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Don't know what to do anymore

Discussion in 'Bipolar Disorder' started by Saucy, Jun 17, 2018.

  1. Saucy

    Saucy Fear is faith in the enemy. Supporter

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    I honestly think one of the biggest reasons why I struggle so much is I don't feel like people understand. They don't get me, my way of thinking, my triggers, and their response is usually harsh. It's tough love. I don't have anyone in my life who will just sit me down and talk with me with compassion and caring.

    Being bipolar doesn't matter to them. My motives are constantly judged. I can't stand it anymore.

    The world doesn't understand how we constantly make dumb decisions and in our manic state, we have no idea what we're doing or saying wrong. It adds to the regular panic attacks and lack of sleep that just makes life almost unbearable at times.

    I know it's not easy for other people, but I'm tired of being gossiped about rather than someone having enough care to actually converse with me.

    I was reading a blog from others who struggle with the same things. I'm trying really hard to be a good person, a good friend, to serve and love, but it's hard when you have a bad reputation from mistakes and struggles you've had.

    Anyone else deal with this? How do you handle it?
     
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  2. Go Braves

    Go Braves On semi-hiatus here. Y'all take care.

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    I'm sorry you're struggling, Saucy. Could you do things while you're feeling more in control of your emotions to limit access to triggers when you're already in a manic state? If alcohol, binge eating, etc, are triggers, then getting rid of any alcohol or junk food in the house could help. Installing an app to block out sites that trigger you would be good too, so you don't spend any time on them when you're in a manic state.

    Somethings you've got to bear in mind are that folks tend to respond to you in a similar manner to how you've responded to them, & everybody's got feelings too. It'd be best to try to limit interacting with other people when you're in a state where you're going to say things that are likely to lead to responses that are just going to rile you up even more.

    Have you talked to your pastor or something else at your church about this? Maybe there's resources available to you they could recommend.
     
  3. Saucy

    Saucy Fear is faith in the enemy. Supporter

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    That's the thing, you don't really know when you're triggered. It's happened many times, like in the political sections, where I can go off and not even realize I'm being triggered and it's like another person is writing with my fingers. I'll see it later and just feel so horrible that I said things I said. I know it's *me* saying them, I'm not trying to get out of the responsibility of what I say, but I can't differentiate being in a manic state with a normal one. Not sure if that makes sense. I've already asked to be banned from all the political forums. I try my best to reconcile with people, PM them and apologize, etc.

    I just want a normal existence. I don't want to feel like or be seen as a bad guy anymore.
     
  4. Kevin Snow

    Kevin Snow Well-Known Member

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    People are losing their touch. Yahshua told us this would happen.

    And because lawlessness will be increased, the love of many will grow cold. ~Matthew 24:12

    It's through a common order and structure that we have a common understanding. And it's through a common understanding that we are able to come closer together. Lawlessness drives us all away from each other. But have no fear. For it says:

    That which is, already has been; that which is to be, already has been; and God seeks what has been driven away. ~Ecclesiastes 3:15

    He is the good shepherd. He laid down his life for us that we might live. It is the obedience through faith that brings us closer together in unity and harmony. Praise the Lord.
     
  5. Hidden In Him

    Hidden In Him Well-Known Member Supporter

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    I don't have bipolar, but I can relate to some of the things you're saying, Saucy. I have lost it a few times at this Forum, especially early on when I first joined. I'm sure my reputation took a hit, and I also wouldn't be surprised if I've been gossiped about plenty as well. But what I did was rededicate myself to being the best man I could be, to God, myself and especially others, and learning how to be more forgiving and only respond in a spirit of Peace. And I have grown to the place of doing just that now. There's a passage in James where he teaches about rejoicing when we fall into various trials, knowing that the proving of our faith perfects endurance within us. Let that be your perspective on what you are going through.

    I'd also try to avoid the political sections altogether. There are some terrible triggers there for everyone, not just you. Spend that time instead meditating on something that is positive and encourages you to love your brothers and sisters in Christ.

    That might balance you out again.

    Blessings, and hope you are ok.
    Hidden In Him
     
  6. Go Braves

    Go Braves On semi-hiatus here. Y'all take care.

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    Well you may not know when you're triggered, but you do seem to know what triggers you. I was proud of you when I read that you'd asked to be banned from the political sections, on account of how I thought that was a wise proactive measure. I think you'd really be best off not making any posts pertaining to politics, on here & most especially on any sites where there are folks who know you IRL, on account of how that seems to be an area where you get triggered really easily. I'm not going to get offended by anything you write to me, ever, no matter what you say, & I doubt any other folks around here would really allow themselves to be offended by anything you said to them either. But we're strangers. It would be a lot more consequential if it was your coworker, cousin, neighbor, etc, you were arguing with over politics & things got out of hand so fast. So best to make sure you don't talk about politics at all. That used to be the rule of etiquette - no talking about religion or politics in social settings.

    I'd also avoid the sites that are going to feed into your emotions about politics, like whatever sites you've gone to to get the memes of Candace Owens Tweets & such. I think that's healthy for all of us - I just enjoyed 2 weeks free of the news while on vacation with my girl. It'd be especially good for you. Spend that time working on building your own life up - exercising, cultivating a hobby, volunteering in own community, in communion with God. Trump doesn't need you fighting for him. God will always love it when you do things to glorify Him.
     
  7. HereIStand

    HereIStand Regular Member Supporter

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    I'm not bipolar either, but I do have anxiety issues and find in-person communication and dealing with the public to be a challenge at times. Be as patient and polite as possible, but if others don't return it, try to let it go. Difficult to do. Some people mean well, but they are really caught up in their own lives.
     
  8. Open Heart

    Open Heart Well-Known Member

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    Hey Saucy.

    Yes. I'm bipolar, and I think all us bipolar folks deal with this. On the one hand, when we get manic, we are not in our right minds and are given temptations way beyond the ordinary. It's not fair, and other people just don't understand. They don'tt understand how, for example, in a manic mood when you see that item on sale suddenly you have more money in your checking account. LOL :

    On the other hand, we HAVE to be responsible for those things that we do. So if we bounce checks, it IS our fault. Whose fault is it? Santa Claus? If we charge a gazillion dollars on our card, if we gamble away our life savings, if we chew out our boss and lose our job, if we walk naked down the street and end up in jail, if we have promiscuous sex and get an STD or get pregnant, it IS our fault. Any sins we do while manic, we have to confess to the Lord our God.

    We have to accept responsibility for the fact that we can become wildly unpredictable and emotionally unstable and that because of this, we don't make the best friends, family members, or employees. So when others complain, they have reason to.

    That's why when we run into those people who love us despite our flaws, we TREASURE them. There are those people who so value other things about us (even things which coincidentally come along with bipolar disorder such as sensitivity to beauty, and creativity) that they are willing to overlook our flaws. God bless them.

    It's also why we need to take our illness seriously. We don't want to become well merely for our own sake, but for the sake of all those around us. Getting better is one way of loving our neighbor as ourselves. It's why we continue in therapy even when it's hard. It's why we take our meds even when there are side effects.

    You are a beautiful worthwhile individual who has a disabling disease. I pray that you will find a few special people who will love you despite your disorder. Everyone needs to be loved.
     
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  9. Serving Zion

    Serving Zion Seek First His Kingdom & Righteousness

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    Do you remember what I wrote to you in this post:

    How to Calm Down During a Manic Trigger?

    .. I wouldn't mind sitting down to talk about these things with you. I'm quite able to meet on Skype or Facebook, if you would like, just start a Private Message with me.

    I know there's so many of His people that are struggling and scattered about, but if they would pull together then they would be strong. But it's always been that way .. the institutions (eg: church) implement hierarchical systems of power, and then the spirit of dominance comes along (that is contrary to The Holy Spirit - Mark 10:42-44), and it becomes an abominable place for His people (Proverbs 29:27). So it all depends upon actually finding that support in each other while our citizenship is not of this world..
    Blessed are you when people slander and speak evil of you on account of my name! Rejoice in that day! .. for your reward in the heavens is great!

    Jesus said that we would face much persecution (because we are the ones who convicts the ones who are of the darkness - see this post for an example of how it happens and who we struggle against), but He said that the one who endures to the end will be saved. Sometimes it seems easier to give up and not keep going with endurance, but remember that God always provides a means for escape.. so ask Him what is the provision He has made and it will become visible to you - then follow His plan for you!

    This is well covered by Romans 6:16 - you give in to your temptation to sin (wrath, envy, pride), that takes away The Holy Spirit's presence in you so that you begin venting the evil of your heart (Matthew 15:18-19). I wouldn't mind talking more specifically with you about your political views, to see if we can't find a way to round-off the rough edges while also sharpening your sword (Ephesians 6:17, Proverbs 27:17).
     
  10. Saucy

    Saucy Fear is faith in the enemy. Supporter

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    Thank you for offering. I will certainly prayerfully consider it :)
     
  11. Serving Zion

    Serving Zion Seek First His Kingdom & Righteousness

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    It is good to pray! What you perhaps don't see in this response, that I do see, is that you have a desire to meet with me and you are willing to do so if you should find that God is willing, yet you have a hesitation. This means that your hesitation is of fear - something about you is afraid to meet me and you want to check with God first. It would be good to identify where that fear has it's root - there is a few different possibilities that I can imagine.

    There is two ways to consult God, too. One is to defer to His instruction only to obey (which does have dangers, because you already know that when we have been taken captive by the desires of the flesh, our spiritual judgement (discernment) has compromised), while the other way is to consult His wisdom so as to be satisfied that your own decision conforms to His will.

    Consider the differences carefully, and look at the contrast between the different types of believers that are described by the likes of Isaiah 28:10, Isaiah 29:13-14 (see the theme of "drunkenness" in the prophets), Jeremiah 23:13 (the Baal, "owner/master/commander") compared to Jeremiah 23:18 - (the Father, "counsellor/shepherd/leader"), Jeremiah 23:30-32, and James 1:5 with Jeremiah 9:23-24 and 1 Corinthians 2:16.

    You might see the pattern - that the one who is not of Adonai is of fear - they impose rules and consequences, make threats and do curses etc because they are not residing in love, whereas the ones who have the grace and wisdom are of love, because love thinks no evil, does no harm to a neighbour. This is the perfection of the faith in the new covenant:

    There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear, because fear is of punishment. The one who is of fear has not been made perfect in love.
    1 John 4:18

    Notice this word "of" that is used here.. showing that the fear is the verb that comes from a wrathful heart that desires to impose punishment (that is the way of the world ... Ephesians 2:3), whereas the one who is born of God knows God and is of love, there is no fear in love, so through growing in Christ-likeness, we become more perfected in love and less of the mind of wrath that thinks to punish, and that is the basis of fear (remember that Adam and Eve suddenly accrued fear for their sin, and that was not as a result of God's response to them, but what they imagined His response would be).

    It's interesting what I am finding about this, that faith is strengthened by having a confidence in one's own mind, and that is what the real gospel of Jesus Christ gives us!

    You might be interested to read the few posts to see the train of thought leading to this post of yesterday:

    How Long Is 'Right Now'
     
  12. Saucy

    Saucy Fear is faith in the enemy. Supporter

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    1) I've been hurt before by sharing things with people on this forum, who promised they were there to help me, but used the information against me and attacked me later.

    2) I don't trust too many people, considering my childhood abuse. I have trust issues.

    3) I don't think most people would be comfortable talking to a stranger. I don't know anything about you.

    4) I really do appreciate the offer, because it shows someone cares. But I must also guard my heart, so I want to pray over it.
     
  13. Serving Zion

    Serving Zion Seek First His Kingdom & Righteousness

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    "Once bitten twice shy" -- maybe you will find these thoughts useful too: Are Morals Relative, Progressive, Objective, Absolute, Other?
     
  14. Comebackkid760

    Comebackkid760 New Member

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    I know it may be cliche, but whenever I don't feel myself. I turn to what Jesus says about me. It's tough!!! What I see and what the word says are completely different at times. I think the harshness you get from people may be because they may understand, but think you should be over it. Or simply just don't know how to communicate very well. I deal with it a lot and people often wonder why I keep to myself. It hurts hearing people being harsh. Hope this helps.
     
  15. redblue22

    redblue22 You Are Special.

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    I understand and have experienced much of this. I will keep you in my thoughts.
     
  16. Inkfingers

    Inkfingers Somebody's heretic Supporter

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    Have you given any thought to the aesthetics of your home environment?

    By which I mean whether your decor is soft and lower contrast or hard and high contrast. The latter is more more like, and encouraging of, blunt distinctions (and bi-polar is blunt distinction on steroids), and so heading in the opposite direction is therapeutic.

    Its no miracle cure, but it can help. :)
     
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