It all started sometime last year. At first, I started noticing how everyone else had flat stomachs, yet I had not. My arms were pretty skinny already, but I felt ashamed every time I looked in the mirror and saw a round stomach. It was during the summer, during summer vacation, where I began to obsess over what I was eating. I had downloaded an app called Life Sum to limit myself from eating a lot by calorie counting. I was never fond of exercise, I've always been a naturally quiet, low energy person, so I just ate less and less, telling myself that eating less was good because it matched my low-energy life. So I restricted eating too much, forcing a daily eating plan. It became a habit to eat little, and I started getting colder more easier. This habit drove me to eat less and less, but I still felt fine. When school started in September, I began obsessing quietly over food- about what I was going to eat, what time I was going to eat, things like that. Over eating made me feel horrible, and my obsession with constantly burning calories was growing stronger. However, I was introduced to the Bible sometime in Autumn, and I began to develop a faith for the Lord. Today, I'm nearly ## lbs underweight, but I can't bring myself to eat anymore than I already am. My faith is growing stronger, and I always eat ## meals a day, but .. I find it difficult not to compare what I eat to others, and it's hard not to get angry whenever my mom tells me to eat, or to eat more. I noticed that people always seem to eat less than me and not care, so I feel that I'm committing the sin of gluttony and idolatry with these obsessions over food. I'm trying to deal with this obsession because I don't want to live in the flesh anymore, I don't want to obsess over not having a flat stomach anymore. On top of that I've been struggling with so many other things, but I just had to vent all this out.. Thank you, if you took the time to read all this. ♥
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