empty nest syndrome

[c1ners]

How do you deal with it?
When you've made your children your life, what do you do when they're gone?
How do you get over the lonliness?
Especially when you have no one else?
No one to talk to, no one to love.
No one to share your day with.
No one to laugh with, no one to cry with.

I thought these days would be good. That once the kids were gone, hubby and I would bound again. But that's not happening. Now I'm completely alone.

 

[vatuck]

Well, we are not quite in that boat yet. Daughter got married and moved to Arizona. Son is a senior in high school, but he is incredibly busy all the time (football, job, school). You and your husband may just have to make yourselves find some things to do together so that you can reconnect. We have been trying to do more together so that when our son leaves for college, we don't go crazy. Our daughter leaving was a real wakeup call for us. We miss her an incredible amount.

 

[PiddlePuss]

Have more kids, ya selfish [wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth][wash my mouth].

 

[MariaRegina]

My son is now married and rarely visits us.

He still has the keys and will come in unannounced.

I told him to call so we won't think we have an intruder, but he does not.

 

[bliz]

We just had our first Christmas with no kids at home in 26 years. We missed them all, but were glad that they were adventuring out on their own.

We never made or kids our life. A very important part of our lives, yes, but not our lives. When kids are the center of a couple's lives they are headed for a very rough fall when the kids leave.

 

[JeanR]

It's very hard being along. In the past year, my husband died suddenly, my older daughter moved to Pittsburgh, my younger daughter and her husband moved out and got their own place, my younger son is living in my old house (I recently moved, too, and still own the old house--didn't want it sitting empty while it is up for sale), and my older son moved with me, but most of the time he is at his girlfriend's apartment. So, for the first time in my life I am alone and I hate it. The silence and the solitude is more than I can bear at times. I don't want my kids to fill my needs. I want them to live their own lives. I'm trying to work through the loneliness, but it is so hard. The worst is going to bed each night alone.

I honestly don't know how someone who doesn't have the Lord in their life can get through these times. I know he has walked with me and sustained me through this past year. And, I know he will continue to do so. I know he has a plan for me, I just don't know what it is yet.

 

[MariaRegina]

Jean, I am praying for you.

My mom has been widowed now going on four years.

She fills her time with church events opening her home for church board meetings and prayer group meetings.

 

[DawnB]

Oh, my I can soooo relate to this new "chapter" in life. My 3 adult children are finally (& I say that w/love) out of our house. I went through the sad and difficult time of the empty nest.

This is what I did: I prayed, asking God to give me direction. There is so much to get involved in and if we don't pray we'll be sucked into a lot of nonsense. God gave me specific direction. I got involved in volunteer work through our local Pregnancy Support Center under Care Net (you can look it up online for one near you, if this is where God leads you). Working at PSC helped me grow spiritually in so many ways. God also led me to another wonderful ministry called Stonecroft Ministries (you can also find info about them online). I have made so many friends and joined their bible studies which I'm always learning from.

My dh & I take time, when his wacky work schedule allows, to eat together. I mean everyone has to eat, right, so we do it together. Whether it's a simple meal I made (I'm not the best cook) or going out. My dh calls our breakfast time our "morning meeting"; but sometimes we'll just keep it cheap & go for a burger.

If God has given you 'life after children' (grin) then he has a purpose for these days. Pray and ask Him. There are so many areas to get involved in that God wants to use you.

 

[Johnnz]

Open your home to someone who needs one - foreign students, someone from church needing a safe place and support etc. It can be very rewarding, as well as extending sometimes.

John
NZ

 

[writerssecret]

I joined this site specifically because of your forum. I've been a single mom since my son was 5 and I took him 1200 miles away to college 2 weeks ago. I must admit I have been planning for two and a half years however. Even so it's amazing how emotions surface you didn't even know you had. It was the worst anticipating the move. And it wasn't easy for him either. He didn't have a roommate the first week. Luckily I was able to take a week off work and see to many of the details. But then of course there was the long 1200 mile drive back home alone. I've gotten more involved at church. And I'm looking at adding workshops to my service ministry. I still have moments when I feel lonely. This is the second weekend I've been alone and I've tried to give myself plenty of time to rest. Seems to be good for me.

 

[cactusrose]

In no way do I mean this demeaning to children or humans but if you don't already have one rescue a dog.(s maybe 2?)That will give you an outlet to pour in your nuturing spirit.Many dogs need warm homes with love being given to them..They appreciate it too.You may have that energy that you put into the children still there and nowhere to direct it so its wandering and that makes you feel lost.Whats my purpose? So a dog who needs love and a warm home is perfect for you .And you him or her.If you already have dogs or animals or you dont like them then scratch that..

Search your self what do you like or dream of besides nurturing your children?Start there and move towards that.

 

[MountainBluebird]

I don't have an empty nest yet, and am rather dreading it. My only daughter will be getting married soon, and I know I will really miss her. I will still have two sons at home, and a husband that is a challenge to get along with. I plan on doing some volunteering, and may get more involved at my church.

 

[britchops]

My parents had that when my brother and I went to the same Uni together. But we came back!!!! It's not true we stay away forever.

Cheers

TJ

Britchops Drum Tuition

 

[MountainBluebird]

Well, my daughter is married now and even though she is only the first to leave, our home feels so, so different without her in it. I had no idea that having a child grow up and leave would be such a huge emotional stage in my life. It has also affected my husband a lot too, which has been a surprise to me.

 

[credwi88]

EMPTY NEST
I'm glad I found this website because so many of the women who write how I feel Word for Word.
I think there are way more women that go through this than we realize.
We devoted ourselves completely to motherhood for 30 years -now life is just empty and blank and boring and we have no idea what to do.
-believe me I haven't laid around and done nothing--I tried, I've tried like crazy. I can't pull myself out of this deep grief and depression and it's been four years now.
I think a HUGE part of this has to do with our American culture.
In the olden days families lived together. -right now we would be living with our kids and grandkids, and we would be honored and respected, they would be asking us to babysit, cook, asking for our wisdom, and we would still be useful and happy- part of the family.
I don't think we were meant to have raised our children for 30 years, completely devoted, and then when they leave, we have to live the rest of our lives doing absolutely nothing!
-that doesn't seem right to me!!!
I don't know what to say except that it is horrible -it is awful -I pray every day that I will come out of this soon.and I pray for all of you.💜credwi88

 

[Johnnz]

EMPTY NEST
I'm glad I found this website because so many of the women who write how I feel Word for Word.
I think there are way more women that go through this than we realize.
We devoted ourselves completely to motherhood for 30 years -now life is just empty and blank and boring and we have no idea what to do.
-believe me I haven't laid around and done nothing--I tried, I've tried like crazy. I can't pull myself out of this deep grief and depression and it's been four years now.
I think a HUGE part of this has to do with our American culture.
In the olden days families lived together. -right now we would be living with our kids and grandkids, and we would be honored and respected, they would be asking us to babysit, cook, asking for our wisdom, and we would still be useful and happy- part of the family.
I don't think we were meant to have raised our children for 30 years, completely devoted, and then when they leave, we have to live the rest of our lives doing absolutely nothing!
-that doesn't seem right to me!!!
I don't know what to say except that it is horrible -it is awful -I pray every day that I will come out of this soon.and I pray for all of you.��credwi88

You are correct. A couple of quick thoughts.

The woman at home teaching has limited many women from taking up other options (education, training etc), so when children leave there is a huge void to fill.

May wife and I have use dour home, and taken in people needing a safe place to live - some new Christians who need to get established, have a better family life modeled, students including foreign ones, become 'grandparents' to a younger family who don't have parents nearby to support them. There are so many needy people who can benefit from couples with wisdom, experience, acceptance and caring. Fulfill these words:

Isa 58:5-9
Is this the kind of fast I have chosen,
only a day for a man to humble himself?
Is it only for bowing one's head like a reed
and for lying on sackcloth and ashes?
Is that what you call a fast,
a day acceptable to the Lord?

6 "Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose the chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and break every yoke?
7 Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter —
when you see the naked, to clothe him,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
8 Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
9 Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.
NIV

Create your own 'family'.

John
NZ

 

[credwi88]

thank you. It is good to know I am not alone. God bless.

 

[Sylvia A.]

My son is now married and rarely visits us.

He still has the keys and will come in unannounced.

I told him to call so we won't think we have an intruder, but he does not.

This happened to us also, we just changed the locks on the door.

 

[JAM2b]

You need to stop thinking of your children as your life. I suppose if you lived that way, then there is a grieving process, but there are plenty of people in the world to talk to. Go out and find them if your husband doesn't want to rekindle with you. Find new people to bond with or reconnect with friends or relatives you lost track of while you were focused on your children.

Get a pet or two. Join a group or club. Find some new hobbies. As many people, animals, and activities as there are, there is no reason to be sitting at home with no one to talk to or nothing to do.