Does God reunite a couple when the timing is right?

[Kristen Rife]

Hello,
I'll ask my question first.
When you are in a relationship that seems to have a Devine hand leading it, but you mutually decide that the timing is off, does God reunite them when they have achieved their personal growth? And can you know/will God tell you if it is his will?

And here is the background.
I am a 40 year old Widow with an 11 & 3 year old.
I began dating a widower (will call him John) with a 9 & 6 year old. We knew of each other when we were married. His wife passed away 5 years ago. When my husband had his heart attack and was still in the hospital, John reached out to me to offer any help. When my husband passed, 32 days later, he came to the service. From then John contacted me off and on to check in on us. It became more and more frequent until we were texting daily. That turned into multiple times a day.
We started call me ng each other to talk during the 3rd month. Month 4 we finally started hanging out in person. John and his family live about an hour away. We we're seeing each other every weekend. We never argued or fought. We had deep discussions though. About the future, our kids, and what the time frame might look like.
He told me that I was the love of his life and that he felt Good had made me for him. That God had crossed our paths because we were meant to be together. I agreed. I know he purchased an engagement ring and we were starting to talk about houses and what we would need.He told me everyday that he couldn't wait to marry me. But the last month things were crazy. With work, soccer, baseball, softball, and tee-ball. We weren't able to spend as much time together. I was also scared and started to worry about ripping my kids up while they are still healing (and so am I) from the sudden and traumatic loss of their father. So a couple of days ago we had a long talk and mutually decided to take it down a knotch to friendship. I asked if he still loved me. He laughed and said that he knew I would ask that. He gave me a huge smile and told me that all he would say is that he deeply cared, and had a deep affection for me and my kids. But the timing is just off. He said he lost his ability to focus on my family's needs because he was so focused on our future together. He apologized. I apologized for the fact that we needed more time.
There is a great love here. It feels very meant to be. We have so many similarities and things in common, our children love each other and his kids already call my son brother. My kids love John and vice versa. The only issue here is my family needing time to heal and our readiness to move. I feel he has stepped to the side and is down playing emotions so that he will not feel that they are hindering our healing. We have plans to hang out in the future. He said he can't wait to make more memories with us.
I originally gave him a date of July 2019 to start planning a move. And I wonder if he is just going to hold back until then.
But will God put us together at the right time? I have prayed and asked for his guidance. Whenever I pray for mine and Johns relationship I have a feeling of peace and calm. Is this a good sign? I am just looking for your Christian Views/Advice and any possible related scripture that I could study. Thank you all so much for reading this God bless each of you

 

[Brightmoon]

I think you’re a wise woman

 

[Loyce KG]

Hello,
I'll ask my question first.
When you are in a relationship that seems to have a Devine hand leading it, but you mutually decide that the timing is off, does God reunite them when they have achieved their personal growth? And can you know/will God tell you if it is his will?

And here is the background.
I am a 40 year old Widow with an 11 & 3 year old.
I began dating a widower (will call him John) with a 9 & 6 year old. We knew of each other when we were married. His wife passed away 5 years ago. When my husband had his heart attack and was still in the hospital, John reached out to me to offer any help. When my husband passed, 32 days later, he came to the service. From then John contacted me off and on to check in on us. It became more and more frequent until we were texting daily. That turned into multiple times a day.
We started call me ng each other to talk during the 3rd month. Month 4 we finally started hanging out in person. John and his family live about an hour away. We we're seeing each other every weekend. We never argued or fought. We had deep discussions though. About the future, our kids, and what the time frame might look like.
He told me that I was the love of his life and that he felt Good had made me for him. That God had crossed our paths because we were meant to be together. I agreed. I know he purchased an engagement ring and we were starting to talk about houses and what we would need.He told me everyday that he couldn't wait to marry me. But the last month things were crazy. With work, soccer, baseball, softball, and tee-ball. We weren't able to spend as much time together. I was also scared and started to worry about ripping my kids up while they are still healing (and so am I) from the sudden and traumatic loss of their father. So a couple of days ago we had a long talk and mutually decided to take it down a knotch to friendship. I asked if he still loved me. He laughed and said that he knew I would ask that. He gave me a huge smile and told me that all he would say is that he deeply cared, and had a deep affection for me and my kids. But the timing is just off. He said he lost his ability to focus on my family's needs because he was so focused on our future together. He apologized. I apologized for the fact that we needed more time.
There is a great love here. It feels very meant to be. We have so many similarities and things in common, our children love each other and his kids already call my son brother. My kids love John and vice versa. The only issue here is my family needing time to heal and our readiness to move. I feel he has stepped to the side and is down playing emotions so that he will not feel that they are hindering our healing. We have plans to hang out in the future. He said he can't wait to make more memories with us.
I originally gave him a date of July 2019 to start planning a move. And I wonder if he is just going to hold back until then.
But will God put us together at the right time? I have prayed and asked for his guidance. Whenever I pray for mine and Johns relationship I have a feeling of peace and calm. Is this a good sign? I am just looking for your Christian Views/Advice and any possible related scripture that I could study. Thank you all so much for reading this God bless each of you

Sounds like both your hearts are in the right place. However, you need time to heal as well as your family and you should use this period to inquire of the Lord deeper. Overall, John seems like a stable well-intentioned man. Good on you for looking out for your family.
Perhaps, plan to have dates with John plus all the kids involved (like family picnics). some of your concerns might be addressed by his demeanor around the Kids

 

[Kristen Rife]

I think you’re a wise woman

Thank you Brightmoon. I am not sure wise is a word I have ever heard to describe me but I am trying. I have a lot of faith that this is the right man for us. We pray together and he has helped in my relationship with God and helped me to not go the anger /bitter route. I am just fervently praying for a Jacob and Rachel ending for us

 

[Kristen Rife]

Sounds like both your hearts are in the right place. However, you need time to heal as well as your family and you should use this period to inquire of the Lord deeper. Overall, John seems like a stable well-intentioned man. Good on you for looking out for your family.
Perhaps, plan to have dates with John plus all the kids involved (like family picnics). some of your concerns might be addressed by his demeanor around the Kids

Thank you Loyce. We have spent a lot of family time together. I taught his kids to play Uno and Twister. We spent New Year's weekend together, go on family outings frequently, and we have been on 2 family weekend away trips. All had gone mostly successful. John is a Godly man who prays with me and we take turns going to each other's churches. The bonding and blending if families definitely come with difficulties but it had been going well. Unfortunately it has been difficult to date one on one as it is hard to find people to watch our kids and being able to meet in the middle for a "date" and be back before the sitter needs to leave (when you can find one). Thank you so much for responding

 

[Monk Brendan]

Hello,
I'll ask my question first.
When you are in a relationship that seems to have a Devine hand leading it, but you mutually decide that the timing is off, does God reunite them when they have achieved their personal growth? And can you know/will God tell you if it is his will?

And here is the background.
I am a 40 year old Widow with an 11 & 3 year old.
I began dating a widower (will call him John) with a 9 & 6 year old. We knew of each other when we were married. His wife passed away 5 years ago. When my husband had his heart attack and was still in the hospital, John reached out to me to offer any help. When my husband passed, 32 days later, he came to the service. From then John contacted me off and on to check in on us. It became more and more frequent until we were texting daily. That turned into multiple times a day.
We started call me ng each other to talk during the 3rd month. Month 4 we finally started hanging out in person. John and his family live about an hour away. We we're seeing each other every weekend. We never argued or fought. We had deep discussions though. About the future, our kids, and what the time frame might look like.
He told me that I was the love of his life and that he felt Good had made me for him. That God had crossed our paths because we were meant to be together. I agreed. I know he purchased an engagement ring and we were starting to talk about houses and what we would need.He told me everyday that he couldn't wait to marry me. But the last month things were crazy. With work, soccer, baseball, softball, and tee-ball. We weren't able to spend as much time together. I was also scared and started to worry about ripping my kids up while they are still healing (and so am I) from the sudden and traumatic loss of their father. So a couple of days ago we had a long talk and mutually decided to take it down a knotch to friendship. I asked if he still loved me. He laughed and said that he knew I would ask that. He gave me a huge smile and told me that all he would say is that he deeply cared, and had a deep affection for me and my kids. But the timing is just off. He said he lost his ability to focus on my family's needs because he was so focused on our future together. He apologized. I apologized for the fact that we needed more time.
There is a great love here. It feels very meant to be. We have so many similarities and things in common, our children love each other and his kids already call my son brother. My kids love John and vice versa. The only issue here is my family needing time to heal and our readiness to move. I feel he has stepped to the side and is down playing emotions so that he will not feel that they are hindering our healing. We have plans to hang out in the future. He said he can't wait to make more memories with us.
I originally gave him a date of July 2019 to start planning a move. And I wonder if he is just going to hold back until then.
But will God put us together at the right time? I have prayed and asked for his guidance. Whenever I pray for mine and Johns relationship I have a feeling of peace and calm. Is this a good sign? I am just looking for your Christian Views/Advice and any possible related scripture that I could study. Thank you all so much for reading this God bless each of you

Ask God, not others, unless maybe your spiritual director/counsellor.

I think you're just looking for what you want to hear by posting this on CF.

 

[Carl Emerson]

OK so yes it sounds rather soon after the tragic passing of your husband.

You are looking at 4 months of so of "friendship" then at that point considering matters more seriously.

At the end of the day you will need to hear from Him about what is appropriate.

I would usually suggest a period of being completely apart for an agreed time because it is so easy to slip into co-dependance.

During this period, each should then independently seek council from ones own church about the matter.

I got married 33 years ago and have 5 children. Our courtship was very short after I had waited 10 years for the wrong lady. This was a bit extreme but really it is His business how He deals with us.

Be praying with some folks to accelerate the journey back to strong faith. This should be a priority.

Blessings,

Carl Emerson.

 

[Kristen Rife]

Ask God, not others, unless maybe your spiritual director/counsellor.

I think you're just looking for what you want to hear by posting this on CF.

I am sorry you feel that way. That was not my intention. No one's opinion over-rides God's intention for us. Maybe I should have specifically asked for specific references regarding widowhood, God's care for them, and any scripture that would show instances where God reunites people after a course of bad timing. More like Ruth, Naomi, the persistent widow, the widow's mite, the widow and her 2 sons. Or more examples like Jacob and Rachel where it took 14 years for the timing to work out.
I apologize for not stating that more clearly. Thank you Monk for your response.

 

[Kristen Rife]

OK so yes it sounds rather soon after the tragic passing of your husband.

You are looking at 4 months of so of "friendship" then at that point considering matters more seriously.

At the end of the day you will need to hear from Him about what is appropriate.

I would usually suggest a period of being completely apart for an agreed time because it is so easy to slip into co-dependance.

During this period, each should then independently seek council from ones own church about the matter.

I got married 33 years ago and have 5 children. Our courtship was very short after I had waited 10 years for the wrong lady. This was a bit extreme but really it is His business how He deals with us.

Be praying with some folks to accelerate the journey back to strong faith. This should be a priority.

Blessings,

Carl Emerson.

Thank you Carl. I am sorry that your timing didn't work out. But what a blessing you received in the end You are right as it has only been a little over a year. We are focusing on counseling, and we are part of a grief support group at our church. Which has helped tremendously. I also pray and read the Bible at night. I was trying to do the Bible in a year but I found I just keep bouncing around looking and studying different scripture that comes up from other places.

 

[vinsight4u]

It didn't take 14 years as to Jacob and Rachel. It was 7 years for Leah, then Jacob fulfilled her week before marrying Rachel.
He worked for 7 more years, but he didn't wait to marry his second wife that long.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Kristen Rife]

It didn't take 14 years as to Jacob and Rachel. It was 7 years for Leah, then Jacob fulfilled her week before marrying Rachel.
He worked for 7 more years, but he didn't wait to marry his second wife that long.

Thank you so much for the clarification. That is my misinterpretation. When I read the verse I interpreted it is the marriage to Leah, then a week before the 2nd agreement to work an additional 7 years for the hand of Rachel. So it should be read as a week, married Rachel, and then worked the 7 years per the agreement. Thank you

 

[Carl Emerson]

Well I always look for the better best.

If you are going to journey together spiritually then spiritual compatibility is a must.

Only He knows if you have that calling to be together and it is one of the most serious decisions to be made.

Surely we would want His choice rather than ours.

He can see exactly how it will turn out - or not.

Blessings,

Carl Emerson.

 

[Kristen Rife]

You've been a widow for over a year? The families have already
been traveling together. If you are consistently thinking about each other when you are apart, and you both have already seen how suddenly lives can be gone, then what is keeping you away from building a future together as a happy couple?
God may not step in, as in the Bible there are situations where God has it as to people are to marry whom they think is best, or marry a fellow believer.
Why put off your dream of being together?

My family is very old school and the statement was made that only someone who didn't love their husband would move on so quickly and that the community would look down on us, shun us, and not be so quick to help us. They we're okay with us hanging out but nothing more than that until after a year. I also wanted to wait to move until the school year was over so my son wouldn't have to move in the middle of a school year. But my son was completely on board to move this summer. We were on schedule to list my house in May.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[Andrew77]

Hello,
I'll ask my question first.
When you are in a relationship that seems to have a Devine hand leading it, but you mutually decide that the timing is off, does God reunite them when they have achieved their personal growth? And can you know/will God tell you if it is his will?

And here is the background.
I am a 40 year old Widow with an 11 & 3 year old.
I began dating a widower (will call him John) with a 9 & 6 year old. We knew of each other when we were married. His wife passed away 5 years ago. When my husband had his heart attack and was still in the hospital, John reached out to me to offer any help. When my husband passed, 32 days later, he came to the service. From then John contacted me off and on to check in on us. It became more and more frequent until we were texting daily. That turned into multiple times a day.
We started call me ng each other to talk during the 3rd month. Month 4 we finally started hanging out in person. John and his family live about an hour away. We we're seeing each other every weekend. We never argued or fought. We had deep discussions though. About the future, our kids, and what the time frame might look like.
He told me that I was the love of his life and that he felt Good had made me for him. That God had crossed our paths because we were meant to be together. I agreed. I know he purchased an engagement ring and we were starting to talk about houses and what we would need.He told me everyday that he couldn't wait to marry me. But the last month things were crazy. With work, soccer, baseball, softball, and tee-ball. We weren't able to spend as much time together. I was also scared and started to worry about ripping my kids up while they are still healing (and so am I) from the sudden and traumatic loss of their father. So a couple of days ago we had a long talk and mutually decided to take it down a knotch to friendship. I asked if he still loved me. He laughed and said that he knew I would ask that. He gave me a huge smile and told me that all he would say is that he deeply cared, and had a deep affection for me and my kids. But the timing is just off. He said he lost his ability to focus on my family's needs because he was so focused on our future together. He apologized. I apologized for the fact that we needed more time.
There is a great love here. It feels very meant to be. We have so many similarities and things in common, our children love each other and his kids already call my son brother. My kids love John and vice versa. The only issue here is my family needing time to heal and our readiness to move. I feel he has stepped to the side and is down playing emotions so that he will not feel that they are hindering our healing. We have plans to hang out in the future. He said he can't wait to make more memories with us.
I originally gave him a date of July 2019 to start planning a move. And I wonder if he is just going to hold back until then.
But will God put us together at the right time? I have prayed and asked for his guidance. Whenever I pray for mine and Johns relationship I have a feeling of peace and calm. Is this a good sign? I am just looking for your Christian Views/Advice and any possible related scripture that I could study. Thank you all so much for reading this God bless each of you

Unless you have some actual reason... like a real reason.... I don't see the issue here. You say the problem is your family needing to heal.

Where are you getting that from? How many months has it been? I would say 1 year is long enough.

Me personally, I like this. You are widow. He's a widow. What's wrong with this picture? Nothing as far as I can tell. The kids like him.

Sounds like a good plan to me.

 

[vinsight4u]

/nvm

 

[mnphysicist]

Thank you Brightmoon. I am not sure wise is a word I have ever heard to describe me but I am trying. I have a lot of faith that this is the right man for us. We pray together and he has helped in my relationship with God and helped me to not go the anger /bitter route. I am just fervently praying for a Jacob and Rachel ending for us

Its really hard to put a fixed timing on this sort of thing. Seven years might work out for some widows/widowers, but for many, it might be way too long, and yet could be way too short for others being grieving is a very individual thing. The other thing is old testament marriages were often to preserve blood lines / property values / economic issues to say nothing about the aspect of polygamy. Consider Deut:25.... which usually mean a much much shorter time frame. Bottom line, I'm don't think it prudent to look to those Biblical marriages for guidance in today's world.

When you are in a relationship that seems to have a Devine hand leading it, but you mutually decide that the timing is off, does God reunite them when they have achieved their personal growth? And can you know/will God tell you if it is his will?

Discerning God's will and timing in relationships is a challenging thing, even more so for widows imho. We can look to Pauls advise about marriage in 1 Cor 7:8-9 and 1 Cor 7:39-40... bearing in mind its critical to look to the entirely to the chapter. Its also instructive to ponder 1 Tim 5.

Bottom line, there isn't a nice cut and dried answer from the scriptures in sorting this out for a given couple, beyond that it can be a very good thing as long as both are believers.

Which leads to looking at this from a practical pov.
Everyone is prone to self deception, but those who have recently lost a spouse even more so being our perceptions and judgments are going to be impaired for a while due to changes in brain chemistry. I don't know if you've experience super hightened awareness, flight / flight syndrome lasting hours, memory loopings, flashbacks, grief paralysis etc, but they are common for many of us early on.This makes discerning the divine vs our own desires/will really really hard. Grief counseling and the services of a spiritual director can be invaluable in working through this.

In a related vein, us older folks all know new love throws a wrench into the brain from 2-3 years until its fades... and its really really amazing. Sadly, this often leads to young folks getting married quickly, and then when the new love fades... their relationship crashes and burns, unless they've invested the correct focus, time, and energy needed for it to endure. Thus why I think premarital counseling is mission critical.

That being said, the combination of impaired judgment due to spousal loss and new love can easily make such relationships a mine field... but age, experience, and highly successful prior marriage can and do make navigating this possible. I think of my Dad who was dating his prom date from 60 yrs prior, just a few months after my mom passed... a couple of 80yr old kids is what I called him and his girlfriend and they endured until she too passed away. It was great to see how happy they were.When I walked a similar path when my wife passed, the respect for my Dad went through the ceiling... as I saw all those minefields up close and personal, and was amazed how he was able to walk through them so successfully.

 

[aiki]

I hope this won't seem overly trite, but "love can't wait to give, lust can't wait to get." If "John" - or you - can't wait for things to settle and the kids to be better healed from the loss of their Dad, I would wonder seriously about what sort of "love" is fueling your romance. Intimacy of the sort you've established with "John" develops easily in circumstances of tragedy. A listening ear and caring heart are powerfully attractive, especially during times of sorrow and loss. Be sure that it isn't merely this effect, this connection born of tragedy, that is drawing you together. There has to be more as the foundation of your relationship. Marriage is God's institution and He has made it so that marriage cannot work properly, it cannot be the excellent thing He intends it should be, apart from Him. I remark on this because I saw no mention of how either of you were seeking God in determining whether or not you should be together. You said nothing of how well "John" meets the biblical standard of a godly man. A sympathetic, interesting and attractive man is not necessarily a godly one. Has "John" been merely a tender heart and ear when you've needed one? Or is he truly marriage material, walking closely with God, and urging you to do the same? Will marrying "John" move you and your kids toward Christ? This is God's primary interest in your life and the life of your kids. Is this your interest, too? If not, choosing to marry "John" will be made in neglect of - and perhaps even in contradiction to - the purpose of God and so your marriage to "John" will not meet with His blessing. Very likely, you are perfectly aware of all these things. The really important things bear repeating, though, don't they?

Matthew 6:33
33 But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness...

 

[Sketcher]

I'm not seeing in what you shared evidence of God bringing you two together, it just sounds like you both fell in love. Which is 100% permissible, I don't know how invested God is in it, that's all. Since this is not a relationship that is founded in sin, I don't see why he would have a strong opinion on it, or why he would need to in order for it to succeed. Just be smart about it, evaluate the relationship on it's own merits.