Been a Christian for over 50 years. I am struggling over my disappointment in feeling that God doesn't want to use me anymore. Jail ministry has dried up since Covid. Not teaching Sunday School anymore. The only thing left is playing in a worship band at Church and honestly...that's not much of a ministry.
I guess that I assumed as I get older, I would be used more but it seems the opposite. I hope God hasn't given up on me?
Yes, as a musician. When I gave my senior recital in college, I was one of the best in the world. I've played in a church orchestras. When it came time to do the Christmas program after all that rehearsal, they brought in a couple of hired guns on French Horns to do just the dress rehearsal and performances. Church music doesn't usually have sax parts written out, and in this case the orchestra director would just transpose horn parts to have the horn part covered by two altos. Once the real horns came in, I felt I wasn't really needed. They were playing the exact same notes we were on everything, and their instruments were more easily heard. I wanted to be more than just a warm body in a chair, making the group look bigger. I felt like my talent was being wasted by not doing more.
For years now, I've volunteered for various things after someone 'put out the call' for volunteers, and showed up only to see that they had more people than they needed.
Since that church, I've sung in a church choir, a new and challenging experience for a man who played a treble clef instrument and had to listen to CD's over and over to learn bass clef intervals. I did their Christmas service for three years in a row, but stopped attending that church.
I hate to see people have thoughts of 'He's not using me MUCH... all I do is this, that, or the other.' Doing anything is better than nothing, and I have to believe God is pleased if all you do is play in a praise band. I'd love to do that, but it's like pulling teeth in most churches to get the worship leader to take you on, or do an offertory solo. They hear 'sax' and immediately think, 'a raunchy, out-of-tune person who would destroy the CCM sound we're trying to get.' One worship leader admitted he wanted the band to sound just like the group who recorded the song that made the song famous. That doesn't include sax. Yet he allowed a violinist to play. She stood at the back of the platform and no one heard a note from her. But she got to participate. Maybe she gave more money than I did.
A friend of mine was the concertmaster in the local orchestra. He sat ALONE in the choir loft one Sunday, wearing a choir robe, playing by himself, and was never heard. Seeing that spoke to me, cause I could see his heart up there, not insisting that he make some sort of musical difference. His wife was the pianist. For most praise bands, every part is important, and they don't want a sax screwing it up. So they think. Whenever I got an audition, their attitude would change real fast. They'd want me playing solos for offertory. But I'm through pulling teeth trying to make that happen with some people. I'm tired of having to convince a higher authority to 'allow' me to participate, not even willing to give me an audition. One of them even said "With your talent, I wish you played guitar!" I bought a guitar and set out to learn it, but that didn't last long. I should have started learning it at the age of 12. I'm too old now to ever be good enough to make a difference. In the mean time, I have two horns locked in a closest, not being used, with chops totally out of shape. After 10+ years of large ensemble rehearsals, I can't take anymore. I'd rather do something else, anything, but rehearse boring horn parts I can sightread perfectly the first time. On the other hand, we were lucky to have parts. No worship leader I know is going to write out parts for anyone, when the whole group only needs chord symbols. It MIGHT get done with an assistant minister of music in a traditional setting, but it's rare.
