Where I live, we are all focused on our careers and resume. That defines our success in life and if it's not up to a certain standard, then marriage is not feasible because both, man and woman, need to have a career. If a man doesn't have a job, then a woman will not give him any attention. If a woman doesn't have a job, then a man will think she's lazy or incapable.
This line of thinking is very common where I live (Major cities to mid-size cities/towns) . Also have to consider the cost of living and people here don't get married until they are about 30+ because of financial reasons. Basically, your income and job determines if you are ready to marry or not (that's also including kids if you're already married).
For me, ever since I got saved, marriage has been a thought more so now than when I wasn't following Christ. However, I'll accept singlehood or marriage if God puts that on my path. When I wasn't following Christ, that was the last thing on my mind (plus feminism really distorts our line of thinking).
"Need" is perhaps more correct than "desire" to marry in the OP question. And how does one know another's desire, since desire is a private matter, in the heart? (more on that in moment)
Looking back at the origin of marriage, Eve was God's gift to Adam, addressing his loneliness. After the fall, "Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and
thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee." (Gen 3:16) So Eve's desire for marriage/husband is out of pregnancy/child-rearing. For the rest of us pro-created beings it's a cyclical relationship, and a bit of both Adam and Eve. Both gender need each other, as a child needs mother and father. Synchronising the timing is the challenge, at least ime.
About 'desire'. Studies have been done that debunk myths about male sexual desire being greater than female. Also finding that men are stimulated by
some things (mostly women), women are stimulated by
many things (find the research yourself, I won't quote it here).
Decades back when life was relatively free, when money/work/housing wasn't an obstacle to life and social mobility, women were also more conservative, and married earlier, much earlier. And in ancient history, marrying at puberty was normal. In fact in Judaism, it's at puberty when adult life begins. But conservatism in the West is more a hyper-religious product of Protestantism and Puritanism, where flashing an ankle or neckline was socially criminal, "causing a fellow brother's to stumble and sin". Which when tied to a culture of shame, guilt, blaming, hyper-conservativism, church courts, and witch trials (many who falsely accused their wives), women would respond by being careful and considerate of their power over men. Out of love and fear of execution. But that also gave way to sexual-repression, sexlessness, unnatural or lack of any displays of intimacy, expressing emotion, connectivity, etc. Affecting both gender (perhaps why divorces is so common now, loveless marriage). When Feminism (and gender equality rights) came alone it opened a huge can of worms, unshackling women from oppression (both real and imagined e.g. wife beating) but also all the toxic aspects of femininity. Along with 500+ years of sexual and social repression, since the Reformation era. So yeah it could be said, women have "stronger desire to get married", since it's been attributed to women, child-rearing is practically their job. To become a "mum" is practically synonymous to becoming a real woman. But in saying that, I'll be crude and say there are two types of women (in a man's eyes): beautiful women and ugly women. And unfortunately, ugly women tend not to get married. Also beautiful women, aren't necessarily full of "desire" either. Lol!
So expression/display of desire, or sexual liberty, or sexual worth, is actually a sign of female oppression, having to objectify herself in order to signal their worth, to attract a mate. And vice versa which happens for example with men in Sweden.
But Christ clarifies that our problems are from within (in both gender), from the "heart". It's not an economic, social, political, or a power balance issue. Something inside isn't right. Therefore our relationships aren't right, with one another and with God our maker. And much if not all of the onus/emphasis is placed on us men.
Mark 7:21, "For
from within, out of the heart of men, proceed evil thoughts, adulteries, fornications, murders,..."
Marriage is a model of the relationship between God and Christ, Christ and his church. It teaches us about love, and demonstrates God's love to others in both a practical and theoretical way, e.g. feeding and teaching children. "Be fruitful and multiply" has always been God's "will" for mankind.
On the flip-side marriage also functions as a backstop for sin:
1 Corinthians 7 -- "Now concerning the things whereof ye wrote unto me: It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless,
to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. ...I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, it is good for them if they abide even as I. But
if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn."
@MissFaithfully "This line of thinking is very common where I live". How sad. The world is a cruel place.
Here in Sydney, an entry-level house can easily cost $1m. Apartments start at $700k. My client's houses cost $10-30m. And it's only getting worse. Meaning that to buy a house through a bank mort-gage (death sentence!) is actual voluntary enslavement, typically 25-30yrs. Simultaneously enslavement to the company/job/employer who indirectly pays for your mortgage, your shelter. The gross hypocrisy and irony is that even the Prime Minister's job only lasts a 4 year term (x2 if he re-elected). Therefore, governments, banks, and companies effectively have capitalised/monopolised marriage, on human relationships. I hate it. There's a lot more I could say, but just gotta focus on Christ, God's provision.
Scripture emphatically teaches us that we are "
free" (redeemed) purchased by the blood of Christ. The good news is redemption from sin, Satan and the shackles of this world. But obviously that promise (new creation, God's kingdom) hasn't arrived. So in our generation, the challenge is live faithfully instead of worldly. IOWs, generally-speaking, I believe it's best to marry asap where possible, preventing other sins to fester and grow. To marry
regardless of worldly circumstance, instead of marriage to be determined by worldly circumstance. Because "A man cannot serve two masters" (Mt 6:24). It's either love or money/job-enslavement/company-enslavement/boxed into a career specialty. And if one's marriage
is determined by the world rather than Christ and Scripture, then that marriage would be doomed to fail. It would be a marriage of convenience, money, power/stability, and whatever else, perhaps also vanity (token trophy wife/husband). Whereas what Paul teaches is to voluntarily submit/yield to loved-ones. "Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God." (Eph 5:21) Forming the basis and meaning of marriage, and love for neighbour in general. "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man
lay down his life for his friends." (Jn 15:13). It's absolute Christ-likeness. The paradox, however, is that that level of love and self-sacrifice
can in deed be achieved through the very thing that seemingly prevents or deters people from marriage in the first place: money/work/housing/job/career. But to tackle it from this pov would take much more faith, being a tight rope walk over hell itself. But theoretically very much possible!
