Do you think that using inappropriate contentography is equal to cheating?

[Deidre32]

I am sure that is nice for you, but not everyone has that luxury. It is normal for people to age, gain weight, grow unattractive and it is not uncommon for spouses to find each other sexually unattractive after a few years of marriage. Presumably though your husband says he "wouldn't want to be with" you if this became your case, he doesn't mean that he would want to divorce you?

Yea, I think that's what he means. We both have certain ''dealbreakers.'' For me, it's cheating and abuse. For him, it's the same, but his idea of cheating is pretty strict. We have been married a little over a year, but to your point,I think people shouldn't let their bodies go, they should want to try their best to remain attractive to their spouse. A lot of divorced people hit the gym when they should have hit the gym during their marriages, but suddenly they find themselves dating again, and they need to get in shape. Why not take that same care of your body when you're married? This is just an example, I know people can have health reasons, but ...think a lot of people let themselves go after 'x' amount of years of marriage, and it's wrong to take your spouse for granted.

So what would you do?

You mean, if I was viewing inappropriate content, and my husband threatened to leave me over it? I probably would stop viewing it, but maybe he would have made up his mind. People usually don't end marriages over one time occurrences. If he were to leave me, it would be because it would have become an addiction. Marriage isn't a prison, and if you're not treating your partner with respect, then...why stay? Jesus also said that adultery would be a valid reason for divorce, in his eyes.

Would you give in to the temptation to sin, or remain chaste and sexless?

I'm not sure what you mean here?

 

[Jon Osterman]

Yea, I think that's what he means.

Really? Your think your husband will divorce you when you become old and unattractive? That doesn't seem a very stong foundation for your marriage, because it most probably will be something that happens.

You mean, if I was viewing inappropriate content, and my husband threatened to leave me over it?

No, I mean what would you do if you no longer found your husband attractive and found yourself not wanting to have sex with him? Would you leave him? Would you find your "pleasures" elsewhere? I was concerned that you were being rather judgemental about those who do such things in this circumstance without questioning what you would do in their position.

 

[Deidre32]

Really? Your think your husband will divorce you when you become old and unattractive? That doesn't seem a very stong foundation for your marriage, because it most probably will be something that happens.

Lol!! no. He would leave me if I wanted inappropriate content over him. You’re so silly!

No, I mean what would you do if you no longer found your husband attractive and found yourself not wanting to have sex with him?

I don’t foresee this happening.

Would you leave him?

No.

Would you find your "pleasures" elsewhere? I was concerned that you were being rather judgemental about those who do such things in this circumstance without questioning what you would do in their position.

I don’t think I would. I wouldn’t commit adultery, if that’s what you mean.

I’m not judging others. It is between God and each person to sort out.

 

[Alithis]

I'm saddened when I read stories on this marriage website whereby women are beating themselves up for their husband's inappropriate content use, as if they're unattractive, it's all their fault, etc. My husband commented to me about all this the other day, I told him about the thread I posted here, and he said that if I needed pics of other men to arouse me before climbing into bed with him...he wouldn't want to be with me. He said, it's not that I don't think we can find other people attractive, that's natural. But, to ''need'' that before you have sex with me, would be a turn off.

I agree with him, and it all becomes a slippery slope. It's like telling God ''let me have just a little sin Lord, I can handle it.''

its hardly a little sin though -its one of the most destructive of all sins . i know thats hard for some to fathom but it is the sin warned against more them all others in the nt -for very good reason

 

[Deidre32]

its hardly a little sin though -its one of the most destructive of all sins . i know thats hard for some to fathom but it is the sin warned against more them all others in the nt -for very good reason

I think many people don’t see inappropriate content as sinful, they see themselves as victims of it and not that they had a choice in it. Which is why many people don’t see it as adultery or cheating.

 

[Deidre32]

What I’ve observed with this type of problem is that it gets a lot more justifications for it than other habits/sins/issues. In the culture, it's a popular sentiment that ''all men'' do this, so why fight it? Wives should just accept it, because ''all men do this,'' to some degree. First, I don't believe ''all'' men do this, or are tempted by it. That's why it's such a pervasive thing, because the message in society is ''everyone's doing it'' and if you're not doing it, then there's something wrong with you. I post on a marriage website, and it's a very common sentiment there being a secular site, that all men do this, and there's nothing wrong with it, and wives should accept it. One of the reasons I don't post often there anymore, because it's a pretty negative site.

 

[OK Jeff]

I think many people don’t see inappropriate content as sinful, they see themselves as victims of it and not that they had a choice in it. Which is why many people don’t see it as adultery or cheating.

I don’t think anyone has claimed it’s nkt sinful. I don’t think anyone has even claimed it’s not equal to adultry from a biblical perspective. But from a personal perspective, it’s not the same, at least not to me. I’d be a lot less bothered by my wife daveling in inappropriate content than with another man.
Now another point, addiction.
Saying something is an addiction: a sickness does not eliminate their own responsibility in the matter. This is a misconception I hear from (mostly Christians) all the time in terms of alcohol. On the contrary, it adds to persona responsibility. Telling someone they’re diabetic and can’t have sweets does not eliminate their personal responsibility to stay away from sugar does it? Same story with an alcoholic or a inappropriate content addict. Now you know reality. Now it’s your responsibility to take appropriate measures to resolve it.

 

[Deidre32]

I don’t think anyone has claimed it’s nkt sinful. I don’t think anyone has even claimed it’s not equal to adultry from a biblical perspective. But from a personal perspective, it’s not the same, at least not to me. I’d be a lot less bothered by my wife daveling in inappropriate content than with another man.
Now another point, addiction.
Saying something is an addiction: a sickness does not eliminate their own responsibility in the matter. This is a misconception I hear from (mostly Christians) all the time in terms of alcohol. On the contrary, it adds to persona responsibility. Telling someone they’re diabetic and can’t have sweets does not eliminate their personal responsibility to stay away from sugar does it? Same story with an alcoholic or a inappropriate content addict. Now you know reality. Now it’s your responsibility to take appropriate measures to resolve it.

I'm glad that you bring this up. It was touched on earlier in the thread. If we are addicted to something, whether it's drugs, alcohol, sex, inappropriate content, etc...is it still sinful? How culpable are we? Great points, you make.

 

[OK Jeff]

I'm glad that you bring this up. It was touched on earlier in the thread. If we are addicted to something, whether it's drugs, alcohol, sex, inappropriate content, etc...is it still sinful? How culpable are we? Great points, you make.

Still culpable, especially after realizing your condition. Perhaps less before, perhaps not. But once an addiction has been established, the excuses are over.

 

[Deidre32]

Still culpable, especially after realizing your condition. Perhaps less before, perhaps not. But once an addiction has been established, the excuses are over.

Well put. Let’s see what some others here say about your thoughts.

 

[Jon Osterman]

I agree with OK Jeff. We are always culpable for our actions.

 

[RDKirk]

he said that if I needed pics of other men to arouse me before climbing into bed with him...he wouldn't want to be with me. He said, it's not that I don't think we can find other people attractive, that's natural. But, to ''need'' that before you have sex with me, would be a turn off.

Here is, I think, one of the ways people don't get the attraction to inappropriate contentography (and I'm including the many millions of women who read trashy novels).

It's not necessarily "I need this because you don't excite me."

It's more like women who dearly prefer chocolate cake, and would always choose chocolate cake over a Twinkie, but are eating a Twinkie because the Twinkie is there and the chocolate cake is not. They don't need to eat a Twinkie to get prepared for chocolate cake, but they have a hankering to eat something (and it's that hankering to eat something that needs to be examined), but the Twinkie is available and the chocolate cake is not.

 

[Guy Incognito]

I'm glad that you bring this up. It was touched on earlier in the thread. If we are addicted to something, whether it's drugs, alcohol, sex, inappropriate content, etc...is it still sinful? How culpable are we? Great points, you make.

I agree with @OK Jeff and @Jon Osterman - you're still culpable. It's still sinning, and it's still wrong. That being said, it shows that you have a different and possibly multiple issues to work on and pray through (addiction AND lust). I would be more understanding of the addict than a husband or wife just being all 'eh, needed a thrill', but that doesn't make their actions less sinful.

 

[Deidre32]

Here is, I think, one of the ways people don't get the attraction to inappropriate contentography (and I'm including the many millions of women who read trashy novels).

It's not necessarily "I need this because you don't excite me."

It's more like women who dearly prefer chocolate cake, and would always choose chocolate cake over a Twinkie, but are eating a Twinkie because the Twinkie is there and the chocolate cake is not. They don't need to eat a Twinkie to get prepared for chocolate cake, but they have a hankering to eat something (and it's that hankering to eat something that needs to be examined), but the Twinkie is available and the chocolate cake is not.

lol I get it. That's a good analogy.

I have viewed inappropriate content, with my husband. Um, I find it to be...Idk. Not all that bad, but I can't but think that it's because we watch GoT, and other series where sexual scenarios make other forms of sexual scenarios, less offensive? Not everything has to be labeled ''inappropriate content'' for it to be potentially damaging. In some ways, our culture is desensitized to sexual things, and it comes from putting those scenes into mainstream media. Instagram, and other apps allow for a lot of sexual ''creativity.'' So, while inappropriate content can have a negative stigma to it, is it really any worse than sexual scenes in GoT or other series?

But, we're not ''into'' inappropriate content, he doesn't view it, other than the times we have looked at it together, and I believe that. I'm not going to be one of those wives who checks her husband's phone, and his browser history. It's just not me. And he knows I'm not into it. I also have never seen 50 Shades. Not because it offends me, it just seems trashy. So, there's different ways to view all of this.

I'm not against sexual scenes in movies, or series, although most of them depict sex as a means to an end, instead of a sacred bond between a couple. And we have become desensitized to it all, as a culture.

 

[Guy Incognito]

^Personally, I'd suggest to anyone whose had struggles with inappropriate content to avoid GoT. I was told it's an amazing show, so I sat down to give it a shot (with my mother and brother) and in the first ep there was a very inappropriate contenty sex scene, and I was very much "wellllp, I'm out" (it was friggen awkward to boot). Apparently you can find a non-sex containing fan edit, but I'm not sure I want to check the show out - but I'm glad its out there.

 

[Guy Incognito]

Heck, I really appreciate that people do that. It's something I've dabbled in, I made a cut of the first Deadpool movie removing the sex and nudity so I could watch it.

 

[Deidre32]

^Personally, I'd suggest to anyone whose had struggles with inappropriate content to avoid GoT. I was told it's an amazing show, so I sat down to give it a shot (with my mother and brother) and in the first ep there was a very inappropriate contenty sex scene, and I was very much "wellllp, I'm out" (it was friggen awkward to boot). Apparently you can find a non-sex containing fan edit, but I'm not sure I want to check the show out - but I'm glad its out there.

Yea, that dissipates after a while. The show is truly amazing, the writing. Fast forwarding past those scenes is a good option, if you watch it later after it airs. The thing about those sex scenes is they are all showing sex in a rough, sometimes unnatural way. So, I don't appreciate them, either. But, the author included all of that in his books, it's not like the directors/producers of the series wanted to create a inappropriate content like show.

 

[Guy Incognito]

Yea, that dissipates after a while. The show is truly amazing, the writing. Fast forwarding past those scenes is a good option, if you watch it later after it airs. The thing about those sex scenes is they are all showing sex in a rough, sometimes unnatural way. So, I don't appreciate them, either. But, the author included all of that in his books, it's not like the directors/producers of the series wanted to create a inappropriate content like show.

Yep, which is why I haven't checked out the books haha

 

[NothingIsImpossible]

I used to think inappropriate content was not as bad of a sin as cheating. But then I realized something. With literal cheating, it happens once. Then it may go away. The spouse may be hurt and have trust issues. But its usually done with.

Where as with inappropriate content, it happens over and over and over. For some they can be stuck in its grasp for years or even decades. So while theres not the pain of being cheated on physically. There is the pain of knowing the spouse has a long battle with inappropriate content.

Though if I had to chose I'd rather be cheated on and hurt by knowing someone was looking at inappropriate content then be cheated on physically. Thats alot harder to get over.

 

[Alithis]

I think many people don’t see inappropriate content as sinful, they see themselves as victims of it and not that they had a choice in it. Which is why many people don’t see it as adultery or cheating.

And many people are diabolically wrong having not yet come to genuine repentance. i recall a guy before his baptism saying he confessed his "inappropriate content addiction" ..i stopped it right there . i told him NO .. you confess your SIN against GOD . and nothing less and YOU repent of it .nothing less .

The moment a person uses the word "addiction" they are excusing them-self of any responsibility for their own chosen behavior .