Do YOU have a crush on anyone? (59)

[MehGuy]

Class envy is definitely a thing.

Yeah but not really in the context of a woman looking for a mate.. lol.

I guess it depends on what else he can provide. Like if he's handy around the house, for example.

Women typically aren't described as deadbeats b/c they do other things like homemaking & caring for children.

Yeah but even the men who can provide for nannies and the women really have to do nothing.. I don't see society labeling them as deadbeats.

As a child born in a Christian conservatives circle of families.. most of these housewives did nothing but watch Lifetime and cook easy bake dinners. Most of them were in fact deadbeats.

A man who put as much effort as the average house wife does would probably still be called one.

 

[Miles]

A man who put as much effort as the average house wife does would probably still be called one.

This is one reason why I think everyone should live alone for at least a year or two. When you work a job, have your own place, cook your own meals, and do all the upkeep, it's pretty hard to be a deadbeat.

As a homeowner who likes to keep his place maintained and looking nice, and likes to eat well, I do all the work myself. That means all of the "man's work" and all of the "woman's work" is my responsibility alone. If I ever marry, I expect that my wife will earn her keep... and I already know how much effort it takes to run the show.

Of course, when I say "earn her keep", that would be of her own volition. There are women who intrinsically go above and beyond with their homes or their jobs. Such things can be rewarding in their own right. It's all about finding someone whose lifestyle compliments yours.

The way I see it, if I can split the tasks with my wife, and we both contribute some form of income, we'll be ahead of the game.

With that in mind, I don't usually consider housewives to be deadbeats. Especially if they have kids. Children are a big responsibility, and the world can be a dangerous place. Family is often more trustworthy than strangers. If she just wants to sit around all day eating junk food and being a slob, there might be a problem, but hopefully it won't come to that.

 

[DragonFox91]

.

 

[DragonFox91]

Parents leaning towards going to church tomorrow.

Honestly, I wish they weren't. I'm enjoying my time going to 'my church', plus my crush is probably just fantasy like someone on here said 99% of crushes don't work out.

Went w/ my friend today.

 

[bèlla]

I agree with @Miles. Independence develops maturity and responsibility. Our willingness to support our partners should increase in light of our experiences.

The bulk of homemaking and childrearing shouldn’t fall to one unless they’ve agreed to do so. Nevertheless, I believe mutual investment is best.

 

[MehGuy]

This is one reason why I think everyone should live alone for at least a year or two. When you work a job, have your own place, cook your own meals, and do all the upkeep, it's pretty hard to be a deadbeat.

As a homeowner who likes to keep his place maintained and looking nice, and likes to eat well, I do all the work myself. That means all of the "man's work" and all of the "woman's work" is my responsibility alone. If I ever marry, I expect that my wife will earn her keep... and I already know how much effort it takes to run the show.

Of course, when I say "earn her keep", that would be of her own volition. There are women who intrinsically go above and beyond with their homes or their jobs. Such things can be rewarding in their own right. It's all about finding someone whose lifestyle compliments yours.

The way I see it, if I can split the tasks with my wife, and we both contribute some form of income, we'll be ahead of the game.

With that in mind, I don't usually consider housewives to be deadbeats. Especially if they have kids. Children are a big responsibility, and the world can be a dangerous place. Family is often more trustworthy than strangers. If she just wants to sit around all day eating junk food and being a slob, there might be a problem, but hopefully it won't come to that.

From what I've witnessed.. the women started out working hard.. especially when the children were babies and toddlers.. just once the children became older the necessary workload dropped.. and gradually these housewives became more and more complacent and lazy.

We live in the modern age with washing machines and refrigerators. Women are not hanging up a rug and beating it with a broom for hours anymore. The reality is the needed work for a housewife is very small and the temptation to just be lazy around the house is too strong. Of all the housewife households I experienced as a kid I cannot say one woman did an honest day's work, and most of the husbands did 50/50 pitching in when they were home.

My mother had a job before she met my father and I believed lived by herself. That experience didn't matter.

As a child I viewed the men more as slaves and the woman as pampered good for nothings. Worse yet.. these women tended to binge watch man-hating TV (programing that wasn't suitable for children yet was always blaring in front of us) all day. So sometimes the hard working husband would come home and their wives would get worked up from a talk show and start yelling at them about something Dr. Phil or Oprah said.. such as that their husbands don't pitch around enough around the house or that they don't properly value their "work" as housewives.

Which usually the man would apologize and say "I know you do a lot around here".. which always made me cringe because it was so obviously not true..

 

[DragonFox91]

MehGuy, do you think one of the reasons you're looking for younger women is b/c it's more likely they're not married yet?

 

[MehGuy]

MehGuy, do you think one of the reasons you're looking for younger women is b/c it's more likely they're not married yet?

Well it is a perk that they're less likely to be married.. and a greater perk for me that they're less likely to be saddled with children of their own.

Why? You thinkin about dating younger?

 

[bèlla]

As a child I viewed the men more as slaves and the woman as pampered good for nothings.

You had that mindset as a child in a conservative Christian environment?

Worse yet.. these women tended to binge watch man-hating TV (programing that wasn't suitable for children yet was always blaring in front of us) all day.

And you knew they were watching man-hating programs too or did you come to that conclusion as an adult?

So sometimes the hard working husband would come home and their wives would get worked up from a talk show and start yelling at them about something Dr. Phil or Oprah said.. such as that their husbands don't pitch around enough around the house or that they don't properly value their "work" as housewives.

Did you witness this firsthand, hear it from friends, or read it elsewhere?

Which usually the man would apologize and say "I know you do a lot around here".. which always made me cringe because it was so obviously not true..

Did you hear them?

 

[MehGuy]

You had that mindset as a child in a conservative Christian environment?

Yeah. I still thought a stay at home mother could be noble.. although I did wonder how that could be.. and the women in my life were certainly horrible examples of it.

And you knew they were watching man-hating programs too or did you come to that conclusion as an adult?

This is hard to say. As a really young kid I was mostly oblivious, the older I became the more clear how man hating and frankly creepy a lot of women entertainment is.

Did you witness this firsthand, hear it from friends, or read it elsewhere?

I've witnessed it with my own parents and other parents mostly from my church group.

Did you hear them?

Yeah, I've also witnessed their facial expressions. You could tell they were being phony but trying their best to hide it.

 

[bèlla]

Yeah. I still thought a stay at home mother could be noble.. although I did wonder how that could be.. and the women in my life were certainly horrible examples of it.

It’s important to remember poor examples don’t represent the whole. There are many mothers who value homemaking and delight in caring for their families. You don’t hear about them in mainstream media but the Internet changed that.

Perhaps it would be good to see positive examples of stay-at-home wives and mothers to rekindle warmer sentiments.

This is hard to say. As a really young kid I was mostly oblivious, the older I became the more clear how man hating and frankly creepy a lot of women entertainment is.

Most entertainment is questionable and morally damaging. We can’t foretell the impact it will have but awareness helps. Strong language is provocative but it doesn’t reach the heart. How can you help someone realign negative stereotypes in a positive fashion?

I've witnessed it with my own parents and other parents mostly from my church group.

We each handle stress and demands differently. Sometimes the topic isn’t the problem. It’s a painless form of release. Talking around subjects was commonplace.

Yeah, I've also witnessed their facial expressions. You could tell they were being phony but trying their best to hide it.

What about the men? Were women the lone poor examples you encountered or were men in that lot?

 

[MehGuy]

It’s important to remember poor examples don’t represent the whole. There are many mothers who value homemaking and delight in caring for their families. You don’t hear about them in mainstream media but the Internet changed that.

Perhaps it would be good to see positive examples of stay-at-home wives and mothers to rekindle warmer sentiments.

Sure, although given what I think about human nature.. I think it's most likely the norm.

Motherhood and stay at home wives can be great, but I don't like society having to pretend that this subject is sacred. Because a lot of women simply abuse their positions, and or honestly can't fulfill them. What does a woman do when the kids are in school all day? Make super elaborate meals? My mother was a super duper clean freak and she still had hours and hours of free time throughout the day.

Most entertainment is questionable and morally damaging. We can’t foretell the impact it will have but awareness helps. Strong language is provocative but it doesn’t reach the heart. How can you help someone realign negative stereotypes in a positive fashion?

It wasn't just harmful stereotypes of men.. but a lot of women's entertainment seems to be about getting off from being abused by men.. especially handsome men. 50 Shades before it was ever dreamed up as a book.

What about the men? Were women the lone poor examples you encountered or were men in that lot?

Honestly I had pretty good examples of men. They were hard working and pitched in at the house when they could. Only thing I could say is that they were phony as far as being the "head the household". In reality all male decisions had to be approved by women or they were a no-go, and often times the men were too weak and just went with whatever the women wanted. So the idea that women were subservient and men were the leaders was mostly show.

I have to say.. if I ever get married.. I never want to be in such a position.

 

[DragonFox91]

I never thought women's entertainment is damaging to them. (how much women's entertainment do I watch tho lol) I think it could just have them fantasize for a man that doesn't exist.....kind of like men's entertainment.

Well it is a perk that they're less likely to be married.. and a greater perk for me that they're less likely to be saddled with children of their own.

Why? You thinkin about dating younger?

I think I need to try to date older. I like the maturity.

Being in my 20s myself still, I don't really consider early 20s 'younger', but I do think they'd be more likely to not be married & that's what'd push me to that age demographic.

 

[MehGuy]

I never thought women's entertainment is damaging to them. (how much women's entertainment do I watch tho lol) I think it could just have them fantasize for a man that doesn't exist.....kind of like men's entertainment.

It's much darker than that. I don't think it's damaging to them.. simply women letting out their inner emotional desires. Films don't really change people.. films are simply the reflections of who we are.

Being in my 20s myself still, I don't really consider early 20s 'younger', but I do think they'd be more likely to not be married & that's what'd push me to that age demographic.

You're only a year younger than me.. I guess I consider them younger. They have a fresh sense of youth people our age don't have anymore.

 

[bèlla]

Motherhood and stay at home wives can be great, but I don't like society having to pretend that this subject is sacred. Because a lot of women simply abuse their positions, and or honestly can't fulfill them. What does a woman do when the kids are in school all day? Make super elaborate meals? My mother was a super duper clean freak and she still had hours and hours of free time throughout the day.

That's a pretty loaded statement. It gives the impression you dislike women. All of your comments are negative. Most men don't monitor their wives to see how their time is spent. Staying home is a privilege some can afford and desire for their spouse. Whether she's busy throughout the day or only a portion isn't society's concern. Nor should we judge what happens in someone's home if we won't open ours for scrutiny.

It wasn't just harmful stereotypes of men.. but a lot of women's entertainment seems to be about getting off from being abused by men.. especially handsome men. 50 Shades before it was ever dreamed up as a book.

Companies produce what sells. If people tune into that sort of thing they'll make more. Reasonable adults can separate fiction from fantasy. Do you make a similar charge about films catering to men? Should we desist with superheroes and action films that promote a stereotype men can't meet?

Honestly I had pretty good examples of men. They were hard working and pitched in at the house when they could. Only thing I could say is that they were phony as far as being the "head the household". In reality all male decisions had to be approved by women or they were a no-go, and often times the men were too weak and just went with whatever the women wanted. So the idea that women were subservient and men were the leaders was mostly show.

Perhaps that's the way they wanted it. The ideal and reality are usually far apart.

 

[DragonFox91]

It hurts that that crush seems like a no. (my parents just aren't going to church like they used to, plus she doesn't seem to be attending herself) It hurts b/c it just seems like it's another dead-end in a series of dead-ends.

Now what do I do?

 

[bèlla]

Now what do I do?

Keep going and don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Attractions are fine but you shouldn’t get emotionally invested or build up your hopes prematurely.

 

[.Mikha'el.]

It hurts that that crush seems like a no. (my parents just aren't going to church like they used to, plus she doesn't seem to be attending herself) It hurts b/c it just seems like it's another dead-end in a series of dead-ends.

Now what do I do?

Do you know if she is even available in the first place?

 

[MehGuy]

That's a pretty loaded statement. It gives the impression you dislike women.

Seems like everything these days gives the impression of disliking women, lol.

All of your comments are negative. Most men don't monitor their wives to see how their time is spent.

A man does not need to monitor what his housewife is doing. It is pretty easy to figure out that the daily work of a housewife is realistically low. When the husband comes home to eat the dinner his wife prepared for him it is not hard to tell she didn't make it from scratch but instead simply shoved something premade into the oven so she could quickly get back to watching her trashy Lifetime original movie.

In short.. a man doesn't have to hire a private detective to report to him that his wife is basically being lazy all day, lol.

Staying home is a privilege some can afford and desire for their spouse. Whether she's busy throughout the day or only a portion isn't society's concern. Nor should we judge what happens in someone's home if we won't open ours for scrutiny.

As a straight white male I'm open to all kinds of scrutiny. I don't have any qualms sending some of it back. I highly doubt any peeps would have been made if I was judging solely househusbands instead of housewives.

My posts are a warning to men to be more realistic about the potential problems of seeking a traditional woman out.

Companies produce what sells. If people tune into that sort of thing they'll make more.

That's what I stated above your post. This is what makes it creepy.

Reasonable adults can separate fiction from fantasy.

Well then.. there are not many reasonable adults around. Feminism is something enshrined in our society with most mainstream media outlets and academia supporting it. Women's fantasies about handsome rugged men slapping them around probably plays into why feminists seem so eager to label society as something that has a fascination with hating and abusing women. When reality is the exact opposite.

Do you make a similar charge about films catering to men? Should we desist with superheroes and action films that promote a stereotype men can't meet?

For the most part men's entertainment is pretty wholesome in comparison. There can certainly be violence in it (and even very graphic) but usually this violence centers around the man protecting those they love.

Slasher films that depict beautiful young women being stabbed to death by usually deranged men are something I find creepy about male entertainment. The thing is that these kind of films are low in quantity.

Perhaps that's the way they wanted it. The ideal and reality are usually far apart.

Yep, the ideal was something that was pretty and spoke to them. The reality was men being saddled with an increasingly aging and heavier significant other who doesn't respect them and will never ever again work up the energy to find a job, even when the kids are old enough to look after themselves.

 

[bèlla]

Seems like everything these days gives the impression of disliking women, lol.

I'm addressing your comments. Not societal perceptions.

A man does not need to monitor what his housewife is doing. It is pretty easy to figure out that the daily work of a housewife is realistically low. When the husband comes home to eat the dinner his wife prepared for him it is not hard to tell she didn't make it from scratch but instead simply shoved something premade into the oven so she could quickly get back to watching her trashy Lifetime original movie.

Do you believe that's true for most men or simply the ones you encountered growing up? I know many women who cook and their men aren't surviving on Hamburger Helper and the like.

Someone with a more discriminating palate is unlikely to tolerate that kind of fare for long. They'd insist on home cooked meals or have her take classes. Maybe their willingness to go along is a reflection of upbringing or an unsophisticated palate.

In short.. a man doesn't have to hire a private detective to report to him that his wife is basically being lazy all day, lol.

Would the same hold true for Mr. Mom's or do women have a monopoly on laziness? I'm hearing a consistent narrative. A continuous suggestion of feminine ineptitude I can't sanction.

As a straight white male I'm open to all kinds of scrutiny. I don't have any qualms sending some of it back. I highly doubt any peeps would have been made if I was judging solely househusbands instead of housewives.

If you were disparaging men I'd raise the same questions. But your hostility towards feminism makes men an unlikely target.

My posts are a warning to men to be more realistic about the potential problems of seeking a traditional woman out.

Christian men don't assume women are seeking to exploit them. They recognize good and bad apples in both sexes.

Well then.. there are not many reasonable adults around. Feminism is something enshrined in our society with most mainstream media outlets and academia supporting it. Women's fantasies about handsome rugged men slapping them around probably plays into why feminists seem so eager to label society as something that has a fascination with hating and abusing women. When reality is the exact opposite.

Christian men don't immerse themselves in anti-feminist rhetoric. They know the problem and seek compatible suitors. We don't treat one another like the enemy. That's a secular practice.

For the most part men's entertainment is pretty wholesome in comparison. There can certainly be violence in it (and even very graphic) but usually this violence centers around the man protecting those they love.

All entertainment promotes unrealistic stereotypes because aspirational content converts more than the rest. The shtick doesn't matter. The method is the same. Sell them an ideal and they'll eat it up.

Yep, the ideal was something that was pretty and spoke to them. The reality was men being saddled with an increasingly aging and heavier significant other who doesn't respect them and will never ever again work up the energy to find a job, even when the kids are old enough to look after themselves.

There's no recognition of personal responsibility in your remarks. The problems you're citing are easily avoided. If you value health, productivity, home cooked meals, and so on, choose someone who embodies those qualities from the start. That isn't hard to do.

I think you're inferring a lot and neglecting a glaring truth. The flaws you're emphasizing may have been of no concern to their spouses during the mating period.

That's a common response from outsiders. You're judging according to your standard not the other person's. The behaviors may be grievous to you and unimportant to them. No one is perfect.