Eastern Orthodox and abusive marriage

[Pavel Mosko]

I have a friend who is not EO, who is currently going through a divorce. He is a man but is in abusive relationship where his wife has attacked him physically, and done other bad things described in this thread. (On the surface it looks like she probably has some form of Narcissistic Personality Disorder or other similar mental problem).


Divorce (Is adultery the only justifiable reason for it?)


Anyway his situation has really highlighted the problem of abuse in marriage especially from those stickler people (especially Protestant fundamentalist types) that are strictly "by the Book" (believe that literal adultery is the only valid reason for this). Besides seeing this as a general problem, I really believe that this sort of thing is a "perfect storm" when it happens to men (because people seem to instinctively sympathize with women in these situations but do the opposite for men).


Anyway I was interested in what sort of resources would be available if this happened to an EO guy? I have read that the Church allows no fault divorce, (In his case, I really believe he needs fault divorce). But I'm interested in stuff like Excommunication, or even if the Church would support Restraining Orders against a congregant and other background information. Part of the problem with this issue is lots of people like to be theologically strict on this issue, but unlike the days of the Apostles their is no hands on pastoral care or Ecclesiastical discipline that would balance out such conservativism and protect the innocent party.

 

[buzuxi02]

No fault divorce? Never heard that but it does allow divorce for spousal abuse.

 

[All4Christ]

I have a friend who is not EO, who is currently going through a divorce. He is a man but is in abusive relationship where his wife has attacked him physically, and done other bad things described in this thread. (On the surface it looks like she probably has some form of Narcissistic Personality Disorder or other similar mental problem).


Divorce (Is adultery the only justifiable reason for it?)


Anyway his situation has really highlighted the problem of abuse in marriage especially from those stickler people (especially Protestant fundamentalist types) that are strictly "by the Book" (believe that literal adultery is the only valid reason for this). Besides seeing this as a general problem, I really believe that this sort of thing is a "perfect storm" when it happens to men (because people seem to instinctively sympathize with women in these situations but do the opposite for men).


Anyway I was interested in what sort of resources would be available if this happened to an EO guy? I have read that the Church allows no fault divorce, (In his case, I really believe he needs fault divorce). But I'm interested in stuff like Excommunication, or even if the Church would support Restraining Orders against a congregant and other background information. Part of the problem with this issue is lots of people like to be theologically strict on this issue, but unlike the days of the Apostles their is no hands on pastoral care or Ecclesiastical discipline that would balance out such conservativism and protect the innocent party.

Are you asking in regards to pastoral care for the abused spouse - or more about discipline for the abuser? Or both?

 

[Pavel Mosko]

Are you asking in regards to pastoral care for the abused spouse - or more about discipline for the abuser? Or both?

both actually. I looked things up on the Coptic side of things for those interested.


Coptic Orthodox Diocese of the Southern United States - Q&A

 

[ArmyMatt]

this would be between the guy and his priest. even if excommunication happens, it should be clear it's not for punishment but for healing and restoration.

 

[Antoni]

I have a friend who is not EO, who is currently going through a divorce. He is a man but is in abusive relationship where his wife has attacked him physically, and done other bad things described in this thread. (On the surface it looks like she probably has some form of Narcissistic Personality Disorder or other similar mental problem).


Divorce (Is adultery the only justifiable reason for it?)


Anyway his situation has really highlighted the problem of abuse in marriage especially from those stickler people (especially Protestant fundamentalist types) that are strictly "by the Book" (believe that literal adultery is the only valid reason for this). Besides seeing this as a general problem, I really believe that this sort of thing is a "perfect storm" when it happens to men (because people seem to instinctively sympathize with women in these situations but do the opposite for men).


Anyway I was interested in what sort of resources would be available if this happened to an EO guy? I have read that the Church allows no fault divorce, (In his case, I really believe he needs fault divorce). But I'm interested in stuff like Excommunication, or even if the Church would support Restraining Orders against a congregant and other background information. Part of the problem with this issue is lots of people like to be theologically strict on this issue, but unlike the days of the Apostles their is no hands on pastoral care or Ecclesiastical discipline that would balance out such conservativism and protect the innocent party.

Divorce is a consequence of the Fall. Just as the Church has instituted the sacrament of repentance (confession) in order to help save the soul who is falling in sin, likewise the EO allows for divorce when it becomes clear that the marriage has failed and that to continue further may risk and endanger the eternal soul of the man and woman. It is an acknowledgment of the brokenness of humans, living in a fallen world, and as the spiritual hospital for souls, the Church prays to God for mercy and deliverance.

 

[Knee V]

I don't think I know any priest that would give someone a hard time for fleeing an abusive relationship. I don't doubt that there are some needlessly strict people out there who would say that abuse isn't sufficient grounds to leave a marriage, but I think that most clergy wouldn't be so harsh.

 

[~Anastasia~]

This is JUST MY OPINION ... but whether you are talking Orthodox, or Protestant, or whatever, there should not be a "Biblical" reason given that someone must remain physically present and endure abuse. (Though I do know a few outlier Protestant groups that insist on it, though they assume it is the woman being abused - horrible teaching there.)

The questions and pastoral care must answer whether or not the person whose marriage failed can legitimately marry a new spouse.

I think in both questions, this is how Orthodoxy would approach it? As for Protestants, I've seen varying answers.

As I said really just my opinion and I can't contribute much as far as info on resources. Prayers for your friend and his wife!