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Do you trust your pastor??

Discussion in 'Christian Advice' started by Life2Christ, May 7, 2012.

  1. Life2Christ

    Life2Christ Guest

    Just out of curiousity, do you trust your pastor? When you are around him do you feel at ease or do you sense something that is "off"? I have been going to a new church since January and the pastor is well-respected and has been preaching for about 30 or so years but there is something about him I can't put my finger on.

    ETA: Just a little more info. I don't want to "bear false witness here" so I don't want to accuse anyone. My pastor is divorced which is a total rarity in the church, but I don't blame him for that, his wife could have left him which he has no control over. I dont know the situation behind the divorce. But I saw him yesterday in the park and immediately he (in a friendly manner) offered me his cheek to kiss him. Now mind you, "hello kisses" are normal among Hispanic people. Everyone does it so no biggie for me. But I did not want that kind of relationship with my pastor. I don't want an intimate one like "friends". Is that bad of me?
  2. All4HISglory

    All4HISglory Guest

    Absolutely I do.

    I don't put them up on a platform because they have flesh to contend with just like any other man. I trust the Spirit of God that is in them!

    My Pastors always say "follow me as I follow Christ." Meaning if they aren't following after the Spirit of the Lord, what are we doing?

    I also have the privilage to serve with family. My Pastors are my cousins through marriage. It has benefits and down falls but overall, I am extremely blessed to have the Shepards I have.
  3. Aibrean

    Aibrean Honest. Maybe too Honest.

    Mine I do. There have been some that I didn't.
  4. parsley

    parsley .

    Trust comes from gradual learning and testing whether a person is trustworthy.

    The hiring of pastors involves a few weeks of investigation and listening to sermons, researching their past behavior -- but does not reveal the whole heart of a person. Some parishioners are very fortunate, but pastors are still fallible humans. And divorced pastors are also wondering what the next steps in their relationships will be.

    One time a married pastor that I completely trusted, insisted that I meet with him during the service. Other pastors were leading that service, so he was free, but it didn't seem right that he should keep a person out of church while there was no staff nearby.

    Nothing horrible went on, but I felt that weird tension you describe, that made me feel like he was entertaining thoughts or possibilities that could lead to something. Not long after, I found that the person really did have some indiscretion problems, and his effectiveness in ministry crashed quickly.

    A parishioner is in the position of trusting, wanting to please their leaders, wanting to cooperate with shared goals... and that can sometimes put people into positions of temptation. Temptation will always be there, but what we do with these are what become realities and sin.

    So far your pastor has done nothing against you, but in your spirit you are sensing caution. So pray for him, keep some safe distance, make sure others are around when you talk with him and his office door is open. You would not want to encourage him in sin, and so far you have no evidence that temptations have turned into realities.

    Everyone is tempted, everyone is vulnerable, and the enemy knows exactly where are weak points are. Support your pastor by keeping him above reproach.
  5. LilLamb219

    LilLamb219 The Lamb is gone Supporter

    I trust my pastor.

    About the cheek kissing, you said no biggie but also said you did not want that kind of relationship. Next time, hold out your hand instead and said that you feel more comfortable with a handshake and leave it at that. You don't have to defend yourself.
  6. Itagaki

    Itagaki You're Gonna go Far, Kid

    I do not trust my former pastor. He turned out to be a con man. He'll probably go to prison since his church is no longer a charity, yet he still collects donations from people! :eek:
  7. parsley

    parsley .

    That's a good idea. Just be gracious, and in charge.

    Oh no! May God use His witty ways to return the money back to unsuspecting people, and into His work.
  8. All4HISglory

    All4HISglory Guest

    I missed this part. LOL.

    My Pastor is male and my Co Pastor is female. Kissing on the cheeck is also familiar with us as well but the sepration between male and female is also very much our custom (in ministry). You will NEVER catch my Pastor kissing a female except the Mothers. And by Mothers I mean Mothers of the church (50 years and up. We have 3 of them. 1 of them is my mom and another is his mother in law).

    Even when he hugs women (to include me and I am family and the church secretary), he does those "one arm by your side and the other firmly pats your back and then quickly lets go" type of hugs. He doesn't keep contact with women for long at all. You are still able to "feel" the love, concern and committment from him as the Shepard but his hug also delivers the message of his intentions, which is why I know its according to the Spirit of God that he conducts himself this way.

    Any woman that would be offended for my pastor not showing more towards her would be questionable IMO. What are her motives, intention and purpose for needing a longer hug or a kiss on the cheeck? Same for men with wanting more from the women.

    I personally hug most of the men in my church (in the same manner of style I stated my Pastor gives) and they hug me as well, in the same manner. If a visitor comes, I welcome them with a warm smile and a stretched out hand for a shake unless I get the "ok" in my spirit to give a "brotherly hug".

    I think it's wisdom at it's best and doing everything decent and in order according to the spirit of God and how each ministry is required to be governed.

    I personally don't think it's appropriate for a male, especially the Pastor to give you a cheeck kiss in a public place like that. I'm straddling the fence with it in the church but if it's customary for all of you, it wouldn't be out of the ordainary you know.

    I would pray about it sincerely. Pray for him and pray that God will expose anything that is contrary to His spirit. He will either give you peace concerning it or confirm anything that He may have allowed you to pick up on.
    Last edited by a moderator: May 7, 2012
  9. BFine

    BFine Seed Planter

    Calvary Chapel
    I don't completely trust anybody.

    It is fine if you don't want to kiss the cheek of your minister or anyone else.
    The offering of your hand is a good suggestion.
    I don't want to be "buddies" with none of my ministers either.
    I do respect them for they have all behaved respectfully and are mindful
    of their leadership roles etc.
  10. parsley

    parsley .

    There are many diverse teachings on obeying the authority of a pastor. But did Jesus do that? Not really. He respected the role of the priest, and debated with religious leaders in the temple, and delivered messages in their territory. He worked among the established religious system -- what God had established and man had adjusted.

    Jesus did not pick apart specific leaders, but addressed errors they were prone to -- building up religious laws to the point that people couldn't possibly obey them, and then basking in the prominence of putting themselves above lay people.

    That same religiosity exists now, even in the teaching that members must submit to their pastors. A pastor can't possibly know everything that is going on in each member's life, and should not be treated as though he is their only contact with God.

    The early church spoke of believers having complementing gifts -- some preachers, some teachers, some pastors... but these were carried out by different people. The early church did not follow the same design of one man above hundreds of believers. Jesus is our High Priest.

    A pastor is a facilitator and coordinator. Ideally, they raise up others in the callings God has on individual lives. They are not necessarily better people, better Christians, even though a good percentage are. They are believers who felt compelled to coordinate spiritual activity, teach, spread the gospel, and work with people. They devote their time to learning more, counseling, moderating life events, consoling the sick, to building relationships, to translating information into organized form. They are paid to spend time on things many Christians wish they had more time to do, or things Christians know they should do but avoid.

    When we understand their role, it is easier to define their boundaries.
  11. Life2Christ

    Life2Christ Guest


    Yes, totally agree here. Also I see it as a dangerous thing: Pastor is divorced and available. I am divorced and available. He's not an old man (in his 50's), I'm young-ish (in my 30's). Thing can go haywire really fast. Because a pastor is only a leader and a messenger, they are not perfect. They are just tools God uses but they are flawed and everyone knows it.
  12. Ark100

    Ark100 The Lord is my Refuge

    Maybe you have a discerning gift.
    Not all pastors are 'real pastors of God'
    The lord says 'I know my sheep and my sheep know me'
    Of course test by their preaching, their attitude and their love for others.
    When I meet people, I sense things about them. If I don't feel comfortable around someone or something is telling me there is something sneaky about them. I eventually have dreams/visions where The Lord shows me what exactly it is.
  13. CounselorForChrist

    CounselorForChrist Senior Veteran

    I have discernment and its serverd me well. Oddly enough many people who follow people that I thought were wrong later come to me asking how I knew. Discernment is one gift I would never want to lose.
  14. paul1149

    paul1149 that your faith might rest in the power of God Supporter

    United States
    Give heed to your instincts. You don't necessarily have to head for the hills (unless God says so, of course), but don't trust beyond your comfort level. Trust is earned, and on an individual basis.

    I trusted my first pastor, until he really lost the plot and the church imploded.

    The last pastor I had, I knew from Day One there would be problems eventually, and there were. But this time I was prepared for them, and wasn't blindsided.

    As for the kiss thing, again, maintain your comfort zone.

    The Old Testament cities had walls and gates. The gates could be opened to let people in and out, but they could be locked as well, when that was appropriate.
  15. gideon123

    gideon123 Humble Servant of God

    United States
    do I trust my pastor?

    yes I DO!

  16. Jupiter Drops

    Jupiter Drops be like a flower and turn your face to the sun

    No, I don't think it's bad of you to feel that way. Just be yourself and be comfortable.

    I've been told that a pastor cannot be a pastor once he divorces his wife, but this situation sounds different so meh.

    I do trust my pastor, yes.
  17. parsley

    parsley .

    I just heard a statistic on the percentage of pastors that have had affairs, and it was so high I don't care to spread the details.

    In your case, it wouldn't be an affair, and that's what makes it a more difficult situation-- uncertainty and open-ended possibilities. Trust isn't even the issue in his eyes, bc he'd see himself as a free man. You see him as a spiritual leader.

    It's flattering, and tempting, and not necessarily bad. A pastor meets people in their parish, and that's just what happens. They get to know members' character during church life.

    I don't see it as wrong, but more like hitting a hornet's nest. Gossip will fly, other women will try to push you out of the way, people will leave the church because their perception of him will change... and your life will feel like a fishbowl with people shooting rocks into it.

    And if you don't give in, someone else will probably compete for him. That happens with single pastors --women compete for the top spot through "achieving" the highest guy in a given realm. If we were more confident in ourselves, in our place in God's family, then we wouldn't strive so hard.

    I would suggest that if you decided to date him, that you go visit another church for a few weeks and let him keep his focus on his job. Then over time he'd be able to prepare for how to deal with the congregation's backlash.

    I shouldn't presume that people will be catty, but... well, it's a rare group of people that wouldn't be.
  18. Bella Vita

    Bella Vita Sailor in the U.S.N

    Yes I fully trust and respect my pastor. And I bow to his authority over me when it is needed. He was put in his position over me and in charge of the church for a reason by God and I do not think he would be there if he wasn't suppose to be. If you are struggling with leadership and authority this is a problem you really should just sit down and talk to him. Tell him your concerns and maybe see if he will talk to you about his divorce and why it happened so that you will feel more at ease about it. Pastors are not off limits and neither are their personal lives one thing they know when they get into ministry is that their lives are on display all the time. So don't be worried about asking questions or about wanting to know more about him as a man that totally normal.
  19. vortigen84

    vortigen84 Newbie

    No, I think he is an incompetent hypocrite.

    For example, he preaches to us about how we should go out and evangelize. I approached him for guidance and asked how he does this, whether he street preaches or so on. He said he used to, but doesn't anymore.

    Honestly. If you want to lead the church, you need to be able to lead. That's why I'm not in the pulpit; I expect others who are on the same level as I to be sitting in the pews with me.

    Ideally, the pastor should be in an accountability group, for example with the other elders making sure he's not straying in areas of his life, such as his sex life. Statistics show there's a big problem with pastors in this particular area, with adultery and pornography commonplace.

    Yeah, I know where this is going now.

    No, your conscience seems to be working just fine.
  20. gideon123

    gideon123 Humble Servant of God

    United States
    "No, I think he is an incompetent hypocrite."

    Harsh words.
    If you honestly believe this ... then you should leave that particular church.
    But if you were in his place - could you say that you would be doing any better??