Don't know how to deal with this

[Heartofsilver]

Hello everyone,

I have been having a battle with my mental health and in the midst of it I dropped my classes at school due to having multiple severe panic attacks and issues with my disabilities. Everything was feeling like too much, so also in the midst of these times I broke up with my boyfriend a couple times without having the abilities at the times to tell him why. He was heartbroken and I felt so bad, but felt that God was going to bring us back together and He did. We are currently back together and he is being very loving, understanding, and supportive. A few months ago when this started my family had caused a bunch of drama which left me broken and confused which led to others being confused around me including him and his family. I unfortunately ended up hurting a lot of people in the midst of my severe anxiety and had a lack of self-control. I'm currently getting better and the drama has ceased thank God.

The issue now is one of my boyfriend's friends is holding some resentment against me. He is upset that I left my boyfriend so abruptly and when I tried talking to his friend J a few months the ago when circumstances were hectic and tried explaining to him what happened with the break up and my mental health, he didn't care. He acted cold and resentful for the way that I had treated his friend by breaking his heart and breaking up with him. He had no compassion or willingness to understand. I'm glad that my boyfriend has friends who look out for him, but I felt that J was taking things too far and too harshly. Both times that I ended up leaving my boyfriend J has acted the same way by ignoring me in public. The first time this happened, I told my boyfriend about how I had seen J at a restaurant, but he didn't seem happy to see me. When my boyfriend asked him if he had seen me J lied and said that he didn't. My boyfriend was possibly getting suspicious of me ,so I confronted J who continued to lie until I told him in front of my boyfriend that he had already told me what he had done. Then in being caught J confessed that he had lied and when I asked him why he simply replied that he was only looking out for his friend. Which I said to that was that I think that honesty is the best policy. Which I felt that I shouldn't be dealing with any of this at this time with my mental health being the way that it is and trying to heal. I know that J is having a hard time with women in general and is feeling possibly resent towards them and that seems to include me. This last time that I saw J in public and he ignored me I didn't tell my boyfriend that I had seen him.

It has been many years since, I have been in an off and on relationship. I'm trying to learn how to deal with angry friends and family members of my boyfriend's while I'm going through the process of mental health healing/recovery? Please pray for us and any advice is appreciated.

 

[paul1149]

I can't imagine a friend who really is concerned about his friend's welfare lying about something as important to him as his girlfriend. Are you sure J has your b/f's best interests at heart, or is he possibly jealous of your relationship?

 

[Heartofsilver]

Yeah, I wasn't sure why he did that either. Though, I do see how he is looking out for his friend in some way. I just wish that it was more constructive and I'm praying for him. I'm thinking and hoping that he does. I'm not sure if he is.

 

[Joined2krist]

Is J a Christian?

 

[Heartofsilver]

Is J a Christian?

Yes he is.

 

[Brotherly Spirit]

Others aside you should focus on strengthening your relationship. If your boyfriend is someone you love, off and on is more hurtful then helpful. I think as much for you as him too. A relationship should be steady and solid like a rock providing stability and security. In difficult periods of life close relationships with loved ones are a place to go for reliance.

But understandably it does help to have some time to yourself, instead of breaking up try just letting him know you need some time to yourself. Not a break-up ending the relationship, but a temporary separation while in the relationship. Even so I think staying in contact updating where y'all are at personally would help, keeping communication open. Then as any difficulties are eased you can increasingly include him back into your life.

As for family and friends like J I wouldn't worry yourself about what they think. But if you believe he does have your boyfriends best interest in heart, I would consider what this means and how you could had or will have your boyfriend's best interest in your heart. Then you'll have both a healthier relationship with him and any who continue or get unfriendly clearly have their own interests in heart. At that point all you can do is be friendly as possible and move-on in your life.

 

[Joined2krist]

Yes he is.

Well, he isn't acting like a good one. I think you need to be wary of him

 

[Andrew77]

Hello everyone,

I have been having a battle with my mental health and in the midst of it I dropped my classes at school due to having multiple severe panic attacks and issues with my disabilities. Everything was feeling like too much, so also in the midst of these times I broke up with my boyfriend a couple times without having the abilities at the times to tell him why. He was heartbroken and I felt so bad, but felt that God was going to bring us back together and He did. We are currently back together and he is being very loving, understanding, and supportive. A few months ago when this started my family had caused a bunch of drama which left me broken and confused which led to others being confused around me including him and his family. I unfortunately ended up hurting a lot of people in the midst of my severe anxiety and had a lack of self-control. I'm currently getting better and the drama has ceased thank God.

The issue now is one of my boyfriend's friends is holding some resentment against me. He is upset that I left my boyfriend so abruptly and when I tried talking to his friend J a few months the ago when circumstances were hectic and tried explaining to him what happened with the break up and my mental health, he didn't care. He acted cold and resentful for the way that I had treated his friend by breaking his heart and breaking up with him. He had no compassion or willingness to understand. I'm glad that my boyfriend has friends who look out for him, but I felt that J was taking things too far and too harshly. Both times that I ended up leaving my boyfriend J has acted the same way by ignoring me in public. The first time this happened, I told my boyfriend about how I had seen J at a restaurant, but he didn't seem happy to see me. When my boyfriend asked him if he had seen me J lied and said that he didn't. My boyfriend was possibly getting suspicious of me ,so I confronted J who continued to lie until I told him in front of my boyfriend that he had already told me what he had done. Then in being caught J confessed that he had lied and when I asked him why he simply replied that he was only looking out for his friend. Which I said to that was that I think that honesty is the best policy. Which I felt that I shouldn't be dealing with any of this at this time with my mental health being the way that it is and trying to heal. I know that J is having a hard time with women in general and is feeling possibly resent towards them and that seems to include me. This last time that I saw J in public and he ignored me I didn't tell my boyfriend that I had seen him.

It has been many years since, I have been in an off and on relationship. I'm trying to learn how to deal with angry friends and family members of my boyfriend's while I'm going through the process of mental health healing/recovery? Please pray for us and any advice is appreciated.

If you are not ready to be married, then you should not be with a boyfriend.

Second, it sounds like you need more support from a girlfriend. If you have any girlfriends you can hang out with more, I think that would be beneficial to you.

Getting together, and then breaking up with a guy, is downright cruel. If you can't maintain a relationship because of some mental health problems, then it would be better for you to not have a boyfriend, than have one and ditch them repeatedly.

Human beings are not designed to handle deep relationships that are constantly breaking apart. Your boyfriend may say to your face that he understands, and he is ok with it. The fact is, this is damaging him. His friend has a right to be upset with you.

Make up your mind whether you are in this relationship for good, or you are not. Playing with people's hearts is devastating to people. Don't do it.

Unless you are planning your wedding, stay away from this guy. You need to find good female friends that you can connect with you, and hang out with. Leave the boys alone until you are ready to be married to one.

If you want to marry, but you are not ready, then you need to put some thought into what you need G-d's help to fix, and what steps to take to fix it.

That is my advice.

 

[Kenyon Ledford]

J needs to get a life. Not his BFF's life.