Hello, my friend.
Let me introduce myself. I am a Christian Existentialist whose favorite book of the Bible is Ecclesiastes. When I was your age, I was absolutely overwrought with anxiety and depression with the meaninglessness of my existence. I am naturally a very introspective, philosophical person, so I think deeply about this stuff. I am also bipolar, and back in those days it wasn't controlled, so my depressions were bad ones. I read a lot of Dostoevsky, Sartre, Camus, Kierkegaard... But Ecclesiastes was my favorite.
If you are anything like me, I know that nothing I or anyone else says to you right now is going to be a final word for you. It's going to be a long journey for you to sort this stuff out. Know that that's okay.
Here is how it resolved for me.
Because all things come from God, they have intrinsic value. If God didn't exist, then there would be no meaning. But our Creator fills the universe with himself, his meaning, his essence and purpose.
You cannot know this from philosophy and reason. Philosophy and reason are great things -- they are God given and wondrous. I think that people should be as rational as possible. But reason will only take you so far until you hit a wall. This is the wall that all existentialists hit, including the author of Ecclesiastes.
Ah, but what of Christian Existentialists? Kierkegaard got to that wall, using all his logical resources, and then let go and walked through it in faith.
You are very, very young still. There is a lot you have yet to experience. I don't know what kind of personality you have, whether you are sensory or intuitive, grounded or mystic....
I have these moments where I experience the entire universe as joy. Where ever leaf on the trees, every blade of grass just figuratively sings. It's as if, if I could use CS Lewis' metaphor, the entire universe were a Great Dance. It reminds me of the Psalmist's words, "The heavens declare the glory of God." If you've ever had such an experience, then you have to conclude one of two things: either you are a nutcase, or life has meaning.
But this meaning of life just isn't the things that people go looking for. There are false lures that are addictive in nature that promise fulfillment and don't deliver. They suck you in and suck you dry, because you can never get enough to satisfy that animal desire for pleasure. They are LIES when they are confused with happiness:
- wealth/material things
- power/influence/status
- sex
- food
- alcohol and drugs
There are a lot of different elements to what we call happiness. Let me just whip a few out off the top of my head, and speak from 56 years of going from a very depressed person to a person of great happiness.
CONTENTMENT:
A lot of what we call happiness is simply contentment, feeling like we had a good day, a good week, a good year. You don't plan it, you can't examine it while it's happening. What you do is LIVE IN THE MOMENT. Then, when you look back, you feel happy about things. In fact, even if things were rough, you still feel good because you got through it, you handled it, it passed, tomorrow is another day.
INNER PEACE:
There is nothing like a clear conscience to make a person feel happy. You definitely sleep better at night. This was the conclusion of the author of Ecclesiastes, who wrestled with what was important: "When all is said and done, this one thing remains: Love God and OBEY HIS COMMANDMENTS, for this is the whole of man."
MEANING:
In short, we make ourselves happier by bringing happiness to others. It is better to give than to receive. It amazes me how people will throw away their lives trying to make more money when they are already unhappy making $300,000 a year, when those same two hours of overtime could be spent at a soup kitchen and bring true feelings of richness.
FOCUS:
We loose our happiness because we become seduced by things that don't bring it to us. How do we keep our focus on what is important? Let me tell you a story that has helped me through my life:
There was once a young chinese woman who owned a restaurant with her husband. Every day early in the morning she would come in to begin work, and one of the things she would do was make the fortune cookies. She would start by pulling out her mat and praying, and receiving the fortunes, seeing the faces of the people they were meant for. Then she would get up and write them down one by one.
One day, a good friend of hers, a young man who had grown up in the town, came into the restaurant. At the end of his meal, she delivered his fortune cookie to him. She watched from afar as he opened and read it. He considered it for some time. He glanced around and didn't seem to catch her watching him. Then he tore off the smallest piece of the fortune and ate it. The woman smiled, for she knew that he understood that for a fortune to come true, the receiver had to nourish it. His fortune had been, "You will die a happy man."
Receiving the fortune changed the man. It made him think, "What if today were my last day?" He would spend more time with his children and wife, and act more patiently with others. He was kinder and more generous to his co-workers and made more friends. Sometimes he would break off another piece of the fortune, which he always kept in his shirt pocket.
Life went by, and the woman grew very old. One day she received new that her friend had passed away, and her family was invited to the funeral. As prayers were said and incense was lit, she thought back over his life and hers. Afterwards she spoke with many of their mutual friends. They enjoyed sharing different stories, surprising one another. But the one thing they all agreed upon -- he had died a happy man.