much money they'll need and how they'll invest that money.
    • they're each other's best friend - there is no secret, vulnerability or fear that can't be expressed and met with understanding and empathy. Best friends not only love each other, but look after, defend, protect and are loyal to each other. They put each other first. They don't always agree, but they accept each other completely.
    • they're sexually compatible - there's no predicting what turns ppl on. What matters is that a couple communicates and accommodates each other.
    • they know the difference between compromise and prostitution - they are willing to do for each other what they would not contemplate doing for anyone else. But they also know themselves well enough to refuse to participate in anything that prostitues themselves.
    • they make you feel at ease - any room is better for them being there. They transmit a sense of sanity, safety, lightness and maturity. Thay say negativity is catching, but so is positivity.
    I really like this news article I found. The part that stands out to me the most when I read it is "they know the difference between love and commitment". I came from a dysfunctional family so I hadn't a clue when I got married of what a happy family and normal family was like. It was so eye opening for me - reading this article.

    I hope it helps you too.
     
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