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Does God want me to end the relationship?

Discussion in 'Requests for Christian Advice' started by simmondsjames, Jun 18, 2021.

  1. simmondsjames

    simmondsjames New Member

    In Relationship
    Hi everyone.

    Little about me. I have believed in God all of my life as a Christian.

    I have had a bad run of relationships. I'm 28 now, I've had a few girlfriends and unfortunately nothing has been longer lasting than 2 years. None of my girlfriends have had any faith in God and maybe that is why it always pans out that way!

    Anyway. My current relationship of 18 months has been total confliction.
    I feel intense pulling in my heart about staying or going. It's not an easy going relationship, my girlfriend has PTSD, Anxiety and Depression. She was soon out of a relationship/engagement prior to us two meeting.

    It's a relationship that definitely crosses lines and boundaries. Any boundary I set gets walked over. Any disagreement I get relentless calls and abusive messages & manipulation.

    I care about this girl and have feelings, though I feel so angry and frustrated with her as I feel like deep down it is the wrong thing to do.

    Just recently things intensified. Whenever I stay the night with her, my girlfriend on a few occasions has seen a demonic being in our room (she calls it an elderly ghost appearing as a grandmother or something in appearance).

    This thing is appearing as an old lady, very angry and looks at me hatefully (from what she tells me) when I am asleep. Only ever happens on the occasion I am there overnight. I've never seen it.

    Now, the other night I asked God to reveal to me what is hidden here.
    In my dream, I felt something sit on my chest and whisper to me "My name is..." - dream then ended.

    I woke up very uneasy. I felt almost paralysed in my dream.

    I have repeatedly asked God for guidance on this relationship, and quite frankly to sustain it or help me break it off completely.

    I just can't leave the relationship. No idea why, but whenever I do I always back down.

    Thoughts & advice would be welcome.
    We teamed up with Faith Counseling. Can they help you today?
  2. SongOnTheWind

    SongOnTheWind Well-Known Member

    United Kingdom
    Is this girl a Christian?

    Looks like she is still dealing with a lot from her past, and it's causing her to have trust issues. She may even be trying to satisfy some kind of revenge on you, that you don't even deserve. There certainly is no relationship without trust, and you can't carry it for both of you. Believe me, I know with much experience. You need to tell her that you can't go on if she is not willing to trust you. Trust is earned, but so is the call against manipulation and so on. It actually seems as though she may be manipulating you (maybe unknowingly) by saying so. She may just be the abuser in this relationship, without even realising it.

    You both need take authority in Jesus Christ over any demonic influences and rebuke it in Jesus' Name. You need to stand by the limits and boundaries you place or she WILL walk all over you, whether she sees it that way or not. You need to get her to see that a relationship is about two people, not just her. She needs to step up and be willing to work through her problems. Can she ask you to help her? Absolutely, if she actually wants that help, and to be helped.

    I'm a PTSD sufferer too, so I can totally get where she is coming from, and you seem to have been very considerate of her. However, we should all as Christians embrace grace, rather than walk in disgrace. You can't both continue this way. Keep being considerate and respectful, but the time may come when enough is enough and you will have to respectfully call it off.
  3. Tolworth John

    Tolworth John Well-Known Member Supporter

    United Kingdom
    Belief in God does not make one a Christian.
    Even demons believe in God and they tremble with fear.

    Bluntly if you accept Jesus as your Lord and Saviour, then you will obey his commandments, a major one is no sex before marriage.

    You are asking for advice.
    Well regardless of where you stand in relation to Jesus. The fact that she does not respect any boundaries you set. That disagreements are followed by you being bombarded with calls, some of which are abusive, all make alarm bells ring.

    Questions for you.

    How does she respond to your invitation to attend church with you each week?
    How does she respond to the idea of doing a Bible study together or both of you doing an alpha, or Christianity explored course?

    Is she prepared to listen to you and follow your advice, like is she taking her medication regularly, seeing her doctor/therapist regularly?

    If your answers are all NO, you are going to accept she is not for you.
    It is a tough and painful call.
    Face reality, if you marry how do you think she will behave?
    If you think it will be different what evidence is that pipe dream based on?
  4. Carl Emerson

    Carl Emerson Well-Known Member

    New Zealand
    Well my take is that your present relationship is spiritually illegal.

    It is no wonder you are being influenced by the demonic.

    Find a mature Pastor and get some Godly council and prayer.

    You must first prioritise getting yourself right with Jesus at all costs.

    You have clearly violated important and quite basic Biblical teaching forbidding fornication.

    Might be a good idea to put a prayer request on the prayer wall - you have some very important decisions to make.
  5. SongOnTheWind

    SongOnTheWind Well-Known Member

    United Kingdom
    Has fornication actually taken place? If so I would agree with your response.
  6. Carl Emerson

    Carl Emerson Well-Known Member

    New Zealand
  7. SongOnTheWind

    SongOnTheWind Well-Known Member

    United Kingdom
    Could be emotional or physical. Wouldn't mind some clarification but either way, it's not how God designed relationships to work.
  8. com7fy8

    com7fy8 Well-Known Member Supporter

    United States
    Yes, you need to share with women who relate the way God's word says to relate > including >

    "swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath" (in James 1:19-20)

    "Do all things without complaining and disputing, that you may become blameless and harmless, children of God without fault in the midst of a crooked and perverse generation" (in Philippians 2:13-16)

    Arguing and complaining, then, are anti-love . . . not >

    "submitting to one another in the fear of God." (Ephesians 5:21)

    I do not mean how a couple can discuss an issue but then work it out to agreement because they are being prayerful. I mean abusive arguing in which at least one is trying to control things for what that person selfishly wants. God does not put people together so we can use each other for what we want.

    First, then, I would advise that you need to relate with mature people, including successful married couples who can help you learn how to love in a close involvement.

    We reap what we sow. We might start with tiny seeds, but those seeds can turn into a world of thorny weeds . . . or an eternity of love . . . depending on how we invest and select our seeds.

    "'Take My yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.'" (Matthew 11:29)

    If you are not helping one another to become gentle and humble like Jesus, and to relate with kind emotions and "rest for your souls" . . . share with people who help you with this.

    You can advise her that arguing and screaming and controlling are against how God wants us to relate in His love and be all-loving people. And do not get isolated with her, if she is abusive while you are alone. Share with people who are good examples and have her share with these people.

    Well, the boundaries need to be Biblical. And you do not have to answer abusive calls and messages.

    Well, it is possible you need to evaluate how you evaluate women.

    I would not get isolated with her. And in case you have been fornicating, the evil spirit of this can mess you both up emotionally and keep you weak so you can stay in abusive relating. I mean > there is "the spirit who now works in the sons of disobedience" > in Ephesians 2:2. This spirit of Satan "works" very hard including in the form of emotions and ways of reacting which keep you hooked and hurt in arguing and other abuse.

    Well . . . if she had a grandmother who dearly loved her and tried to teach her the right way to live, including by being moral . . . she would be possibly very angry about how you are not helping her to live as a celibate while learning how to love the way Jesus has us loving.

    What are your treasures which you feel she can help you to have?

    What are the excuses in your mind which talk to you so you get tricked into trouble with her?

    You can pray and read your Bible. You can talk with people who are good Christian examples, and join them on Sunday and other days, for worship and prayer and God's word. Make sure you have mature people, not only ones your own age who charm you.
  9. ForHimbyHim

    ForHimbyHim Member

    Hi, it does sound like this girl does not respect you, because it sounds like she doesn't respect you and usually that does not sound like a good thing. Either she is lying about this old ghost or you may be demonised, since she says it only shows up when you are there.

    The question I would ask you, when you imagined the girl of your dreams, did you imagine her as someone who encourages you in Christ or who pulls you away. When you leave her presence, do you feel edified or do you feel discouraged and guilty.

    Honestly no one can tell you whether or not to stay. From your brief description it sounds like this is not a good relationship.

    You did say you have never dated someone who loves God, why is that the case? Do you not move in circles where you can find a girl you like who loves God too. Is it your friends, or are you looking for a certain type of girl that stops you from finding what God may have in store for you?

    Just some thoughts.
  10. Sidon

    Sidon Well-Known Member

    United States
    Im going to assume you are born again, as your testimony is pretty thin.

    If you are born again, then what you dont do is try to find just "any" love relationship.
    See, there is a reason that the Born again are ordered, ....its not a suggestion, to only find love relationship with other believers who are born again.

    Let me show you the problem.

    The father of the unbelievers is the Devil.
    He is their father.
    Jesus said..>"you are OF YOUR FATHER, the Devil".....and the means that the spirit in them, is in operation as the Devil's spirit. And it will continue to exist as this same, until God changes it by new birth and redemption.
    This is why the unbelievers eventually end up with their Father after they die, in HIS place, in the end.

    See, the unbelievers end up with their Father, in the end.
    The born again end up with THEIR FATHER, in the end.

    Notice the different LOCATION?
    This is not a myth.
    It is an eternal reality.

    So, if you are born again then you have God's Spirit in you.
    And this is going to agitate the opposite type of Spirit that is in your girlfriend, and this can never be resolved, unless she is born again.
    There is no other solution, and all that you will face till that happens is STRIFE.
    See, STRIFE and every evil work is always what is produced when the Spirit of God, and the Spirit of the Devil, meet.
    So that is what you have, as your relationship, currently.

    Do you want that to continue? Then stay there.
    Do you want this misery to end? Then you have to leave it.
    If she is ever born again then that allows a correct spiritual union between you two, but not until.

    And next time, let God find you the right person, vs, you doing it, unless you obey the rule of only finding a BELIEVER to love as your mate relationship.
  11. Albion

    Albion Facilitator

    Asking whether or not God wants this relationship seems to be the wrong question. The fact is that everything we've been told here shouts out that this girl is not the one for you and the chances of that changing are close to nil.
  12. SabbathBlessings

    SabbathBlessings Well-Known Member

    United States
    My theory is, if you are struggling and constantly wondering if this relationship is right or not, than it is typically not right. If you spend more time being torn about the relationship than enjoying the relationship, it's not right!

    When it's "right" it's easy. Every relationship I had prior to meeting my husband I went through the same thing- tearing myself up. When I met my now husband I never had to wonder if this is right or wrong because I enjoyed his company so much I spent more time enjoying the 'now' than I did conflicted in my head if he was the right partner. We dated 18 months before getting married. There was never a struggle. It's been over ten years now. Not saying we never fight although seldom, but I never second guess if I made the right decision.

    Also, is very important if you are a Christian to find a Christian spouse. The bible very clearly tells us not to be unequally yoked. Give this to God and earnestly pray. When we do God's will over our own, He will wants us to be happy. God is a God of love and through my own experience I am so much happier when I try to do God's will over my own. God wants to bless each of us.

    God bless.
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  13. zoidar

    zoidar Well-Known Member Supporter

    That she has some kind of vision doesn't have to mean much, especially since she struggles with her mental health. Like what has been pointed out sex outside marriage is not the way to go. Would she abstain for you? I was in a relationship with an unbeliever, makes it nearly impossible to abstain if not both have the same mindset. Being a Christian is hard by itself, and it's even harder if you can't back each other up with prayers and faith. I wish you the best, whatever you choose.
  14. Sketcher

    Sketcher Born Imperishable

    In order for this to become healthy and right, at least these things would need to take place:
    • She would need to become a Christian, and take that commitment seriously.
    • She would need to respect your boundaries consistently, and not just for a while.
    • She would need to stop all abusive messages and manipulation.
    • She would need to respect you as a man consistently.
    • She would need to take complete responsibility for how she treats you, and acknowledge that none of this maltreatment she has given you is justified, making no excuses for treating you this way ever again.
    • Her mental issues would need to be miraculously healed, or at least treated sufficiently that she won't take them out on you again, without needing medication.
    • All fornication in the relationship stops.
    • All ties to the occult in either her life or yours get permanently severed.
    I don't know if God is planning on doing his part to facilitate this anytime soon, but I do know that I wouldn't recommend remaining in a dating relationship like this, and that you need to have more respect for yourself.
  15. 1watchman

    1watchman Overseer Supporter

    Some sound counsel has been given here, but if one does not pay heed to it, then one is left to one's own ideas. As to PTSD, that usually speaks of great trauma in one's previous life experiences, so maybe she needs therapy???