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[Darling Deedee]

So overwhelmed. Its been years since I've cut but the last six months, when I'm alone or at night, cutting is on my mind. Its the first thing I think of in every stressful situation. I'm falling into a depression (am bipolar). School was so triggering - three hours on domestic violence. Too much.
Have a friend who is struggling through a mixed episode (also bipolar) and he's just lost his job because of it. Trying to support while also trying not to let myself get sucked under by his instability.
I just want to sleep forever. I don't think about cutting when I'm asleep.
Its all just too much.

 

[tobethebest]

So overwhelmed. Its been years since I've cut but the last six months, when I'm alone or at night, cutting is on my mind. Its the first thing I think of in every stressful situation. I'm falling into a depression (am bipolar). School was so triggering - three hours on domestic violence. Too much.
Have a friend who is struggling through a mixed episode (also bipolar) and he's just lost his job because of it. Trying to support while also trying not to let myself get sucked under by his instability.
I just want to sleep forever. I don't think about cutting when I'm asleep.
Its all just too much.

I don't know much about "cutting" other than what I learned when I watched a movie "Ordinary People." It taught me a lot about how people can blame themselves for something that is beyond their control. Things happen and they happen clearly when least expected. I don't think scripture in itself has all the answers and that's just my opinion. I know a lot of Bible myself and I know many others who know way more than me. Still, those words alone, if not directly fed to you by God Himself, then they are only words like anything else. There are a lot of miserable Christians out there, as well as a lot of miserable folks who aren't Christian at all. Do we believe in psychiatrists? or do we have nothing to do with them because everything taught them is mostly unscriptural.

The answer in my book lies in accepting whatever it is you feel you fall short of, get over it. Give time to things that are refreshing to you. Whatever makes you happy. Whatever saves you from yourself.

I admit that I too have thoughts of suicide myself because I can't take the load I carry on my shoulders with responsibilites, care of loved ones who are sick and in the hospital all the time, work, my wife's children who are grown and should have things together by now, there is a lot that depresses me.

I don' t think of cutting myself though. I'v experienced a lot worse than that being in the military and growing up in the most dysfunctional family on the face of the earth. My mother hung herself when I was twelve. I was one of four children who had to hold things together. My Mom lived and spent three years in a mental institution and at a time when there were no medications other than shock treatments and when she came out of there in those three years, we hardly knew her. She scared us and the state had her live alone in a state given apartment. I attempted to understand and visit as often as I could, but she learned to smoke four packs of cigarettes a day and I couldn't breathe in her small place.

I'll stop here, because it gets worse further along.....much worse.

Just understand you aren't alone and thoughts of suicide are common. It's how you deal with them that matter. All my Love to You, Denny

 

[Darling Deedee]

Hey Denny. Thanks for your response.
I'm not suicidal, per se. Certainly I think about it from time to time, but right now where I am I'm just deeply miserable. Cutting isn't about suicide for me (nor for a lot of people here). Its about a release of pressure for me. About how all the mixed up feelings inside me can be lessened if I just let myself cut. I hope that makes sense. I don't want to trigger anyone here with any further talk on about this, but ya. Its not about wanting to die. I just want to stop feeling so bottled up.

 

[chrisstavrous]

So overwhelmed. Its been years since I've cut but the last six months, when I'm alone or at night, cutting is on my mind. Its the first thing I think of in every stressful situation. I'm falling into a depression (am bipolar). School was so triggering - three hours on domestic violence. Too much.
Have a friend who is struggling through a mixed episode (also bipolar) and he's just lost his job because of it. Trying to support while also trying not to let myself get sucked under by his instability.
I just want to sleep forever. I don't think about cutting when I'm asleep.
Its all just too much.

In the deepest part of my heart, I love you for whoever you are right now.