Do you believe this common Christian dating ideology?

[blackribbon]

People have marriages that fail because they are flawed human beings.

They also likely viewed marriage as the key to happiness but only God can be that. Marriage is work and service to the person you married. It is not for for you to become happy. If both people enter marriage with the goal to serve their spouse and put their spouse's needs ahead of theirs, then it can't help but be happy. However, we are not allowed to say "hey, you aren't serving me so I am going to stop serving you." Then it isn't really service because you are expecting to be paid.

 

[Blessed Introvert]

I agree with you. I am not against it and know many people who are married (no one dating anymore).

 

[bèlla]

I think every believer understands the difference between doing something of their own accord as opposed to the Holy Spirit’s guidance.

When God is absent the lone concern is me. My wants and needs. It’s a short-sighted perspective. Marriage is no different.

Some marriages were undertaken before the person came to Christ. Others are the result of love (at the time) or a response to challenges (pregnancy, loneliness, financial constraints, etc.).

Many Christians are idealistic. They quote scriptures and offer platitudes about difficult situations. That’s fine when things are smooth. But you discover what you really believe when problems show up. And your ability to weather the storm.

And that’s the deeper issue many never face until it confronts them. They wanted happiness over hardship. They didn’t want a cross. Marriage isn’t a cakewalk. There will be trials.

The nitty gritty isn’t pretty but you have to face it. For me, that begins with a simple question. Am I willing to suffer for you? If the answer is no, I have no business going forward.

However, the one who compels me to deny myself again and again may be an option. But lying to myself isn’t. Or the other person.

 

[Blessed Introvert]

I am in the area of thinking that dating or being married is not a given and those God blesses that are able to handle the responsibility are called even if some don’t work out. Some people are called to have another form of relationships such as friendship with close friends.

 

[bèlla]

I am in the area of thinking that dating or being married is not a given and those God blesses that are able to handle the responsibility are called. Some people are called to have other form of relationships such as friendship with close friends.

Just because God calls someone to marriage or singleness doesn’t mean they abide by that prompting. Some choose otherwise.

It is true some are called to singleness and willingly embrace its mandate.

 

[Blessed Introvert]

I agree to that. I am not saying that everyone takes the call but it is just God knows and will do what is right in His will.

 

[blackribbon]

I was called to marriage. From when I was little, if someone would have asked me what I wanted to be, the answer was "a wife and a mother". I said the same thing as I pursued an engineering degree because it was the truth, I wanted to be a wife and a mother. I was a wife and I am a mother. Oddly, I still feel called to the same thing...and I want to foster children but know this isn't the right time in my life.

 

[bèlla]

Oddly, I still feel called to the same thing...and I want to foster children but know this isn't the right time in my life.

I believe those desires come from God. My aunt and uncle had children and fostered many from birth to adulthood. Over 150 children came through their household. Only God could do something like that.

His idea for you may go beyond what you’ve imagined. It often does. Hold that in your heart until you’ve been told to relinquish it.

 

[Blessed Introvert]

I have meet foster parents before it is truly a calling from God.

 

[Sir Robbins]

What do you mean "your timing over God's"? And how do you tell the difference?

Many people rush into things, like relationships, jobs, etc. before they should be.

 

[J Daniel]

Yes and no!

If God wants you married he will provide just the right person for you.

Where does this common teaching come from? And what if people reject the "right person" because they don't mean some idealist expectation that so many seem to have on their "wish list"? I don't remember any huge obvious sign that my husband was "God's specific choice for me". I think more of what makes a good marriage is decisions made after you get married...and less about marrying the "right person".