Emotional Problems - Help

[Miss Elly]

Please pray that I will be set free from emotional problems caused by some issues in my life as a child. I suffer from chronic depression and I believe it's been caused by unmet emotional needs from my childhood on up to my ripe old age. My mother was not loved as she wanted to be growing up, or so she says. She has never once been there for me emotionally all of my life. Never a word of sympathy, her attitude was to ignore it or tell me to deal with it. When I had my children, I had problems, but I knew it was not their fault they were born and I tried to make up for it to them in doing everything I could for them.

I cannot be around my mother for very long without being angry or irritated at her. She is very controlling, always right and you're an idiot if you disagree with her. We had a fight to end all fights today and she packed her bags and left to stay with her sister.

I am determined with God's help to end this emotional bondage to my mother. It is not healthy. I see her as a very selfish, centered, complaining old woman who wants her own way and it's always herself first. It always has been. I think that is why I am so angry at her. Anyone else have this problem? I want to get back at her, but revenge is the Lord's, not mine.

 

[loved33]

HI MISS ELLY
you said it best.

she was not loved the way she needed to be as a kid.
she therefor is angry.
i heard a preacher jack frost from shiloh place.com talk about this very thing.
he talked about knowing that his parents would have given their lives for him, its just they had no idea how to express love in a way that he would be able to read or see or feel it.
he talked about growing up himself angry, with an iron wall inside, determined, controlling and totally self protecting, not letting anyone in or himself out, except to excell at 'tasks' to get a 'pat on the back' full of jealousy if he got overlooked in the church leadership etc.

your mom , as you say, has been hurt as a little one.
she hasnt got the expression of love you need, because she is only able to give what she ACTUALLY has.

i would imagine that she has been very lonely inside for most of her life.

not being in receipt of love....causes a human heart to be angry and sad and depressed.

im so sorry that you are feeling such pain around this, i really am. it really does sound painful.

when any person, whoever they are, become central to our thinking, feeling...they are in charge of our moods, they can ruin our day...we have given them that power.

it strats to become an idol.

i had to learn this myself.

when i started to read books on codependency, it helped me to break this emotional idolatry.

it is hard with a parent, since as kids, they were central to us , and its right for a little girl to have her parents at teh centre of her world.

but when there is dysfunction in the relating, then the little girl learns to worry, fret, obsess about the moods of teh parent, learns to 'be good' or appease , or hold off the parents anger by 'not having needs' 'not inconveniencing' parent.

but this then leads to a starving child , emotionally.

Its hard, but, when you realise that what you hve said is true, your mom , right now, only has a certain revelation of expressed love, and it was prob dysfunctional what she was taught.....then she may beleive that she is right, and doing her best......but because she has received fear where love should have come, as a kid, she hasnt been trained to listen well to herself, let alone others.

they have 12 step groups called CODA for people who have 'others' at teh centre of their world and have trouble receiving love, and cant detach from others in a healthy way.

you may find it useful to check this out.

but main thing , i would say, is that, God is your Source.

if you insist on trying to get what you need from a place that , right now, cant supply, it will be frustrating.


its very hard, one really wants to have closeness with one's parents.

but , in real life, its not always like that.

one has to be honest.

and you have been

thank you so much for sharing.

you need love, God is best SOURCE.

Out of going to Him, being yourself freely with Him, being received and welcomed and cherished by Him, He will also provide support and love through people too....and you'll be able to spot it, cos heart warming love will be more known to you

it may not come thru the people you want, but He will supply as you

love God whole heart
love self
love others

in that order.

in codependent relating pattern,' others ' are loved with whole heart.

and so it becomes obssesive and painful...why?....because to make a person teh source of your need.....well...people arent perfect....only God is. people by nature are inconsistent, compared to God.

hope some of this is of use to you.

sendin love

 

[Criada]

My mother is similar... highly critical, and I tend to get very anxious and panicky when she is coming to stay. But as loved says, it is about not letting them rule your emotions - finding ways to get your needs met outside that relationship. You have a strong faith, and that will help tremendously... feeling loved by God can make up for the lack of parental love.
If your mother has left, try not to contact her... she wants you to run after her and apologise, don't do it. She is safe with her sister, let her come back when she wants to, without emotionally manipulating you again.

I hope you can work this out sweetie

 

[plumsink]

Hi Miss Elly:

I agree with what Loved and Criada said, I just want to add that you don't have to live with abusive people. Like Criada said, she has somewhere else to go, so let her be there.

Peace